Not Everyone Left

This morning, I received a rather disingenuous email from President Barry. It read as follows:

Mary --

Early this morning, the last of our troops left Iraq.

As we honor and reflect on the sacrifices that millions of men and women made for this war, I wanted to make sure you heard the news.

Bringing this war to a responsible end was a cause that sparked many Americans to get involved in the political process for the first time. Today's outcome is a reminder that we all have a stake in our country's future, and a say in the direction we choose.

Thank you.

Barack

Yeah, um, let's talk about for just a second, shall we? Do you know where the largest United State Embassy is in the world? Yeah, it's in Baghdad. Why is this not mentioned more? What do you think we're doing by building our largest embassy right there in the middle of Iraq? No, really. What do you think? Because I can't figure it out. Regardless, our presence in Iraq is now permanent due to that embassy. Yes, I realize that the embassy is not a military base. My point here is that I'm tired of this withdrawal of troops from Iraq being portrayed as the US being completely absent from Iraq because that's simply not true. And it doesn't sound as good. I imagine that it might raise some questions that people don't want to answer during an election year as well.

And about the troops. Sure, the troops have "exited" Iraq. But everything that I read about this "exit" makes it sound as if there are NO Americans left Iraq who are working for the US government. According to CNN, "The United States will still maintain a presence in Iraq: hundreds of nonmilitary personnel, including 1,700 diplomats, law enforcement officers, and economic, agricultural and other experts, according to the State Department. In addition, 5,000 security contractors will protect Americans and another 4,500 contractors will serve in other roles." Wait a minute. 5,000 security contractors? What sort of security and for whom? I thought that we were "out of Iraq". Oh, that's right. For some reason, the White House and the State Department don't consider non-military personnel to be worthy of mentioning. Hmmm...I wonder who those security contractors operate under? Someone has to be giving them directions, right? Am I supposed to believe that it is someone other than our government? Because I'm really not going to do that. They can call it whatever they want to call it, but to keep saying over and over that the US is "out of Iraq" is really borderline lying. Really borderline.

So there you have it. At least 10,000 contractors and embassy related personnel are still in Iraq. The world's biggest embassy is in Baghdad. But President Barry and the State Department are going around touting the departure of the US from Iraq. And for some reason, the media is buying right into that hype and continuing to report it that way. That's because the media sucks. Sucks bad.

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A Memorial Day Book Recommendation

In the United States, Monday is Memorial Day. And if you're looking for something to read that could mark the occasion, might I suggest "War" by Sebastian Junger. It's just come out in paperback and it's a pretty easy read. It's about the war in Afghanistan. And as the review over at The New York Times explains, "...he uses the platoon (the second of Battle Company, part of the 173rd Airborne Brigade) as a kind of laboratory to examine the human condition as it evolved under the extraordinary circumstances in which these soldiers fought and lived. And what a laboratory it is." What it does not do is "...attempt to explain the strategy behind the American war in Afghanistan, or the politics of Afghanistan, or even the people of the Korangal Valley". I really appreciated that because it's such a fustercluck over there that it's pointless to even try and explain anything at this point. The book is good. And reading something is a pretty good way to celebrate Memorial Day if you're asking me. We need to know what those soldiers go through and even though we can't know exactly, reading things like Sebastian Junger's "War" at least help us keep things in perspective. And that's always a good thing.

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Sacre Boom!

All I have for today are some brief musings about Libya. I'm also open to any other opinions, as I seem to have run rather low on give-a-damn these days.

I was at Starbucks this past weekend and I heard people talking about the U.S. joining in to help establish a no-fly zone in Libya. I was shocked (for reals this time) and all I wanted to do was to point out to these people that we are already involved in two other wars that no one ever talks about! They were acting as if our military's presence is not already being felt in two Muslim sand lands and has been for the past ten years. But no, I just let them talk. I think I was too stunned to even pipe up, anyway.

Speaking of the no-fly zone, why are we participating in the bombing of things? There have been buildings bombed and trucks bombed and all sort of stuff bombed. Last time I checked, none of those things flew. How is this a no-fly zone and not just a bunch of planes and subs bombing stuff? Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily against it (though I don't think that I can necessarily be for it), I'm just pointing out that those things don't fly.

