Don't Go There

I am amazed, simply amazed, at the self-centeredness of so many people. The cluelessness. The oblivion. The doe in the headlights idiocy. Seriously, what is wrong with you people when someone influential and famous dies? Do you have NO concept of basic mourning protocol? Apparently not. Let me go through some basics.

First of all, I'm obviously talking about the hoopla surrounding the death of the beloved Steve Jobs. While I personally do not quite understand the whole shrine building practice, it has become quite popular. I guess because people really want to feel like they've made some sort of a connection or an expression of themselves or something. I'm not sure what and I don't get it. But I do know this. You people that are going to Steve Jobs' house are out of line.


Are the people who are pilgrimaging to his home aware of the fact that his family including his three children (who seem to be 20, 16 and 13) still live in that home? Do these moronic pilgrims think that somehow their standing outside of the home in which he likely died is going to be of some comfort to the family? Why are they there? I cannot think of anything more inappropriate. Let's take a quick gander at the statement that the family made. Hmmm...oh, there's this part: "We know many of you will mourn with us, and we ask that you respect our privacy during our time of grief." Respecting their privacy does not mean drawing apples in chalk (or worse, leaving real apples) on the sidewalk in front of their house!


His kids just lost their father, for cryin' out loud. They don't give a crap how much you love your iPod. Maybe one day they will (give a crap). But right now, their dad just died. Let me just tell you that my dad wasn't some great, big famous guy to anyone but me. And when he died, it was all I could do to deal with the delivery people who brought by flowers that people had sent. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if there were a bunch of jackass strangers standing in my front yard during that time. (While I cannot imagine, I can speculate and let me tell you that it would not have gone down well.) Get the hell out of his yard. Now.


Some people seem to think that the building of a shrine outside the home where family members of the deceased are still residing is an appropriate show of grief and sympathy. Those people are known as insensitive idiots. Please do not encourage that sort of behavior should you encounter it in the wild. Really, the only appropriate reaction would be to run those people over.

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This Might Explain The Applause

So, we all know that the "memorial" service for the victims of the shootings down there in Arizona was a bit weird. That is, if you consider a pep-rally-esque atmosphere "weird". If you think it's perfectly normal to yell and scream and print up T-shirts and bring signage to a memorial service, then you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. But considering that you're reading this blog, you most likely do not think that is normal and think that those who behaved in such a fashion are tools to the nth degree. Do you think that whole deal could get any worse? If you didn't, you might want to sit down because it kind of did.

My utmost thanks must go to Ima Wurdibitsch of The Wordy Bitch. (I highly suggest that you check out her blog. She's hilarious. I would like to have a beer with her. I would like to have several beers with her. She's that entertaining. But now I sound like a stalker. Hmm. Oh, well. Nothing new.) For it is Ima who informed me of a possible reason why there was so much cheering and carrying on at the memorial service. She directed me to a post over at something called Gateway Pundit. It is there where Robert Gibbs was quoted as saying, "I will say that I read the speech several times and thought that there wouldn’t be a lot of applause if any. I think many of us thought that. But I think there was a celebration, again, of the lives of those who had been impacted. Not just at that grocery store but throughout the country. And I think that, if that is part of the healing process, then that’s a good thing."

Before I continue, just let me say how idiotic that statement sounds. Were any of the family members of those who were killed "celebrating" that day? I'm just going to guess that they were not. I saw pictures of them from throughout the ceremony and they did not look happy. They certainly didn't look like the softheads in the stands who acted like the University of Arizona just won the Rose Bowl or something. And I don't know what part of Robert Gibbs's "healing process" involves shouting and yelling and screaming and clapping, but I don't think I agree with him that it is "a good thing". It's a disrespectful thing. It's an inappropriate thing. It's a lot of things, but I don't think that I would say that good is one of them.

Back to Gateway Pundit. After the quote from Gibbs, they write: "Oh really?Then why was it printed on the Jumbotron?" Wait. What now? Behold!

