Dan Wacky-royd

Well, add Dan Aykroyd to the list of wacky celebrities. Wacky celebrities with wacky ideas that they share with the world via centarian Larry King on CNN.

Now, I don't know why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King. I can't possibly imagine what the topic was. And it's not like I would trust CNN to tell me at this point anyway. For cryin' out loud, their captioning guy can't even spell "consultant" correctly. Behold!

"Consulatant". Great. Anyway, if spelling were the wackiest thing that was going on here, I'd consider all of us quite lucky. But it's not. Nope. Not even close. From what I can tell, Dan was asked about what he thinks about aliens and whether or not they have visited this planet. Please note that considering the caption says that he is a "consulatant" for something called the "Mutual UFO Network", it's a pretty safe bet that he's going to be pro-alien in this instance.

But what IS the Mutual UFO Network you ask before I can get to the kooky talk? Well, according to their website, "Founded in 1969, the Mutual UFO Network, Inc. (MUFON) is a nonprofit corporation dedicated, through its volunteers, to resolving the scientific enigma known collectively as unidentified flying objects (UFOs)." Hmmm. Now, look, it would be rather egotistical (I think) for one to think that planet Earth is the ONLY planet in this ridiculously huge solar system that has intelligent life. I'm good with that. But it's when people start talking all crazy about it that it starts sounding just completely nuts. Kinda like Dan Aykroyd did.

Just like I can't quite surmise why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King, I can't possibly guess as to what he was asked that would make him give this rambling diatribe:

"They only land in isolated places. They have taken people, I believe. They do have technology. Lord Hill Norton of the, uh, British Defense Staff said that he believed 23 people, er, 23 different species are coming because they don't want anything to do with us. I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact with any alien species out there. Especially after 9/11 when we broke our toys in the sandbox. If they were observing that, goodbye human race. And, uh, honestly, I don't think they're a mass threat, but I do believe they're breaking the law. I'm serious. Title eighteen twelve-oh-two. Read the Travis Walton story." OK, then. What do you say to that? I'll get right on it?

I suppose that I'd have to start off with "What in the hell are you talking about, sir?! Lord who? The Waltons? What? Sandbox? 9/11? Goodbye? What?!" You know how on an iPod you can put it on "Shuffle" and it will just randomly search through your iPod and then start playing songs at random? It's like Dan Aykroyd put his vocabulary on "Shuffle" and words just started flying out of his mouth at random. What in the world is he talking about?

And even though I don't know what you'd say and I don't know what I'd say, I certainly know what Larry King said. He asked him (of all things), "How do you arrest them?" And while that is a seemingly valid question, given everything Dan was just spouting off about, it's kind of the least of the things that I was really curious about, you know?

But Dan answered him with "Uh, that's the king. The FBI should be on that right away. I don't think they're a mass threat. If you want to save lives in this country, teach people to drive better, remove the cocaine appetite in the United States and stop people from texting while driving. That's the way to save lives." Wait. What's the king? I missed that part (and believe me, I was paying very close attention). Why did cocaine get brought into this? Are people doing the cocaine while they're texting while driving? I certainly hope not. That seems like an awful lot to try to manage all at the same time. The cell phone, the mirror, the straw...it does seem dangerous, though.

He came up with all of that in answer to how does one arrest these aliens that are here and breaking law eighteen twelve-oh-two in a way that may or may not involve a one Travis Walton?! Are you kidding me?

He finished up with, "I look at this...I look at this through the entertainment filter, Larry. That's what I do." That's hard to disagree with. It was definitely entertaining. Crazy as a pet coon, but entertaining none the less. The video of him spouting such entertainment is below. If you can make heads or tails out of it, please, for the love of God, let me know. It's things like this that tend to keep me up at night. Sometimes.

