Gravy Train du Jour

So this is the third Michael Jackson post in just as many days. But look, I received more hits just from yesterday than I did from all last week. When I mentioned to a friend of mine that the blog was 'on fire' and she put it together that it was because of the current domination of Michael Jackson in the media. That's when she called me a whore. And be that as it may (I'm not very proud), I looked at this gravy train with biscuits for wheels and I'm riding it for a little while longer. And while I'm not apologizing, I will ask you (sort of in my defense), where else are you going to find angles like the ones that I pull out of thin air? Ah-HA! So there. Or something.

Clearly, since Thursday, Internet traffic has detoured itself largely toward one topic - the newly deceased Michael Jackson. In the second hour after his death was announced, I checked the semi-useful, often frustrating Google Trends to see how big this was going to be. Out of the Top 100 Trends, there were only five that were not Michael Jackson related. So which five topics were big enough to break through the Michael Jackson Death Trend Domination?

• Suzanne Saperstein (I didn't know who she was either. Apparently, she was married to some billionaire whom she divorced in 2006 and is now selling the house that she had built to be almost an exact replica of Château de Versailles. By the way, that sort of thing? Yeah, that's a sign you have too much money.)
  
  
• Farrah (also searched for as fara fossett and phara faucet. If you're one of those folks who is spelling her name like that, what in the hell are you even searching on her for? There's only ONE way to spell FARRAH FAWCETT and if you know who she is, you know how to spell it! What is wrong with people?)


• Vince Carter (Nets player. Was traded to the Magic on Thursday. There will always be sports.)
  
• Maria Belen Chapur photo (She is the Argentinian chiquita whom S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford is having an affair with. He disappeared last week and allegedly didn't tell any of his staff where he was going when he jetted off to see her. That prompted some to label him with the awesome nickname of Fled Sanford.


• Jeff Goldblum (This was before the "Harrison Ford is also dead" rumor had begun.)

Hey, wait a minute. What was with that whole "Jeff Goldblum/Harrison Ford/Joe Pesci is dead" rumor that folks tried to start in what has to be the most feeble and pathetic attempt at derailing publicity from something. Seriously, was that the best you could do? Jeff Goldblum? I mean, no offense to Jeff or anything, but it was Michael Jackson who died. I don't think that people are going to stop Googling Jacko and shriek "Oh, my God! Jeff Goldblum! Michael who?" Ain't happenin'.

What would it have take to get the Jacko story bumped off of the front page of every newspaper, the cover story of every magazine, the lead story of every newscast? Aside from having the President assassinated, unless Michelle was found on the grassy knoll, I don't even know if that would have done it. MAYBE if President Barry was mauled to death in the Rose Garden by Bo. That might be over the top enough. Jeff Goldblum dying isn't anywhere NEAR the top. (And people thought that Jacko was out of touch with reality. Sheesh.)

The graph of Michael Jackson searches over the 30 days before his death looks virtually the same for every region that is available on Google Trends. There's a long flat line for 29 days and then on the 30th day, ZOOM! Straight up! That was Thursday, of course. I'm writing this about 64 hours after Jackson went to the top of the charts for probably the last time. (When it's the top of the Google Trends chart, it's likely not going to be good for anyone in that position.) How long does it take to relinquish those 95 spots? Less than 64 hours, apparently. At midnight, Sunday, Michael Jackson related searches on Google Trends were the exact opposite of what they had been on Thursday. Five Trends related to Michael and ninety five Trends about something else. (Most often it's something that people have seen on a TV show that they are SO endlessly fascinated with that they start Googling that interest en masse. It's odd.) And I'm probably stretching it a bit on two of them.

Coming in at...