Good Lord. What in the world is wrong with people? Were they really asking for applause there? It certainly looks like they were. Now, I suppose that it could have been a closed-captioning thing for the hearing impaired. I suppose. (Granted, I'm not sure that would have been necessary, as anyone in that building, hearing impaired or not, would have known that the place was going bat-S.) But it really looks like they were asking for applause. I have no idea which one it was, but given as how President Barry did not ONCE ask for people to be respectful and pipe down, it would seem to be a logical jump that it was being asked for.

Whatever the reason, it doesn't look good no matter how you look at it. It doesn't look good if they asked for applause. And it also doesn't look good that they didn't tell people to stop applauding. (It also didn't look good that they handed out T-shirts with a freaking slogan on them. Not to mention that it was a slogan that had nothing to do with remembrance, healing or memorializing. Nothing. Who hands out T-shirts at a memorial for dead people?) President Barry's crew needs to step it up a bit in whatever way that they should have. It never should have happened the way that it did.

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The Memorial Debacle

Yesterday, there was a pep rally memorial service for the victims of the shooting down in Arizona. I've gotta say that I have never seen a memorial service quite like that one. And I think I'm glad that's the case. It was, um, odd from the get go. I didn't think that you would need to remind people at a memorial service that they were there because people had died, but that might not have been such a bad idea yesterday. Seriously, who are you people?

I should have known something was not quite right when I saw the picture below that my friend Scott had posted on his Facebook page. Let's take a look.

Now, Scott didn't caption this or anything, so I was left to my own devices (which are few and far between these days) to figure out what in the world was going on. It appeared that they were getting ready for some sort of a sporting event by putting a T-shirt on each and every chair in the arena. Nope, turns out that they were getting ready for the memorial by putting a T-shirt on each and every chair in the arena. Because nothing says "We're in mourning" like a new shirt to commemorate the event. I knew that group T-shirts were popular for large family reunions, but here's to hoping that they never catch on for memorial services.

The place was packed. I mean packed. And while that surprised me, what surprised me even more was the number of cell phone cameras and regular cameras that people kept holding up to take pictures. It was beyond odd. I've been to a fair number of memorial services and I've definitely been to more than my share of funerals (it's what happens when you grow up in a family full of oldsters) and while I don't remember them all, I am fairly confident in saying that there was NO photography going on at any of them. NONE. I am also fairly confident in saying that if someone had tried to take pictures at either sort of service, one of the family members of the deceased would have either knocked the camera out of the moron's hand or just simply attacked the moron. There's no guarantee that it wouldn't have been both, but there is a guarantee that it would have been one of those.

Who does that? I don't care who you are or what the circumstance is, who does that? Who takes pictures at a memorial? I don't think that I'm alone in thinking that it is incredibly disrespectful, but if I had been in attendance, I obviously would have been in the vast minority that thought so. But if you think that taking pictures at a memorial was bad, allow me to show you that some folks thought that it was perfectly fine to bring signs to the memorial. Behold!

And then there was President Barry. I'm not blaming him for any of what went on when he was talking. He looked very uncomfortable when he walked out to speak at the memorial for several deceased individuals including a 9-year old little girl as the place went completely bonkers. People were clapping and cheering and taking pictures and hollering. It was the weirdest thing that I think I have seen in a long time. It wasn't a sporting event, you dimwits! It was a memorial! Who gives a fat rat's ass if it's President Barry coming out to speak? You don't clap and cheer! What part of that don't you understand?! He wasn't campaigning! You people were supposed to be mourning! You people were supposed to be in need of healing! You people were supposed to be aware of the circumstances that brought you to the place where the President would be speaking to you! And yet in spite of all of the things that you were supposed to be aware of, y'all still acted like a bunch of idiots. It was disgraceful is what it was.

And while I don't think that it was President Barry's "fault", I am a little bit surprised that he didn't at least frigging say something to address the inappropriate behavior by most of the crowd. I don't think that it would have been out of line at all for him to have said something to the effect of "Thank you, but let's remember that we're here to pay our respects to those who lost their lives the other day and I think it would be better if all applause was held during this ceremony for mourning." And I can't imagine why he wouldn't have said something. He did look uncomfortable, I'll give him that. But I guess that maybe it stroked his ego more than it make him feel kind of oogey.

