Vodka With A Twist

While I'm far from an advocate of morons and the subsequent moronism that they propagate and bring forth with, I'll say this much: They sure are good for a laugh or two when they get themselves an inadvisable tattoo whence in the middle of a good drunken stupor, that's for sure.

Today's tale of people who shouldn't be allowed to go out into public without a chaperone, we go to Sweden and learn of such follies via our favorite Swedish newspaper in English, The Local. It is The Local which informs us of the adventures of a one 27-year-old man from northern Sweden who is being identified simply as "Joel". "Joel" did that which is really difficult for many to recommend either once they've done it or before one does it. "Joel" (and I'm going to stop putting the quotes around Joel right here. We're all clear that it isn't the bloke's real name, correct? Good.) drank a full bottle of vodka while out for a night on the town with his friends. (I'm glad he wasn't drinking alone. People need companionship!) According to The Local, while the crew was on their way to grab a burger, "Joel waxed lyrical about a tattoo of a mustache on a companion's finger." Wait. A what now?

That's what I said! This particular tattoo, the mustachioed finger, is known as the "fingerstache". It is exactly what it sounds like it is. Behold!

Oh, good Lord. That's actually kind of funny. Hola, Senor Stache! Now, while I find the concept highly amusing, I don't know that an actual tattoo is necessary. Some folks feel that it is, however. Joel was one of them.

Now, while Joel was doing all of his poetic waxing about his yen for a mustachioed finger, he was sitting in a booth a burger joint. Little did he know that in the booth next to him was quite possibly the most dastardly of all individuals; the tattoo artist who preys on the drunken sot out on the town, yearning for some sort of permanent brand upon his skin. The guy immediately told drunken Joel that he'd be interested in doing the 'stache for him, under the condition that "he was given free rein to express himself fully on the drunk man's limbs."

OK, now to you and me, that sounds like a horrible idea (I'm assuming you're not drunk right now as you're reading this). But when you're drunk, all that sounds like is, "Yay! Free tattoo! C'mon, gang!" And away Joel and one of his friends (probably just as hammered) went in a taxi with the sinister tattoo artist who was no doubt plotting his next fiendish move.

I guess if you're going to look at this on the positive side, you're going to have to say that at least the guy only did his permanent doodling on only one drunken Joel's legs. If you'll recall, the verbal agreement seemed to specifically imply "limbs", as in more than one. But that's the only amount of positive spin that I am capable of, well, spinning because what good can possibly come from being 27 and waking up the next morning after your drunken stupor and finding yourself with a six inch penis tattooed on your leg. Wait. A what now?

You heard me. Behold!

Um, wow. That's...um, something! Listen, I don't claim to be a penile expert. I, myself, don't actually own a penis. I'm not even renting! And I'm also not an expert on Sweden either. Far from, as a matter of fact. But all of that being said, since when did penises (penii?) have four balls and look like a toppled potted cactus? I'm just curious is all!

Did this tattoo artist live a bit too close to a leaking nuclear reactor? What's with the four testicles? You know, that could easily be a UFO blasting off. You never know, really. I'm guessing that the guy is going to have to CLAIM it's a UFO blasting off. It's a hell of a lot better than claiming it's a drunken, four-balled wiener, that's for sure.

But as much as I question drunk Joel's judgment, I like the guy. I like him because of how he handled the situation. Here's a man who wakes up with a penis on his leg and his attitude toward the whole thing isn't that he's going to sue the life out of whoever took advantage of him. No, his attitude is "I found out afterwards who it was. He works at a studio here. But I went along with it, he didn't exactly force me." That's what I like. That's what I respect. Taking full responsibility for allowing someone to tattoo a malformed, over-balled, grundle on your leg.

We can all learn a lot from Swedish news in English, no matter how drunk or be-tatted it may be, we can all learn a lot.

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Wrong Knob! Wrong Knob!

I love Sweden's news in English. I love it even more when it involves big rig truck accidents coupled with a driver under the influence and just the right amount of masturbation. Wait. What?

From The Local - Sweden's News in English, we learn of "A German trucker suspected of driving under the influence of drugs." Now, the only reason that this suspicion was brought to the attention of authorities was because said trucker actually ended up crashing his vehicle at some juncture in western Sweden. The article nonchalantly continued with, "He subsequently admitted to masturbating at the time of the accident." Subsequent to what, exactly?? And is that what they're calling it in Sweden these days? "The influence of drugs"? I don't think that they are!

