Sweet Mother of God - A Window?

You know, sometimes things just happen. There isn't necessarily a reason for why something happened the way that it did, but you can almost always figure out how something happened. And sometimes there isn't a "why", there's just the "how". That doesn't seem to be good enough for some folks. And by "some folks" I mean the people who insist upon seeing the image of Christ or the Virgin Mary in everything. And by "everything" I mean the whole gamut, ranging from a moth to a Cheeto to a kitchen sink. Wait. A Cheeto? That scrumptious, unnaturally orange, crunchy, food snack item? THAT Cheeto? Uh-huh. That Cheeto. Behold! Cheese-us!

Oh, good Lord. (No pun intended.) Look, I don't know if that Cheeto really looks like Jesus or not. I know that it isn't Jesus. That I am certain. Now, would I eat a Cheeto that looked like Jesus? How hungry am I? WHAT?! They're very tasty! No sense in throwing away perfectly good food. Er, cheese food product things. But I digress. The point is that even if you see something that looks like something in something that isn't that thing, it still doesn't make that thing something. Are you with me? Perhaps you'll catch up when I explain that the window in which the image of the Virgin Mary was spotted over seven months ago has been removed from the building it was in and has now been placed in a secret location. Dun-dun-duuuuunnnnnnn! Behold!

Huh. It would seem that around 11 a.m. on September 30, 2008, that image of the Virgin Mary appeared on a window and was spotted by a patient at the Mercy Medical Center in Boston. How on earth anyone was able to figure out that it looked like the Virgin Mary is beyond me. Unless she was wearing a name tag, I'd miss it! The hospital had been planning on replacing the window (which had been there since the 1970s with no apparitions of the Mother of Christ having been seen) but, according to a one Mark Fulco, quoted in the Boston Globe, "Obviously, we didn't change the window out when we heard." When you heard? That it was a little dirty? What?

Mind you, that was back in October, 2008, that he said that. The Mr. Fulco said then that "We figure the best thing to do right now is just leave it in place, until it can be fully evaluated and we can get advice from the Diocese of Springfield." Well, I guess that couldn't hurt. Really. Can it? Wait a minute! What am I saying? It's a window! It has smudge! I don't think that the Diocese needs to be called in for the purpose of assessing cleanliness.

And really, I don't know why a consultation would have been in order in the first place, being as how Mr. Fulco also said that "Glass specialists have told hospital officials that water seeped between the panes of the double-paned glass and the "minerals reacted and caused some type of acidic reaction that appears to have etched the glass." There you have it! Case closed! Not so fast.

Mr. Fulco went on to say, "What is unusual is the image that appears to have been etched." What? You just said! The special glass people just said the minerals reacted and the acidic reaction etched the glass! Why is that "unusual"? It's not like there isn't an explanation! What's the deal?

The answer to that question is as of yet still, yes still, still unanswered because according to the Boston Herald , the "...hospital is still trying to figure out what to do with" the window! So far, "The hospital, a Catholic institution, removed the window and are storing it in a secret location." A secret location? Out of fear of what? A squeegee? Don't know. But the hospital is apparently "...waiting for a report from experts they would not identify to determine if the window is worthy of veneration." All right, all right. That's enough!

That "they would not identify?" Why not? Is there some underground racket of virginal window imagery assessment that the general public is best not to be aware of? Judging from this, you'd think so! But wait! Here's the best part: "Engineering experts said the image was caused after a failed rubber seal allowed mineral deposits between panes of glass. But hospital officials have said that doesn’t explain why the deposits combined to resemble the Virgin Mary." Oh, for cryin' out loud. Are you serious?

What hospital is this? Mercy Medical Center? Note to self: If ever in Boston and feeling unwell, avoid Mercy Medical Center at all costs, as it seems to be run by a bunch of wingnuts.

So they leave the window there for seven months before removing it via some underground railroad for slightly smeared window panes or something similar, all the while continuing to want an explanation as to why it looks like the Virgin Mary. The answer to your question is simple: It just does!

Randomness is just what it says it is. Random. Sometimes random stuff will produce something that can resemble something else. Other times, random stuff will produce something that doesn't resemble squat. Why? Because it's random, that is correct! It's not supposed to look like anything, it just so happened that it kind of, sort of, maybe (and that's stretching it, from what I can tell) looks like something. It wasn't on purpose that it looks like that! It wasn't supposed to look like anything!