I'm tired of the U.S. being the world's policeman. There is absolutely no reason for us to be involved in the Libya thing. The U.S. has no vested interest in Libya one way or the other. I'd also like to know who is in charge of picking and choosing which atrocities we get involved in. OK, so the Libyan forces were killing the rebels. (Are we all really so surprised that Gaddafi isn't going quietly into the sand dunes like Mubarak did over yonder in Egypt? I'm more surprised that Mubarak didn't do the same thing that Gaddafi is doing.) There is constant rape going on in the Congo. Or is it just Congo? Whatever it is, it's very rape-y over there. That's not important to stop? What about Kim Jung Il? He's a lunatic in platform shoes and ladies eyewear and likely has nuclear weaponry. Why don't we take him out while we're at it? No, instead we're all focused on Libya for some reason.

I know this is very surface stuff here. Some might even call it trite. Hell, I might call it trite. But I just cannot stomach the thought of the U.S. being the face of aggression in another Muslim dominant sand land and for who knows for how long?! Don't even get me started on what this is going to end up costing us. I can't even stomach adding a couple of pictures to this. I'm just so done with this country putting our soldiers in harms way for no reason. I think I'm also done talking about this unless something overly asinine develops. I'm open to any other opinions, by the way. Feel free to leave them in the comments section.

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JTP's Big Adventure

If you've been thinking to yourself, "Self, where can I find some really bad reporting. I mean bad. Horrible. Terrible. Bad reporting by someone completely unqualified who has nothing relevant to report. Where can I find that?", then you're in luck! Fortunately for you and your nagging ache for bad reporting, Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, aka Joe the Freaking Plumber, is reporting live this week from the Gaza Strip to give us a different perspective on the fighting between Israel and Hamas. (A different perspective would be defined as "half ass at best"). Wait. He's where? Doing what? Who again?

Correct. Joe the Freaking Plumber is reporting on Israel's side of the conflict in Gaza. Why, you ask? That's what I've been asking since I heard of this idiocy. Apparently some organization called Pajamas TV or just simply pjtv.com, which I have read described as "a conservative website" has brought Joe on board to bring them to viewpoint of the (wait for it) "average Joe" over there in Israel. Good Lord, we finally reached the bottom, haven't we?

Why on earth JTP would be considered, let alone qualified, to do something of that nature is beyond me. I could be wrong. He could be a wordsmith with a poetic way of summarizing the events that perplex so many of us (mainly because we either a) don't care or b) are tired of being the world's policeman). Or he could just be a big, bald dude who is riding this fifteen minutes of fame long and hard until it can't walk in the morning. And I really can't say that I blame the guy exactly. I'm sure he's being offered a fair sized pile of cash to do this gig. I guess I just wish that he would at least act like he knows that he's not exactly qualified to be an embedded reporter or an outbedded reporter, for that matter. If he would just stop acting like he is so G-D important to all of us, it would be a lot easier to take. Not much, but some.

Joe's first report came from a town in Southern Israel called Sderot (pronounce that how you will because without the proper amount of vowel-age, I'm lost.). How have these battles effected the people who live in Sderot? Well, according to JTP, they "...can't do normal things day to day, like get soap in their eyes in the shower, for fear a rocket might come in....I'm sure they're taking quick showers. I know I would." Oh. My. God. WTF is that? Did I pay to read that? No? Thank God.

Hey, Joe! Did it ever occur to you that the ol' shower might be foregone a bit during times of mortar shelling and what not? They can't get soap in their eyes? What the hell kind of a privilege is that? Are you still having a problem with that when you shower, JTP? Speaking for just myself as a technical "adult", I have managed to overcome the SIES (Soap-In-Eyes-Syndrome) since I was about 6. Somewhere along the line you just learn to (follow me here) close your eyes when you're rinsing off the soap and voila! No soap in the eyes! It's amazing! You can imagine my delight when I first realized that....at the age of six!!! ::::sigh::::: Shoot me. Now.

According to the pop-culture reporting of MSNBC.com, JTP explained how he fell into his latest role when "...pjtv enlisted him to cover Israel because he's "an expert on media bias."I was on the short end of the stick, like Israel is now." Yeah. You and Israel. You're exactly the same. I can see where they were coming from all right. Wait. WHAT?!

Joe's breathtaking display of man on the street, er, man on the strip reporting can be seen over at PJTV.com. But I've narrated the summary of his interviewing technique which steers clear of "media bias" and gets the opinion of the "average Joe". It's simply fascinating.

"I'm not going out of my way to make them dislike me. I'm just being myself." (Well, JTP, that might have something to do with their dislike, cowboy.)

