Stepping onto the gravy train and taking the reins would be Jermaine Jackson. Now, I don't know a whole lot about Jermaine, nor do I know if there is a whole lot TO know. And I didn't do a ton of research on the guy, but I did manage to read about his marital history and the number of children he has spawned. That whole chapter told me just about what I needed to know about Jermaine. Let's see if you come to the same conclusions: The guy got married in 1973 to Hazel Gordy (daughter of Berry Gordy) and they had two children, Jermaine Jr. in 1977 and Autumn Jackson in 1978. Somewhere during the marriage, Jermaine found himself and his penis straying from his wife and allegedly ended up impregnating someone else and allegedly producing a daughter, Dawn. For some reason, Hazel stayed with Jerk-maine. Too bad Jerk-maine didn't learn from the learn from the lessons of his wayward sex organ, as he hooked up a one Margaret Maldonado whilst still married to Hazel. Do you see where this is going?
Jerk-maine ended up what? Impregnating Margaret, that is correct. Margaret gave birth to his son Jeremy in 1986. Two illegitimate children outside the confines of her marriage was enough for Hazel and she divorced Jerk-maine. I don't know if she knew that she was pregnant at the time, but she was. And she wasn't the only one. That's correct. Jermaine's wife AND girlfriend were BOTH pregnant at the SAME TIME. Stay classy, Jermaine! So then Hazel gives birth the Jaimy. Then Margaret gives birth to Jourdyn. Whew! Time for a breather.
But not a long one! (Oh, I'm FAR from done!) Margaret and
Jermaine never got married (not that it would have mattered if they HAD, apparently) and they split after about 5-6 years. After that was over, Jerk-maine did just what you'd expect him to do and married his brother Randy Jackson’s ex-wife Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza a couple of years after the split from baby factory number three. That union produced son Jaffar Jackson and another son Jermajesty sometime before they split in 2004. (By the way, Alejandra was married to another guy at the time that she married Jerk-maine. So technically, when she married Jerk-maine, she really didn't because she was already married.) His current wife is a one Halima Rashid whom he married in 2004. NOW I'm done.
Wait. One more thing. Jermajesty???
Clearly, he's not the most moral chap I've ever heard of. He also doesn't seem to have any money. So he's a broke, amoral dude whose brother just died. I mean, whose brother, who has the potential to make him millions if he just
whores himself plays his cards right, just died. And he is going to ride this gravy train with biscuits for wheels straight to hell (if we're lucky). Jermaine is planning an
"international tribute" to his late brother. And by
"international" I mean that it's going to be held in Vienna because, of course, Michael Jackson "
loved castles." Um, wait. What now?
That's right. He "
loved castles". So they have to have it in Vienna? The location of the motherlode of all castles? What? There's castles in America! We have, um, Hearst! Hearst Castle! And White Castle! Geez! There's
castles! Perhaps Jermaine has a bit of that 'extravagant' and 'eccentric' gene that Michael seemed to have an abundance of. Whatever it is, it's going to be in Vienna on September 26.
Now, you can't plan a tribute concert like this all by yourself. You need help. You need seasoned professionals who are good at this thing and who know what to do. That means, if you're Jermaine Jackson, you need Shawn Southwick. I said, you need Shawn Southwick. You know. SHAWN! SOUTHWICK! The wife of almost-octogenarian Larry King! Behold!
Good Lord, how did THESE two ever team up? According to the
NY Post, they've kno
wn each other "for quite a while" and were going to "...sing their duet, "Will You Be There," and release a CD from the event." That according to Ms. Southwick's spokesman, Howard Rubenstein. Um, OK. Tell me, Sir Spokeshole, that CD that they wanted to release? The Jermaine Jackson-Shawn Southwick duet CD? Yeah, that one. WHO is that FOR? WHO do they think is actually going to BUY that? What type of person is clamoring for that CD? I realize that they're probably a perfect match - a money grabbing wife of a barely coherent 75-year old talk show host and a money grabbing brother of a deceased pop star, but that still doesn't explain how that pairing is going to sell CDs.
