Merry Christmas 2011!

I'm sure I could come up with something ludicrous to put here today. But I think I'll pass. It's Christmas. It just wouldn't seem....right. You know, kinda like one of those inflatable, lit up, manger scenes in someone's front yard? You know that the people mean well, but it just doesn't translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great.


I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)

I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.

The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.

And you know, I really do have more heartfelt feelings about people in my life than I either care to admit or am capable of expressing without either scaring the other person or becoming inadvertently engaged to four different individuals when I'm done. And at the risk of doing either or both of those things, I'd like to let those of you that I know personally know that I think you're all just great. Some a little greater than others, which means there are a few of you who really need to start pulling your weight a bit more, but I still love ya. Usually. And for those of you whom I don't know personally but who read this blog (and don't leave jackass comments), well, I think you guys are just swell also and I appreciate all of the reading. I know it's not always easy and that's why I really appreciate the effort.

So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!

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Roman's Movie Blog

I have this friend that I've known since my (extreme) trouble making days. We're talking early to mid-eighties here. We both had and still have the exact same keyboard scarf. And now, with a recent project of his just getting underway, we both have blogs.

Roman is going to watch "The 100 Greatest Movies Of The 80's" (I have no idea where he gets his lists from. He could just be making this stuff up. I really don't know.) and then do a little write up on his blog (Roman's Movie Blog) after he finishes watching each one. I know, I know. This sounds like something that someone could lose interest in real fast. (As the author, NOT as the reader. As the reader, I'm sure that you will be instantly mesmerized by his humor and insight.) But he has already proven his worth by taking two and a half years to watch each one of the "100 Greatest Movies of All Time". He's not going to give up after only a couple of movies. (AND his girlfriend apparently hated his last foray into movie watching, so it's not like he's going to give up an opportunity to annoy her all over again or anything!)

The point here is that he needs readers. Or something. Maybe give it a look. It would thrill him to no end if you actually followed his blog.

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Happy New Year 2011!

Happy New Year! Or, Happy Saturday (if you tend to look at these things like I do and realize that there's not all that much 'new' going on just because two digits in the year have changed)!

Holy canoli, I did it. I posted at least once, every day, for the third year in a row. What is wrong with me? Oh, right, overly opinionated and quite amusing, that's it! I ended 2009 with almost 400posts and that works out to right around 1.13 posts per day. That's a lot. I don't care who you are, that's a lot. If you have almost 400 of something, you have a lot of that thing. And since I'm not one to be a slacker (well, I'm not one to be a slacker so that everyone knows that I'm a slacker. I might be lazy, but I'm crafty!), that is going to have to be the minimum number of posts for me for 2011. And judging from the 2010 debacles that have not yet ironed themselves out, I'm sure that won't seem like such a lofty goal come May or June when I've really got a full head of steam. (And with so many people still wondering if President Barry is a Muslim who was born in Kenya? (He isn't and he wasn't, by the way.) This blog will practically write itself! And on some days, that really wouldn't be such a bad idea.)

Well, this is all starting to sound a little self serving here, so I need to get to the point that I had meant to hit on to begin with. Pretty much, the only reason that I had for posting every single day for a year was simply just to see if I could. That and to get better at....whatever this is. That's just how I work. If I have an ongoing project, I'd prefer that I continue to improve it and get better at whatever it is that I'm doing. And I really wanted to get better at this...whatever this is. And the first year of doing that was work. The second year, while I thought it would be easier, was more work in some ways (I did not see that coming). And while I think that I have gotten better at it, I know that there's no way I could have done it (nor would there have been a reason for it) almost 400 times if it hadn't been for those of you who read this and have encouraged me along the way to keep it up (lest you actually have to hear me rant about something) via your comments, your readership, your emails or just telling me in person:

La Belle Canadienne, (My link to Canada, America's Hat); Remi, my biggest fan in Germany (I'm huge in Europe!); Irritated Tulsan (Some days, he's more irritated than I am!); Granny Ann, for her consistent readership and frequent comments (I love the comments!); My dear, dear friend Julie, for sharing this blog with other people, for leaving great comments and for helping me to think about things in different ways (ie, Christine O'Donnell and Glenn Beck); CW (who was probably the first to let me know that I might be on to something here); Gerard, my London link to all that is whores; Ruth, my UK link to everything but the whores (which is perfectly fine!); CA (who reads the posts, well...who reads the comments in bulk and loves the pictures!), Kate, for reassuring me from time to time that I am still at least a little funny; Scott, for being my newfound friend, on the blog and off; King of New York Hacks, for his consistent presence; Terrier, because what's not to like about someone who seems to be around 16 years old and follows a blog like this? And finally, AliceAmplified (who has helped shape my critical thinking skills, been an avid, yet blog-mocking, supporter as well as the best friend one could ever imagine. She also writes extremely well, which has left me wanting to learn how to express things as well and as concisely as she can. I can get wordy if I'm not careful.).

