Always Wear Sunscreen

Stories like this one make me want to strangle someone.  What we have here is a couple of kids who were at school and they went on a field trip.  They were outside for five hours, but the children were not allowed to put on sunscreen.  Why not?  Because according to either the "school policy" or the "statewide law" (it's a little unclear as to which means of asshattery was involved her) "...teachers are not allowed to apply sunscreen to students and students can only apply it to themselves if they have a doctor's note."  What the actual eff is going on over there? 

According to the Huffington Post, a one Jesse Michener of Washington had two of her children come home from a school field day with sunburns that were so bad that they "hurt to look at".  After seeing pictures of the kids, I'm going to have to agree with that assessment.  Behold!

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The kid on the left looks just miserable.  Not that the kid on the right has fared any better.  But holy canoli, is that a bright red sunburn she's got there.  Ms. Michener has documented this incident on her blog, "Life. Photographed." She says that after contacting the principal and asking why her children were not provided with sunscreen for the outing, the response "...centered around the the school inability to administer what they considered a prescription/medication (sunscreen) for liability reasons."  And this is where my head starts to explode.  See, if you buy something in the store and you don't need a (wait for it) prescription in order to purchase it, then it is by definition NOT a "prescription".  And since when is sunscreen considered to be a "medication"?!  It's sunscreen, for cryin' out loud!  But wait!  There's more! 

 

In the telling of this tale of administrative idiocy, she mentions that during said field trip, "...their teacher used sunscreen in her presence and that it was 'just for her'."  Oh, so the teacher knew enough to put sunscreen on herself, but wouldn't put any on the children for fear of some sort of liability repercussion?!  You have got to be kidding me?  How much of a sheeple is that teacher?  Good Lord.  Follow the policy to the letter of the law or else!  Never mind whether or not it's an asinine rule that will do more harm that good!  That's what it says, so God forbid if you actually do some thinking on your own and do something about it!  Nope, just let those kids get massive sunburns and then you can sleep well at night knowing that you followed the ridiculous rule because that's what you are supposed to do!  Good job, moron.

Now, maybe you're sitting over there and I haven't quite incensed you just enough yet.  Maybe you're sitting there thinking, "Well, if they couldn't wear sunscreen, they should at least have worn a hat to keep the sun off of their faces."  You'd think that, wouldn't you?  But guess what?  No, really.  Go ahead and guess!  I'll wait.  Did you guess?  OK, if you guessed that hats are not allowed at school even on field trip days, step forward and claim your prize!  That's right.  They don't allow hats and they don't allow kids to use sunscreen unless they have a prescription and put it on themselves.  (Have you ever seen a little kid put on sunscreen?  Let's just say that they're not very good at it.  You know why?  Because they're little kids!  They're not good at much!  They haven't been around very long!)

As you can imagine, this received quite a bit of attention, mostly from Ms. Michener being angry as hell that she had stupid people in charge of her children during the day.  She actually received a call from the Director of Elementary Education in Tacoma Public Schools. According to her blog, "...a new law – just on the books since June 7 – allowed for districts to make their own distinctions about what is and isn’t allowed at school with regard to sunscreen and other over-the-counter medications."  And while all of that is fine and good, let's just back up a little bit.  At some point, I'm guessing that more than one person came up with the previous policy.  And more than one person had to have said, "Yeah, I think that's a good idea.  I think it's good that the kids need a prescription from a doctor in order to put on over the counter sunscreen.  And if they're out in the sun for an extended period of time and they don't have a prescription, I think it's a fabulous idea that they not be allowed to use any.  I completely agree with this policy.  Let's implement it immediately!"  And they DID.  Who ARE those people?  They need to be removed from their jobs because they are so concerned with "liability" that they can't DO their jobs effectively.  What sort of liability could their be with sunscreen?  Is the kid going to be too slippery for a little while?  I don't get it. 

People that are in positions of authority and decision making who only go by the rules in the book should not be in those positions.  It goes without saying that if something is going to be run by the rules in a book, then why bother having the person there in the first place?  Just follow the rules and things will be fine.  There's no need for personal intervention.  It's all right there in the book.  We are fast becoming an over-regulated society which is void of people who are able to think for themselves and on their own.  Couple that with a bunch of morons who make non-sensical rules and regulations in the first place and it's a recipe for the sort of disaster that Ms. Michener's small children got to experience first hand.  Doomed, I tell you.  We're doomed. 

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Yum, Yum, Yum, Here Comes the Sun

Well, well, well, Japan. You've certainly created an interesting situation over there for yourself now, haven't you? I'd say that you have! You go off and elect yourself a new prime minister and you think everything is just fine and then you think, "Hey....I wonder what that guy's wife is like?" And that's when you find out she's been to Venus on a UFO and eats the sun each morning. Japan, you elected her husband, who chose to marry her, as your new leader. Wait. We did what? What now?

Japan, you have a new prime minister in one Yukio Hatoyama. From what I can tell, he's like the Barack Obama of Japan. Changey McOptimism. Yep, sounds to me like y'all wanted yourself some change and hoo-boy did you ever get some change!