And here's where it starts to get sleazy. Er. Sleazy-er. Sleazier. According to the same said spokeshole, Howard Rubenstein, "...listed President Obama as "confirmed talent" as well as Al Pacino, Colin Powell and Richard Branson." Wait. Barack Obama, Al Pacino, Colin Powell and Richard Branson? Together at last?! Finally! Hold it!!
President Barry is "confirmed talent"? Exactly what "talent" would he be displaying that would cause it to be "confirmed"? I am unaware of any "talent", confirmed or unconfirmed, that President Barry possesses and is willing to share with the world from a stage in Vienna at a concert for Michael Jackson being staged by Shawn Southwick. That just doesn't sound like the US President that I am aware of. And as for the other three, I'll give them credit for being diverse. No credit for being realistic or logical, but diverse. They would have been more believable if their "confirmed talent" consisted of Bubbles the Chimp and Muscles the Boa Constrictor. THAT I would have believed. (It's wacky enough and it's in that same Jacko realm that we were all so familiar with before he croaked.)
Other "confirmed performers" include Usher, Lionel Richie and Whitney Houston, a
gain according to spokeshole Howard Rubenstein. And the World Awards producer, a one Georg Kindel, "...hinted that Madonna would perform." Wow. Won't that be tricky for her to do in the midst of her "Sticky and Sweet" tour? Of course it would be! And her spokeswoman, a one Liz Rosenberg seemed to back up that notion by stating, "It's not true. She's still on tour." And Howard might want to get together with Whitney's spokeswoman and soon! That's because a one Jill Fritzo, aforementioned spokeswoman said, "Not that I am aware of." when asked to confirm the now betoothed Houston as a performer. The White House also issued a similar denial of President Barry's attendance.
So this is all crap, right? Jermaine has NO performers, does he? Yet the spokeshole for Shawn Southwick is going around spouting that President Barry will headline the "confirmed talent". Oh, wait a second. This is becoming more and more clear to me. Again, according to the NY Post, "The original promotional materials, which sought sponsors willing to pay up to $3 million..." EACH?? That's optimistic if I've ever heard optimism before. Wow. Sooooo they're definitely interested in money. And a lot of it.
Upon checking out the tribute website, I learned that "A SUBSTANTIAL PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS attained by The Tribute will be donated to important charities." Allegedly. The first three charities that Jermaine announced included Larry Jones’ Feed The Children, The Larry King Cardiac Foundation, and "Jermaine's own EARTH CARE FOUNDATION." Wait. What?
That's right. Suddenly, the multi-child-ed, broke, hadn't been seen in 
public since 2004, brother of Michael Jackson has a foundation. Allegedly. A little checking on this one seems to confirm that while there IS an Earth Care Foundation (really it's Earth Care International), they have absolutely nothing to do with Jermaine Jackson. Nothing. And apparently, in the past, as recently as 2006, he has claimed that he founded something called Earth Vision International. Again, there IS an Earth Vision International, but it's a film festival taking place in Santa Cruz, CA every year. It is NOT a Jermaine Jackson foundation. In fact, it would appear that there are NO Jermaine Jackson foundations to be found.
I feel pretty comfortable in saying that I think that Jermaine Jackson is full of crap. He's using dead Michael to drum up money for alive Jermaine. And he is shameless about it. And apparently, there is no limit to how far he is willing to go with his scams. He involved Shawn Southwick, for cryin' out loud! Need I say more?!
I kid. The man seems to be milking his brother's death for every penny he can squeeze out of it. Can anyone just SAY that they have a "foundation" even if they don't? Isn't there a penalty for that? Shouldn't you have to show or have documentation of your alleged "foundation" before putting it on your marquee as a benefactor for some grand money generating endeavor? But then again, I don't know what good that would be in this situation if he's throwing the fake tribute concert in Vienna, the land for those who loved castles. (Translation: Far enough away from the US that he might be able to get away with his fake foundation benefit scheme.)
Man, where is Michael Jackson's shady doctor at a time like this when he could really be of some use?