But see, here's the problem when you crash your big rig during a moment of intense personal pleasurement: Once you've caused that sort of an accident, you're really going to have your hands full! (Pun totally intended. As will be all of the subsequent puns that you'll run across here.) I mean, what do you do if you have this whole accident dealio to tend to, but you haven't quite finished your previous commitments, if you know what I mean. (Of course you do. This is a story about a masturbating trucker whose shipment had gone awry, of course you know what I mean!) Well, if you're this trucker, you don't let a little thing like a flipped truck and trailer deter you. You just keep right on going about your business. Good Lord. What?

Correct. The man overturns his truck, blocks all lanes of traffic going one direction, blocks one lane of traffic going the opposite direction and what does he do? "The man remained in the vehicle with his hands apparently still clasped around his own gear stick..." And with writing like that, how can one not love Sweden's news in English? You can't! You've gotta love it. Not quite as much as this trucker guy was loving himself, but be very fond of it at least!

According to something referred to as "the local Borås Tidning newspaper", "The trucker, apparently unable to reach a satisfactory climax, then proceeded to continue to pleasure himself while in the midst of a police interrogation." OK. Wait a minute! WHAT?!

Continued?! Continued to pleasure?! That's not a lot of pleasure for those doing the interrogating!! Here's my first question during such an interrogation: "What the hell is wrong with you?!" It's followed closely by my second question in that same scenario, that being, "Do you want to stop doing that or do you want me to beat you senseless with this stick that I'm always carrying around with me?" That's how my interrogation begins in that situation! Of course, this scenario only holds true provided the man is wearing pants. If he is de-pants, pantless, or in any other state of being unclad over the nether regions, then my first question is no longer a question, it's a statement. That being "Put on your damn pants!"

A police prosecutor, a one Åsa Askenbäck, is quoted as saying, "He was masturbating while the police interrogated him." And again, my question is WHY?? WHY was he doing that?! Because let me tell you, if I'M there? Oh, he is so NOT doing that during the interrogation! NOT so much! How does one even conduct an investigation or an interrogation with someone doing...that in the midst of said process? What were the authorities doing? Shielding their eyes? Did they turn their backs? What? Are they looking in the other direction AND interrogating? "Um, sir, I'm just going to look over here while you finish up your date night there. So, can you tell me what happened? Was the crash before or after all of the masturbation?" "Can you tell me how long you've been a masturbating truck driver?" What is wrong with Sweden's policemen in Sweden?!

The same police prosecutor is quoted as also saying, "He has admitted that he was not paying full attention at the time of the accident. He was playing with himself instead of focusing on the road." Oh, do you think?! Not paying full attention at the time of the accident?! Hell, he wasn't paying full attention at the time of the interrogation! And for the same reason! I'm not even sure why the interrogation was necessary. Here you have a truck, all flipped over and blocking traffic, and a truck driver who can't even take the time to get out of the truck because he's too busy finishing off what I'm sure was a simply lovely evening! Perhaps things got a bit out of hand when he found himself telling himself, "Faster! Faster!"

Here's the thing (well, one of them): The truck flips over. Unless this man has the concentration of David Blaine, not to mention extremely agile dexterity, I find it hard to believe that he wasn't at least temporarily disengaged from his prior engagement. So he's manuevering his own gear shift knob there, the truck flips over, gets all bent over traffic lanes, and then he just calmly goes back to doing what he was doing?!?! While I can appreciate the attentiveness to the details there, I'd really appreciate it a bit more if your details didn't involve his own penis!

But in a bizarre twist that I did not see coming, "The suspicions against the man have now been extended to sexual molestation." Sexual molestation? Of what? Himself?!! Is that actually a crime in Sweden? What if you're in a truck? Is it a crime then?? I don't understand that at all.

But I do understand that "The German trucker, who is in his thirties, has admitted all of the charges directed against him." I'm sure that there will be a stiff fine associated with that one. He could be doling out money for this one hand over fist.

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Stabby Joe and the Mangled Manhood

The Swedes are an interesting bunch. They have a legal system that is a bit more subjective and left up to a bit more interpretation that ours here in the US. And my favorite source of all news that is Swedish but in English, The Local, has an example of just that. It involves a man, a woman, a dog, a stabbing, a biting and, of course, a scrotum.

