Black Friday Is Not Important

Black Friday is quite possibly one of the stupidest American traditions that has evolved in recent memory. And as it keeps revolving, it keeps getting more and more ridiculous. This year is no exception as several large retail stores have decided that it's a good idea to open late at night on the actual day of Thanksgiving for "Black Friday". If you've already figured out that opening on a Thursday for an event with "Friday" in the name is asinine, then you're going to love everything about this story.

Wal-Mart has decided that it will open at 10pm on Thanksgiving. There's no real reason for this that makes any sense. It's not like it's going to attract more shoppers. I'm under the impression that you're either the type who wants to go Christmas shopping as soon as you can or you're not. (And really, the Black Friday "deals" that are advertised are really bordering awfully close to being a scam. There are usually only one or two of a certain item at each store for the advertised bargain price. And the items aren't usually as great as they want you to think that they are. You want to pay only $300 for a laptop? Go right ahead. But if you think that your bargain priced $300 laptop is going to work as well as my $800 laptop, think again. That $300 laptop is probably overpriced at $300.) Target is opening at 11pm and Best Buy is opening at midnight. And really, I don't know if shoppers are excited about this or not. But I do know who is not excited about it and that would be the workers.

The employees of Best Buy are flipping out that they have to go into work so that the store can open at midnight. Something about them not being able to spend time with their families. Now, I know absolutely nothing about opening a Best Buy store and I know equally as much about working at Best Buy. But I do know that opening at midnight shouldn't cut into one's Thanksgiving festivities by that much. Should it? I understand not wanting to go into work on a holiday. I also understand that there are jobs out there where you have to go into work on a holiday. (I worked one of those jobs for 13 years. Hospitals don't care if it's Thanksgiving or not. It's part of the job.) And if you have one of those jobs, you shouldn't really be all that surprised when you're expected to be there on a holiday. But apparently, folks who are working at Best Buy and Target feel differently about all of this than I do.

I'm not so sure that when the unemployment rate in this country is still hovering around 9 percent that anyone should be complaining about what their job wants them to do. Shouldn't these folks be happy that they have a job? And really, is going into work at midnight that big of a deal? I don't see how that is going to cut into someone's Thanksgiving time with their family. What time do those people eat, anyway? You have an early dinner, you take a nap afterwards if you're so inclined, and then you show up when you're supposed to. I am not sympathetic to the workers who think that they're being mistreated by having to show up at midnight or 10pm or whatever on Thanksgiving. Yes, I guess it sucks (although I'm still not real clear as to why or how it sucks), but that's kind of how life works. Sometimes, things suck. Sometimes, your work is going to want you to do stuff that you'd rather not do. Am I the only one who understands that concept? I feel like I am.

And really, is anyone surprised that it's come down to this? The way I see it, Thanksgiving is becoming just a huge inconvenience for people who want Christmas to be here NOW. It's become a holiday that everyone just rushes through so that they can get to the Christmas shopping. For years now, people have been lining up outside of stores on Thanksgiving evening to wait until the store doors open at 5am or some other ungodly hour. Those folks don't seem to give a fat rat's ass about being at home on Thanksgiving, so why should the stores? I'm not saying that I agree with that philosophy. I'm just saying that I can see why it's come down to this.

Personally, I think that the whole Black Friday thing has kind of jumped the shark. Trust me, if a store offers a good enough deal but doesn't open their doors until 6am the day after Thanksgiving, there will still be people in line. Do they really think that those extra six hours are going to make or break their bottom line? I don't get it. Then again, the last thing in the world that I would want to do is to line up outside of a store, at night and in the cold so that I can be amongst a swarm of people and attempt to SHOP. Ugh. I don't want shop period, let alone under those circumstances. But good luck to all of you people who think that you're accomplishing something. I hope that works out for you. As far as all of you complaining retail workers, suck it up.

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Black Friday Confuses Me

I've discussed this before, but apparently, I'm going to have to discuss it again. Because somewhere along the line, someone isn't quite getting it. I'm not sure if it's just me that doesn't get it or if it's just the throngs of apparent lunatics who don't get it. But it's definitely one of us. I'm speaking of this absolutely insane "tradition" of Black Friday.

