Merry Guitar Hero Christmas To All!

Side note: I've been swamped all day. Baking crap holiday goods to give to people for Christmas takes a lot more time than just ambling about in the mall. It is more delicious than stuff you can get at the mall (with the exception of, perhaps, Cinnabon), but it's definitely time consuming. Therefore, I'm revisiting an awesome post from last year. It still find it awesome because I still love Guitar Hero. And I'm only a day away from new games to play.

Fine. I'll admit it. I love Guitar Hero. It's the funnest damn video game I think I've ever played. Better than the entire Tony Hawk series (which was the reason that I ever got a PS2 in the first place). Probably better than any of the games that I played in the arcades as a young hooligan. Definitely better than Pong. I love it. Granted, I am constantly mocked by my non-playing friends (Translation: all of them), but they still love me, so I'm good with the mocking.

That being said, if I knew where the folks responsible for the video below lived, I would move in across the street from them. That's right. I would leave the self-imposed isolation (to protect me from the morons of society) of my walled-off compound and be someone's neighbor for the holiday season. That's how cool I think this is. I realize that the majority of you won't think that it is as cool as I do. That sounds like a personal problem. Perhaps witnessing how video games and the Christmas season can come together as one and spread tidings of joy throughout the land will change your mind over the coolness.

I give to you (courtesy of those guys who posted it on YouTube) a Christmas Light Hero. Behold!

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And A Merry Christmas Light Hero To All

Fine. I'll admit it. I love Guitar Hero. It's the funnest damn video game I think I've ever played. Better than the entire Tony Hawk series (which was the reason that I ever got a PS2 in the first place). Probably better than any of the games that I played in the arcades as a young hooligan. Definitely better than Pong. I love it. Granted, I am constantly mocked by my non-playing friends (Translation: all of them), but they still love me, so I'm good with the mocking.

That being said, if I knew where the folks responsible for the video below lived, I would move in across the street from them. That's right. I would leave the self-imposed isolation (to protect me from the morons of society) of my walled-off compound and be someone's neighbor for the holiday season. That's how cool I think this is. I realize that the majority of you won't think that it is as cool as I do. That sounds like a personal problem. Perhaps witnessing how video games and the Christmas season can come together as one and spread tidings of joy throughout the land will change your mind over the coolness.

I give to you (courtesy of those guys who posted it on YouTube) a Christmas Light Hero. Behold!

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The Guitar Hero Effect

Mock all you want. You know who you are. (Yes, YOU.) So go ahead and mock. All you want (as I just said). Mock, mock, mock. But there won't be any mocking of the facts. That's right. The facts! And the facts are, the Guitar Hero franchise is a freaking money making machine! Ah-HA! I knew it! I knew I wasn't the only one who played that damn thing. (How many hours of my life have I spent on that thing? Who knows? All I know is that it is time I will never get back. Ever. It's gone. And was it worth it? Hell, yes.)

I knew the whole Guitar Hero thing was huge, but I didn't know just how huge. In the past 12 months, the sale of music video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band hit $1.9 billion. Yes, billion with a 'B'. Billion. 1.9. Holy crap. And get this: According to the pop culture folks over there at PopEater, "Aerosmith made more money off the June release of "Guitar Hero: Aerosmith" than either of its last two albums." June. Of 2008. That's six freaking months ago! Man, if the Federal Government could figure out somehow to weasel their way into the video game industry, that budget problem we keep hearing about? Solved! And not just solved. Solved and fun!

And the revenue fun doesn't stop with just the sale of the game. Oh, no. There have been 55 million times that game-playable songs have been downloaded to the tune of about $1.99. Each. And with all of this cash and the fame and glory naturally comes the bitching and the lawsuit filing. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily by the same person.

In what was quite possibly the stupidest lawsuit ever brought by a band against a video game maker (and I have no idea how many there have been, but it doesn't matter because this will continue to the the stupidest lawsuit of its kind (ie, band v. game guys) from now until the end of time. It's that ridiculous.), The Romantics sued Activision for infringement of rights. (Now, I know The Romantics were an 80s band, but was there really that much fringe?) Oh, they had licensed the song from The Romantics, sure. Activision was given permission to have a cover band do the song "What I Like About You" for the Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s game. The problem? The Romantics said that the song that the cover band recorded sounded too much like The Romantics did, thus allegedly infringing upon the group's rights to its own likeness.

