Don't Throw Rocks And Keep Your Clothes On, Too

I've professed many times before that there is someone for everyone out there. The unfortunate part of that reality is that if you're an idiot, that means there's someone out there who is just as dense as you are. The tricky part is going to be for the two of you to somehow overcome your stupidity in order to bump into each other and live numbly and dumbly ever after.


Unfortunately, these two morons here, Joshua Sizemore and Amanda Madison, did manage to find each other. They also managed to find one of the stupidest ways to get each other to take their clothes off. That would be by playing a "stripping" game called (according to Joshua Sizemore, age old enough to know better, 23) "Sex Me" that involved looking for cars with a headlight out. The first person to see a car with only one headlight would blurt out "Sex me" and the other person would have to take off an article of clothing. There does not appear to be anything in the rules which say that this type of game needs to be played from an overpass and nor does it say anything about throwing rocks off of the overpass as simply an "on the side" aspect of the game.

Aside from it sounding like a stupid game in the first place (have they never heard of strip poker? It's overpass free!), what in the hell does seeing a car without a headlight have to do with yelling "Sex me!"? I am failing to see the connection between one headlight and sex. Is only one headlight sexy? Is having one headlight the international symbol for 'take off your clothes'? One has nothing to do with the other. I mean, take Slug Bug for instance. First person who sees a VW bug yells "Slug Bug!" and then they slug the other person (preferably as hard as they can, with little to no regard for the rule that says you're not supposed to hit that hard) in the arm. (Or the face. It usually depended on how closely Mom or Dad was watching us on our torturously long drives on whatever family kidnappingvacation we were shuttled off on.) Now THAT makes sense. One headlight? An overpass? Yelling "Sex me!"? Taking off an article of clothing? (Which, I'll point out again, doesn't have anything to do with the instruction "sex me". If you wanted to be "sexed" that badly, you'd just take off all of your clothes for no reason whatsoever and yell it. Sure, it sounds extremely slutty, but at least THAT would make sense!) Yeah, none of that makes sense.

Fortunately, they were arrested, but unfortunately it was not before this pair of geniuii (plural of genius, that is correct) managed to hit FOURTEEN cars with their rocks. Now, Amanda claims that they weren't trying to hit cars, so I guess that would mean that we're just supposed to believe that they got really unlucky that they DID hit that many cars while also getting really lucky that they didn't kill anyone. Y'all might want to claim you weren't trying to hit any cars, but considering fourteen of them got hit, you certainly weren't trying to NOT hit any of them either.

And by the way, when they were arrested, little snowflake Amanda there was in her underwear. Aside from her partner obviously being one with a keen eye, my God, Washington. How many of y'all are driving around with only one headlight in order for this chick to end up mostly unclad?

Somehow some of the local news channels, one being King5 News managed to get these two to do an on camera interview with them. Some of the questions posed to Amanda were things like: Could you tell that you had hit cars? (Why yes! Yes they could! And for someone who claims that they weren't trying to do that, I guess you two just thought of that as an added bonus to the late night, freeway overpass stripping game you were so engrossed in at the time?)

As far as how she felt about everything that had happened, she said, ""It was just a dumb little prank I did. It's not funny at all. Fourteen people got injured because of me. And it shouldn't have been that way." What way should it have been, cupcake? Are you unaware that you had complete control over how this turned out? You should be! But I see you sitting there all red eyed and teary, and you don't strike me as being nearly the box of rocks that your boyfriend is and I have the feeling you are and you were very well aware of what you were doing. Those tears don't seem to be remorseful for what you've done as much as they seem to be regretful that you got caught.

But back to the fourteen cars with the fourteen rocks that were the size of fourteen baseballs. Where does one get that many rocks (or pieces of concrete, cement, whatever it was that might make it a member of the rock family) up on an overpass? It's not like it was some mountainside tunnel or anything. It was just an overpass. Is it crumbling so badly that you can just rip off chunks of it and launch them off the side into oncoming traffic? One would hope not, but the rocks came from somewhere.

