Dogs Don't Need Clothes

Some people live in climates where it will snow when it's wintertime. I don't have snow here. I have this. (And while it was really freaking cold outside, dogs don't need clothes. They're dogs. The not needing clothes is implied. And I think he knows that. He looks a little humiliated.)

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Another Jerry Sandusky Interview

Who in the hell is Jerry Sandusky's lawyer? I need to know so that I can make sure that, should the need ever arise (and I can't for the life of me imagine a scenario in which it would) and I need a lawyer, I can make damn sure that I don't hire him. Good Lord. Is his lawyer authorizing these interviews that Sandusky is giving to the press? Oh. Wait. Did I not mention that Sandusky gave another interview, this time on camera? And did I mention that (to no real surprise) that it comes off as a complete disaster if he is still going to try to maintain his innocence (which he seems to be doing, albeit poorly)? I left those out? My bad. Here's the interview Sandusky did with a reporter who appears to be from the New York Times (The actual interview part is only about 2:45 in length. Also, try to not be annoyed when the Good Morning America guy pronounces it as 'lenth'.):

"Those allegations are false. I didn't do those things....I don't know." Right, Jerry. It's all just craaaaaaaaazy that you're being charged with at least forty counts of child touching in one form or another. "I don't know." Yeah, that's really not the best defense and it certainly is probably the worst explanation ever.


In regard to what Joe Paterno said to him after Paterno learned of the allegations against Sandusky: "I don't know that he didn't know. I know that he didn't never said anything to me." I'm going to overlook the "didn't never" debacle simply because this is just so full of crap that grammatical correctness should probably be the least of Sandusky's worries after this interview aired. Oh, and way to throw Paterno under the bus. I'm not saying that Paterno doesn't deserve to be under the bus (as he most likely does and I'd really like to be driving said bus), but way to go.


When asked about his reaction to being confronted with the time that Mike McQueary (allegedly) saw him raping a little boy in the Penn State showers: "Yeah...uh...I told him that it didn't happen. And uh, you know, in my mind, there wasn't inappropriate behavior." Oh. My. God. So, he's just one of those guys who thinks that the man-boy love is perfectly all right, isn't he? What do those sickos call themselves? NAMBLA? Given that answer (and that he was smiling about it and appeared to be adjusting his shoes when he was responding), I'm leaning in that direction. So, in his mind, raping a little boy isn't inappropriate at all. Ok, then. (By the way, it SO is!) Wow. This guy is weird. Way to go, Penn State, for letting him continue to roam your campus and bring young boys there for freaking years! The whole campus should just be burned the to ground and rebuilt or something. This whole thing makes me sick.


When asked about his bizarre response to Bob Costas when Costas asked him if he was sexually attracted to young boys, he said: "I was sitting there saying just 'What in the world is this question?'" Yeah, it's a head scratcher all right. You're charged with over forty counts of child touching and someone asks you if you're sexually attracted to young boys. Completely out of the blue! Who would have seen that coming?!


And trying to explain that question is where he dooms himself. He actually says, "Am I gonna be...If I say "No, I'm not attracted to boys" that's not the truth because I'm attracted to young people. Boys...girls..." And then he stops talking because off camera, someone is speaking loudly to him. The voice over on the video suggests it might be his dumbass lawyer who was apparently cool with him doing this sort of interview in the first place.


Whatever. This is just irritating me to the point where my commentary is going to end here. This guy obviously has a jackass for an attorney and I'm actually glad about that. I hate it when these sorts of scumbags have some slick lawyer who can get them off on some sort of technicality even though they're obviously guilty as hell. Sandusky is guilty as hell and if all goes well, he'll be spending the rest of his life in prison (where one can only hope that he'll get a taste of some of his own behavior that he didn't think was inappropriate). These interviews are just too damning for him to get off, especially when he's being represented by a lawyer who not only lets him do these sorts of things, but hangs out and watches as they go down. I hope his trial is televised because with his idiot lawyer at the helm, Sandusky will probably take the stand. THAT is something that I'd like to see, as he will get torn to shreds by the prosecutors. Bring it on.