I put a lot of thought into how I felt about this whole ordeal. At first, I was conflicted in the sense that there are some people who do not want their funeral or their wake or their memorial or whatever it is to be a somber occasion. Had that been the case in this instance, I suppose that all of the cheering (no matter how odd it may have seemed) would not have come across as reprehensible. But that wasn't the case. The people who were there who lost their family members were distraught. I don't know that I would have been able to contain myself if I had been one of them when the cheers erupted from the stands. I think I would have had to leave because I would have felt that those who were cheering were not there for the same reason that I was there and that I was clearly outnumbered. And I don't think that I would have been able to stomach being in a room with a bunch of softheads trying to get a good picture of President Barry on their cell phones while I was still completely devastated at the loss of my loved one.

I wish I could explain what in the world went on in there, but I can't. I'd really like to be able to ask those that were cheering what in the world they were cheering for and why on earth they felt it appropriate to do so in the given venue. Since it seemed to be a sporting event-like atmosphere that most of those in attendance wanted it to be like, maybe they shouldn't have put a T-shirt over every chair and instead put them inside one of the T-shirt cannons that they use at NBA games and give everyone their shirt that way. Then they could have a big wildcat mascot or something come out and do a little dance. And don't forget to send out a bunch of concessions vendors so that folks don't get hungry or parched during a memorial service. Good Lord, people. Seriously, what in the world is wrong with you? Throughout this entire ordeal it has seemed as if people's perspectives have been completely skewed. And sadly, the memorial debacle was no exception.

Focus, people! FO-CUS! For cryin' out loud...

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Made Up Memorial Memories

At the time of Michael Jackson's unexpected demise, it was rumored that, despite his physical outwardly appearance, that he was in fact, still (mostly) a real person. And while technically true, there wasn't a whole lot of his face left that could have been considered "real" or "authentic". (The man had his nose practically shaved down to a point. There's not much that's "real" about that, other than the "real" bad choice that was made to continue with the plastic surgery after ONE.) And if a memorial service is supposed to evoke memories and reflect the life of the newly non-living, then Michael Jackson's memorial service did just that because it certainly wasn't very "real".

Like most memorial services, a bunch of people spoke. Unlike most memorial services, you actually knew who almost all of the speakers were. Rare was the occasion where you had to text your friend and ask who someone was. (And it was a good thing that it was infrequent because the friend usually answered me with a "dummy" at the end of the answer. We're very close.) But the thing about the speakers was that a lot of them didn't have any sort of "real" or currently "real" relationship with Michael. We started things off with Smokey Robinson reading letters of condolence from Diana Ross and Nelson Mandela.

In Nelson Mandela's letter, he wrote "...Michael became close to us after he started visiting and performing in South Africa regularly. We grew fond of him and he became a close member of our family." From what I can tell, Mandela met Michael Jackson maybe three times, the last time being 1999. As far as performing there, he did five concerts in 1979 and eight concerts in South Africa in 1997. I'm not saying that Michael Jackson didn't do great things to help the people in Africa, but I don't know if you can call two concert tour stops over the past 30 years as "performing regularly".

Mariah Carey who, even at a memorial service for the deceased, cannot seem to wear any article of clothing which does not highlight and damn near expose her ample bosom, performed "I'll be There". She seemed to have a little bit of difficulty at parts of the song due to her seeming a bit emotional. But according to US Magazine, "...she worked with Jackson on his 2001 charity single, "What More Can I Give" she wasn't close with the singer." Now, you don't have to be "close" to someone to sing at their memorial service, but you'd kind of think that, in the case of Jacko, that you'd want to have those who were close to him there.

I started to realize that there are plenty of folks out there who say that Michael Jackson influenced their method of performing and it is those same folks who wanted nothing to do with him when he was alive. But as soon as he was dead, there they were all teary eyed and weepy talking about his "influence". Nice.

Then there was Dana Owens, aka Queen Latifah. She was supposed to be "representing the fans who grew up loving Michael from a distance" according to the InMusic.com blog. And she really meant it, too, because she had NEVER met Michael Jackson. (This is pure speculation on my part, but I wonder if they picked "Queen Latifah" because the "King of Pop" needed a "Queen". Sadly, it's the only thing I can come up with that would be "logical" for this scenario.)

Congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee, who had also never met Michael as far as I could tell, used the memorial service as a highly inappropriate venue for her political aspirations in trying to get a House Resolution 600 passed to honor Michael Jackson. I'm thinking she let the "Jackson" part of her name drive her just a bit too close to the edge of reality there. There are two things that need to stay the hell away from memorial services. Politics is one of those. Al Sharpton is the other.

I loathe that man. He just has honed his speaking skills though. That man can come across as smooth, but not smooth as silk. (It's another four letter word that starts with S though.) He made a direct statement to Jackson's children when he said, "Weren't nothing strange about your Daddy. It was strange what he had to deal with." And I agree with fifty percent of that statement. It WAS strange what he had to deal with. That first part? About nothing being strange about him? Yeah, I'm going to have to disagree with you on that. He was the freaking Mayor of Strangeland.

Speaking of Mayer, John was there. Again, never met Michael, but he could play a mean guitar, so that was good enough I suppose. Fortunately, we didn't have to hear a word out of him, just a little instrumental number of "Human Nature" and then the be-vested John Mayer disappeared temporarily (unfortunately).

Brooke Shields came out and gave a very real and I thought very touching talk. She was back to looking fairly hot again as well. For a while there, she was sporting that Plastic Surgery Gone Wild look. I don't know if her new face had finally settled down on her old skull or if she had a little touch up work done, but she looked good. She talked about her relationship with Michael and what good friends they had been. And while I totally believed everything she said and I could tell that she was very upset over his passing, she hadn't seen him or spoken to him in the past 18 years. It struck me as quite sad because, the way that she described it, they had a connection that could only be understood by people in their position. People who had been in the public eye their entire life and had no idea what it was like to be just a face in a crowd. I don't know why the no contact for all of that time, but I'd guess that his behaviors became more and more "odd" or eccentric and she felt she had to distance herself from him. I'm merely speculating there. And while I wouldn't disagree with that standpoint, I find it sad because her stories that she told made it seem like they had a blast together. (No mention of the chimp, Bubbles, which I found disappointing.)

Stevie wonder performs "Never Dreamed You'd Leave in Summer". He also says "This is a moment that I wish that I didn't live to see come." And, in a way, if you think about it, he didn't. Oh, the irony.

Magic Johnson and Kobe Bryant the Rapist came out. I don't remember what Kobe the rapist said and I don't give a crap what Kobe the Rapist said. Why in the hell was he there? Was R Kelly not available? Then, in a moment of just how far some people will sink in times like these, Magic Johnson said that Michael Jackson (wait for it) made him a better point guard. ::: blink ::: ::: blink ::: What now?

Magic also said that "...the greatest moment of his life" was (wait one more time) watching Michael Jackson eat Kentucky Fried Chicken. That's it! STOP!!

The GREATEST moment of your LIFE?? Michael Jackson with a bucket o'bird? THAT was the GREATEST MOMENT? None of those NBA championships? Not learning that you're going to be able to live a full and productive life with HIV? Both of those and many other moments in your life have all been usurped by Jacko and the Kentucky Colonel? Are you freaking kidding me? You're standing right next to a rapist as you spout that crap about some guy who is lying dead in a box in front of you. You're not exactly bursting with integrity there, Magic.

Jennifer Hudson did a hell of a job when she sang "Will You Be There", an unanswerable question before that day because she and Michael did not have any sort of personal or professional relationship either. She's just a chick that was brought in to sing. The most hilarious part about the Jennifer Hudson appearance is that afterwards there was all of the chatter online and in reports as to whether or not she's pregnant. She has declined to address those "rumors". And that's funny how? Here's Jennifer Hudson. Behold!

If you have to ask if Jennifer Hudson is pregnant and you have to keep asking because she is declining to comment, you're a idiot.

No Macaulay Culkin. No Lisa Marie Presley. (OK, that one didn't shock me.) No Debbie Rowe, breeding sow mother of his children. No Elizabeth Taylor. No Diana Ross. No Quincy Jones. No Emmanuel Lewis. (Hey! I'm not saying that any of these are a great loss, I'm just saying they weren't there is all!) Instead who did we end up with? Corey Feldman, who felt the need to pay his respects by dressing like Michael Jackson AT the memorial service. Behold!

