2011 Reviewed In Less Than 3 Minutes

2011 is almost over and not a moment too soon if you're asking me. Not that I'm anticipating that 2012 is going to be any better. Good Lord, it's an election year. How could it be better? In fact, just thinking about it depresses me. But before I go off all into my pit of despair, let's take a brief look back at 2011. And let's do so courtesy of Google and via a smug little video that they put together, shall we? (Click here if it doesn't play below.) Behold!

Sphere: Related Content

Merry Christmas 2011!

I'm sure I could come up with something ludicrous to put here today. But I think I'll pass. It's Christmas. It just wouldn't seem....right. You know, kinda like one of those inflatable, lit up, manger scenes in someone's front yard? You know that the people mean well, but it just doesn't translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great.


I don't know if this is going to translate into the "feeling of Christmas" all that great either. So to make sure that nothing gets lost in translation, I'm keepin' it short. (But just in case it does get lost in translation, I really am shootin' for the whole "feeling of Christmas" thing here. Just so you know.)

I'm grateful for this day because it's kinda where it all started or where it all starts. Without the historical events which took place on this day, I wouldn't have a chance to be forgiven for all of the times and all of the things that I screw up. And there's a lot of 'em. Trust me. And it's not just me that has that opportunity. It's everyone. Including all of the morons that I mock incessantly. They too can (surprisingly) be forgiven for all of their evil-doings and their oh-so moronic ways.

The whole Christmas thing just makes me happy. And I try to share that happiness with others when given the opportunity. (And in forms other than this blog. Hey. Why are you laughing?) And this year I had an excellent opportunity to spread my own little version of happiness and I totally took fully advantage of said opportunity (seemingly to the delight of others, which was the point). I also try to enjoy those around me and those in my life and give them just one day where their obvious shortcomings don't annoy me. That's my way of spreadin' the joy. That alone makes others grateful as well. Give it a try is all I'm sayin'.

And you know, I really do have more heartfelt feelings about people in my life than I either care to admit or am capable of expressing without either scaring the other person or becoming inadvertently engaged to four different individuals when I'm done. And at the risk of doing either or both of those things, I'd like to let those of you that I know personally know that I think you're all just great. Some a little greater than others, which means there are a few of you who really need to start pulling your weight a bit more, but I still love ya. Usually. And for those of you whom I don't know personally but who read this blog (and don't leave jackass comments), well, I think you guys are just swell also and I appreciate all of the reading. I know it's not always easy and that's why I really appreciate the effort.

So Merry Christmas. Now go spread some cheer. Or some love. Or both. You've got the whole rest of the year for complaing and mocking all of the other crap. Today? Love, cheer, and thanks. Spread a little of that around, will ya? It's Christmas, for cryin' out loud!

Sphere: Related Content

Who Wore What To The Grammys

Grammy time! Obligatory post about fashion time! Comments from people who take this sort of thing way too seriously calling me an idiot time! Let's begin!

First things first. For quite a while now, Aretha Franklin has looked like she has eaten most of the folks who were up for Grammys. To say that she has been large is an understatement. But thanks to some undisclosed surgery for some undisclosed ailment (which had previously been disclosed as pancreatic cancer, but was then retracted and changed to undisclosed) she has lost a considerable amount of disclosed weight. While she didn't attend the actual Grammy ceremonies, she did appear on video looking much, much better. Behold!

See what an improvement that is from her Big Bird impersonation from a few years back?

See? Much better. And I hope that she keeps on getting better. No one should go through life being compared to a giant, flightless, avian Muppet. No one. Moving on, John Mayer made a douche-tastic appearance. He kind of looks like he's trying to be one of the Three Musketeers. I don't know which one. Maybe Balthasar. No, wait. He was a Wise Man. Never mind. Maybe he just wants to be Johnny Depp. Either way, it's not working. He's a tool.

Funny how he looks like a d-bag when donning the white jacket look, but when Justin Bieber tries it on, he (or she) looks like a waiter or a bartender. Check, please! (Justin needs to take a good, long look at Seth Rogen, as in about 15 years, that's going to be him.)

Nice sparkly silver pants there, Ricky. What's that? You say you're gay? Really? I never would have guessed.

A one Ciana decided to kick it superhero style with her outfit. All she needs now are some magic bracelets and an invisible plane and she can waltz right into the Hall of Justice, no questions asked.

Am I the only one who thought that Katy Perry's dress looked like a long condom with angel wings in the back? No, I don't know why a condom would have angel wings. That's just one more reason why it confused the heck out of me.

And I can absolutely overlook the fact that Kelly Osbourne looked like she was wearing a ruffly bath mat because she looked just stunning in it. Good for her. I guess that little dancing contest that she participated in a little while ago really did wonders for her body. She looks fabulous.

Then there was a one Rihanna who showed up wearing some sort of furry venetian blind number. I still don't quite get it. Where's the little wand that hangs off the side to flip them up and down?

I'm not fond of children acting like adults. I think that's why I really detest this photo of Willow Smith. What's with those shoes? Is she holding a crown? I'm done here.

And finally, we have Lady Gaga. She arrived in an egg, of course. Wait. What now? An egg? Yes. An egg. An egg-egg? Sort of. I mean, it was an egg. See for yourself. Behold!

See? It's an egg...of...some sort. Is she really in there, you ask? Someone is in there. Er, something. I don't really know for sure. Whatever. Behold!

Hmm. Yep. She's in there all right. OK, then. I mean, I guess it could be worse. She could be in another meat suit. Maybe one made of all chicken this time. Ew! Gross. Yeah, the egg is much better than the meat. If she wasn't so talented, I'd be more critical of her. But she really has an amazing set of pipes on her, so I'm just going to leave it all at the egg!

Sphere: Related Content