First of all, given as how we're sooooo enlightened and politically correct these days, I'm surprised that someone has allegedly (probably loudly) that calling it Black Friday is racist. You'd think that we would have heard that by now, especially considering all of the other ridiculous things that we have to hear about as being racist. But we don't. And for that ONE little thing, I am glad.

For the rest of it? Yeah, not so much. I'm sure you know the drill. The Friday after Thanksgiving is when the Christmas shopping season "officially starts". And on that Friday, most major retailers (and I'm sure the minor ones as well) offer some pretty good deals on some of their items. The key is that the bargain is only for a limited time and that time is usually a couple of hours. Thus, that has morphed into another new "tradition" of people lining up outside of stores DAYS before they open and camping out to get the best deals. That's right. CAMPING. OUT. Oh, let me tell you this: I would kill, we're talking murder, for that sort of time.

Here's what/who I don't get: You folks at the back of the line. What are you doing? What are you hoping for? Seriously. Those things that have great prices on them that you think that you want? Yeah, you realize that there are only like one or two of those at every store and your chances of getting one, being as how you're 275th in line, are completely zero. Not even slim to none. No. Zero. So why are you there? What do you want?

Is it the thrill of the hunt? Everything that you could possibly want at a good enough price to make it worth standing at the end of the line in the middle of the night is going to be gone when you get in there. How much of a saving is worth that to you people? Look, if 56-inch, flat-screen TVs were on sale for $100 each, that would be worth something, I will agree with you on that one. But they're not. And even if they were, there would only be one or two of them and they would be GONE by the time that you folks who are at the end of the line (that has now wrapped around the block) get up there. The deals are good, but they're really not THAT great unless you're planning on spending a boatload of cash. I read an article online this morning (can't remember where, otherwise I'd link to it) about a woman who had been at the tail end of one of those lines for hours. Hours. And what did she finally end up buying when she made it into the store? Well, it certainly wasn't anything that she had hoped to get because they were all out by the time that she shoved her way in. No, she ended up buying a Candyland game for four dollars.

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

What does a game of Candyland cost when it is NOT on sale? Eight dollars? Six? I really don't know (even though I loved that game as a child), but I know that I would be willing to pay full price for Candyland as opposed to standing outside in the frigid cold for hours upon hours to get one for the low, low price of four dollars. Are times THAT tough? They can't be.

But some folks really must want that Candyland game, as evidenced by the ridiculous near stampede that occurred at the Buffalo, NY Target store in (you guessed it) Buffalo, NY. Who are you people who just push your way through even though someone has obviously fallen and is about to be trampled to death? I want you found and tarred and feathered in the town square. Or, better yet, I want you be lying on the ground as a crazed mob bears down upon you and you're moments from death if someone doesn't step up and help you. Granted, you people that kept on going, I would really like it if you were trampled to death, but that's just me. There's video of this madness below so that you can see for yourself. If the video doesn't work, try clicking here.

And one final note: Have you people never heard of the Internet? How great is shopping online? You can be drunk as a skunk, sans pants, still eating leftover turkey and still get what you need/want without leaving the comfort of your home AND without nearly being trampled by a bunch of savages at your local Target store. That's right. The Internet. Check it out. You'll love it.

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The Curious Case of Black Friday

Here's to hoping that everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. And if you didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, here's to hoping that you had a happy Thursday.

I've long been fascinated by this whole Black Friday dealio. You know what it is. It's the thing where businesses have great deals on select items and those deals either start on or are only good on the Friday after Thanksgiving. The thing that they don't tell you is that most of the time, the item that you want will likely be in the quanitity of ONE at the store that you're going to. I'm not so sure the purpose of that strategy. I guess it's to hope that you buy a bunch of other crap while you're there, but does that really happen? I mean, if I'm lined up outside of somewhere all night long (and I would be, mind you, I'm just saying) and I get inside (and don't get trampled in the process) and some old biddy manages to swipe the last one out of my hands my knocking me in the kneecaps with her cane, I don't know that I'm going to be doing any more shopping at that moment. Actually, in that particular scenario, I don't know if I'm going to be doing much more walking either, but I really don't know about doing any more shopping. I think I'd probably be going home and going back to bed.

Seriously, how good are the deals? I've scoped out the flyers and I have found very few items that would actually be worth considering standing in line for. Not for sure worth standing IN the line, but worth considering it, for sure. Best Buy has a Nikon Coolpix camera for $180 down from $300. That's a pretty good deal. I think Wal-Mart had a $32" LCD TV for $258 or something like that. That's a smokin' deal. Are they both in-line-all-night-smokin'-deals? Ehhh.