Good Lord. A friend mentioned to me the other day that out of all of the funerals that he'd been to in his life, there wasn't a one where people who were in attendance dressed up like the dead guy. I never have had that experience either! You know why? Because it would be weird! Think about it. You go to Grandma's funeral and everyone there is dressed like GRANDMA! Yeah, that's wrong. Just wrong. (And Corey Feldman in a fedora at any point and time is ALWAYS wrong. Period.)

So there was just a whole lot of nothing going on at that memorial. A bunch of people that the public was aware of, but the public might have been more aware of some of these people that Michael Jackson was. Brooke Shields, who hadn't seen the guy in 18 years, was probably the one who was the closest non-relative to him who was there and who spoke. 18 years and she still gets that designation. That's a sad statement of affairs, I'll tell you what.

And although it was nice of all of the speakers to attend and either speak or perform, it probably would have been a lot nicer for Michael if you had all showed up for him when he was alive. Sure, he was an odd duck to say that least, but to show up at the memorial and act as if he had some place in your life and/or in your existence or career is just pathetic. If he meant so damn much to you people, perhaps you should have let him know somehow.

There will likely be a lull in the Death of Jacko news until the toxicology reports come back sometime within the next few weeks. At that point, according to Liza Minnelli (who would know a thing or two about substance abuse), "All hell will break loose." Sounds good. Stay tuned, won't ye?

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It's Not Quite As Big As We Think

Prediction time! I predict that there is NO way that Michael Jackson's memorial service/fiasco/spectacle/hooplah will be bigger than the funeral of Princess Diana. I also predict a strong likelihood that the whole thing will come off as a hastily put together embarrassment. And finally, it's entirely possible that the LAPD and the City of Los Angeles have NO idea what they're in for as far as the throngs of "mourners" that will be attending (not to mention the "throngs" or mourners who will be milling aimlessly about the streets). And by "mourners" I mean "folks who are there for the 'experience'." Oh, and "folks who hope to see their face on major network coverage of the event." Yeah, those mourners.

Did you see the BET Awards? The ones where the whole schedule was rearranged so that they could "pay tribute" to Michael Jackson? It was a nightmare. It felt like what I imagine it would be like to watch your first grader in their very first class play. You know you're supposed to be enjoying yourself, but you can't help cringing frequently. I'll tell you this much: I can go a really long time from here on out without having to see Jamie Foxx ever again. Man, he certainly is pleased with his own act and it SHOWED at the BET Awards. Of course, we haven't heard from him since. Actually, we haven't heard from the majority of those phony-ass people who had the nerve to stand up there and say what a HUGE inspiration Michael Jackson was for them and how much he meant to them. You people are pathetic. I certainly didn't hear you singing his praises when he was on trial for child molestation! How come you weren't raining praises on him then? Because you're all just fake bandwagon joiners is why.

The folks over there at the BBC have a "preliminary list" of those expected to be in attendance and participating in the memorial service in some way. Can someone explain why Michael Jackson, who was at one point the most famous person in the entire world and was still ridiculously popular even after some of his fame had subsided, who is an incredibly successful entertainer, didn't seem to have friends that were of the same superstar level that he was on? How come his list of people who were close to him reads like the cast of a B-movie or a circus attraction? I mean, come on, the guy hung out with folks like Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, Miko Brando (son of Marlon), Corey Feldman, Macaulay Culkin, Emmanuel Lewis (OK, the last three there are more explainable than the rest, I'll give you that), Bubbles the Chimp, Muscles the Boa Constrictor.

Here's who is on tap for the memorial service on July 7, 2009:

Ron Boyd, family friend;
Kobe Bryant
Mariah Carey
The Andrae Crouch Choir
Berry Gordy
Jennifer Hudson
Shaheen Jafargholi, finalist on Britain's Got Talent
Magic Johnson
Martin Luther King III
Bernice A King
John Mayer
Lionel Richie
Smokey Robinson
Rev Al Sharpton
Brooke Shields
Pastor Lucious Smith, family friend
Usher
Stevie Wonder

Kobe Bryant. Really? At Michael Jackson's memorial service? Was R Kelly unavailable or something?