You guys all rule. Thank you. Thanks for reading. Thanks for commenting. Thanks for coming back. Just thanks.

May all of you have an incredibly awesome 2011.

~ Mare

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Merry Christmas 2010!

I'm sure I could come up with something ludicrous to put here today. But I think I'll pass. It's Christmas. It just wouldn't seem....right. You know, kinda like one of those inflatable, lit up, manger scenes in someone's front yard? You know that the people mean well, but it just doesn't translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great.


I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)

I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.

The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.

And you know, I really do have more heartfelt feelings about people in my life than I either care to admit or am capable of expressing without either scaring the other person or becoming inadvertently engaged to four different individuals when I'm done. And at the risk of doing either or both of those things, I'd like to let those of you that I know personally know that I think you're all just great. Some a little greater than others, which means there are a few of you who really need to start pulling your weight a bit more, but I still love ya. Usually. And for those of you whom I don't know personally but who read this blog (and don't leave jackass comments), well, I think you guys are just swell also and I appreciate all of the reading. I know it's not always easy and that's why I really appreciate the effort.

So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! And to those of you not celebrating Thanksgiving today, Happy Thursday!

This may come as somewhat of a shock to some, but yes, even someone as cynical and as sarcastic as I can be on occasion (translation: with every living breath) can actually acknowledge things to be thankful for. And I have plenty of them. I don't know if I constantly think about them year round, but it does occur to me at times other than Thanksgiving that there's plenty to be thankful for.

See, it's coming up on almost ten years since an occurrence that I refer to as The Unfortunate Incident, when a bunch of stoic doctors were predicting that I had about an hour to live. Of course, no one bothered to tell me that. (I'm always the last to know these things.) And almost ten years later, I'm happy to report that, thankfully, they were wrong. (Actually, they probably got the diagnosis right, but just underestimated me is all. Hey, these things happen. No harm, no foul.) While I don't think about it all the time, at this time of year I do tend to think about how thankful I am that I have been able to continue living my life as if nothing ever happened (some minor mangling aside). It's awesome.

So here we go. My thankfulness for this year is that: I'm thankful for my crazy family...even if I don't tell them all that often. (And that trend will likely continue, thankfulness or not.) And if they ever figure out how to use The Innerwebs and find this, then they'll know.
I'm thankful for the things that are typically considered "the basics"; a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in. (Basics are good.)

I'm thankful that even though I write this blog, that doesn't necessarily make me 'a blogger'. (I prefer "That funny chick who writes stuff".) But more than that, I'm thankful that there are folks out there who actually read what I write and (for the most part) seem to enjoy it. That's awesome. Thanks.


I'm thankful for Guitar Hero (I will deny writing this, should it ever come up in conversation.)

And I'm way thankful for my friends for being my friends, even after all of this time.

Right about here is where most of you could stop reading if you wanted, but I hesitate to say that because I need at least one of you to keep on reading. (But besides that, if you stopped reading, you'd miss the most awesome Bloom County strip ever at the bottom.) And yes, it does matter which one of you needs to keep reading.

Dude, I am ridiculously thankful your friendship. I wouldn't have thought that someone who was so kind, real, polite, real polite (that's important, you know), smart, intelligent, really funny, honest, caring and just fun as hell, actually existed. But you do and it's awesome and I am way thankful for said awesomeness.


I'm thankful for all the times we've done stuff together (though not so thankful for the same damn menu at Chili's) and for your patience (and guidance and list of rules) with me during interactions with the general public. I'm thankful that I don't always have to be "on" when we're hanging out (even though I do miss the stand-up routine at times). And I'll deny this if it ever comes up, but I just think that's the coolest thing. Don't know what I'd do without ya. Happy Thanksgiving, dude.