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Yum, Yum, Yum, Here Comes the Sun

Well, well, well, Japan. You've certainly created an interesting situation over there for yourself now, haven't you? I'd say that you have! You go off and elect yourself a new prime minister and you think everything is just fine and then you think, "Hey....I wonder what that guy's wife is like?" And that's when you find out she's been to Venus on a UFO and eats the sun each morning. Japan, you elected her husband, who chose to marry her, as your new leader. Wait. We did what? What now?

Japan, you have a new prime minister in one Yukio Hatoyama. From what I can tell, he's like the Barack Obama of Japan. Changey McOptimism. Yep, sounds to me like y'all wanted yourself some change and hoo-boy did you ever get some change!

Your new leader is married to a one Miyuki Hatoyama, making her your new first lady. On September 16, she will step into her new role, one that The Guardian describes as being "that of pedlar of new age bunkum." You know, I think Michelle Obama briefly considering being a "pedlar of new age bunkum" but I think she decided to plant that vegetable garden instead. It's easier to explain a zucchini growing in the East Lawn than it is to explain how you ended up on Venus. Allegedly.

Mrs. Hatoyama (I'm assuming that's her official title; do forgive me if it's not) has told of one of her morning rituals when she told the media, "I eat the sun. Like this:" And this is where she reaches her arms up and simulates what I envision to be picking fruit off of a tree, only she is picking pieces of the sun. "Yum, yum, yum. It gives me enormous energy. My husband has recently started doing that too." Somehow, I can't imagine President Barry and Michelle snacking on the sun first thing in the morning or while out walking Bo. But wait. Um, your husband has started this sun snacking of yours? Your husband who is the new prime minister of Japan? You're telling us that he's a sun snacker? Oh, boy. Care to share anything else with us, Mrs. First Lady of the Asylum?

Apparently this woman also writes cookbooks and titles them in such a way that you'll be sure to know what you're getting when you pick up, for example, Hatoyama Miyuki's Hawaiian Spiritual Food. Granted, while you know that you'll be getting a book about Hawaiian spiritual food, you likely won't have any idea what in the hell Hawaiian spiritual food is, but at least you won't be blindsided. Again, according to The Guardian "She makes her own clothes (including a skirt made from hemp coffee bags)." Well, that sounds simply lovely. I'm sure it's a best seller over in Columbia. Also, "...as she demonstrated during the election campaign, can also do a very passable Moonwalk." "Passable" meaning...what...exactly? Will we really think she's on the moon? From what I can tell so far, she won't have to moonwalk in order for us to believe that she's on another planet.

Speaking of her books, her book that is really drawing some attention lately is "Very Strange Things I've Encountered." I'm guessing Chapter One is about herself? That sounds like a really good place to start if you're asking me! But it's in this book that she claims "...she was abducted by aliens as she slept one night 20 years ago, then whisked off to the final frontier." Uh-huh. I'm afraid I'm going to need a few more details before declaring you a complete nutjob. "While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green." There. That should do it.

It was very green? On Venus? How did she know that she was on Venus? Maybe she was whisked off to Al Gore's house, she doesn't know! Oh, but she thinks that she does know. She was married once before (shocking, I know!) and when she told Husband Number One about her Venusian travels, he told her that she had probably been dreaming. Husband Number One seems rational, so it's no wonder that they're divorced. But her current husband, the prime minister of Japan (whose nickname is "the Alien" due to his "...sometimes otherworldly manner and an unkind reference to his prominent eyes." Does he have prominent eyes, you ask? Let's see. Behold!

OK, then. Fair enough. Where was I? Oh, right! Her trip to Venus and her husband's reaction. When she told the man who is now the prime minister of Japan that she had traveled to Venus via triangular shaped UFO, he was much more accommodating that Husband Number One and simply has the "Oh, that's great" attitude about the whole thing. I guess "Oh, that's great" is the Japanese equivalent of the American "Yes, dear." I wonder if he'd have the same attitude upon hearing of how "...she had met Tom Cruise in a previous life."

Tom....Cruise? Tom from The Couch?