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I'm Ready For My Close Up, Mr. DeMille

I have just stumbled upon a rather disturbing Tumblr called Celebrity Close Up. It's just what it sounds like it is. It's a bunch of really close pictures of celebrities. And I mean close. Like scary close. Like so close, you really don't want to ever look at that celebrity again. I'll give you some examples. (All examples are being provided with neither permission, nor malice.) Here is the lovely (from far away) Zooey Deschanel. As you can see, she clearly bleaches that little moustache of hers. Behold!

Um, yeah. Back off! Seriously, I feel like I'm intruding on her personal space. Or maybe it's more like I feel as if she's intruding on mine. Whatever it is, it creeps me out. It doesn't creep me out as much as this close up of fashion designer John Galliano, however.

See, that just scares me. And that's no where near as big and as close up as they appear on the actual Tumblr. And I don't want to steal/borrow all of their stuff when you could (and should) just go over there and see for yourself. Just try and position yourself as far away from your monitor as you can. You'll only hurt yourself if you don't.

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A Real Piece Of Work

I always think that I'm not going to be surprised by people. And then what happens? You guessed it. I get surprised. And in this case, my surprise turned to anger very quickly.



Let's meet a woman named Angel Adams. Ms. Adams lives somewhere in Florida (shocking, I know) with her twelve children. That's right. TWELVE. And technically, she has fifteen, but I guess she must have misplaced the other three because they don't live with her. Now, Ms. Adams doesn't have any job or any way to support herself. She had a baby daddy who managed to father ten of those children, but he was arrested and left her to fend for herself.



When I said "fend for herself" I meant that she was left to get all that she could out of all of the social service programs and welfare programs that she possibly could. That got a little tricky after she was evicted from her apartment for (wait for it) having twelve children in there with her. She ended up at a motel and that's where the news cameras caught up with her. Good thing, too. If they hadn't, we never would have been able to see the tantrum that she throws, as she is demanding that SOMEONE be responsible for her children. Wait. What now?



Correct. SOMEONE needs to pay. Her exact words were "Somebody needs to pay for alllllllllllll my children! And my and Gary, and all our suffering and our pain! Somebody needs to be held accountable! Somebody needs to pay!” Uh, OK. See, now my first question is "Shouldn't YOU be responsible?" But of course, the guy who was doing the story didn't ask her that. Why not? Because the media sucks, that's why. What else would explain a reporter not asking the most basic of questions?! (Another thing that we don't know? What the baby daddy was arrested for. Why don't we know? Because the media sucks. Now you're catching on! But I digress.)



This woman is one of the most delusional people that I have had the displeasure of learning about in a long time. FIFTEEN children. No job. Apparently no knowledge of modern methods of birth control. And not grateful enough that social services pays her rent and her utilities. OK, then. You really need to see this woman. Below is a montage of her various appearances on the local news. The really good stuff happens early on, though. Right around 1:50-ish is where it starts to get good.

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Now That's More Like It

You know how the new iPhone 4S has that "cool" Siri feature that lets you talk to it and it will talk back to you with an appropriate response? You can ask Siri questions about the weather or directions. You can also ask Siri to send lovely text messages to other people for you and have Siri read you their responses. Yeah, that all sounds fine and good. But what I'd really like is for the commercials to be a little more realistic. And I guess that the fine folks over there at College Humor must have felt the same way because they have put together a lovely little parody of those Siri commercials that is just what I was looking for. Enjoy.

See all the CollegeHumor Original Videos here.

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Make 'Em Laugh, Patrice

So, this guy died today. Patrice O'Neal. He was a pretty funny guy. I guess that you kind of have to develop a sense of humor about things if you're a dude who is going through life with the name Patrice. (As an aside, he is survived by his wife, Vondecarlo, his stepdaughter, Aymilyon and his sister, Zinder. Huh. I guess being named Patrice wasn't so bad after all.) Anyway, here's a video of him making some pretty good points about some things. It's both amusing and hard to argue with.

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They Got 99 Languages, But English Ain't One

Having spent a lot of time in the last week wandering about in a hospital, I was doing just about whatever I could in order to not be so freaking bored all of the time. Hospitals aren't exactly a hub of entertainment. (Seriously, what would be the harm in putting a bar in a hospital basement? You know, with like a two drink maximum? Besides being incredibly boring, hospitals are really stressful. I'm thinking that a drink or two to relax folks would be welcomed amongst the non-medical attention needing guests.) One of the things I was doing was reading just about every sign that I came across. That's how I noticed this:

OK, first of all, I don't even know what half of those languages are. Hmoob? That's necessary? For reals? In a country where you're supposed to be able to speak the language before you become a citizen? And at a hospital that is insurance premium paying people only? It doesn't seem like it would be necessary, but then again, I didn't think that pressing '1' for English would ever be necessary either. But what really made me laugh was that English is not included on this sign. Oh, sure. They speak my language...just as long as it isn't English.

