This Is Why He Did It

I think people can finally stop trying to "figure out" what made Jared Lee Loughner shoot all of those people down in Arizona the other day. People can stop wondering if it was the right or the left or the Tea Party or (in the most ridiculous of all wonderings) Sarah freaking Palin. People can stop wondering if it was talk radio or cable news or the Internet. Yes, people can stop wondering all of those things. You know why? Because today his mug shot was released. Ready? Behold!

There you go. That is the face of a crazy person. That is a person with a severe mental illness (most likely schizophrenia). You want to know why he did what he did? It's because he's crazy. You know why that might not make sense to you? Because it's crazy, that is correct. There isn't some deep seeded explanation behind all of this. I think it was Dick Armey who said in regards to this particular instance, something to the effect of "We have to make sure that we call in the right department on this one. We don't need the political science department or the sociology department. We need the psychology department." He's exactly right. (And if he didn't say it, whoever did is exactly right.) That is the face of a crazy man. And there's never anything that anyone can do to protect themselves from the unpredictable actions of the crazy. It's sad, but it's true.

There are some things that just won't ever make sense. This is likely one of them unless you can accept the fact (and a lot of people can't) that the man is crazy and not look for anything other than that. I don't know why so many people are unsatisfied with someone being crazy as a rationale for their actions. It makes perfect sense to me. It also makes things a lot easier. I hate looking for answers that aren't there. It's pointless, because why? Because they aren't there, that is correct.

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Sweet Mother of God - A Window?

You know, sometimes things just happen. There isn't necessarily a reason for why something happened the way that it did, but you can almost always figure out how something happened. And sometimes there isn't a "why", there's just the "how". That doesn't seem to be good enough for some folks. And by "some folks" I mean the people who insist upon seeing the image of Christ or the Virgin Mary in everything. And by "everything" I mean the whole gamut, ranging from a moth to a Cheeto to a kitchen sink. Wait. A Cheeto? That scrumptious, unnaturally orange, crunchy, food snack item? THAT Cheeto? Uh-huh. That Cheeto. Behold! Cheese-us!

Oh, good Lord. (No pun intended.) Look, I don't know if that Cheeto really looks like Jesus or not. I know that it isn't Jesus. That I am certain. Now, would I eat a Cheeto that looked like Jesus? How hungry am I? WHAT?! They're very tasty! No sense in throwing away perfectly good food. Er, cheese food product things. But I digress. The point is that even if you see something that looks like something in something that isn't that thing, it still doesn't make that thing something. Are you with me? Perhaps you'll catch up when I explain that the window in which the image of the Virgin Mary was spotted over seven months ago has been removed from the building it was in and has now been placed in a secret location. Dun-dun-duuuuunnnnnnn! Behold!

Huh. It would seem that around 11 a.m. on September 30, 2008, that image of the Virgin Mary appeared on a window and was spotted by a patient at the Mercy Medical Center in Boston. How on earth anyone was able to figure out that it looked like the Virgin Mary is beyond me. Unless she was wearing a name tag, I'd miss it! The hospital had been planning on replacing the window (which had been there since the 1970s with no apparitions of the Mother of Christ having been seen) but, according to a one Mark Fulco, quoted in the Boston Globe, "Obviously, we didn't change the window out when we heard." When you heard? That it was a little dirty? What?

Mind you, that was back in October, 2008, that he said that. The Mr. Fulco said then that "We figure the best thing to do right now is just leave it in place, until it can be fully evaluated and we can get advice from the Diocese of Springfield." Well, I guess that couldn't hurt. Really. Can it? Wait a minute! What am I saying? It's a window! It has smudge! I don't think that the Diocese needs to be called in for the purpose of assessing cleanliness.

And really, I don't know why a consultation would have been in order in the first place, being as how Mr. Fulco also said that "Glass specialists have told hospital officials that water seeped between the panes of the double-paned glass and the "minerals reacted and caused some type of acidic reaction that appears to have etched the glass." There you have it! Case closed! Not so fast.

Mr. Fulco went on to say, "What is unusual is the image that appears to have been etched." What? You just said! The special glass people just said the minerals reacted and the acidic reaction etched the glass! Why is that "unusual"? It's not like there isn't an explanation! What's the deal?