Now, Best Buy opens at 5am. Wal-Mart was already open on Thanksgiving, so I don't know how that's going to work. Toys R Us opens at midnight. Seriously, who are you people who wait in line all night long to get these things? Is it really that good of a deal? I've looked at the prices for hundreds of items and I can only cite TWO that MIGHT be worth a trip to the store an hour before it opens. Standing in line all night? Unless they're giving out money, I don't think so.

I might swing by my local Best Buy and my local Target and Toys R Us and see what the line situation is. Mind you, I just inhaled a pile of turkey (I tend to write these things the night before) and that tryptophan is kicking in and I'm a little tired. If I can muster up enough interest to get up and go for a little drive, I'll take a few pictures and post them upon return. (Who am I kidding? I'll get 'em up when I'm up tomorrow.) I'm interested in what sort of people are hanging out at what sort of stores all night long. Now, I'm guessing they're the kind of people that I don't want anywhere near me, which is why I'm thankful that my camera has an 18x zoom lens in it. But I'm also guessing that they're the kind of people that I'm going to be really curious about.

If you end up participating in an all night sit-in-line fest, I'd love to hear about it. And if I'm missing out on some great deal somewhere, I'd love to hear about that too. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to sneak another hunk of turkey before they start serving pie. Mmmm....pie.

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Death by Sale Stampede

What in the hell is wrong with people? Listen, if I am hearing about a stampede in which someone was killed due to many, many throngs of people running on top of other people who have inadvertently and unfortunately fallen down, I'm going to expect that the story has originated out of South Africa or Guatemala or someplace like that and it was at a soccer game where raucous fans got out of control. I am not going to expect to hear that it did not take place in South Africa or Guatemala. I am also not going to expect to hear that it did not take place after or during a soccer match. So it was clearly unexpected to hear that there was a freaking stampede in Long Island, New York at the Valley Stream Mall at the freaking Wal-Mart. Wait. What?

Correct. About 2,000 people had gathered outside of the Wal-Mart in anticipation of the Black Friday sale that was to begin at 5am the day after Thanksgiving. Apparently, a whole bunch of people thought that there were some pretty sweet deals to be had and some had been "in line" since Thursday morning. (And I'm one that's all for a good deal, but at 5am when it's as dark as the inside of a dog outside? No thanks. No deal is that great.) So by about 5am on Friday, they were getting rather antsy. So antsy that when 34-year old Jdimytai Damour went to open the front doors, the crowd surged forward and knocked the guy to the ground. Despite that, the mass of morons proceeded to plow straight ahead and trample Mr. Damour to death. The crowd was so out of control and in such a frenzy that when they were all pouring into the store, "...a metal portion of the (door) frame crumpled like an accordion." That according to the folks over there at the AP.

According to the AP, "Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd. Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store." What are you people thinking? Oh, there's a guy lying on the ground and it seems as if he's going to get trampled if someone doesn't do something, so I'll step over him and go find me a flat-screen TV! There's something wrong with you if that's your thought process in an instance like this.

Oh, but it gets better. Of course, when I say "better", I mean "worse like you wouldn't believe". When the Wal-Mart employees were trying to get people out of the store because someone had been killed, people were not happy about it. Not about the death...about having to leave the store! The shoppers (ie, stampeders) are told that an employee has been killed and what do they do? That's right. They kept shopping. Some kept shopping and were yelling, "I've been in line since yesterday morning!" Someone gets killed and you're upset because you've been in line a long time? (You know, I think this whole story might actually make me physically ill.)

First of all, what in the hell are you even doing there if, when you show up, there are already say, 1,000 people in line? Or in a large, pre-stampeding mass? Why are you staying? What do you think your chances are of getting one of the "great deals" that the store is offering? None. There are a thousand people in front of you and they all want the same damn thing that you want. I will guarantee you that the store did not have over 1,000 of that thing in stock. (Office Depot had HP laptops for $349 on Black Friday. Do you know how many each store had? SIX.) Guaranteed. You had no chance of getting whatever it was that you were hoping to get and yet you stayed and the mass of people continued to swell. Why? Why would you stay? It sure as hell didn't look like it was enjoyable at any point in the ordeal. Before. During. After. It all looked like hell.