And Shaheen Jafargholi? Really? Just because he sang a Michael Jackson song when he tried out for Britain's Got Talent? You know, he tried to sing an Amy Winehouse song first before Simon Cowell stopped him and asked if he sang anything else because it was just all wrong. Hmmm. Amy Winehouse. Well, maybe this Jackson Memorial gig will be good practice for Shaheen. The way she's been looking for at least the last year, he might get to do this again real soon.

Magic Johnson? Look, just because it's the Staples Center doesn't mean you HAVE to have a basketball player there.

John Mayer? Why? Just one reason, that's all I want. But tell me why.

Good God, why in the hell is Al Sharpton going to be there? That man is about as low as they come. But if there's publicity and money involved (oh, and a black guy), you can bet Al Sharpton will come slithering out from under his rock to get in on it. Let me guess, he's the one who lined up Martin Luther King III? Let me guess again, Michael "inspired" MLK3, did he?

Can Smokey Robinson even move his face enough to speak and/or perform? I think the same plastic surgeon who worked on Kenny Rogers worked on Smokey. Hey, guess what?! We can TELL your face isn't real! (Though again, perhaps appropriate at the memorial service for Michael Jackson.)

Will Brooke Shields be bringing Bubbles and Emmanuel Lewis?

Now, over there at The Telegraph we have a quote from a one Assistant Police Chief Jim McDonnell in regard to the crowd that could be expected to turn out for the memorial: "We looked at other funerals around the world and different numbers that have come out for that. We've heard that for Elvis Presley's funeral there were about 75,000 for that, for Princess Diana there were about 250,000, so you can estimate that Michael Jackson with his popularity around the world, there will be significant numbers that intend to come out." Um, sure. The thing is, it was closer to over 80,000 that turned out for Elvis's funeral and the number of folks that lined the streets over there for Princess Diana's funeral procession was at least a million. If the LAPD is basing their "strategy" on how the Elvis ordeal almost 32 years ago turned out or how the Princess Diana tragedy over 12 years ago with 4 times the number in attendance as the figure the Assistant Police Chief cites, they're in trouble.

And finally, a reminder of how soon we forget things. Yes, Princess Diana's death was completely unexpected and her funeral was huge. But if what we've seen so far with the Michael Jackson mourning period is any indication, we should not be hearing even the slightest speculation that his memorial service will be as huge as the funeral procession for Diana. Here's why.

Here's a photo of Kensington Palace before the funeral had taken place. People had been streaming by almost non stop and dropping off flowers in memoriam. I had forgotten the SEA of flowers that emerged rapidly. It's insane. Behold!

And now, we have the scene outside of Neverland Ranch. Behold!

Um, yeah. See, that's not the same! No, it's not. Not even close. Whether or not as many people tune in for the memorial service coverage as did tuned in for Diana's funeral service remains to be seen, but 2.5 billion tuned in for Diana. If the flowers are any indication, it won't even be close to that number of people who take time to turn on the Michael Jackson service.


And looking at those two photos of the different amount of flowers/tributes left for Michael Jackson and Diana is really stunning. It's actually kind of embarrassing, really. But it's not as embarrassing as this:

Remember these folks?

The ones all crowded around the Michael Jackson star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? How they were there for hours and hours just sitting and dripping candle wax on the star? How they were in multiple photos shown on broadcast and print media? Remember them? Turns out, the folks in that photo, a one TJ Thomas and a one Marie Bouchard, were (wait for it) SITTING IN FRONT OF THE WRONG STAR.

There's some radio personality named Michael Jackson. That was HIS star that they were in front of. All of those people who were there with their crying and their weeping and their standing and their staring? All at the wrong place. Well, at least we know now that it certainly isn't about their undying love for their dearly departed pop star. No, it's more about their undying love for themselves and how they feel they should be a part of the story for no reason other than they were there. Too bad they were in the wrong place. If they have tickets for the memorial, I hope someone gave them a map, otherwise they're going to end up INSIDE of a Staples business and NOT the Staples Center. Morons.

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