The answer to that question is as of yet still, yes still, still unanswered because according to the Boston Herald , the "...hospital is still trying to figure out what to do with" the window! So far, "The hospital, a Catholic institution, removed the window and are storing it in a secret location." A secret location? Out of fear of what? A squeegee? Don't know. But the hospital is apparently "...waiting for a report from experts they would not identify to determine if the window is worthy of veneration." All right, all right. That's enough!

That "they would not identify?" Why not? Is there some underground racket of virginal window imagery assessment that the general public is best not to be aware of? Judging from this, you'd think so! But wait! Here's the best part: "Engineering experts said the image was caused after a failed rubber seal allowed mineral deposits between panes of glass. But hospital officials have said that doesn’t explain why the deposits combined to resemble the Virgin Mary." Oh, for cryin' out loud. Are you serious?

What hospital is this? Mercy Medical Center? Note to self: If ever in Boston and feeling unwell, avoid Mercy Medical Center at all costs, as it seems to be run by a bunch of wingnuts.

So they leave the window there for seven months before removing it via some underground railroad for slightly smeared window panes or something similar, all the while continuing to want an explanation as to why it looks like the Virgin Mary. The answer to your question is simple: It just does!

Randomness is just what it says it is. Random. Sometimes random stuff will produce something that can resemble something else. Other times, random stuff will produce something that doesn't resemble squat. Why? Because it's random, that is correct! It's not supposed to look like anything, it just so happened that it kind of, sort of, maybe (and that's stretching it, from what I can tell) looks like something. It wasn't on purpose that it looks like that! It wasn't supposed to look like anything!

Perhaps the hospital folk over there might want to consider some of the many, many other objects in or on which an apparition has been seen. If so, hopefully they'll take note that there wasn't any reason for why those objects looked the way that they did. They just did!

Here's Jesus on a moth! (Yes! A moth!)

The Virgin Mary on a window in Clearwater, FL!

Jesus on a light pole (allegedly)!
The Virgin Mary on a griddle! Comin' right up!

And my personal favorite, the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich!

Do you really think that there is a "reason" for why all of these things look the way that they do? There better not be.

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The War With Christmas

Well, so much for the War Against Christmas. Apparently for some, it has been replaced by the War With Christmas. Tree, that is. Christmas tree. Wait. What?

Don't reel back in shock when I tell you that this took place in Flori-duh. According to the masters of the obvious (and yet still unclear on the concept) over there at the Herald Tribune in Sarasota, Florida, one 37-year-old (and clearly old enough to know better) Thomas Edward Lackie "was arrested on a felony assault charge after he used a Christmas tree as a weapon in an attempted attack on his father." OK, look, you either attack or you don't. If you attack and you miss your target, you have still attacked! That hasn't changed. Your success rate as an attacker has gone done, but you have still attacked. You just missed.

But you know what they say: If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. So "...he then tried to use the steel base from the tree to strike his father." Ah, persistence. The sign of determination. He's going to make it in this world. I can tell!

His parents, apparently not impressed with the Festivus-like display of his feats of strength, were able to "....grab Lackie’s arms to prevent the attack". Again, the attack is already happening. The only thing you're going to prevent at this point is injury from said attack. The police report also stated that the attack " ....could have caused serious injuries because the metal base weighs about five pounds." Um, the attack could have caused serious injuries because, by definition, that is the purpose of an attack! The attack also could have caused serious injuries because a piece of metal, when flailed about wildly in a controlled or uncontrolled manner, will do damage to objects less sturdy than the metal itself. Flesh, for instance, is one substance that is significantly weaker than metal. It does not hold up well to attack with said metal.

Of course, the alleged would-be Yuletide assailant denied trying to strike his father. And of course, an incident like this would not be complete without the inclusion of one of the phrases that accompanies such hilarity: "No reason for the attack was given."

Once again, allow me to offer my assistance to those in the "no reason" camp. There is a reason. It can be any number of words which are a variation on the theme of "he's nuts". Because what would a reason be? Isn't a "reason" the rationale for why you're doing something? I don't know that a "reason" other than "he's nuts" is necessary. That seems like reason enough. Need more? OK, how about "he's a 37 year old loser who lives in Flori-duh with his parents and is unwilling to control his own anger to the point that he will assault his parents with whatever he has handy when he is enraged and then deny everything afterwards." How's that? That's a reason! No, that's the reason.

How many more days of this do we have? Twenty two?!?! Are you sure? Woo-hooooo! This is going to be great fun! Stay tuned, won't ye?

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