Seriously, about the laptop. This is what y'all were camping out for?! This POS?

Look, I understand that $298 is $298. That is inexpensive, I'll give you that. But come on, only 2GB of RAM? A 160 GB hard drive? An Intel Celeron 575 processor? (It's not even pink! Or Pink!) Look, for not much more than that, you can get a laptop with twice those specs that really kicks some serious ass. (You'd be amazed at how happy people get at stuff like that. It's so cool!) And you're not going to get killed in the process. Tell you what, if you bought one of those, you let me know about 6 months from now how that's working for you and tell me if you still think it was worth it. I guarantee that you won't think so.

And you people that are pushing and shoving and running to get inside, why do you do that? What is so damn important that you have to physically move other people out of your way to get what you want? Nothing, really. That's the correct answer to that question. There's nothing that important.

(Side note: What in the hell happened to this "recession" that we're supposed to be having? What happened to our "troubled economy" and all of the new unemployment claims and all of the people who have no money? Why are there thousands of people stampeding at Wal-Mart during these troubled times?)

And then some of you have the audacity to complain that you are asked to leave after someone dies?! Whoever you people are, you're a-holes. Total a-holes. What are you going to tell those loved ones of yours, whom you were shopping for, when you trampled some guy to death to get at the sale items you wanted? "You'd better like this gift, honey. I had to step on top of some guy who fell down and he ended up dying, so really, a life was sacrificed so that I could get you this Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28. Merry Christmas!" You know what, a-hole? You probably would.

Hey, Wal-Mart! If you have over 2,000 people in an eager, cheap-ass frenzy outside of your front doors, don't open them! You need some law enforcement to enact a little crowd control. It sounds like a miracle that only one person died (which is just about one too many people to die during a sale at Wal-Mart!). Actually, here's an idea: Take a small part of those gazillions of dollars that your massive, worldwide corporation has made off of a-holes like the ones en masse in New York, and spend some of it on extra security on this day for this crazy ass sale day that retailers insist on holding every year. It would be a small price to pay.

Look, no one should be dying while there's a sale going on at Wal-Mart because they were trampled to death, of all things! Again, not a South African soccer match. A sale at Wal-Mart. A sale. (I was right. This story has made me physically ill.)

I've been trying to figure out or narrow down exactly when it was that this "Black Friday" became so popular. The waiting in line outside of stores before they open has been going on for at least ten years, but I'm talking more about these huge, massive, day after Thanksgiving sales that people camp out for. I know that the number of people who have been participating in the mayhem seems to have steadily increased year to year, but I'd really like to know what it was that sent it over the top to the point where people become obsessively crazed about getting an item on sale. It's definitely not healthy and it's not supposed to be normal. I fear that it may becoming more and more normal as time marches onward. I don't want a world of stampeding a-holes at Wal-Mart to ever be the norm. Anywhere. Ever.

There is cell phone video footage of the cops giving Mr. Damour CPR that someone stood there and filmed and uploaded to YouTube, for cryin' out loud. You're going to have to go find it yourself if you're interested in watching it. I'm not posting the footage or a link because a) I'm not a reporter and b) I think it's sick and wrong. I know I wouldn't want a video of my family member who was just trampled to death to be circulating on the Internet. I just wouldn't. I'm very sorry for his family's loss and don't plan on trivializing the matter by including a video (of the aftermath of his death in front of the freaking Wal-Mart) for voyeuristic purposes.

I swear, Christmas time is one of my favorite times of the year. (I'm also really partial to spring, just in case you were wondering how many favorite times of the year I have. Two. The answer is two. Christmas and spring.) But December is also when it becomes more and more apparent to me as to just how self-centered a lot of people are. I had a conversation with a friend the other night and she said that gift giving shouldn't be a chore, that it shouldn't be something that you have to do just for the sake of doing, and that if you're obsessed to the point that you're trampling people and waiting in a crowd of over 2,000 people for hours on end, you're missing the point. Um, yeah. I'd say so. (And well said.) And I'm willing to bet that this trend will continue and that once again, the American people will show just how oblivious they are to everything other than themselves (around which their world revolves). Let's just hope they can continue their pathetic trend without stomping anyone else to death, shall we?

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