In an interview with another local news station, this time KOMO News, Joshua does not strike me as the brightest bulb on the tree. And while he doesn't strike me as a complete moron, he definitely does strike me as someone who has lost a few hundred thousand brain cells over the course of his existence and who is definitely closer to "complete moron" than not.

"I didn't think it would kill, COULD kill somebody. I wasn't aiming for...death."

Reporter: "You didn't realize you could have killed somebody?"

Joshua: "I could?"

Reporter: "Yeah. You didn't realize that?"

Joshua: "I didn't realize it was deadly."

When asked what he would say to the people who had their cars damaged by the rocks dropped from the overpass by these two incredibly asinine individuals, Joshua indicated that he wished he could go back in time and just stay at his home and drink his beer as opposed to drink his beer and then go out to the bridge and participate in all of the shenanigans that followed. (Oh, what was that? Alcohol was involved? Shocking!) He also said that he wished that he could tell the people that he "was sorry and have them believe me." That sounds to me like Joshua has had to apologize to others for things that he's done BEFORE this little incident. He also said that he wanted them to know that he "...just wanted to go and have some fun with Amanda. I didn't mean for rocks to get involved." :::: sigh ::::

I'll give them that, even though I'm questioning their overall reason for appearing remorseful, both do seem to be apologetic. And they don't seem to be making excuses for their behavior either, which is quite stunning, really. So do I still think they need to go to jail? Yeah. They do. And they both seem rather resigned to the fact that they're likely going to end up in jail for at least a while. They've each been charged with 14 felonies. And Amanda just turned 18 last month. Welcome to adulthood! Here are your felonies.

I guess I wish all idiots could be as seemingly remorseful as these two are and I guess I wish that all idiots could at least learn something from their stupidity. Hopefully it won't be learning through the inadvertent death of an innocent motorist who just happened to be driving by when two drunk, half-naked halfwits decide to launch rocks off of an overpass. But sadly, the only way that most idiots ever learn anything is by acting idiotic (it is of their nature; it's right their in the name: Idiot) and then getting in trouble, at which point they learn why what they were doing was, in fact, idiotic.

But as far as these two idiots go? I'm just glad they didn't kill anyone. (Video of Amanda's interview below.)

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OMG! They Hacked Our Sign!

There seems to be a new "trend" or "pastime" that's been going on recently. I don't know what it's called (if it has a specific, kitschy kind of name, I haven't heard it yet. But I'm sure some moron will come up with one and I'll be sick of it by noon.), but whatever it is, it's pretty darn funny.

You know those electronic signs that they have on the highway when there is construction going on? The signs tell you there's "Road Work Ahead" or "Left Lane Closed". (They should probably say "Your Tax Dollars Were Overspent For This Project", but I digress.) And whenever the damn signs are on, for some reason, people feel the need to slow down to almost a crawl so that they can see what the sign says. I don't know why all the slowness needs to happen. It's usually three or four words. Besides, since when do these people (the slow-downers) ever pay attention to anything else that they're doing when driving? They're too busy yammering up a storm on their cell phone while they shave and read the morning paper during their commute, but if there's an electronic sign message, well by God, they have to slow right down because God forbid if they miss that! Please.

Those signs have a little box in the back of them with a little keyboard device so that the construction guys (or the official sign message composer dude) can type in what they want the sign to say. It's your basic electronic message board. The old EMB. That's right. Sometimes the keyboard part is locked. Other times it isn't. It's the times it isn't when "pranksters" have taken it upon themselves to change the message appearing on the sign. Hilarity has then ensued. Behold! Highway hilarity!

Whoever thought of that....I love them. That's awesome. Nazi zombies, nice touch! You hear about zombies once in a while, but not so much those of the Nazi persuasion, so nice job! Very funny. What else ya got? Behold! What else they got!

Again, whomever is responsible....I love them.

Now, I know that some folks are complaining about these pranks, calling them "dangerous" and "distracting". Dangerous? Eh, only if the sign used to say "Watch out for that tree" or something like that. Things like "Left Lane Closed Ahead" that's important and could cause a problem if people didn't know that. But being as how they're likely to slow down to read the sign in the first place, they shouldn't have much of a problem merging.