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Jeanette's Makeup

OK, I'm prefacing this with how I don't do this very often, so no complaining. Besides, y'all already got a "real" post today, so this is just gravy. Mmm...gravy.

The sister of one of my oldest and dearest friends (I know that makes me sound like I'm one hundred or something, but when you've known someone since you were sixteen and now you're, well, not sixteen, 24 years is a long time!) is an awesome makeup artist. She does all sorts of cool stuff and is really good at it.
Yesterday she ditched her website in favor of a blog and claims that she'll be updating it regularly (as was apparently not the case with the website). Have I mentioned that she's really good at what she does? Yeah, she is. And her blog has great photos that showcase her obvious talents.

Anyway, if you feel like it, give her blog a look. But more importantly, if you know someone who needs something like a fake butcher knife embedded in their melon or a fake tattoo of a tiger that covers their entire back (both scenarios involve what is known around my place as "Friday night"), then Jeanette is the chick for all of those odd, odd needs! And you can contact her as well as see several pictures of her awesome work over at Jeanette's Makeup. Yes, click that. Click that now. I appreciate it (and coming from me, that's sayin' a lot).

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Facebook Police to the Rescue

Look, we all know that there are people out there who are a-holes. And the best defense against said a-holes is to keep away from them. You know them when you see them, so just stay away. And while that is perfectly logical rule of thumb to follow, that sort of logic seems to just go right out the window when it comes to Facebook.

See, on Facebook, if someone sends a "friend request" to someone that they hardly know, barely know or perhaps don't even know at all, chances are good that the other person (the one whom they don't know, that is correct) will accept their "friend request" and allow them access to their sequestered Facebook world. This is something that I do not understand. It may be that I don't get it because I don't feel the need to boost my own ego with a falsely inflated friend count. Currently I have 42 friends on my Facebook page and I have some sort of a personal relationship with every one of them. Even so, from time to time I find myself wondering what in the hell I'm doing with 42 friends and briefly perusing them to see if there's anywhere that I can cut back. (I haven't found anyone yet. Nice work, guys. Keep it up!)

Look, having people that you don't really know on your Facebook page means that you could be electronically fraternizing with psychopaths, serial killers, child molesters and the list goes on. I highly doubt that is the case in most instances, but what I will guess is the case in most instances is that you're electronically fraternizing with morons. Mouth breathing, paste eating morons.

I'll attempt to make my case by bringing you the ordeal of a one eighteen year old Rebecca Davey of Southend, Essex (that's in England) and her small child, Ollie (cute name). According to the folks across the pond at the Mail Online, Rebecca had posted a picture on Facebook of her child, the previously aforementioned Ollie, with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Behold!

OK, part of me sees that picture and the first thing that part thinks is "Awww..." Then the other part of me sees that picture and wonders if that first part of me should have been thinking "Awww..." Whether I should have thought "Awww..." or not, I know what I most certainly should not have been thinking. What I shouldn't have been thinking was, "Oh, my God! I have to call the police!" Wait. What?

Correct. According to the article Rebecca "...was reported by online friends who spotted the picture of baby Ollie." What I find most disturbing about that, other than all of it, is the part where it appears to be plural. Plural. As in 'more than one'. More than one person who acted like a Deutschbank and called the cops because the kid had an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you people?

It became apparent that something was amiss when "Some w***** reported me to the police abwt picture off ollie." Being as how this was in England, I'm guessing that the "w" word is wanker. And wanker indeed. (I did not know that you couldn't print wanker in the papers in England. What's the American equivalent of wanker? D**khead? You certainly can't print d**khead, but I don't think you could print that in England either. I'm open to any theories or knowledge on this subject.)

Here's what I am going to hope happened. I'm going to hope/assume that Rebecca 'friended' a bunch of people on Facebook that she didn't actually know. People that you don't' actually know are more likely to act like morons than people that you do know, especially when it comes to being sanctimonious and calling the cops for something as harmless as a photo of a baby with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Those people, those self-congratulatory, pious, judgmental individuals are the ones that were the problem. I'm hoping that if she had only kept people that she actually knew on her Facebook that this wouldn't have happened because when people actually know you they don't tend to go running off to the police for something as asinine as this. Granted, having a photo of your kid with a cigarette plastered on Facebook probably isn't the best idea anyone has ever come up with, but it shouldn't result in having the cops come to your house for a welfare check on the kid.

