Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day.  Say, if you're looking for a great charity to donate to as a way to honor those who have voluntarily served our fine country, perhaps consider donating to Fisher House.  You can learn more about what they do by clicking here.  It's a great organization that does great work.  And they really make the best use out of your money, as 96% of your donation goes toward the program.  (They only spend 2% of donations on administrative costs.  That is practically unheard of in the charity world.  Oh, and the other 2% go for fundraising.  They're extremely efficient.)  It's really a great organization that provides a much needed service.

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Rapture Is Here

You know, when I first heard about the Rapture I thought it sounded pretty cool. But then I realized I was thinking about a raptor and that's a totally different thing all together. And when I realized what it actually was, I started thinking. How much effort am I really supposed to put into today's post anyway? I'm assuming that people will be spending their last hours doing something besides reading my rantings. But just in case, I've settled upon this (it can't hurt):

In the meantime, whilst you wait for your doom, enjoy this appropriately titled classic by Blondie.

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Think Outside of the Non-Box

In 2003, for no other reason than "just because" magician/illusionist David Blaine sat for 44 days without food in a 7'-by-7' glass or plastic box (depending on which news report you want to believe, but it WAS see through!) that was suspended over the River Thames. No real reason, other than causing people to wonder how one can go for so long without food. (Truth be known, humans can go for a really long time without food...as long as you have enough water. It's the water that the human body really NEEDS every day in order to keep us upright and above ground.) And as one would imagine, he did attract a lot of attention while doing the stunt. Hey, it's not every day you see a crazy man sitting in a box that isn't cardboard and isn't in an alleyway.

So when I read over there at SFGate.com that David Arquette (also known as Mr. Courtney Cox) wanted to raise a bunch of money for the homeless and the hungry and to do so "...he will live in a plastic box in New York City for two days." Most excellent! That will definitely draw attention. Wait. Two days? That's it?? Wimp.

Ah, it's for a good cause, so I probably shouldn't be knocking the guy for raising money for the homeless and the hungry. Two days or twenty days, it's a long time to spend in a box, right? Well, you'd THINK. According to SFGate "The star will eat and sleep in a Plexiglas box above Madison Square Garden's marquee on Tuesday and Wednesday". Got all of that? Let's just review for a moment, shall we?

Here we have David Blaine in 2003 sitting in a see-thru box that was suspended over the River Thames in London for 44 days without food. He is doing so because he wanted to. With me?

Here we have a one David Arquette. He is going to raise awareness and hopefully money for the homeless and the hungry by EATING and SLEEPING in a see-thru box above Madison Square Garden's marquee. I'm going to leave alone all of the irony of "eating" while raising money for the hungry because it pales in comparison to this:

David Arquette and his bullhorn alerting the masses below:

And David Arquette in his "plastic box" that is "above Madison Square Garden's marquee". Behold!

Wait. What now? What the hell is that? That's not a "box". No, that's a "living room". Are you kidding me? Hold on. I HAVE to be missing something because otherwise that would make this one of the stupidest things I've run across in a long time. Let me just check some things..... Hmmm...Well, again from our friends over yonder at SFGate.com, apparently Mr. Arquette is "...confident he won't be getting bored in a box for two days: "I'm going on Facebook and blogging from here. Just passing the time hanging out. It's fun." " Fun! Just like real hunger! (Seriously, what in the hell is going on here?!)

Over at KansasCity.com, they too are going with the "David Arquette is moving into a Plexiglas box above the Madison Square Garden marquee" angle on this story. Though they do provide us with additional information that wasn't gleaned from other sources and that is extremely relevant to this bizarre tale. "Arquette, 37, plans to spend about eight hours a day in the box Tuesday and Wednesday. (This isn’t a hunger strike; he will be eating during his stay.)" Wait. Again?

EIGHT HOURS?? EACH day? For TWO days? 16 hours? In a living room that's a tad on the warm side?! WITH food?!?! What the hell? I'm SO confused. This makes NO sense. He's bringing attention to the people out there who are hungry and he's doing so by eating? Whose idea was this? Oh, good Lord, the damn thing is sponsored by Snickers.

Why is EVERY SINGLE media outlet reporting this as if he's going to be doing this a la David Blaine style?! I keep seeing headlines for this "story" like "David Arquette Has Not Lost His Mind", "David Arquette Plans to Encase Himself in a Plexiglas Box" (Look, it's not really a "box" and there's no "encasing". He can walk in and out!),"Arquette to live in a box to raise money for hungry" (Um, it's not really a "box".), "Arquette swelters in New York box" (No, listen, see, it's not like a "box".) "Arquette stays in box to raise money for US hungry" (FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD, IT'S NOT A FRIGGIN' BOX!!) Do you SEE the couch? The CHAIR? The LAPTOP from which he will be BLOGGING?!?! (And "sweltering"? Puh-lease. How hot was it? Oh, 85 degrees? Why is everyone making it sound like he's trapped in there. He can walk in and out. It's not like he can't go outside where it's likely cooler. Or he can always move into the shade and sit ON THAT COUCH! But don't you worry about him. He'll be fine! That's because "....despite the 85 degree Fahrenheit heat -- he was happy to be on show: "It is starting to get a little hot up here -- but I had no hesitation saying yes." We're SO doomed.)

This is amazing to me. Look! He's even been able to change clothes during his eight hour shift in the second story outdoor cubicle. (It's not a BOX!)

Wow, he seems awfully pleased with his own act. There are some fabulous photos of this ridiculousness over here at Socialite Life if you'd like to see more like this one where David Arquette is standing in front of the empty space that he can walk in and out of as he stands next to a rack of Snickers bars while hoping to raise money to fight hunger. (If it wasn't so sad, it'd be really funny.) Behold!