Perhaps the hospital folk over there might want to consider some of the many, many other objects in or on which an apparition has been seen. If so, hopefully they'll take note that there wasn't any reason for why those objects looked the way that they did. They just did!

Here's Jesus on a moth! (Yes! A moth!)

The Virgin Mary on a window in Clearwater, FL!

Jesus on a light pole (allegedly)!
The Virgin Mary on a griddle! Comin' right up!

And my personal favorite, the Virgin Mary on a grilled cheese sandwich!

Do you really think that there is a "reason" for why all of these things look the way that they do? There better not be.

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You Found Jesus WHERE?

How is this possible? I just did a post about Florida and the inhabitants thereof. And where do you think that the next wacky thing I read about was? You got it. Florida! Where everything is possible! Including the impossible!

Headline, Florida:

South Florida Man Finds Jesus In His Toast

My head.....my head....::::sigh:::: Aw, geez. Alright. Fine! Fine! Jesus in the toast. Got it. Wait. WHAT?!

According to the folks over at First Coast News (It's not news! It's Florida!) "A south Florida man believes he's found Jesus at the breakfast table." Yeah, yeah, and I found Satan in my hammock, what else is new?

It would seem that a one Troy Eckonen was enjoying some French toast at Mack's Cafe in Pompano Beach (the most likely place for Jesus to return to, of course) and on the last piece of French toast, there it was! Troy saw the face of Jesus on his French toast. (Never mind that Jesus wasn't French. He saw it!) Behold! French toast-y Jesus!

We learn that "After studying the toast Eckonen says he and friends also see Christ's left arm raised and holding a cross, as well as two birds over the left shoulder." Right You've got Jesus, Jesus' arm, a cross and a couple of birds on your French toast. How big was this piece of toast anyway? I'm surprised he didn't also see the Last Supper on there as well. What are you doing looking for the Son of God on your toast anyway? It's not like it's a Where's Waldo platter, is it? Find Jesus and get 50% off?

They felt the need to tell us that Troy is "a bodybuilder and owner of Pompano Beach's Tropical Gym". (OK, I get it. It's not get 50% off. It's "Find Jesus and get free advertising." Sure, that makes sense.) Then we learn that Troy "says he isn't planning on selling the toast, and hopes that the image will help "renew the hope and faith" of those who see it." Was he planning on eating the toast? Because there are children around the world who are starving to death, you know. They would love to have your Jesus-y toast there, Troy!

I had difficulty finding pictures of Troy looking like a normal human being. You know, the kind that would be out eating French toast in public. I wasn't very successful, as all I seemed to come up with were body building pictures of him and I don't know how recent they are. There is a recent picture of the French toast on his gym's website. The caption reads "Out of 140 asked, 139 saw Jesus. What do you think? See more pictures and add your comments!" Fortunately, only 17 of those 140 have left comments so far.

Wait. He hopes that hope and faith will be renewed of "those who see it"? How are they going to see it? Is the toast planning a world tour? Is the toast booked on Oprah? Does the Pope know about the toast? (I don't know if you have to tell the Pope when you find Jesus in your French toast, but I'd guess he'd probably like to know. And he is the Pope, don't want to keep him waiting. Call him after you're done with Oprah and fill him in.)

Of course this reminded me of another Florida resident (shocking, I know!), a one Diana Duyser who put a grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary on it up for sale on eBay in 2006. The highest bidder and lucky winner of the sandwich (which was 10 years old and preserved in a plastic box atop cotton balls for some reason. She didn't have a Ziploc? What's up with that?) was the Golden Palace Casino. They felt the need to encourage this sort of religious-figure-in-my-food-sighting phenomenon that rears it's head in Florida a couple of times a year, by paying $28,000 for the damn sandwich and another $6,000 for the pan in which the image of the Mother of Christ was grilled to a toasty brown goodness. These pics should tell you more than enough about decade-old sandwich vendor and Florida resident (just in case you forgot which hellhole of the nation we were visiting today) Diana Duyser.

Oh, but it gets a little bit better! It wouldn't be Florida without a tattoo, now would it?! That's right. After pocketing her $32,000 (suckers!) she felt the need to have a full size tattoo of the sandwich tattooed on her breast at Miami Ink. That woman had $32,000 (likely the most money she has ever had at one time in her entire life. It was like the dairy product lottery for her I'm sure.) and she decides to use it to get a tattoo of a sandwich on her breast? Why a tattoo? Why not teeth? Maybe a new Rascal scooter? Why the tattoo?

This is why Florida has hurricanes.

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