Friday, April 27, 2012

Poison Safety

Gather 'round kids!  It's story time!  I don't usually tell personal tales, but this one is pretty much on theme with the ridiculous stuff that I usually write about that I figured I should share. 

I bought this bottle of wasp poison off of the Internet.  It appears to be sort of like a weapon of mass destruction in disguise.  I'm really not even sure if it's legal for me to possess this in the over-regulated nanny state of Fascist-fornia over here.  (And if it is illegal, then this story is completely made up.  Something I'm working on.  Yeah, that's it.  NOT factual at all in the case of any possible illegality.)  But these wasps won't leave and I want them to.  I've tried several other methods and nothing works.  None of this really matters.  What matters is that I had a bottle of an extremely hazardous substance in my hand. 

So I'm getting ready to use this stuff and I take off the cap.  I look down and there is one of those safety seal devices over the opening of the bottle.  A safety seal!  It's poison!  I understand having the safety cap so that kids (and not particularly savvy adults) can't get into it accidentally and because it prevents spills.  I get that.  What are they trying to keep out with that seal?  Are they afraid I'm going to put vitamins or something in there to counteract the deadly substance?  Why is there a safety seal on poison? 

Naturally, pulling one of those things off of poison wasn't any easier than pulling it off a bottle of ketchup or something like that.  I grab the bottle with one hand and the safety tab with the other and attempt to pull it cleanly off.  Naturally, because it's there for safety and because it's an extremely toxic chemical, it goes all over the place (just like the ketchup always does).  Mind you, if I had just opened the lid and it was just normal, I wouldn't have spilled a freaking drop.  But in the name of safety, I ended up being covered in wasp killer.  That can't be good.  Sure, I washed it right off, but I would have rather not had to wash it off, you know?  But all in the name of safety, no matter how stupid and counter-intuitive it may seem! 

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