• 23 is michael jackson death photos
  
• 43 is michael jackson autopsy results
  
• 47 is dr. deepak chopra
  
• 69 is michael jackson children pictures
  
• 100 is jesse jackson (That's Jesse "Inject-Myself-Into-Every-Media-Story-Involving-A-Black-Person" Jackson, not some long lost brother of Michael's that we'd never heard about until now. But it wouldn't surprise me if he was. A death like this and they start crawling out of the woodwork.)

In those first few hours after the news broke (and we were subjected to non-stop commentary from people who probably weren't even qualified to offer commentary on their own lives) I hopped on eBay to see what was going to happen there. From what I could tell, the official time of death was 2:26pm and the next Michael Jackson item listed on eBay was done so at 2:54pm. 28 minutes later. So, what took y'all so long? Wow. And at the time, there were somewhere around 1,407 Michael Jackson items for sale. There are now 47,873. No s**t. One guy was selling car window decals for $2.99 each. All they said was simply "God Bless Michael Jackson". He sold over 100 of them in an hour. Then again, he was the only one who was selling something like that. There are currently 250 listings for Michael Jackson decals, so business dried up a little bit for that guy.

But if you want to see some of the stupidest people on the planet at their prime, look through the things that are being offered for sale on eBay during "this troubled time" without Jacko. First of all, at least 300 auctions are for domain names. And most of them are really stupid sounding and most of them the folks want around half a mil for. Oh yeah, and most of these people have never sold ANYTHING on eBay before. And if someone has that kind of money that they want to spend on something that stupid, it kind of makes me wonder how they came to have that much money in the first place.

But then come the auctions that are one of two things and often a combination of both. They're either fraudulent/misrepresented/over-hyped items and/or they're ridiculously priced. If you're in the market to blow about two hundred grand on something and you'd like it to be something authentic, let me give you a few tips.

First tip: DON'T (I could stop here and feel pretty good about things, but I'll continue.)

Second tip: If it seems like something that everyone else has, even though the seller is insisting that it's "original" (you know, like the Thriller album. Come on! How many people have THAT?!?!), DON'T.

Third tip: If things are misspelled in a grotesque fashion, DON'T. (An example of 'grotesque fashion' would be: "This is the original 1982 copy of Michael Jackson's Thriller in almost new condition. We will pay for insured shipping to you. I only played it once to get Eddy Van Hallen with Michael Jackson on Beat It. Great for collecting. I got it to listen to Eddy Van Hallen play with Michael Jackson on Beat It. It has sat on a self since then. It even has the inside paper sleeve with lyrics. We will pay for insurance and shipping."

That bozo would like $100,000 for the album that everyone else already has. Or do we? Wait a minute! Eddy Van Hallen didn't play on MY copy of Thriller! Should I bid???? Ewww. Wait. I just read there that it had "sat on a self since then". Whose SELF? Ick.

Among some of the stranger Michael Jackson branded items for sale on eBay:

The Michael Jackson Fishing Lure. "While this lure was designed to be a GREAT GIFT it actually catches fish. It is effective on Bass, Pike, Musky/Muskie, Trout, Salmon, Stripers, Walleye, and many others. It may be especially effective on KING Salmon." (Uh-huh. You prove to me first that thing isn't going to scare all of the fish off and then we'll talk.)

The Michael Jackson Cross Stitch Kit. The Michael Jackson Dog Tag (that you can wear with your Admiral's jacket)
And what eBay auction list would be complete without the inclusion of the image of Michael Jackson on a piece of cake. Behold!

I'm pretty sure that the folks with some of these auctions on eBay are also the same folks who are kind enough to inform me that I've won the lottery in Nigeria AND they're willing to help me collect my winnings! So they MUST be good folks, right? Especially this one. This guy has outdone himself. His auction items include several things found outside of the home Jackson was renting in Hombly Hills:

A hamburger found outside the gates

A White glove found outside the gates

A bubble maker found in the bushes.

A penny found on the street.

What a maroon.

And since I'm still doing a Michael Jackson post because it's how people are finding this blog, I should mention some of the keywords that have been used for searching for particular information about Michael Jackson and all of the dying.