By the way, "Essex police visited Rebecca's home in Southend, Essex, but said there were 'no immediate concerns' for the child's welfare. Social services also made inquiries." See? Just because you've got a cute little picture of a child with tobacco doesn't mean that you're a bad mother. Rebecca later posted "Why Would SomeOne Do That To Me U Ollie No was taking U Yur Mine for lyfee Darlinggg Mummy Loves You :)" There you have it. If you're going to turn this chick in for anything, what say you make it to the Grammar Police or something. But if you're going to make your life available on Facebook, what say you only 'friend' people that you know and lessen the chances that you're going to have some moron go running off to the cops because they have deemed your parenting skills to be less than able. After all, there's a reason why it's called "friending". Think about it.

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Merry Christmas 2009!

I'm sure I could come up with something ludicrous to put here today. But I think I'll pass. It's Christmas. It just wouldn't seem....right. You know, kinda like one of those inflatable, lit up, manger scenes in someone's front yard? You know that the people mean well, but it just doesn't translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great.


I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)

I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.

The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.

And you know, I really do have more heartfelt feelings about people in my life than I either care to admit or am capable of expressing without either scaring the other person or becoming inadvertently engaged to four different individuals when I'm done. And at the risk of doing either or both of those things, I'd like to let those of you that I know personally know that I think you're all just great. Some a little greater than others, which means there are a few of you who really need to start pulling your weight a bit more, but I still love ya. Usually. And for those of you whom I don't know personally but who read this blog (and don't leave jackass comments), well, I think you guys are just swell also and I appreciate all of the reading. I know it's not always easy and that's why I really appreciate the effort.

So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! And to those of you not celebrating Thanksgiving today, Happy Thursday!

This may come as somewhat of a shock to some, but yes, even someone as cynical and as sarcastic as I can be on occasion (translation: with every living breath) can actually acknowledge things to be thankful for. And I have plenty of them. I don't know if I constantly think about them year round, but it does occur to me at times other than Thanksgiving that there's plenty to be thankful for.

See, it's coming up on almost nine years since an occurrence that I refer to as The Unfortunate Incident, when a bunch of stoic doctors were predicting that I had about an hour to live. Of course, no one bothered to tell me that. (I'm always the last to know these things.) And almost nine years later, I'm happy to report that, thankfully, they were wrong. (Actually, they probably got the diagnosis right, but just underestimated me is all. Hey, these things happen. No harm, no foul.) While I don't think about it all the time, at this time of year I do tend to think about how thankful I am that I have been able to continue living my life as if nothing ever happened (some minor mangling aside). It's awesome.

So here we go. My thankfulness for this year is that: I'm thankful for my crazy family...even if I don't tell them all that often. (And that trend will likely continue, thankfulness or not.) And if they ever figure out how to use The Innerwebs and find this, then they'll know.
I'm thankful for the things that are typically considered "the basics"; a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and a bed to sleep in. (Basics are good.)

I'm thankful that even though I write this blog, that doesn't necessarily make me 'a blogger'. (I prefer "That funny chick who writes stuff".) But more than that, I'm thankful that there are folks out there who actually read what I write and (for the most part) seem to enjoy it. That's awesome. Thanks.


I'm thankful for Guitar Hero (I will deny writing this, should it ever come up in conversation.)

And I'm way thankful for my friends for being my friends, even after all of this time.

Right about here is where most of you could stop reading if you wanted, but I hesitate to say that because I need at least one of you to keep on reading. (But besides that, if you stopped reading, you'd miss the most awesome Bloom County strip ever at the bottom.) And yes, it does matter which one of you needs to keep reading.

Dude, I am ridiculously thankful your friendship. I wouldn't have thought that someone who was so kind, real, polite, real polite (that's important, you know), smart, intelligent, really funny, honest, caring and just fun as hell, actually existed. But you do and it's awesome and I am way thankful for said awesomeness.


I'm thankful for all the times we've done stuff together (though not so thankful for the same damn menu at Chili's) and for your patience (and guidance and list of rules) with me during interactions with the general public. I'm thankful that I don't always have to be "on" when we're hanging out (even though I do miss the stand-up routine at times). And I'll deny this if it ever comes up, but I just think that's the coolest thing. Don't know what I'd do without ya. Happy Thanksgiving, dude.

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