Sunday, August 23, 2009

Courtney's Love For Turtles

I'm not usually at a loss for words. But then again, since a picture is worth a thousand words (and in some cases, like this one, perhaps more...many more) I don't have to worry that nothing will be able to be said. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'll come up with something! But...well, you's not often that I've seen something like this and it took me a while to form coherent words and sentences afterwards. How long will it take you? (And WTF? does not count!) Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? That is a one Courtney Love, the grieving, grungy widow of a one Kurt Cobain. Cobain, as you may or may not care to recall, decided it would be a good idea to blow his own noggin off in 1994 whilst still married to Ms. Love and whilst his daughter, a one Frances Bean (who received her middle name because Cobain thought that she looked like a kidney bean when looking at the ultrasound) was only two. (And in a bit of useless trivia for you, Frances Bean Cobain's godfather is Michael Stipe of R.E.M. Her godmother? Drew Barrymore, that is correMy GOD, Drew Barrymore is hot!ct.)

Courtney Love has never been known for her stability. And that's putting it kindly AND mildly. Rumor has it that she's been known to partake in illegal substances from time to time (those times being approximately sun-up to sun-down). I know that must come as quite a shock judging from some of the scenes that she's been photographed in over the years.

Like this one:

Or this one:

Or even this one:

(And I don't know what my point was with all of those, but I'm done now.)

Ms. Love is also a Twitterer. She Twitters. She tweets. She tweets and Twitters. A friend of mine had been one of Ms. Love's Twitter Followers for a short while, but decided that she needed to un-follow her because, as she put it, "I can only deal with someone's mental illness ramblings for just SO long. After a while, the schizophrenia isn't quite so entertaining." Well said, my friend. Well. Said. (The same friend had also dubbed Courtney Love as "a hot mess". And it really seems to fit, even if I don't quite get exactly what it means, I know that it's appropriate to describe Courtney Love.) After all, this is the same person whom The Sun described as being the "... bonkers songbird." All just because her next album, Nobody's Daughter, will be released later than previously planned because "The studio that Courtney was using to record had paranormal technical issues so they have moved to another studio." Haunted studios will delay things quite I bit, I'm told.

But back to Twitter and the turtle. According to The Daily Mail, "The 44-year-old rock widow has posted pictures of herself in bed with a turtle on her head." Now, going strictly by what I see in the photos, that would appear to be true. She is in bed. There is a turtle on her head. We're looking at the photos, so they must have been posted somewhere (unless the haunted studios did the posting without her awareness! Creepy!). So we know all of that. What we do not know is why she had a turtle on her head. And really, the why is kind of the most important part of this story. Why does Courtney Love have a turtle on her head? (There's a sentence I never thought I'd write.)

I'm going to take a wild guess, however, and suggest that she was just (wait for it) messing around. Do I think for one minute that her cranial turtle photo is the first photo ever posted on Twitter that was silly, inane, and inexplicable? Hardly. It's not like Twitter is a social networking hub where people gather to share their coherent thoughts for improving the world or anything like that. Twitter gives people the ability to have other people listen when you talk to yourself. But quite frankly, they don't care (which is why you spend the majority of the time talking to yourself). They may wonder sometimes, like the time that you post a photo with a reptile atop your melon, but other than that, they don't care.

But, hey! I'm just glad she hasn't withered away to nothing. She was looking rather, uh, gaunt for a while there. But she looks much better with the turtle. Even without the turtle, I don't know if she could get worse than this. Behold!

I wonder how many times a day her bones ended up physically piercing through her skin? She does not look well. According to The Daily Mail again, "...the former Hole singer has started taking human growth hormones...She’s been using the hormones to help her gain muscle and for anti-ageing and likes the results." Human growth hormones? Like steroids? Sure. Courtney Love on 'roids, what could possibly go wrong? Good Lord....

The article also stated "But she’s not very discreet. She even left a vial of it in her LA hotel room." OK, so maybe she's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But at least she finally realized what she weighed and decided to do something about it. She said, "S***, I thought I was like 130lb, but I'm 118lb and I'm 5ft 10in, that's not good for someone my height." No. That's not good for someone your height OR for someone who weighs 118 pounds and looks like this. Behold!

Nope. Not good at all. But with her new found weight gain, her bedside turtle and a recording studio that isn't haunted, I have the feeling that things are going to start looking up for Ms. Courtney Love. (Though I also have the feeling that she might eat that turtle. I just hope she doesn't post those pictures on Twitter.)

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