Why were Liza Minnelli and Usher together? (Ah-HA! I knew I wasn't the only one thinking, "WTH?"

Liza Minnelli high on Larry King Michael Jackson (Hasn't she been high since the 80s?)

List of words Michael Jackson made up (Um...Sha-moe?)

Inspiring words of Michael Jackson

say say say video michael jackson awful (And again I say Ah-HA!! I knew it was terrible

jacko means jocko chimp (What? You found this blog with that search? Wow. I love those Google boys.)

the words to sing i will be there by michael jacson (Huh. You wouldn't be able to figure out that there was a 'k' missing somewhere, eh?)

did michael jackson sing to his parrot (Why wouldn't he have? Because it would have been too strange? I don't think that's it.)

why doesn't michael jackson like speaking to adults (Do YOU like speaking to adults? I rest my case.)

what happened with michael jackson and the kid from home alone (Um, he was found 'not guilty'.)

how did he lose the neverland (Maybe it had something to with The Iraq and such as.)

And I shall wrap up this edition of the Michael Jackson Gravy Train Post Du Jour with some photos of Jacko's children because that's the other thing that folks are really flocking to when they stop by. The folks want to see pics of the kids. There's the youngest, little Blanket, and then the two older children, Pillowcase Prince Michael Jr and Dust Ruffle Paris Michael Katherine. Behold!

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TV Viewers Are A Curious Lot

Google Trends used to really irritate me. Now it only mildly irritates me. It's a pretty good concept, but the results just suck. (And I love the Google boys, so for me to say something sucks, it really sucks. It's the suckiest of the sucked sucks.) But I've learned something about people in general through Google Trends. And I don't know what to think about it either.

It would seem as if people watch a lot of TV. And I don't know if it's that the subject matter that is presented on the TV is of a foreign nature to most viewers or if most viewers are just so darned curious that they must learn more about that topic that they just saw on that episode of 'Heroes' or 'ER' or 'Dancing With The Stars". But I do know that when people watch TV, they are often hopping on Google shortly after or during their TV viewing and searching for topics of the program that they just saw.

For instance, tonight as I checked Google trends, I would have normally become alarmed to the point of near panic when I saw that the number one search for the past hour was 'ricin'. Now, ricin isn't exactly something that a whole bunch of people would all want to know about at the same time. There has to be a reason. First thing I thought: Terrorist attack. Second thing I thought: Terrorist attack, but the white powder they found turned out to be Tinactin. Third thing I thought: WTF? Oh, that's right. That was one of the stories on 'ER' tonight. Got it.

So a bunch of people watched 'ER' where the guy in the ER had a bag full of homemade ricin in something akin to a Ziploc bag which, when he was being uncooperative with the docs, was sliced through when the nurse went to cut through his shirt and powder went flying. Then the whole ER was blocked off by the Haz-Mat team and their magical plastic (which, if you believe stuff on TV, will save you if there is ever any sort of chemical attack.) and everyone thought they were going to die. It probably could have been a little more suspenseful than it was, but I guess if you didn't know a lot about ricin, you'd have to assume that all of those fictional characters living inside your TV were going to die because that is kind of what they implied with the line, "In eight hours, we all find out if we're going to die." Enter Google.

Other things that, if you go by the Hot Trends at Google Trends, were on TV on Thursday night that caused many people to have a compelling urge to learn more about what they just saw on TV were things like:

• Elisa Donovan - A woman who is the subject of a Lifetime movie which will be airing on Saturday (check times and local listings near you). The Google Need To Know Now Ranking (the GNTKNR): 3.
  