It's bad enough that the media can't report accurately on things that matter, but now they can't even report accurately on things that don't matter? (Not that hunger doesn't matter. It does. It matters a lot, especially when I'm the one who is hungry. But come on!) Why are all of these headlines making it out to be something it isn't. The man wasn't a saint before and he certainly isn't a saint now. He's no more of a saint than that living room is a box. David Blaine didn't eat for 44 days and it took him six months to get his body back to normal after his stunt (for NO charity) above the Thames. It's going to take David Arquette what? A shower to get his body back to normal? After his grueling eight hour shift? Can't even spend the night in the faux living room, can ya Dave? That's a shame. And so is the whole display of sub-par mediocrity which is attempting to portray itself as sacrificial. It's pathetic and sad.

But it's not as sad as people who are hungry. So do whatever you feel like doing (if anything) about that on your own. But if you go sit on a patio somewhere and claim to be living in a box for hunger, people will hate you. Not as much as they'll hate someone in some makeshift sitting quarters in New York, but they'll still hate you.

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Oh, my DOG! See Spot Surf

Apparently it was International Surfing Day on Saturday. So this post might seem a little late, but what good was it going to do me to write about it before now when nothing had even happened yet? "Established by Surf Magazine and Surfrider Foundation, an environmental organization started by surfers that works to protect oceans, beaches and waves, it is a day for surfers to give back to the ocean." Excellent. What could possibly go wrong?

OK, maybe "wrong" isn't the correct phrasing. How about....What sort of wacky event could be held for a good cause on International Surfing Day and have it be somewhat relevant and also have photos of the event in Life Magazine? Why, how about the fourth annual Loews Coronado Bay Resort Surf-Dog Competition in Imperial Beach!! Behold!

Um, what now? Yep! The Surf-Dog Competition is an event to help raise money for Modest Needs, a non-profit organization that works to prevent poverty. Sounds like a good cause and there's nothing wrong with that. However, there might be something wrong with this. Behold!

From Sign On San Diego we learn all about these surfing dogs and it's pretty much just like what it sounds like it's like. It's dogs. On surfboards. (And they don't all look like they're on those things voluntarily now, mind you.) And they're in the ocean. And they're surfing. Well, they're standing on the surfboard looking either afraid or perplexed. And as the waves move, so does the dog on the board, so I guess that yes, technically they are surfing. But it's only surfing in the same way that I'm dancing after I've stepped on a bee in my bare feet and start jumping around. Technically, yes. Officially, probably not.

I fully concur with the character Monica from 'Friends' as one of her biggest pet peeves is "animals dressed as humans." I, too, am not a fan. And this is more than just that. This is animals dressed as humans attempting to act like humans. I really don't think I can favor having four legged furry creatures on surfboards wearing sunglasses and Bermuda shorts. I'm really not sure why anyone would! Sure, they look cute and all. But then you see them for what they are (that being dogs on surfboards) and you realize they're kind of a little bit out of their natural habitat there. And you know, I think that dogs DO know when they're in a situation that they shouldn't be in. And I KNOW that they know when they look silly. Behold!

::: sigh :::

How exactly does a dog surfing competition work, you wonder? Seemingly all competitions lately go with the three judge panel, a la American Idol, and the Surfing Dog Competition was no exception. I picture them to be similar to the American Idol judges as well. I couldn't find any pictures of them, so I'm just guessing that it's most likely that there is a laid back, black guy who (appropriately enough) always says "Dawg!", a ditzy, probably drunk, likely pilled up, female and an acerbic Brit. But all of that is pure speculation on my part. Fortunately, I don't have to speculate about what is judged because according to Sign On San Diego

"Each dog gets a chance to catch three waves.They're scored on confidence level, length of ride and overall ability to hang ten...so to say.Money raised from the competition goes to Modest Needs."

Their "confidence level?" What determines their "confidence level"?! Would it be whether or not they have enough sense to realize that it's probably not worth the little Scooby Snack that they're going to get if they stay on the board? Do you want a dog that takes risks? I'm not so sure you do. Because one day he's just surfing in the ocean and the next day you find him in the garage trying to start your car! That's only a step or two away from walking fully upright, you know that don't you? I'm guessing the dogs below didn't exactly get "10s" for their "confidence level" score.

I'm thinking that the dogs who are really scared would score very high in the "overall ability to hang ten" category. In fact, clinging to the front of that board with my paws would be the first thing I'd do after I was placed atop the floating menace. You don't tempt the sea!

And just in case you're interested in putting your own dog through the rigors of outdoor water sports, there's the tell-all book A Dog's Guide To Surfing Hanging Ten with Man’s Best Friend. In a description of the book it tells us that "...surfers believe that dogs who learn to surf develop a unique attitude, knowing they have something that sets them apart from other dogs." Well, yes! Obviously! A dog that surfs IS set (or floated) apart from other non-surfing dogs! Yes, they are! Brilliant! If the rest of the book contains equally brilliant insights, I think I'd just play it safe and not "teach" my dog how to "hang ten". (They have four legs. How come they don't hang twenty?)

And I know it's for charity and that's a good thing. Please, feel free to donate to your favorite charity at will! I'm not anti-charity! I'm just saying that if they need to raise money through the wacky antics of canines, can't they choose something a little bit closer to the dog's own realm? Skateboarding perhaps? Roller blading? Billiards? I don't know. But you have to ask yourself, do the dogs really like doing these sorts of things, or do we just think that they do because they can't tell us that they don't? (It's a dog on a surfboard for cryin' out loud! It's gotta be ruff!)

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