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Wow. Some people just don't get it. See, when you have a kid and you're ordered to pay child support, you're supposed to pay it because, well, that's your kid. And I don't care if she's a bitch or he's an ass. It's your kid. And if you're not going to pay for your kid, I'm perfectly OK with you being arrested. Do I care how you're arrested? Not particularly. But I would really enjoy it if there could be an element of surprise. Like someone thinking that they've won tickets to a football game, only to find out that it was all a ruse to get you to essentially surrender yourself to the cops because you owe over $30,000 in child support, you scumbag.
letter which told them that they had won tickets to the 2011 Iron Bowl. They were supposed to go to somewhere called Opelika and pick up the tickets. All they needed to do was bring the letter and a photo ID of themselves and the tickets would be theirs! Allegedly. Once their identity was confirmed, they were immediately cuffed and arrested. Awesome.
Whether you needed another reason or not, I think I'm going to give you one. See, LeBron didn't play all that great during the championship series against Dallas. (How come LeBron doesn't have a college degree? Because he didn't want to show up for the finals.) In fact, in the six games that they played during the series, LeBron scored a total of 18 points in all of the fourth quarters combined. (That's why you never loan LeBron a dollar. He always pays you back the seventy-five cents, but he never gives you that fourth quarter.) That's an average of three points per fourth quarter. That means that in each fourth quarter that LeBron James only scored three points more than I did when I was sitting on my couch watching the games. (I'd also like to take this moment to note that as of last night, I have exactly the same number of championship rings that LeBron James has. And truthfully, I haven't been trying all that hard, really.) And all of this after leaving Cleveland and setting up his little "dream team" in Miami with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh. (Maybe LeBron should try hockey. They only play for three periods in that sport.) 
There are plenty of reasons to not like the guy. Here's one more: According to the Sporting News, "James insisted that the enmity he has gotten from fans and media isn’t going to stick with him." In what way LeBron? (Mind you, this is the guy who has "The Chosen One" tattooed on his back. I don't know what he thinks he was chosen to do, but I'm pretty sure that it was supposed to be a little more than just play basketball.) He responded thusly: "At the end of the day, all the people who want to see me fail, they gotta wake up tomorrow and have the same life they had when they woke up today. Same personal problems they had today. I am going to continue to live and do the things I want to do and be happy with that.” Wait. What?
So, what he's saying is that at the end of the day, whether he wins or loses, all of the people who hate him are going to have to go back to their crappy little lives and their crappy little jobs and their crappy little existence and he's going to just get to keep on being awesome? Nice way to alienate yourself even more, oh, Chosen One. You know, even though the folks who hate you are going to wake up with their same lives and their same problems, so are you, LeBron. Way to make it obvious that you don't care about the fans. Way to make it obvious that you don't care about the game. Way to make it obvious that all you care about is you and YOU don't seem to care if you don't win championships. You seem to have made it pretty clear that you like your life just fine without a ring. Good. I hope it stays that way. At least it will help quell the non-argument about who is better, LeBron James or Michael Jordan. You're a jackass, LeBron.
It would seem as though Jermaine Jackson has appointed himself to be the family heir. Not to Michael, but to Joseph, the Jackson's sleazy, greedy father and self-admitted beater of his children during their childhood. 
ted to make a statement. His reply? "They are all doing fine. : But I want to make this statement. This is a real good statement here. Marshall and I have -- we own a record company...called Ranch Records…It’s driven by Blu-ray technology, and that’s the next step.” Um, yeah, see, the question was more about how you were doing dealing with the death of your son THE DAY BEFORE. It's...um...odd that he would have interpreted that question to mean "Take this opportunity to promote anything you might be working on at the moment, you 80-plus year old, coattail riding, gravy train hopping, sleaze monger, you." But miscommunications DO occur. Onward!