Sure, you can record our song! Sure, make it sound like our song! Hey, wait a minute! Not that much!! That's not us!! We don't sound like that! We sound like this! Yes, we know they sound the same. But they're different! That's the point! Different is supposed to be different and that different is the same and it can't be the same because it's supposed to be different! You buying any of that? I didn't think so. A judge didn't buy it either and tossed their suit out. (The only thing that would have made it better is if the judge had tossed The Romantics right on out along with the suit.)

Then there's Axl Rose. Axl has spent the last 13 years working on a Guns N' Roses album titled "Chinese Democracy". That's correct. Thirteen years. It was finally released at the end of November to much less fanfare than it would have been released to if Axl had finished it about 12 years ago. And he's apparently built up quite a head of steam over the folks at Activision and what he claims is unauthorized usage of Guns N' Roses songs in Guitar Hero III (which featured Slash, the awesome guitar player for Guns N' Roses back in the day. "The day" being when the band was together and Axl and Slash could actually stand to be in the same room with each other and shoot up heroin together.).

Axl got a little bloggy with it the other day and penned this missive: "[Slash] being Guitar Hero’s fine but not when Activision in using Jungle, having Yahoo use Sweet Child unauthorized, claims no involvement with Slash, his or anyone's image or VR or anyone or anyone's music in either camp in promotion or commercials etc. I wasn't broadsided. I read about it as it moved along but Activision continually denied it right up to the release. That’s some low life chicanery on all their parts." Wow. I was just reading that in my head and it felt like my tongue was all fuzzy trying to get through it. (He does get points for the use of "chicanery", however. Very nice. I like a vast vocabulary in my nearly forgotten rockers of yester-year.) He continued (Yes! There's more!) with: "Yes Slash was in Guns and on Jungle (and the whole I came to him for his riff is as much crap as him saying he brought Locomotive and Coma in as complete songs) and he has rights to perform it but not to be represented in this context in association with Guns. And since they weren't granted the license it’ll take some sorting." I see. (My tongue's all fuzzy again.)

Axl also claims that he is the "only member" of Guns N' Roses that is left. Um, wait. If you're the only one left, that means that everyone else is gone, correct? Thus, wouldn't that constitute the band being dismantled and having, thusly, NO members? I found that amusing. It's like saying, "Our band broke up, but I'm still here." That doesn't mean you're still the band! But here's the thing: This is the first time that Axl has voiced his displeasure with the whole dealio. Just now. December, 2008. Guitar Hero III was released in December. December 2007!

Seriously, Axl, how upset can you be? It's been a year. Is this news to you? I can't imagine that it is. I guess now that the ol' album is finally done you have plenty of spare time to bitch about stuff, is that it? Perhaps spend just a few moments learning a tad bit more about the English language and how to compose a sentence. Don't get me wrong, all of your words made sense...independently of each other. But stringing them together in an attempt to form some sort of a coherent sentence? Not so good. Might want to work on that....right after you get over yourself.

And while Axl has no reason to bitch, I do. Sometimes things that are successful also get a little full of themselves. Just like Axl. And while I'm not comparing the two or justifying either one, I just have to ask, what in the hell were the folks over there at Guitar Hero thinking when they made all of their advertisements for the game center around Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock and Roll" and then did not include the song in the game?! What is wrong with you people? What good does that do? Yes, it's a catchy tune! Yes, a lot of people like it! Yes, a lot of people will hear that and want to buy the game! But do you know why they would want to buy the game after hearing that song? Because they will think the song is IN the game!! What part of that concept got lost over there, Guitar Hero guys?

What if you went to the grocery store and you bought a box of Cheerios because those toasty oaty O's on the front of the box looked really tasty. (OK, for this example, I suppose you might also want to pretend you haven't eaten in a few days, because I really can't think of any other reason that Cheerios might look appetizing, let alone desirable.) And then I get the box home and I open it up and I'm all excited for the Cheerios and I go to pour them in my bowl and nothing comes out! By not putting "Old Time Rock and Roll" on the actual Guitar Hero World Tour game, it's exactly like not getting any Cheerios. Exactly. Well, minus the toasty oaty goodness of the O's. But other than that? Identical.

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Marketing A Guitar Hero

After almost two weeks of Guitar Hero World Tour, I can safely say that, despite a couple of obvious design flaws in the drum (with CYMBALS) set up, the thing rocks. Totally. What day is it?