The following is the account of JTP talking to a bunch of reporters. Yes, reporters. Now, he does have a guy standing next to him who JTP claims has a great story to tell. I don't know if he did or didn't have a great story to tell because it never got to that part. Instead, JTP spends his time harping at the other members of the media who are there. The media's responses to JTP are in the parentheses below and JTP's barking at them is not.

I'm not the story here. If you guys are going to do a good story, listen to what this guy's gotta say. Get it out for real. Don't slant it. Tell the facts. Tell the truth. Quite honestly, I'm not real happy with any of you guys. I'll be very blunt. Uh, what's this? More media? Hey, guys! You want a story? Come here! Who are you guys with?

(Reuters.)

Reuters? Huh. Reuters. How 'bout you guys?

(Channel Ten.)

Channel Ten? OK. You guys want a good story? Right? That's why you're here? One, I'm not the story. I'm just an average guy. The story here is people are being killed....And the media is slanting it and trying to make it, uh, you know uh, Hamas's, uh, as far as uh, Israel's being bad.

Do you believe Israel's bad? (It's not as bad this report, I'll tell you that.)

(Do I believe Israel's bad?)

Yeah! Do you?

(I'm Israeli, so... )

So answer the question! (Who does he think he is? Jack Bauer?)

(No, I don't think Israel is bad.)

What about you? Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?

(Yeah.)

You do?

(Yeah.)

Have you said that on air?

(I'm just a reporter.)

You're just a reporter.

Uh, they're not real happy. (Can't say that I blame them.)

Does he know that, as a reporter, he doesn't just have to mingle amongst other reporters? Why is he chewing out the Reuters guys? He's right there in the Gaza Strip, surrounded by folks whose lives are affected every single day by this war and JTP spends his time interrogating the Israeli cameraman from Reuters. (I have no idea why JTP sounded so perplexed when the guy said he was with Reuters. "Huh. Reuters." Yep!! And....? Oh. No and. OK, then. How about you just yell at that cameraman a little bit? There ya go!)

And since Joe is giving his opinion on just about anything he thinks might be relevant, let's see what he has to say (as a reporter) about reporters covering the war over there on the Gaza Strip.

"I'll be honest with you. I don't think journalists should be anywhere allowed war (sic). I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what's happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it's asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you'd go to the theater and you'd see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for them. Now everyone's got an opinion and wants to downer–and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers.

I think media should be abolished from, uh, you know, reporting. You know, war is hell. And if you're gonna sit there and say, "Well look at this atrocity," well you don't know the whole story behind it half the time, so I think the media should have no business in it."

I'm SO confused. He's acting in the capacity of a journalist (I can't bring myself to actually call him a journalist) and he's stating that he believes that journalists should not be allowed anywhere near the war? Be-cause....why again? Wait. Because they make a big deal out of it? Well, yeah! It's a war. It's kind of a big deal. I don't know about you, but if I had mortar shells intermittently being fired into my neighborhood on occasion, that would quantify itself as a big deal to me. Actually, that would quantify itself as a big freaking fat deal to me! Rockets that kill people are a big deal, Joe. Deal with it. And what's with the World War I and II references? That's what you want us to go back to? Reporters in actual foxholes and black and white footage in movie theaters? Um, that sort of seems like a small step backwards to me, but you can try that if you'd like. Let us know how that works out for you.

Look, I don't consider myself to be a journalist. Good Lord, no. I consider myself to be plenty of things, but a journalist is not one of them. That being said, the world doesn't need any more commentators. (Now, that's my gig. And it's getting crowded in here.) The world needs reporters and journalists and it also needs the media. And it needs them to all be impartial and committed to reporting events truthfully and accurately and those facets of distributed information don't seem to be a requirement anymore. That's the problem, Joe. The problem is that people who are supposed to be reporting simply aren't. That doesn't mean that they all need to be banished away from all events that occur! Does that belief extend to everything out there that is reported on, Joe? Why are you there again? Aren't YOU supposed to be reporting? I have yet to hear you report on anything that is going on over there other than your incredible dislike for everything that isn't the way that you think it should be. John McCain might have been fond of your act, but I, most definitely, am not.