Stepping onto the gravy train and taking the reins would be Jermaine Jackson. Now, I don't know a whole lot about Jermaine, nor do I know if there is a whole lot TO know. And I didn't do a ton of research on the guy, but I did manage to read about his marital history and the number of children he has spawned. That whole chapter told me just about what I needed to know about Jermaine. Let's see if you come to the same conclusions: The guy got married in 1973 to Hazel Gordy (daughter of Berry Gordy) and they had two children, Jermaine Jr. in 1977 and Autumn Jackson in 1978. Somewhere during the marriage, Jermaine found himself and his penis straying from his wife and allegedly ended up impregnating someone else and allegedly producing a daughter, Dawn. For some reason, Hazel stayed with Jerk-maine. Too bad Jerk-maine didn't learn from the learn from the lessons of his wayward sex organ, as he hooked up a one Margaret Maldonado whilst still married to Hazel. Do you see where this is going? 
Jermaine never got married (not that it would have mattered if they HAD, apparently) and they split after about 5-6 years. After that was over, Jerk-maine did just what you'd expect him to do and married his brother Randy Jackson’s ex-wife Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza a couple of years after the split from baby factory number three. That union produced son Jaffar Jackson and another son Jermajesty sometime before they split in 2004. (By the way, Alejandra was married to another guy at the time that she married Jerk-maine. So technically, when she married Jerk-maine, she really didn't because she was already married.) His current wife is a one Halima Rashid whom he married in 2004. NOW I'm done. 
That's right. He "loved castles". So they have to have it in Vienna? The location of the motherlode of all castles? What? There's castles in America! We have, um, Hearst! Hearst Castle! And White Castle! Geez! There's castles! Perhaps Jermaine has a bit of that 'extravagant' and 'eccentric' gene that Michael seemed to have an abundance of. Whatever it is, it's going to be in Vienna on September 26.
wn each other "for quite a while" and were going to "...sing their duet, "Will You Be There," and release a CD from the event." That according to Ms. Southwick's spokesman, Howard Rubenstein. Um, OK. Tell me, Sir Spokeshole, that CD that they wanted to release? The Jermaine Jackson-Shawn Southwick duet CD? Yeah, that one. WHO is that FOR? WHO do they think is actually going to BUY that? What type of person is clamoring for that CD? I realize that they're probably a perfect match - a money grabbing wife of a barely coherent 75-year old talk show host and a money grabbing brother of a deceased pop star, but that still doesn't explain how that pairing is going to sell CDs.
President Barry is "confirmed talent"? Exactly what "talent" would he be displaying that would cause it to be "confirmed"? I am unaware of any "talent", confirmed or unconfirmed, that President Barry possesses and is willing to share with the world from a stage in Vienna at a concert for Michael Jackson being staged by Shawn Southwick. That just doesn't sound like the US President that I am aware of. And as for the other three, I'll give them credit for being diverse. No credit for being realistic or logical, but diverse. They would have been more believable if their "confirmed talent" consisted of Bubbles the Chimp and Muscles the Boa Constrictor. THAT I would have believed. (It's wacky enough and it's in that same Jacko realm that we were all so familiar with before he croaked.)
gain according to spokeshole Howard Rubenstein. And the World Awards producer, a one Georg Kindel, "...hinted that Madonna would perform." Wow. Won't that be tricky for her to do in the midst of her "Sticky and Sweet" tour? Of course it would be! And her spokeswoman, a one Liz Rosenberg seemed to back up that notion by stating, "It's not true. She's still on tour." And Howard might want to get together with Whitney's spokeswoman and soon! That's because a one Jill Fritzo, aforementioned spokeswoman said, "Not that I am aware of." when asked to confirm the now betoothed Houston as a performer. The White House also issued a similar denial of President Barry's attendance.
public since 2004, brother of Michael Jackson has a foundation. Allegedly. A little checking on this one seems to confirm that while there IS an Earth Care Foundation (really it's Earth Care International), they have absolutely nothing to do with Jermaine Jackson. Nothing. And apparently, in the past, as recently as 2006, he has claimed that he founded something called Earth Vision International. Again, there IS an Earth Vision International, but it's a film festival taking place in Santa Cruz, CA every year. It is NOT a Jermaine Jackson foundation. In fact, it would appear that there are NO Jermaine Jackson foundations to be found.