Now, I have no idea how sales are going with the thing. I imagine that they're doing just fine. Video games are, as it would turn out, recession proof. They're right up there with cigarettes and alcohol. Doesn't matter how bad the economy is, people needs their smoke and people need their booze. And now people need something to do whilst smoking and drinking and so they're turned the the modern wonder that is the video game. Ah...bliss.

I don't know who is in charge of the marketing for this wonderment, but I'm wondering who they target with their ads. I'm guessing that more guys than chicks play Guitar Hero. (That's just how it is. Some chicks find out other chicks play Guitar Hero and they mock those chicks. Mock, mock, mock they do. With little icons, even! The nerve!) So, if your target audience is guys, and it's a game that they're already going to be wanting to play, how much advertising do you really need? And when you do advertise, what say you just do something so that they'll watch your commercial, OK?

This was the marketing guys first idea. A bunch of sports guys getting together and playing the game. A fine concept. But I'm a chick and regardless as to what kind, I'm here to tell you they need better looking sports guys. A-Rod and Kobe are adorable. They'd really make a cute couple if they jammed that way, you know? But then they throw in Tony Hawk on drums and Michael Phelps, who has the wingspan of a condor, on one of the guitars. Tony Hawk is wearing his skateboard helmet while playing the drums and it gives one the impression that this game might for the "special" consumer. And then when you first look at Michael Phelps, since it takes you a minute to remember that he won all of those gold medals in the regular Olympics and not the Special Olympics, and combine that with the helmeted Mr. Hawk there, and you start to wonder what kind of game this is! (And if you're me, you're also wondering what the chances are of Kobe and A-Rod hitting it off!)

But all of that oddness and matchmaking aside, at least they chose an uplifting song and pretty decent theme for the commercial that it works. Like I said, I highly doubt it's going to influence all that many people who weren't sure if they were going to buy the game or not to go out and buy it (especially since those in the commercial are portraying the consumers as Less Than 70 IQ-ers) just because of the commercial. You either get Guitar Hero or you don't (but you should) get Guitar Hero.

See what I mean? It's fun and all, but I don't think I'd be persuaded to buy the thing just because the two athletes and the two special guys all dance around in their underwear. So what would persuade someone to buy it? This:

Good Lord, how did Heidi Klum get involved with the Guitar Hero folks? Who cares?! I'll take two! (Two of the game! Geez. What'd you think I was thinking? OK, maybe I was thinking that. What's your point?)

But wait! It gets better. Turns out there was a Guitar Hero World Tour commercial that was banned! Yes, banned! Now if there's anything that's going to sell a product, it's banned marketing! Behold! The banned Guitar Hero World Tour commercial that...that....th....a...um....wha....Oh. Sorry. Um, lost my chain of thought. Where was I?

It probably wouldn't have done much in the way of sales even if they had been allowed to go ahead with that commercial. No one would be able to pick themselves up off of the floor, mop up their drool, close their jaw, and drag themselves out to buy one after seeing that. It took me half an hour just to be able to finish this post, for cryin' out loud! Oh, it just makes me wonder what they will come up with next?

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My Day Is Finally Here!

And welcome to my world. To quote Monica from 'Friends', "My day is FINALLY here!" Of course, then she trips and falls on her way into the bathroom to finish getting ready (she fears she may have broke a rib) but it doesn't matter because, as previously stated, her day is FINALLY here! Oh, hell no, I'm not getting married! Good Lord. Though it definitely would be something to write about. Moreso so that I could find out what the scoop was because it would certainly be news to me! But no, really, it's nothing like that. The new phone book is here! The new phone book is here! Oh, wait. That's not it either.

The new Guitar Hero World Tour Complete Band Kit (with CYMBALS!) for the Playstation 2, however, is here. Finally. My day is FINALLY here!

Look, getting this thing was no small feat, I'll tell you what. Of course, I had to go through my least favorite electronic retail store, Best Buy. Now, I thought that they had pulled their proverbial heads out of their proverbial arses this time around. But not so much. Still shoved right on up there, apparently. I had always wondered why they didn't do a pre-order dealio, where you "pre-order" (kind of like the name sort of implies) and then they hold one for you when they get them and then you can go and pick it up and don't have to wait in that line that usually forms outside of the store the night before they go on sale. It's not so bad, that waiting in the huge line part, but after a while you really start to get irritated with all of the 17-23 year old guys that are in line and have been up for three days on a diet consisting of little more than Red Bull and Skittles. They've got a sugar high going which keeps them awake to a degree that would rival that of most crystal meth addicts. Like I said, at first it's fine, but after you've been in line with them for more than 3 or 4 hours and then they stop trying to be all nice because they realize that you're not going to be having sex with them, and then they just become simply obnoxious? That's when it becomes unbearable and you become really grateful for the fact that you can buy alcohol.