• The Eleventh Hour - Some CBS show about a guy who works for the government and is always saving the day at the last minute or, as the title implies, in the eleventh hour. GNTKNR: 5
  
• Life on Mars - an ABC show about a guy (I think he's a cop) who is transported back to 1972. I've actually heard it's kind of good, but I didn't see it. GNTKNR: 8
• Rachel Yamagata - a musician/songwriter of some sort who was on Leno. GNTKNR: 9
• The Office - Business Ethics - General topic/plot of The Office. GNTKNR: 13
• Gary Dourdan - Apparently, some guy on CSI: Any Town Near You who is leaving the show. GNTKNR: 14
• Moral Orel - A stop motion animated television show which gets a TV-MA rating due to sexual references and dark, satirical humor (Yay! Dark, satirical humor!) GNTKNR: 17
• Testees - A show on F/X about people who are test subjects (ie, guinea pigs) for various, usually not recommended, products at a testing facility. GNTKNR: 19
• Smallville Season 8 - Apparently, there were previews out at some point today. GNTKNR: 20.

And those are just the Top 20 of the Top 100 Google Hot Trends. That's 10 out of 20. So HALF of the Top 20 Hot Trends are because people saw the particular item on TV and then took the time to Google it. Wow. See, I don't really think of TV as something that people really think all that much about when they're watching it. I also don't think of a lot of things that are ON TV as something that I would really want to (or be able to) think about. At least not enough to then think, "That ricin stuff. I must know more!" That's just not going to happen. With me. With me that's not going to happen. With a heck of a lot of other people it is going to happen and it does happen. I just wish I knew why.

This is starting to perplex me more as I think about it more. Seriously. People are SO interested about what they see in their fictional TV shows that they need to get online and learn more about stuff, yet this country is packed to the gills with morons. They're EVERYWHERE. Moron here. Moron there. Everywhere you go. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a moron. (Well, if you're swinging around a dead cat, you ARE a moron, so perhaps that wasn't the best example I could give there.) That just doesn't make any sense. We should be a country of geniuses if we're so intrigued by learning things that we just happen to hear or watch for half an hour (22 minutes minus the commercials). But we're not. Oh, no. We are NOT geniuses.

30% of the country thinks that we are currently, right now, this very moment, IN a Depression. They are clearly morons. But do they know anything about ricin, that's my question! If they do, why are they looking up stuff that they saw on 'ER' and not stuff about how the economy works and what would quantify a Depression? (Hint: If you're not wearing a barrel, it's not a Depression.) I know fictional lands are a great place to visit once in a while, but why are so many people hanging out there with their fake hospital and their fake doctors and their fake ricin? Why aren't these people channeling that curiosity for good instead of evil?

Let's review. What have we learned? Not much, unfortunately. We've reinforced the idea that people in the US love their TV and everything on it. We've gleaned information that suggests that people don't always understand what they see on TV OR they do understand it, but they just want to know more about it and they remedy both of those situations by getting online and using Google to search for what they want to know. We still have no idea why there are so many morons, though we did learn that you probably don't want to be swinging around dead cats. We learned we're not in a Depression, despite what 30% of people in the US think. And I also think we learned that, of those 10 things out of the Top 20 that people had to know more about, NONE of them provokes any sort of interest in me to want to follow in the footsteps of those curious viewers and learn more via Google. I just don't. But I am the only one, apparently, as lots of people are using their new found thirst for knowledge, via their TV, as an excuse to screw around online. Me, I just don't make excuses.

So what we need to do is to hope that TV shows will do show topics about things that are actually occurring in the country (apparently things on Saturday Night Live do not count, as they were on TV and they didn't make the Top 20) so that people can Google them and learn about stuff that really might matter. And if they could start with something about how we're not in a Depression (and throw in something about how Barry isn't a Muslim while you're at it) it would be most appreciated.

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Google Hot Trends for April 30, 2008

I was going to list a few of the Hot Trends for the last day of April. But as I was looking at the list of the Top 100 Hot Trends for the day I realized a couple of things. One, Google really should consider doing a Hot Trends Monthly version. Just to see how much of the daily randomness would repeat itself throughout the month. Two, they need to find a way to combine all of the Hot Trends for a day that are the same but show up as separate items because of the spelling. Like with Def Leppard yesterday. There was "def leopard" and "deaf leopard". Both wrong, but both the same fabulous group of guys from the 80s.