Yes. Tom Cruise. He was Japanese in that life, you know. Actually, I'm being rather sarcastic, as Tom Cruise is no more Japanese in this or any other life than he was Japanese in that Last Samurai movie or whatever that was. And Mrs. Cuckoo Bird First Lady seems to think that if she were to meet Tom Cruise in this current like that he "...would recognise me when I see him and say: 'Long time, no see!' I'm not quite convinced that he's going to say exactly that after hearing about how you think he was a Japanese acquaintance of yours in a previous life. He might say "Security!"

Her husband, the newly elected prime minister of Japan, says that his wife is "like an energy-refuelling base." Hey! Wait a minute! I thought that the sun gave you your energy?! You know! The sun that you snack on every morning whilst muttering "yum, yum, yum" or something to that effect? Yes! THAT sun! He's really going to need to narrow down where his source of energy is. Is it the sun or is it his wife? Any administration really needs consistency to thrive.

I find it a little odd that Mr. Hatoyama is so OK with all of this. Then again, maybe she threatened to cast some sort of outer space, Venusian curse on him if he said anything. Then he'd end up looking like the Great Gazoo or something. I can't help but feeling a little bit jealous and an awful lot disappointed at the same time. This would be a great scandal/controversy/whatever here in the US. Can you imagine? People are freaking out over health care and President Barry talking to the kids about staying in school. What in the heck would happen if they got wind of Michelle eating the sun "yum, yum, yum" every morning for breakfast?! They'd forget all about President Barry being a secret Muslim, that's for sure!

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The Fungus Among Us

How much exposure do you think those who live in Russia have to the rest of the world? What kind of media sources do they have and what exactly are their sources providing them with? News? Pop culture? (Though I do not know exactly what would constitute "pop culture" in Russia, but the question is still valid!) Tabloid gossip? Dr. Phil-ski? Whatever it is, either it's not very extensive or they just don't get it. I base that conclusion on a picture that a Russian student claims that she took of a UFO while she was in studying in London.

The first thing that I found odd about that claim is that she was in London when she took the picture of the UFO. I don't recall hearing about a lot of trailer parks in London. Hmmm. Interesting. The second odd thing was where she was when she saw the object and took the picture. Anastasiya Gavrilenko says that she was at Ribblesdown Park in Croydon, South London when she heard a noise and looked up in the sky and saw the object. Now, it appears to have been during the day when this occurred, so I'm having difficulty with some big huge object hurtling through the sky in the middle of the day, in the middle of London (there's a lot of middling over there in England) and the only person who notices it is a 17-year old girl and she's from out of town! None of the regular reisdents of the town see it. None of the people who live their entire lives there see it. No, instead it's the temporary foreigner who senses something out of the ordinary is afoot and and quick as a whip, she snaps a photo! Of course. And she's the only one. Again, Hmmm.

But really, the thing that really made me a little skeptical (she's totally lying!) was the picture itself. Behold! A picture of a UFO taken in London by a Russian.

OK, I think I can speak for most when I say, WTF is that? Um, Ana? Yeah. Sweetie? See...um, that's not a UFO. No, that's a mushroom. More specifically, that is half of a mushroom. But a mushroom none the less. And from what I've heard, scientists these days are beginning to realize that UFOs and mushrooms are different.

There are no clouds in the photo, no one else saw the UFF (Unidentified Flying Fungus), it's pretty blurry for a photo taken with any camera in the year 2008 and, most importantly, it's a mushroom. Let's compare: Here's the UFF:

And here's a mushroom:


Yep. They're the same!

See, that is why I question what their exposure is to everything else in the world. Did she not think that someone out there MIGHT be able to look at that and say, "Didn't I see that on my pizza last night?" Does she really think that a blurry photo of an edible fungi that has the consistency of an eraser would be so much better than a Photoshop scam job that she would get away with it when so many others have tried to pull it off and failed miserably? I just can't come up with any other rationale for it. And why a mushroom? Why not something more complex? Like an artichoke. have you seen one of those things? They're crazy looking. I would have believed that before I would have bought the 'shroom story here.

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