But this time, Best Buy allowed you to reserve the game ahead of time. They just didn't tell you that the Complete Band Kit for the Playstation 2 (with CYMBALS!) wouldn't be out for at least another two weeks after the other ones came out. ::::sigh:::: Couldn't the uncaring looking, probably stoned guy who was working the register when I pre-paid for mine have told me this? I'm really not so sure that he could have, but regardless of that, he didn't. (Moron.) And because I am all too familiar with the lackadaisical (translation: barely able to stop themselves from drooling) employees that Best Buy seems to consistently have working in their stores is exactly the reason that I knew they would never reserve one for me and I had just better get myself down there when I knew they were going on sale.

That strategy and that assumption of incompetence on the part of Best buy allowed me to finally, yes FINALLY, finally become the proud owner of a one Guitar Hero World Tour Complete Band Kit (with CYMBALS!) for the Playstation 2. Yeah, baby! (What's that? Um, no. No, I don't have any children. Nope. Never married. 40, why? Hey, where'd you go?)

And thus, here is my pictoral narrative of the acquisition, transporting, unboxing and assembly of one Guitar Hero World Tour Complete Band Kit (with CYMBALS!) for the Playstation 2. Again, welcome to my world. I hope you'll stay for a little while. It's lovely here. It's a nice break from the voices in my head.

Drum roll please.....

It had to ride in the back of the truck on the way home. I can't even remember the last time I had something back there that wasn't home improvement related. Come to think of it, this is home improvement related as well!

Are ya feeling the suspense yet?

Ta-da!!

Honey, I'm home!

Here's my old set-up for the Rock Band game. It will be getting set aside for a while until a) I need to take a break from Guitar Hero, and/or b) Rock Band 2 for the Playstation 2 come out. I wait to wait for that SOB also! (I, apparently, do not like waiting.)

I thought the box would be bigger, but it's rather compact.

Finally! Now we're getting to the good stuff!

That's a nice look for the fake, plastic, Fisher-Price-esque guitar. That sunburst-y faux-wood-y kind of look. They included a bunch of stickers for the face of it. The stickers are cool, but they just don't match this particular faceplate. Maybe I'll put them on the other guitar.

I have high hopes for this guitar. It's weightier than the original one. It doesn't seem to have a magnetic contact for the strum bar, which is good for me. I like it when it clicks. It keeps me aware of what I'm doing when. (I named my other guitar Mr. Clickety. It helps when everything has a name. The voices in my head keep track of each other better that way.)

A CYMBAL!!

The drums!

Ah, the simple pleasures in life such as putting together fake drums on a Sunday afternoon.

Apparently, not only are the Guitar Hero folks concerned about us putting the components together correctly, they are also concerned about us opening the instruction booklet correctly as well. Here you can see the lovely, easy to understand diagram that shows us how to unfold the very piece of paper that we had to unfold to read how to unfold it. Genius, I'm telling you. Sheer genius.

Assembling these drums will not be the easiest thing I've done all day. It's a good thing I have my instructions. If I only knew how to unfold them.

OK, so they look cool, but they might have a bit of a flaw in the design. They really needed a bar going between the two sides down at the bottom. It's going to take some work to get it firmly grounded so it doesn't wobble. It is sturdier than the drums for Rock Band, but because of that missing bar (why was I not consulted for this is what I want to know), they seem a little flimsy. We'll see what kind of damage I can or cannot do to them before a final judgment is handed down.

The guitar was totally easy to put together. Snap the neck thing in the body thing and attach the strap and you're good to go! This could be my new controller of choice. And it would be a welcomed change, as it is definitely a step up from the Play-Skool version of yore.

The final product in its entirety!!

Finally. My day is finally here. Wait. Is it daytime still? I've been playing away at it ever since. What happened to that big, glowing, yellow ball in the sky? The sun went down when?!?! It's what time?!?! (Wow. Those guys in line were right about the Red Bull. Huh.)

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Dear Best Buy,

Dear Best Buy,

I know that we have been seeing a lot of each other lately. And in the beginning, I really enjoyed your company. It was great! (Remember when I was in line for hours just to get a Wii? Ah, good times.) But lately, well, I feel that our relationship has deteriorated. It's as if you just don't care anymore. Oh, you say that you do. You offer me coupons and great deals on computers on occasion. You have that cheery yellow price tag logo, always cocked slightly askew, which used to make me smile whenever I saw it. But it's getting old and now I just cringe when I look in your direction. (Your mother's right you know. You should sit up straight. Why is that so hard for you?)