But that brings me to the Hot Trends for April 30. There are many, many repetitive entries that should be combined into one. Those would be:

• Paula Abdul. Paula had a bit of a brain cramp on American Idol Tuesday night, when she was giving her opinion. (I use that term loosely. Can this woman ever finish a complete sentence AND have it make sense? You know when you put your iPod on "Shuffle" and it just randomly picks out songs? When Paula speaks, it's like someone put her vocabulary on "Shuffle". You never know what's coming out nor in what order.) Paula started off reviewing Jason's first song and then she continued on to review the second song that he sang. The problem? He only sang one song. Oooh. Awkward. And people wanted to know about that by phrasing it many different ways. 7 of the Top 100 were Paula Abdul.
  
  
• American Idol. This could probably be grouped with the Paula Abdul one, only it seems as if the searches for Idol were interested in who got booted off, so it's going to be separate. 8 of the Top 100 were American Idol related.
  
  
• Any of the Top Five American Idol finalists or the two Musical Guest Artists (Neil Diamond and Natasha Bedingfield tonight) could be grouped into a category in the Top 100 Hot Trends. 8 of the Top 100 Trends would be in this category.

Those three alone total 23 spots on the list. That makes the Top 100 Hot Trends more like the Top 80 Hot Trends. But it's not like the American Idol related trends are the only ones that repeat.

• There were 5 related to Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream (single scoops of ice cream were 31 cents tonight. The line went around the freaking building at the one over here.).
  
  
• There were 5 related to Sean Avery (New York Rangers hockey forward who was initially thought to have had a heart attack, but that report was later changed to a "ruptured spleen". Those two seem pretty different to me, but what do I know? I don't even like hockey.)
  
  
• There were 5 related to the Federal Reserve board (There was talk that the Fed was going to lower interest rates again. They did not disappoint and lowered the interest rate by a quarter of a point so that prime is now at 2 percent. Again, how does this help? Anything?)

By combining the above three categories into just 3 items, we are now at the Top 68 Hot Trends. This is starting to seem a little useless. And that's disappointing because I love The Goog. I hate to bag on them, but come on. 68 is not 100. Even Paula Abdul could agree with that.

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Google Trends April 29, 2008

Today's Google Hot Trends are odd. Especially the top 20. You know, for such a wide variety of search topics, presumably made by people who want to know more about said topic, we sure are a nation of idiots in a lot of ways. Go figure.

• #1 keoni kai lucas (Apparently the co-founder of the Puinsai Clothing Company. Yep, right up until his car collided with a tree in Santa Monica, CA on April 27, 2008.)
  
  
• #2 homophone (Seriously? Number TWO Hot Trend of the day? A homophone?)
  
  
• #4 hcg diet (Extreme calorie reduction along with injections of human chorionic gonadotrophic hormone, the hcg. Huh. I see.)
  
  
• #5 anwar (That's it. Just anwar. WTF?)
  
  
• #6 charles nelson riley (The gay Match Game guy? Again, WTF?)
  
  
• #8 butterfly with hiccups (No clue. Sounds too cutesy for me to even feign interest.)
  
  
• #14 def leopard (This one I can fathom. They were on 'Dancing With The Stars' tonight, which I cannot fathom. Clearly a new phenomenon to most doing the trendy searching as it is spelled Def Leppard.)
  
  
• #17 a full cup (Please don't ask of what? I don't know.)
  
  
• #42 synonym of too (At NUMBER FORTY TWO?!?! OF HOT TRENDS?!?!)
  
  
• #87 john daly shirtless (I've seen it. Trust me. It's not pretty. Avert your eyes. Never look directly at it.)
  