So he's over in Gaza, chewing out cameramen and proclaiming that "the media" shouldn't be allowed to "report". I see. Well, we've learned plenty here today, haven't we? We sure have! We've learned that if you milk your fifteen minutes of fame long enough, after a while you'll start to believe that you're really that important. And after that happens, then you'll start acting like you're really that important. So it's a good thing if you end up in Gaza and have to duck and run for cover to dodge incoming rockets because you're going to need that duck and cover maneuver when you get back to the US, but not because of incoming rockets.

Long live the reporting media!

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They're DOGS! DOGS don't DO that!

All seven of you who read this blog should know by now how I feel about dogs. I like them. I believe that they should always be presented and kept in their original dog form. They should not be dressed in clothes, dyed different colors, shaved to looked like chickens, given civic duties or anything else that is not very "dog-like". And sadly, I have another item to add to my list of "Dog Don'ts". Dogs are not paratroopers. They should not be jumping out of planes with chutes strapped to their backs. Wait. What?

Apparently, the Brits are wanting to cut down their casualty rates that they suffer in Afghanistan and in Iraq. That seems reasonable. They plan to do it by parachuting in German shepherds to spy on the rebels. That....perhaps...not so reasonable. I can hear you now. Parachuting dogs? Really? Yep. And The Sun was there!

According to the fine folks across the pond at The Sun, "Fearless German Shepherds are being trained to jump from aircraft at 25,000 feet wearing their own oxygen masks and strapped to special forces assault teams." All right, I'm going to take a bit of an issue here with their use of the term "fearless". I don't know that anyone or anything can be "fearless" if the are simultaneously "strapped" to something else. If you were "fearless" there would be no need for all of the "strapping". See, if you're "strapped" to something, it's not so much that you're being "fearless" as much as you are being "forced".

Once on the ground, the dogs will lead the way to find enemy hideouts with teeny, tiny cameras affixed to their heads. The images will then be beamed back to the troops, warning of rebel locations and ambushes. Hopefully. (I'm really not liking this idea. It sounds a bit too cartoonish. I halfway expect them to arm the soldiers with big mallets and giant frying pans.) Apparently there have been three troopers shot dead in raids in Iraq and eight others have been wounded. While the dogs will, obviously, be exposed to a lot of danger, the way that the Brits look at it is better the dog take a bullet than a human. (And I get that and it makes sense, but couldn't they use some of those dogs from that Ugly Dog Contest instead?)


According to The Sun, "The dogs will be used in a precise manoeuvre technique called High Altitude High Opening, jumping as much as 35km from their targets and gliding towards them for up to 30 minutes." So you're going to have a German Shepherd, with an oxygen mask and a little camera on it's head, parachuting out of a plane and gliding 15 miles for about half an hour. I'm sure the dog will just love that! It will make perfect sense to him. Be all that you can be, um, doggie?

Now, they're not crazy, those Brits. This has been done before. In World War Two, the Brits trained dogs to parachute on rescue missions. (They do not explain "trained", but I'm guessing it's probably along the same line as "fearless") The Sun reports that, "The dogs have big advantages over soldiers in that they arouse less suspicion approaching targets, can squeeze into tighter spaces and can sniff out booby-trap explosives." Again....it's a dog, wearing an oxygen mask, parachuting out of a plane, with a little camera on it's head. THAT scenario will "arouse less suspicion"?? Less suspicion than what? Elephants with oxygen masks and little cameras attached to their trunks parachuting out of planes? Hanggliding gorillas wearing Nixon masks and playing tubas? Less suspicious than what, I ask you?!?!

The Sun, being the news reporting media that they are, decided to speculate as to what this scenario may actually look like when it occurs. They took it a step farther than just speculation, however. They went as far as to Photoshop an image of what this may actually look like when it occurs. Behold! A parachuting German shepherd with an oxygen mask!

Oh, good, f-ing hell. That's just not right. (It is, however, hil-arious looking. Nice job, Sun guys. Nice job.) They really did nail the photo, though, I'll give them that. Right down to the terrified look in the poor pooch's eyes. I can practically hear his little brain the size of a walnut thinking, "WTF?!!? All right! All right, already! I'll get your G-D slippers! Just get my ass back on the ground, would ya?!?"

Again, they're DOGS. They should not be jumping out of planes with oxygen masks and cameras strapped to their furry noggins. They shouldn't. I've thought this one through (well, as much as I think things through). There are only two dogs that should fly. Snoopy and Underdog. And I'm kind of under the impression that both of those, um, aren't real. So that would mean that NO dogs should fly. Which is what I've been saying all along.

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