Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Ban ALL The Words!

Well, it's happened. We've come off the rails again. I had no idea there were so many rails that we were on that we could so easily slip off of. Today's rail is that of sensibility and it's in New York. The falling off took place when it was decided that certain words should be banned from appearing on tests in the city's schools. Yes. They're banning words. And the words that they're banning? Well, let's just say that you don't have to worry about your kid getting offended by seeing 'dinosaurs' on a test. Wait. What now?

Correct. The word 'dinosaur' cannot appear on any of the tests because what if, God forbid, a fundamentalist child saw that and became upset? (I guess fundamentalists don't go for the idea of dinosaurs or Jesus ponies or whatever they refer to them as? Makes me wonder how they explain all of those big bones that we're constantly digging up out of the earth. They're from dinosaurs. And just because you don't believe a fact, that doesn't make it not true!) Look, you believe whatever you want, but could it at least be based in fact? Kids LOVE dinosaurs. If you can't handle having your precious little snowflake see the word 'dinosaur' on a test at school, lest he be beset by the devil, I'm going to have to suggest that you seriously consider homeschooling your snowflakes. That's insane. Yet New York City schools are bowing to that idea (that I can't imagine would ever happen), so who's crazier here? It's hard to say, but I'm thinking the schools might win that one.

You also won't be finding any references to birthdays on tests because Jehovah's Witnesses don't do birthdays and they are apparently so dainty and fragile that even just seeing the word on a test might cause them irreparable harm. Or something. Again, if your little snowflake can't be exposed to just the word birthday, then you have to home school. But again, I don't get the impression that any of these things are actually problems. No, the real problem is the people who came up with this crap.

You can't shield children from everything that they might be offended at! And actually, exposing them to things that they might conceivably possibly ever find offensive and letting them figure out how to deal with that doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Unless you're the New York City school system. Then it's a terrible idea. Banning words is much more logical.

Want to know what else you can't have on a test in New York City? Well, you can't have the word "Halloween" because it might suggest paganism. Tell you what. You show me a room of third graders. Actually, make it any elementary age children. Show me a room of those children and ask them to write one word that they think of when they hear "Halloween". If ONE child writes down "paganism" then you win! But do you know the chances of that actually happening? ZERO. That is correct! So WHY are they doing this? No one is willing to give an answer!

You aren't allowed to reference "computers in the home" because those without computers in the home might feel excluded. You can't reference wealth because poor kids might be sad. Oh, but you can't mention poverty because then the poor kids WILL be sad and feel singled out. Good Lord. People are different! This is supposed to be a school system! Are they trying to send the message that everyone is the same?! Because I have news for them! They're NOT. You can try to get that message across, but I wouldn't exactly put that in the same category as I would teaching.

According to the New York Post, "
Homes with swimming pools and computers are also unmentionables here — because of economic sensitivities". Economic sensitivities? You know, I have dumbass sensitivities. I'm very sensitive about dumbasses. They make me crazy and I want to physically harm them (possibly by punching them in the neck). Where do I get help? Can the New York City schools help me? What's that? They are the dumbasses? Oh. That's right. They're not going to be of much help. To me or ANY of their students, apparently, if this is how they do things.

You can click here if you'd like the full list of what cannot go on tests in New York City schools. But I'm just going to prattle of a few more because it's fun. (Well, it's fun right up until I get a headache. You know. Because of all the dumbassery going on here.) You can't say/use:


Geological history. (Because...people are...sensitive about...facts? I got nothing for this one. God forbid if there's a little learning that happens when you're trying to teach someone something.)

Cigarettes and smoking paraphernalia. (So...no bongs?)

Dancing, though ballet is acceptable. (Is New York turning into that town in Footloose? How is ballet acceptable if you're going to exclude all other forms of dance? Wouldn't certain religious groups have a problem with ballet because of how scantily clad the ridiculously underweight toe-standers are? How does that work?)

Homlessness. (So...no questions like "Five hobos were living under a bridge. Two died of cirrhosis that was brought on by their excessive drinking. How many hobos are left?")

Religious holidays and festivals (including but not limited to Christmas, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan) (You know how I feel about the war on Christmas. I don't like it and I want to slowly choke those who think that just the mention of Christmas is going to set off some sort of holy war between inner city youth.)

Homes with swimming pools (So, no Beverly Hillbillies? They had swimmin' pools AND movie stars. Wait. I think...yep. References to celebrities are banned too. And the Clampetts were poor and then they were rich. They cover a multitude of banned words! Who knew that referencing the Beverly Hillbillies would draw such ire. Such stupid, stupid ire.)


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2 comments:

Danny Haszard said...

I appreciate your post.
Jehovah's Witnesses reject Birthdays all holidays,Thanksgiving even benign Mother's day.
The Watchtower leaders want to be 'different' for the sake of being different.Jehovah's Witnesses are a dysfunctional group from the get-go .
Christmas-Jesus was not born on exactly Dec 25th,but he also did not have his *invisible* second coming in the month of October 1914,a falsehood that is the core doctrine of the Watchtower religion.
--
*tell the truth don't be afraid*--Danny Haszard

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