It would seem that a 32-year old man had been found "...guilty of stabbing his ex-girlfriend twice from behind with a knife." (This was on or about March 31st, so it would seem that the whole processing of the criminally accused is quite rapid in Sweden.) At some apartment somewhere in southern Sweden, the man attacked the woman with a knife. After Stabby Joe had burst into action, the woman's Rottweiler burst into his own bit of action. 'Bit' being the key word there as that's just what the dog did. Bit. Bit ol' Stabby Joe there right in the groin and "...succeeded in inflicting serious damage on the 32-year-old's scrotum." Yay, Fido!

Now that's the kind of dog that you want! One that won't be messing around when it's time to defend its owner. And one that won't be trying to work its way up to becoming violent by starting off with a sternly worded growl. Nope, you want one that springs into action immediately by savagely gnawing at the attackers nether region as if it had been dipped in au jus. Way to go sharp-toothed dog!

So what's the downside here? Well, if you're the guy who just got his grundle ground, that's a serious downside! But if you're not him, well, it sounds like an upside to me. (And really, if you knew that there was a pretty good chance that you'd get your penis pulverized if you were to stab someone, wouldn't that be reason enough to double think all of the stabbing? It sounds like a marvelous deterrent if you're asking me. It's so unfortunate our legal system doesn't allow 'retaliation' to be included as part of a 'punishment'. It really is quite a shame.) But there is another downside.

The fact that genitalia gnawing occurred was reason enough for the judge in this case to find him guilty of "...stabbing his ex-girlfriend twice from behind with a knife" and then "...sentenced the man to one and a half years in jail for aggravated assault" and added that "...he would have received a longer sentence had he not been severely bitten in course of the melee." Um, what?

Correct. Because the guy who initiated the stabbing of the ex-girlfriend in the back also ended up with his schlong in shreds, that meant that he should receive a lesser sentence than if he had done all of the stabbing and not had a large and angry dog maul his manhood. Mind you, the dog got stabbed twice also! What in the hell is wrong with that judge?! Seriously. Even if you were inclined to give someone a lesser sentence because they had been Bobbitt-ed, you're only going to go with a year and half? For someone who stabbed his ex-girlfriend in the back?! That seems awfully lenient, below the belt biting or not.

The article even states that "The court rejected both the self-defence claim and the assertion that he had not attacked the woman with a knife." So, the court knows he didn't act in self defense. The court knows that he did attack the woman. And yet he only sentences the asshat to a year and a half in jail because the victims dog went, well...went all dog on the guy?! UN-believable.

If you're in the act of committing a crime and you happen to get injured during said crime, I have zero to less than zero sympathy for you. Don't want to get hurt? Don't commit a crime! Pretty simple that way. But if you do get hurt, don't expect any sort of leniency due to your injuries suffered due to your own jackassery. Oh, unless you're in Sweden. And in that case, wear a cup!

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ADHD Does NOT Cause Tattooed Genitalia

When a story comes from The Local, Sweden's News in English, you know it's going to be good. No exception here with this headline: "Boyfriend blames ADHD for genital tattoo abuse." God, I love the Swedish press.

Apparently what we have here is a 25-year old guy from Umea (that's in northern Sweden, in case you're reading this today without your globe or atlas) who has been charged with aggravated assault of his girlfriend which included, among other things, "...tattooing his name and ID number on her sexual organs." Well, that's a little murky, how about some details?

He doesn't just have the one assault charge. No, he has 17 assault charges. And he took his time to rack them up also, as they took place over a period of five years. Why it hadn't been dealt with before then is anyone's guess and it wasn't explained in the article. But that's OK because there's better stuff to get into! Hoo-boy, is there.

The man is accused of "...punching his girlfriend on several occasions between 2004 until February 2009 when the woman left him." (Maybe she was busy, we don't know.) It would seem that it really takes something fairly extreme for this woman to leave such a relationship. And I'm not talking fairly extreme by my standards or by your standards. I'm talking fairly extreme for a person who is not quite right.

Aside from the five years with all of the punching, he is also accused of "...assaulting her with a fork and re-opening the head wound as it began to heal." No word on whether or not the same utensil was used in the re-opening as was used in the initial opening of said head. He is also accused of "...forcing her to consume his medicine to ensure that she kept him company during the time that he was awake." (Translation of "his medicine": Meth. I'm guessing.)

Well, see, THAT explains it! She knew how LONELY he was, so she stayed. Or, perhaps, she's just a little fuzzy on what a healthy relationship entails. (Here's a hint: No forks in the head. Ever.) But I don't know how she'd be able to explain staying, yes staying, staying with hm after he allegedly "forced her to submit to a tattoo on her sexual organs - of his name and personal identification number." All rightee then. I don't rightly know what to say about that, other than OW!OW!OW!OW!OOWWW!!!!