  
• #100 american idol april 29 (They did Neil Diamond songs. Paula thought they did more Neil Diamond songs than they actually did. Oh, like you're surprised?)
  

And as long as I'm on the subject of Hot Trends, here's something that you should really consider making a hot trend of your own. UtahFM.org. From the UtahFM.org website: The best programming in Utah comes from community-driven, independent and enthusiastic Utah Free Media (UtahFM). With over 30 years experience creating interesting and engaged content, UtahFM is uniquely positioned to provide high-quality, high-enjoyment content via the Internet. We are, and always have been, listener and volunteer driven, and aim to serve as the community's host radio station. Listen as the feed flows, or pick your favorite shows from our archive for an adventure of your own choosing.

Good music from good people. There's a link on the right under the 'Linkage' heading. (I'm sure that they'll be linking to me any moment now. I can feel it!)

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Google Hot Trends- April 28, 2008

There was a rather disturbing theme in the Google Hot Trends from yesterday, April 28, 2008. It was venereal disease. Specifically, it was syphilis and the varied forms that it can take thereof. There were also many other health/body related maladies within the Top 100. And like I've surmised previously, there was a reason for the theme. I'll get back to that. In the meantime, some Hot Trends:

• #1 neurosyphilis (Hotness factor: Volcanic. I would imagine that's when you pee.)
  
  
• #7 syphilis (Not as hot as neurosyphilis, but still enough to cause a burning sensation.)


• #8 dysgeusia (Persistent, abnormal taste sensations. No doubt a result of the syphilis.)


• #13 bro code (Way of communicating within a select group of friends that only they understand. Kinda like the dolphins, only not so chirpy.)


• #17 tuskegee experiment (The reason for the syphilis outbreak....on Google. From 1932 to 1972, the US Government conducted experiments on 399 poor, black men in the late stages of syphilis. (The "experiment" involved nothing. As in NO treatment. Just let them die and then see what that does to their body. Nice.) Data for the experiment was to be collected from the autopsies after the men died. On April 24-25, for the past 11 years, the Tuskegee Bioethics Center apologizes for the debacle. Thus, the intense desire of the general Internet browsing public to learn more about the venereal disease known as syphilis.

• #31 cordaptive - Cholesterol pill. Sounds like it's an adaptive cord. It's not.
  
  
• #50 man on fire - Self explanatory (except for the who? and how? parts).
  
  
• #80 god tv - Some sort of religious crusade to present a bunch of petitions to God on May 11th. Or something like that.
  
  
• #82 syphilis symptoms - If it burns or falls off, see a doctor.
  
  
• #99 pfo - Could be a cancer medication; could be a corporation officer, could be a stock. So many choices, so little interest in figuring it out.
  
  
• #100 national city bank - Seems to speak for itself.
  

What did we learn? If there's a major event or news story involving anything having to do with sex or with some of the not-so-pleasant health maladies (ie, the raging syph) that can occasionally result from said sex, or if there's a story that just has to do with anything below the belt, the trend will be to use Google to learn all that you can about it immediately and throughout an entire day. How productive.

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Google Hot Trends April 27, 2008

Yesterday's Hot Trends, according to Google, centered mainly around the NFL draft picks and the TV show "Big Brother" (aka "Big Brother 9". Good God. NINE?) There were a few that seemed oddly out of place amongst this mix. A few of those being:

• #19 - red chicory (Some sort of vegetable? Probably in conjunction w/#64.)


• #51 - doug henning (The magician? From 1976? Really? Why?)


• #53 - antonin scalia (The Supreme Court Justice. Interesting.)


• #58 - shut up and let me go (OK. Done!)


• #64 - artichokes (OK, what the hell was Rachel Ray making?)


• #78 - waiting (that's it. Waiting. For what? For how long? I don't know.)