Your new leader is married to a one Miyuki Hatoyama, making her your new first lady. On September 16, she will step into her new role, one that The Guardian describes as being "that of pedlar of new age bunkum." You know, I think Michelle Obama briefly considering being a "pedlar of new age bunkum" but I think she decided to plant that vegetable garden instead. It's easier to explain a zucchini growing in the East Lawn than it is to explain how you ended up on Venus. Allegedly.

Mrs. Hatoyama (I'm assuming that's her official title; do forgive me if it's not) has told of one of her morning rituals when she told the media, "I eat the sun. Like this:" And this is where she reaches her arms up and simulates what I envision to be picking fruit off of a tree, only she is picking pieces of the sun. "Yum, yum, yum. It gives me enormous energy. My husband has recently started doing that too." Somehow, I can't imagine President Barry and Michelle snacking on the sun first thing in the morning or while out walking Bo. But wait. Um, your husband has started this sun snacking of yours? Your husband who is the new prime minister of Japan? You're telling us that he's a sun snacker? Oh, boy. Care to share anything else with us, Mrs. First Lady of the Asylum?

Apparently this woman also writes cookbooks and titles them in such a way that you'll be sure to know what you're getting when you pick up, for example, Hatoyama Miyuki's Hawaiian Spiritual Food. Granted, while you know that you'll be getting a book about Hawaiian spiritual food, you likely won't have any idea what in the hell Hawaiian spiritual food is, but at least you won't be blindsided. Again, according to The Guardian "She makes her own clothes (including a skirt made from hemp coffee bags)." Well, that sounds simply lovely. I'm sure it's a best seller over in Columbia. Also, "...as she demonstrated during the election campaign, can also do a very passable Moonwalk." "Passable" meaning...what...exactly? Will we really think she's on the moon? From what I can tell so far, she won't have to moonwalk in order for us to believe that she's on another planet.

Speaking of her books, her book that is really drawing some attention lately is "Very Strange Things I've Encountered." I'm guessing Chapter One is about herself? That sounds like a really good place to start if you're asking me! But it's in this book that she claims "...she was abducted by aliens as she slept one night 20 years ago, then whisked off to the final frontier." Uh-huh. I'm afraid I'm going to need a few more details before declaring you a complete nutjob. "While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place, and it was very green." There. That should do it.

It was very green? On Venus? How did she know that she was on Venus? Maybe she was whisked off to Al Gore's house, she doesn't know! Oh, but she thinks that she does know. She was married once before (shocking, I know!) and when she told Husband Number One about her Venusian travels, he told her that she had probably been dreaming. Husband Number One seems rational, so it's no wonder that they're divorced. But her current husband, the prime minister of Japan (whose nickname is "the Alien" due to his "...sometimes otherworldly manner and an unkind reference to his prominent eyes." Does he have prominent eyes, you ask? Let's see. Behold!

OK, then. Fair enough. Where was I? Oh, right! Her trip to Venus and her husband's reaction. When she told the man who is now the prime minister of Japan that she had traveled to Venus via triangular shaped UFO, he was much more accommodating that Husband Number One and simply has the "Oh, that's great" attitude about the whole thing. I guess "Oh, that's great" is the Japanese equivalent of the American "Yes, dear." I wonder if he'd have the same attitude upon hearing of how "...she had met Tom Cruise in a previous life."

Tom....Cruise? Tom from The Couch?

Yes. Tom Cruise. He was Japanese in that life, you know. Actually, I'm being rather sarcastic, as Tom Cruise is no more Japanese in this or any other life than he was Japanese in that Last Samurai movie or whatever that was. And Mrs. Cuckoo Bird First Lady seems to think that if she were to meet Tom Cruise in this current like that he "...would recognise me when I see him and say: 'Long time, no see!' I'm not quite convinced that he's going to say exactly that after hearing about how you think he was a Japanese acquaintance of yours in a previous life. He might say "Security!"

Her husband, the newly elected prime minister of Japan, says that his wife is "like an energy-refuelling base." Hey! Wait a minute! I thought that the sun gave you your energy?! You know! The sun that you snack on every morning whilst muttering "yum, yum, yum" or something to that effect? Yes! THAT sun! He's really going to need to narrow down where his source of energy is. Is it the sun or is it his wife? Any administration really needs consistency to thrive.

I find it a little odd that Mr. Hatoyama is so OK with all of this. Then again, maybe she threatened to cast some sort of outer space, Venusian curse on him if he said anything. Then he'd end up looking like the Great Gazoo or something. I can't help but feeling a little bit jealous and an awful lot disappointed at the same time. This would be a great scandal/controversy/whatever here in the US. Can you imagine? People are freaking out over health care and President Barry talking to the kids about staying in school. What in the heck would happen if they got wind of Michelle eating the sun "yum, yum, yum" every morning for breakfast?! They'd forget all about President Barry being a secret Muslim, that's for sure!

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