Personal identification number? Like his Social Security Number? Not that it matters, mind you, I'm just curious. Was he planning on spending the rest of his life with her and went to that extreme measure to ensure that just in case he forgot his wallet, if she was with him (and remember, he sounded lonely, so she would probably drugged up and by his side at all times in his little fantasy world) he'd always have that ID number. It'd be a little awkward on days she was wearing pants, I suppose. Oh, but I'm sure he thought this thing through enough. I'm sure he had a way around that!
Since something like that is pretty hard to deny when you're on trial, he seems to have taken to just defending his actions with the most likely rationale that he could come up with. That being that he was "...suffering from the condition ADHD - attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder - and it resulted in him becoming angry at minor incidents which in turn caused him to turn violent." I see.

The problem with that defense, other than it's pathetic, is that it's kind of...um, what's the word I want? Oh, I've got it! Wrong. It's wrong. It seems to me that in order to, well, do anything, really, with a woman's genitalia requires a bit of effort and concentration. But in order to be able to TATTOO your name AND your personal identification number, um, down there, well that would seem to require a great deal, an IMMENSE deal of concentration in order to get the task at hand finished. (Good Lord, how painful must that have been? Tattooing. THAT. ON her. Yikes. Too bad she wasn't some sort of body builder because then she could have just crushed his skull between her knees like a vice. What an A-hole.)

And what, pray tell, what would be the "minor incident" that provoked Mr. ADHD there into grabbing the tattoo gun and going to town with it on her nether regions? Dinner not ready on time? Tattoo your girlfriends genitalia! Long day at the office? Blow off some steam by tattooing your girlfriend's genitalia! Can't get the bloody lawnmower to start? No worries! Just tattoo your girlfriend's genitalia and feel your problems just fade away! Are we really supposed to believe that a "minor incident" would result in a "major tattoo upon ones sexual organs"? I don't we are. I know that we can't!

So after all of that, after the cranium stabbed with fork incident...TWICE, after the five years of punching, after all of the staying awake to stave off loneliness, after all of that, none of it was enough to cause her to think to herself, "I wonder if there's something more for me out there." So what finally did it? What was the final straw? Ironically (in a way), "The woman finally decided to leave the man in mid-February 2009 when she suffered nerve and muscle damage in her legs after having been attacked with an axe."

So when he finally grabs the AXE and begins using it ON HER in an axe-like manner, that's when she begins to see the light and decides it's time to walk away from their fairy tale life together? When she's at the point where she literally CANNOT walk away, she decides to walk away? Interesting.

There are only two items in this sordid tale of 'Boy meets girl' that are encouraging. The first, obviously, is that she finally left. She might have limped away, she might have crawled away, but regardless as to how, she left. Excellent. The second is that this guy, having admitted to these actions and deciding to go with the "It was the ADHD" defense, is a pathetic moron who, I'm assuming, will likely be convicted. I mean, I know nothing is ever guaranteed or anything, especially in a legal system, but this seems like a pretty done deal in the arena of him being convicted. The only way it could be more of a lock would be if, say for instance, they found his blood with matching DNA at the crime scene and bloody gloves used in the attack behind his house and then he led police on a low-speed chase down an LA freeway. And I see this as being similar to a scenario like that, where the jury would have to be stocked full of fools in order for someone like the one in my example in order to not be convicted.

Oh. Whoops.

OK, the jury would have to be stocked full of fools in my "hypothetical" example in order to not be convicted. (Wow. Unfortunate choice to use for the sake of comparison there.)

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Best Religion Ever?

I have to make it a point to visit Sweden some day. Just because I think I might need to see this place for myself. There are some odd going-ons in Sweden and folks there seem to be OK with most of them. I don't know if that makes them any less odd, but it certainly doesn't make them any more odd. I'm very interested in their legal system. Particularly the court which has ruled that a church, which was seeking "official recognition" as far as churches go, "had the right to be registered as a faith community." All of that according to my favorite Swedish news source (in English), The Local. But what's the big deal about that? The "church" in question is known as the Orgasmens Madonnas kyrka. (Of course it is.) Roughly translated, that works out to be "The Madonna of Orgasm Church." (Of course it does. Wait. What?)