Because I do realize that something like this could (technically) cause a hazardous situation I, of course, can't condone nor endorse such behavior. (But as I alluded to previously, there are a lot of things that contribute to a "hazardous situation" on the highway and I'm thinking that a sign warning of Nazi zombies might be the least of those things. Come on! I was almost sideswiped the other day by some chick who obviously didn't see that I was already in the lane where she wanted to be because she was busy eating her Chinese food with chopsticks as she drove! These folks are worried about a sign warning of zombies? Please.) However, I most certainly can think it's funny as hell. And I do! And the one below is my absolute favorite. Not a lot of things cause me to literally LOL, but the one below did. (Actually, it's not the actual sign. But it is what it said.) Down in Lubbock, Texas, someone composed the following alert for passing drivers:

I don't even know WHY I find that so funny. "OMG! The British R Coming!" That's hilarious. Nice work, chaps! Nice work. When asked how this happened, "...a statement from Austin Bridge & Road says someone "with a questionable sense of humor" accessed the password on the message." Personally, I don't think that there's much of a question that that was funny! And as far as accessing the password, I don't know how they would do that! (Psst! I did a little bit of research. Usually the password is something like DOTS. Pass it on!) Nope. No clue about that. None.

What I also find mildly amusing is how the story was wrote on the AP Wire (and which was then distributed to media outlets who saw absolutely nothing wrong with the copy because the standards of modern journalism have dropped so low that my cat could put out a news feed that would be deemed acceptable by today's journalistic standards and I don't even have a cat! But again, I digress.). It reads, "LUBBOCK, Texas – A hacked electronic highway sign in Lubbock carried an international message not seen much in centuries on this side of the pond. The sign Friday briefly flashed: "OMG The British R coming. They R watching you." KCBD-TV reported the electronic sign was in a construction area in southwest Lubbock."

Oh, you think? Do you think that the "international message" hasn't been "seen much" on the electronic signs for the past few centuries because there weren't any electronic signs when the British WERE coming?! You morons. On top of that, the message wasn't "seen" in the first place! The dough heads over there running MSNBC.com start off their story with the line I quoted above and then they end their story with: "According to legend, "The British are coming!" was the warning shouted out by Paul Revere on his midnight ride in April 1775 to alert American patriots that British troops were moving out of Boston to arrest their leaders. The warnings delivered by Revere and other riders allowed the American militia to rally to repel the British in the first battles of the American Revolution." Not seen. Shouted. SHOUTED!

Hey! MSNBC.com guys! OMG! The British R coming! RUN!! Run far away!! Hurry! It's the British! (Maybe that'll get rid of 'em.)

I'm liking the alternative electronic highway sign message. A break in the routine is nice once in a while. And if it could be something that is useful as well as amusing, then it would be like getting a bonus. I'm thinking something like this:

Or perhaps something like this:


Subtle reminders about the reasons why we stress. Like this:

I just realized why I find this so funny and why I like it so much. There's no profanity. Whoever the geniuses (geniuii??) were that changed the sign(s), they could have wrote anything. And lately, it seems that "anything" always involves the F-word or something about someone's Mama or their race, sex, gender, orientation or anything else that you can't get fired from a job for being. Almost always. If the sign had read "Left Lane Closed For F***ing" or "Please Merge Into Your Mama" I don't think that would be as funny to me because I'm reading it now and it's not funny. But "OMG! The British R coming!" In Texas?! That's genius. Pure, unadulterated genius. And hilarious. Not questionably hilarious. Hilarious. Nice job, vigilante sign changer dudes. Nice job.

(Side note: I found it odd that I couldn't find a photo of the actual sign down there in Lubbock. It's one thing to read about it, but it adds an extra dimension of humor when you see it. The folks over there at Atom Smasher have several different sign generators where you can write your own message for a variety of different signs, so I did. Other examples are shown below. It's an excellent little resource.)

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