Look, Best Buy, this is what I'm driving at: We're done. It's over. I'm breaking up with you.

The only reason we ended up together is that I was on the rebound after my breakup with Circuit City. (God, that guy was lazy! And smug! SO smug. For no apparent reason, either.) And I started seeing you on the side while I was trying to break it off with CC. You were open later, you were much, much bigger (size IS important) and you had that whimsical air about you that I never had with CC. But I realize now that my rebounding from that relationship is what drove me to you in the first place. I should have waited before I became involved with you. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. But I did.

Best Buy, it's as if you don't remember things that we've planned together. I will have been looking forward to a product release for weeks. You HAD to have known about it! Yet when I show up to purchase it, it's no where to be found. Oh, sure, that annoying guy at the door with his suspect glare and yellow highlighter pen is always there, but the new product is not. And no one seems to know what I'm talking about. HOW could you have FORGOTTEN something SO important to ME?! I've been planning this for WEEKS and you FORGOT?! Time and time again that scenario has repeated itself, Best Buy. I'm over it.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to forgetful. While I do appreciate the apparent goodwill gesture in hiring the socially challenged, frankly, it's become tedious to have to deal with those who act as if I am interrupting their day by asking them a question. So much, in fact, that my questions have gone from product inquiries to the location of something in a store. Now I'm down to not much more than "What time is it?"

And I've never understood why you're so secretive, Best Buy. When new products are coming out, all I ever see on your website is "COMING SOON!" "SOON" is never well defined. "SOON" is never defined at all. I am supposed to guess or just find out when "SOON" is. And usually when I do, it turns out that "SOON" is "TOO LATE" by the time I catch on.

Best Buy, I'm tired of being treated like cattle when there's a massive product release, a la Playstation 3. Why, why, WHY do you find it necessary to have us all wait in the parking lot for DAYS ahead of time? See, in order for us to BUY the product from you, we need to have MONEY. The way that we GET the MONEY that we are more than willing to GIVE to you in exchange for the product is we go to WORK. We have found it very difficult to WORK when we are forced to sit in your parking lot for three days to ensure that we will actually get a product. Truth be told, you can only play volleyball with an inflated condom and 6 frat boys for just so long before it starts to get really old.

I'm tired of always looking for your things. You get things and then immediately lose them or forget where you put them. Today, the day I have looked forward to for weeks, is when Guitar Hero, the Aerosmith Edition was released. I did not feel the need to meet up with you at midnight, as you suggested that I could do, to claim my copy. I would prefer to be asleep at midnight. Instead I chose to show up this morning before you opened. Fortunately, the line outside was short. One of your minions who opened the doors announced something unintelligible before allowing us inside. (I would have asked those in front of me if they had heard what it was, but no one spoke English. That's one of the drawback to living in America; finding other English speaking individuals.)

An ambiguous line immediately formed. No one in the line knew what it was for, but it was a line and it was inside, so it must be good. I found one of your blue shirted, looking like they know what they're doing, staff members and inquired as to where the coveted game might be found. I was pointed in the direction of the bundles, even though I had specified JUST the game. (How many Fisher-Price-esque guitar controllers do you people really think I need? I'm already building an addition on my home in order to house all of the drum sets and guitars that come with these things. Compatibility, ACTIVISION, HARMONIX, SONY, RED OCTANE, NINTENDO, MICROSOFT. COMPATIBILITY!! Consumers cannot have a SEPARATE, full size drum set for EVERY game! Though we wouldn't mind some inflatable groupies, thank you very much.)

So I asked about just the GAME again. I feel as if I am ALWAYS repeating myself to you, Best Buy. Why can't you just listen the first time I say something? Your perplexed stares and intermittent blinking as if you were a confused doe are beginning to annoy me. How can you NOT know what I'm talking about? Guitar Hero games are HUGE sellers. Do you remember the Rock Band Bundle fiasco of December 2007? Oh, right! Puh-leeze! How can you NOT! I think you DO! Remember? You had no CLUE as to if your STORES were going to receive ANY at all. When I checked online, I was greeted with your rage-inducing, all too familiar "COMING SOON!" proclamation and I promptly twisted off and yelled at your stupid, stupid screen. (Fortunately, I won that fight. Because you're so inept, you had the shipping for the Rock Band Bundle priced as if it were just the game. I got that baby, 37 pounds worth, overnight for $11. Sucker!) WHY do your blue shirted minions not know where the game that was JUST RELEASED THAT DAY is?