Correct. The Madonna of Orgasm Church was founded (Translation: Made up) by a guy from the southern Swedish town of Lovestad whose name is Carlos Bebeacua. Bebeacua is not only the founder of the "church", he is also the "church's" cardinal. Self appointed, of course. (By the way, the "church" only has priestesses. How convenient for Cardinal Orgasmo there.) According to The Local, we learn in English that Bebeacua got the idea for the church "after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain." Huh. So he just figured that if a painting could cause complete chaos, just imagine the hell that could break loose if he had a whole freakin' church!

By the way, it's not that Madonna that the guy is referring to., I figured I should point that out because I could see where, after reading both "Madonna" and "orgasm" in the same sentence/title of something, one might become confused and incorrectly think that the velocaraptor-like, fifty something, freakishly flexible, pop singer is the one whom an orgasmic house of worship was named after. It's not. It's not about her. It's not even a little bit about her. Contrary to how she seems to think the world revolves around her, this has nothing to do with her at all. Keep that in mind.

Now, what had happened what that when Cardinal Orgasmo tried to register his "church", "the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet as it's known in Sweden. Of course, everyone knows that!) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians." I don't know why they felt the need to specify "Christians". A name like that, while it might not "offend" almost everyone, it would probably wig a lot of people out just a tad. Naturally, the horny guy appealed and won. And here we are.

He summarizes his "rationale" behind his "church" by stating, "The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped." (Psst!! Dude. Little secret for ya....It already is!! People are already aware of how freaking great the orgasm is! We know! Granted, some of us know better than others (thank God!), but we know! You don't need a church to get that message across!)

Made-up Cardinal Bebeacua also says that, "The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’ " (Psst!! Dude. I've got another secret for ya.....the way that orgasm is reached as it is, is just fine with most of us. We don't really want art or landscaping getting in the way of our orgasm because really, what's the point? We're not going to remember that art or that landscaping during said orgasm and we're certainly not going to remember that art or that landscaping after said orgasm. Hell, most of us can't even remember our partner's name after said orgasm (let alone our own name at that point!).

So what goes on in this "church", you ask? Other than the obvious? Well, apparently, Cardinal Orgasmo there teaches "scriptures". The "scriptures" (which I'm positive are made-up. By him, of course.) are called the Catechism of the Orgasm. (Basically, a "catechism" is a method of teaching a religious doctrine. The definition of a "catechism" is "oral instruction". Just thought I'd throw that in there for kicks, you know?) And as far as the gospel goes (again, obviously made-up), "the only gospel preached is the gospel of sex“ The reasoning behind that (other than the fact that the made-up church is called the "Orgasm Church" ) according to The Card is "It’s so we do what we know is right and good.” Uh-huh. Just because it's "right" doesn't make it "good". I'm just saying.

"During ceremonies, the priestesses read verses and eat fruit and drink juice" Huh. Sounds like kindergarten. Only without a nap and with all the sex. Eww! Ick! Oh, but of course he says that "Sex isn’t the focus." Dude, it's the ORGASM CHURCH! How can you possibly even think of saying that "Sex isn't the focus"? Unless your theory is that it's NOT the focus, it's the CHURCH! But he stands his ground when defending his made-up church against accusations that it is all about orgies and sex "by claiming its purpose is to help people see orgasms as a metaphor for a love of life.“ Again, dude....it's a metaphor for a love of the orgasm! That's it. You're rarely thinking of much else at the time and if you are, well, I feel bad for ya. You're really missing out.

He says, "There’s nothing dangerous in what we say, we’re harmless. It’s just that we have our doubts about established religions.” You have your doubts about established religions and so you go and create an unestablished one so that there will be some validity in it for you due to all of the unestablished-ness?

Look, here's my thing...(No! Not my "thing" with sex! That's privileged information, reserved solely for....well....will you look at that! Distracted again! I really need to stay on topic. Where was I?) If you're going to concoct some sort of church that centers around your genitals because you're a horn-dog, that's one thing (and not a minor one, either). But at least, at the very least, earn yourself a shred of respect from others and just admit that's what your deal is. You can be a horn-dog (and if you've created the Super-Terrific Orgasm Temple, you probably are) and while I won't necessarily respect you for that (Translation: I won't), at least if you're not a big, fat, horny liar about it, I can respect that aspect. Not much, but some.

But really, the best thing for you to do is not make-up some fake church and then petition the courts for legitimacy. The best thing for you to do is to go home, back downstairs to your parents' basement, call that your temple and worship yourself all the live long day. Or until you go blind. Whichever comes first. (Pun intended. You didn't think I could go this whole post without one, did you?)

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What's The Motto With Sweden?