An interesting mix. Newly drafted football players, the NINTH season finale of a reality show (that I didn't even know was still on TV), some vegetables, a judge, a magician (who could be the love child of Greg Brady and Magnum, P.I.), one who waits and one who would prefer to flee in silence. Go figure.

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Who Are These People & Why Are They Hot?

They've got a lot of weird stuff going on over there at the Googleplex. That's the headquarters of Google over yonder in Mountain View, CA. Aside from all of the way cool perks that a Googler receives, they also have the flexibility to spend 20% of their work time working on their own projects. Not a bad deal. And they've come up with some pretty nifty apps. (OK, some of them suck, but overall, they're not bad.) And today I discovered Google Trends.

Google Trends could be subtitled "How F-ing Weird Are We?" I don't know if it is the things that we're searching for that I find odd or if it's the combination keywords that we use for our searches that I find odd. It's something. And it's weird. It's also hil-arious.

You can get a list of the Top 100 Trends for the current day or a prior day that isn't more than a year ago. Obviously you can't get a list of the "Trends for Tomorrow". It's just a Google app. It's not magic. Let's check the Hot Trends for yesterday, shall we?

For April 26, 2008, the #1 Hot Trend according to Google is....Christa Helms. Who? Christa Helms. Do I have to do everything around here? Listen... She was an aspiring actress who was murdered over 30 years ago and her killer has never been found. The case was featured on the CBS show "48 Hours Mystery" a couple of nights ago and it detailed how this case has a little bit of everything. You've got your good looking actress, other Hollywood stars, drugs, sex, affairs, lesbians, lesbian affairs, murder, lies, and the list goes on. And now you know.

The day before that, April 25, 2008, the #1 Hot Trend according to Google was.....Sean Bell. Sean was the guy in New York who was shot 50 times by undercover officers as he left a strip club where he celebrated his bachelor party. The 3 cops involved in the shooting were acquitted at trial on the 25th. Once again, that makes sense.

Now if I just stopped here, you'd be under the impression that these Hot Trends lists that Google compiles all make sense and that they're all somehow news related. And that would be wrong; oh, so very wrong. The 100 Top Trends for any given day do not all make sense. They DO make you realize that there are a lot of diverse people out there searching for a lot of diverse topics.

What else on the April 25th? #14: dans bake sale. #44: commodore 64. #46 unit fraction. #67: what mexican leader was shot dead in 1923? #86: Annette Funicello. (OK, I've refrained until now. Annette Funicello?!?! WTF?) #100: mount royal. Well, I am totally confused by this data. It tells me nothing other than we are a country of ADHD Internet users who are (most likely) bored and who have clearly lost our way. Annette Funicello? Go figure.

Now, Google's Hot Trends wouldn't let me go back exactly one year from today, so I went with 11 months ago. The #1 Hot Trend for June, 25, 2007 was: fatemeh angela harkness. Who? I have no idea. All of the links that accompanied that item didn't work, though all of the empty sites did have ads with scantily clad, hugely endowed women on them, so that might answer my question right there. But, wow. That's one weird trendy list they had back then . #12 units of conductance. # 18: hogzilla. #33: shoe waitress. #72: what do the intrepid farmers of namaha iowa use to square dance at the farmall promenade. (WTF, WTF, WTF?!) #92: Anne who lost her head. And at #100: wife of zeus.

I'd like to know how the algorithm generates these rankings. I'd also be really curious to know the number of people who were searching for each "trend". It might help put that whole Annette Funicello thing in perspective. (Then again, it might scare the hell out of me, so it's probably best that I don't know any more than I already do.) Also, I was hoping that perhaps this data might show that we, as humans, are evolving or improving over time (I don't know how that would happen through Google searches, but I'm sure that stranger things have occurred, so it can't hurt to have a little hope, can it?). It didn't and, if anything, it probably showed exactly the opposite of "improving" and "evolving".

And by the way, that Mexican leader? Pancho Villa.

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