Monday, August 17, 2009

News We Can Lose

Too many topics that deserve attention today. I can't keep it to just one.

According to Sky News,new research shows that "up to nine out of 10 bank notes in the US have traces of cocaine on them." Um, no, they don't. Look, I don't know how this "study" was done, but to say that 90% of the money in the United States has cocaine on it is just ludicrous. The extremely short article briefly notes that "Paper money can pick up cocaine particles directly from users snorting the drug through rolled up bills, or from the handling of cash during drug deals." THEN they add: "Contamination can spread when bills are stacked together or run through counting machines." So they're basically theorizing that cocaine gets on some money and it is then transferred to nearly ALL of the other money out there by contact as simple as one bill briefly touching another bill. If that were the case, then one would have to assume that U.S. currency is the most absorbent substance on the planet for it to be able to retain cocaine in it for as long as it does AND pass some of it along to others.

I just don't see it happening. Then again, perhaps I'm a bit biased after reading this theory from one of the "scientists" who did the "study": "I'm not sure why we've seen this apparent increase, but it could be related to the economic downturn, with stressed people turning to cocaine." :::: sigh ::::

Hey, Mr. Scientist Guy Who Knows Nothing About The Real World And Lives Life In A Lab! An "economic downturn" is not when people would be turning to cocaine. Cocaine, in case you missed it, is expensive. AND it keeps you awake. If I'm stressed due to economic reasons (ie, I'm broke), the LAST thing I want to do is spend a buttload of money and then stay away thinking about how I have no money! I'm going to buy a 12-pack of beer and pass out on the couch to make my way through an "economic downturn". It's cheaper, more effective, and you don't need a "study" to explain why it works.

*****
Meanwhile, over at
Fox News, there's a story from the "Kiryat Yam municipality, which is near Haifa". And in case your globe is in another room, we're talking about Israel here. Why they just didn't say "in Israel" is beyond me. And the part about it being a municipality? Do we care? I don't think we do. (Fair and balanced. The necessary coupled with the completely inane. Back to you.)

The Israeli municipality (hey, if they're going to throw it out there, I might as well use it!) is now offering a one million dollar reward for the first person who can produce a photo of a mermaid that has been sighted numerous times in the past couple of months. The council spokesman, a one Natti Zilberman, feels the need to tell us "People say it is half girl, half fish, jumping like a dolphin. It does all kinds of tricks then disappears." (Hence the term "mermaid".) What kind of tricks? Card tricks? Beach ball balancing on the nose? What kind of tricks?


Spokesman Zilberman says that you don't need to capture the mermaid in order to receive the million bucks. You just need to produce a "verifiable photo" is all. No word on what that means exactly, but I'm sure that there will be plenty of people who try to produce unverifiable photos soon enough.


My only question at this point is how long before Darryl Hannah arrives in Israel to collect her million dollars? *****
If I have to hear the term "death panel" again, I'm going to start being in favor of them so that I can off myself. What is wrong with people? I find it odd that there are SO many people who are believing that the health care bill that has been proposed has a clause in it that constitutes the creation of "death panels" that will decide who is worthy of living and who can start plot shopping. Then again, people are what?
Morons, that is correct.

But here's the part I don't get: Why hasn't anyone who is trying to debunk the bunk, whipped out the bill (OK, lugged it out. I forgot it was 1300+ pages.) and found that section and read it to folks and THEN discussed it? Granted, it's hard to discuss things when you have a group of half-wit inbreds shouting "You work for us! You work for us!" But no one has read that section. Even in media reports, I have not seen a single account of where that passage of the bill was cited. Must I do everything around here? Fine.

Ahem...wait. Never mind. It's too damn long. But I will tell you this much. In the ENTIRE 1300+ pages, the word "death" appears ZERO times. The word "panel" appears ZERO times. So much for the "death panels".

*****
From the land of the inexplicable, we have a one Jennifer Love Hewitt vacationing on the lovely island of Hawaii with her boyfriend, Jamie Kennedy. As many folks are want to do on vacation, Ms. Hewitt is enjoying a game of tennis in the beautiful out of doors. However, as many folks are not want to do on vacation, Ms. Hewitt is playing tennis in an outfit that leaves you speechless, but with a TON of questions. Behold!


Um, what....wait. Why...is....wait. Are those heels? Four-inch WICKER heels with little pooka shells on them?! To play TENNIS in? Is she kidding? Apparently not. Behold!


Wow. It would seem that the black bikini is her sportswear of choice, as she was also spotted playing basketball in the same ensemble. Behold!


Mind you, I'm not complaining! Far from it! I'm just a bit perplexed. How one does anything in shoes like that is completely beyond me. And to play tennis in them? I am aware that she probably isn't playing tennis as if she's about to play a match against...um...some...famous...female tennis player. I mean, she does have to move around SOME, right? Doesn't she? I don't get it.

*****
And finally, this next item can be categorized in either the "People Unclear on the Concept" file or the "Folks Who Missed the Point" file. Again from
Fox News, "A 1,224-pound triple vanilla cupcake with pink frosting has set a record as the world's largest." Behold!


World's largest cupcake. In what sense is that behemoth of a baked good a CUP-cake? WHOSE cup? The Jolly Green Giant's?! Why is that not just a cake? It's NOT a cupcake? What? Just because you put some aluminum siding around the perimeter of the thing, THAT makes it a cupcake? No, it doesn't! It's a CAKE. A CAKE I tell you!

People are what? Morons, that is correct.

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