After watching someone (someone deemed by you to be competent enough to perform that job) who was trying (in his own way, I believe) to locate the game on the website to see if it was actually a product that you, yes YOU, Best Buy, would actually carry, I told him that was unnecessary. You HAD to have them stocked. You've been taking pre-orders and pre-payments for MONTHS now. HOW could you not have any? Of course you couldn't NOT have any! So WHY didn't anyone know where in the hell they WERE?!?! It's just one more reason as to why our relationship doesn't work anymore, Best Buy. Your judgement is horrible.

Finally, someone gave a shout out to another blue shirted minion who said that I just need to go to the cashier and tell them I want it and THEY will get it for me. For Christ's sake. THAT was easier said than done. You are always complicating things, Best Buy. Everything is the long way around the block with you. What's with that? When I get to the cashier and explain that's what I need, again I'm greeting with the doe in the headlights look. At this point, I'm really starting to wish it was deer hunting season. He asks three people. Three people look clueless. (Your consistency with hiring the inept is remarkable, by the way. Too bad that consistency couldn't come out in more positive ways. If it could, I highly doubt I'd be breaking up with you.) Three rooms (each of which seemed to require the security of Fort Knox, as they were locked and only one, large, intimidating bald man named "Mac" had the key) were looked in. Just like a game show, it was behind Door Number Three. (Why the other two were locked, I don't know.) Finally. Here's my money. Can I go now? Of course not.


Best Buy, why does cash perplex you so? It's as if you have never seen an actual piece of US currency ever. I'm giving up on trying to throw in correct amounts of change that will alleviate my receiving any pennies in return. Even though there is a cash register RIGHT THERE which WILL DO all of the math FOR YOU, you will STILL always look at me like I am nuts. You furrow your brow and you tilt your head and you squint your eyes a bit and you look at the screen again. Then you look back at the seemingly ridiculous combination of bills and coins that I have given you. Then back to the screen. You repeat this at least three times. By the third time, I can see your anxiety level rising, as if you're not sure how to break it to ME that I'M a moron. But that look disappears and a wave of relief washes over your face when the amount of change you are to give me pops up on the monitor as a whole and rational number. Meanwhile, I've just been smiling stupidly at you for the last thirty seconds as you work your way through this live version of the math section on the SAT. You hand me my change and a receipt that is longer than my arm even though I only bought ONE video game. That's another reason we're through. You're wasteful and inane. Why do I need a receipt that is two feet long?

So we're done. Over. Through. Kaput. Finito. I don't care about your cheery yellow tag logo. (It's starting to seem kinda gay, anyway.) You don't learn from your mistakes. You repeat the same disasterous fiasco over and over and over again. I can practically guarantee that a new release of anything will be handled poorly by you. I have told you this time and time again. And every time I have told you, you always respond with the same automatically generated response expressing fake concern to try and appease me in the hope that I'll pipe down. Eventually. But even though you say I'm important to you, you don't change. I can no longer have any hope that you will ever change. Also, despite what your name says, you really aren't the "BEST BUY" out there. Oh, you're better than that smug loser CC, I'll give you that. But you're still way too full of yourself. You're not the BEST and you're certainly not the best for me. And don't call me or send me your cute little coupons. I have resigned myself to the fact I'll likely bump into you every Sunday as I go through the newspaper. And I'm sure that your shining mug will be all I see during the holiday season. That will be tough. Some of our best (and most expensive) times have been over Christmas. But it's just not worth it. You're incompetent, ungrateful and refuse to learn from past mistakes. You're on your own, BB.

PS Just so you know, I've decided that I'm not going to see anyone for a while. I'm going to take my time before settling down again. I might even see a few different places at the same time. I don't need to commit myself to just one right away. Especially since this break up with you has dragged on for way too long and has actually been a little painful. A LITTLE. Not a LOT. A LITTLE! (God, you're such an ass! Always reading more into it than there is.) But I'm sure I'll find someone someday. And if I take my time, I'm more likely to find the one that's right for me. Maybe you and CC can go shed a tear in your beer up there on barstool mountain together. But don't bother looking around for me when you come down. I'll have already moved on. FINALLY.

Kiss my ass, Best Buy.

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