You know why more people don't go to Sweden? If you're asking the Swedes (and who better to ask, really?) you'd get the impression it's because the slogans for the towns aren't catchy enough. Not enough pizazz. Not enough bada-bing in thieir bada-bang. Zipless. So they decided to try to remedy that and come up with some catchy mottos. The end result? Well, let's just say I'm thinking about moving to Sweden and opening shop as a snazzy slogan-catchy motto writer because they sure do make a lot of cash for, um, not a lot of work (translation: crap), it would seem.

Take the town of Gavle, a lovely coastal area two hours north of Stocklholm, according to my favorite Swedish news source in English, The Local. Now just because it's all lovely and coastal doesn't mean that the residents are rocket scientists. That's evident by the fact that the town "paid 221,000 kronor ($33,000) for the phrase "Välkommen ombord” (‘Welcome aboard’)." (What are they? The Love Boat? Is Gavin MacLeod the mayor? Where's Gopher?)

And I wasn't the only one who thought it was ridiculous. Lots of Gavle dwellers said it was "dopey and social democratic." (I'm not sure about the "social democratic" part, but it doesn't sound as if it's complimentary.) "Welcome aboard what?” was the question asked by Gävle resident Rolf Lassgård, who also mentioned, "It seems like it would have been better to use the money to buy a boat first." Sensible man, that Rolf.

Too bad the public administrators over there in Gotland weren't as sensible as Rolf. If they were, they likely would not have "shelled out a whopping 5 million kronor for “Det magiska Gotland” (‘Magical Gotland’)." OK, let's see...if 221,000 kronor is $33,000 then 5 million kronor is...carry the one...add the 7...holy crap, that's about $746,560!! For "Magical Gotland"? That's it?! Oh, wait. Of course that's not it. Silly. No, they also got the tagline “Kreativitet, livslust, närhet, livskraft, och magiskt” (‘Creativity, vibrancy, closeness, vitality, and magic’). Huh. OK, I'm back to holy crap!

Does it get worse? Of course it does. I'm sure Sweden is a lovely place, but aside from Rolf, the Swedes aren't exactly coming across as the sharpest tools in the shed. Over in Fagersta (pretty), they ended up with their official slogan being “Här får du livstid” (‘Here you’ll have time for living’). And something like that can be interpreted in Swedish to mean that you’ve been given a lifetime prison sentence. See, now something like that is really going to be a deal breaker the majority of the time I would think. Unfortunate.

Now, the ice cream Haagen Dazs is actually a made up name. It doesn't mean squat. Apparently, the Swedish municipality of Malå’s decided to go that route when they came up with their slogan, “He som hänn he hänn hänna”. Those ‘words’ are not even in the Swedish dictionary. And if you roughly translate it (read: butcher it) into English, you come up with "Whatever happens, happens here." Wow. How exciting. Sounds kind of like "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." Yeah, but considering the town only has 3,000 people, it's hard to imagine that "whatever happens" there is all that great. It's also hard to believe that it wouldn't involve some sort of cow or goat or some other type of livestock usually seen trailing behind yodelers.

Some towns appear to let their anal retentiveness shine through with overly inclusive slogans such as Stenungsund's "Det goda kustnära samhället med framtidstro och utveckling” (‘The pleasant coastal community with belief in the future and development.’) Most coastal communities in the States don't want development. Maybe the Swedes are different, but this doesn't seem like it's normal. Then again, if you're looking for normal, don't hit up Malung. They decided to go with "41 kvadratkilometer med utveckling" (‘41 square kilometres with development’)." Yeah, that's not normal on any continent.

If you're looking for the humbled Swedish town, perhaps stop by Vingåker. Their slogan is, “En promille kan inte ha fel!” (‘One in every thousand can't be wrong’) I like it when the bar isn't set too high, you know? One in every thousand? So, one tenth of one percent can't be wrong? OK, that might be too low, even for my standards.

But Trosa definitely meets my standards with the motto “Världens ände”. In Swedish, that can mean two things; either “the end of the world” or “the world’s rear end”. It's as if Sweden has it's own form of "Canada, America's Hat"! I like it! And what I like even more is that the word ‘trosa’ in Swedish is also the singular form of the word for "panties". Nice job!

I can come up with crappy slogans like these for a hell of a lot less money (but still a hell of a lot of money) than these Swedes paid for what they got. Except for the Trosa folks. They seem to have received their money's worth for their slogan. From now on, they will be known to many (or just me) as Trosa, Sweden's panties.

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