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Five Missing Calories

Dr. Pepper has a new version of Dr. Pepper out. It's called Dr. Pepper TEN. I guess it's being marketed to men. No, I don't know why. But maybe their marketing department could spend a little more time with the math department next time. Behold!

Let's see..."10 BOLD TASTING CALORIES PER 8 FL OZ". And it's a 20 FL OZ bottle. So that would make 25 calories per bottle, yes? Not if you're the Dr. Pepper people because it says right there on the right "20 CALORIES PER BOTTLE". Are the calories only in the second half of the fluid ounces? So they don't count those four extra ounces in there because the calories are in the other four ounces that aren't in there? Why aren't those five calories listed? Mind you that for me, this isn't a question of calorie counting. This is a question of basic math. Basic, simple, math.

I have no answers, but I will be emailing Dr. Pepper and inquiring where those five calories went to. Let's see if I get a response back.

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Hating In Peace

I'm not a huge fan of rap (or hip hop as it is apparently now being called), but as a lover of pop culture, I do know who various rappers are. Today, we're going to take a look at a rapper called T.I. and what he thinks about gay people who don't like it when other people don't like the aforementioned gay people.

T.I. did an interview with Vibe magazine. During the interview, the subject of all Americans having equal rights came up. Here are his words of wisdom on the subject: "While T.I. makes clear that he supports anyone’s sexual preference, he then connects, in his opinion, a current oversensitivity among gay people with a consequential and ironic offense of the First Amendment. "They’re like, 'If you have an opinion against us, we're gonna shut you down.' ... That's not American. If you're gay you should have the right to be gay in peace, and if you're against it you should have the right to be against it in peace."


Soooo....wait. He's saying that if someone doesn't like you because of who you are that you should just take it? You shouldn't say anything? You should just let them have their opinion even if it's 'wrong'? And what's this about having the right to be against it "in peace"? See, if someone has an opinion of someone else that is hateful simply because of who that person is and then they kept that opinion to themselves, that would be being against it "in peace". It's the ones who are not against it "in peace" that folks have a problem with.


And wait a minute. Does T.I. know that he's black? Because he's kind of sounding like he doesn't. See, because there are and have been a lot of people who are and have been against people just because they're black. Is he saying that folks just should have let those closed minded bigots be that way in peace and not say anything about it? Is it "un-American" (in T.I.'s weird little world) to try and change narrow minded thinking when it's about skin color? It sounds kind of like it might be. And while I didn't really know who T.I. was before reading this about him, I didn't have an opinion about him. Now that I've read this though? I have an opinion, all right.

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Nine Percent And Dropping

The approval rating of Congress is at an all time low. And I mean low. According to something called the Inquisitr, the people that approve of the job that Congress is doing is at a whopping nine percent. Nine. My only question at this time is who are those nine people and what, exactly, are their standards? I'm guessing that they have relatives in Congress or they're lobbyists. Because I can't think of any other reason why their approval rating would be as high as nine percent.

And what have people approved of more than Congress? Plenty of things. And a lot of them might surprise you. For example, apparently, a Rasmussen poll in 2011 had an 11% approval rating of the United States going Communist. Now, I don't think that being a Communist nation is all that great of an idea, but more people thought it was a better idea than approved of Congress.



Remember the atrocious BP oil spill? Right in the middle of that, 16% of people approved of BP. That was a complete disaster and yet more people approved of that than they did of Congress.



Even Richard Nixon amidst Watergate had better numbers than Congress does now. 24% of people approved of Nixon when it became obvious that he was a liar (and contrary to what he said, probably a crook). That's over two and a half times as many people (as a percentage) than those who currently approve of Congress.



Banks in 2011 are not exactly on anyone's Christmas card list. But for some reason, 23% of people approve of those. So banks are on a par with Richard Nixon and both were rated over twice as high as Congress. If you haven't caught on by now that people really think that Congress sucks, I don't think that there's much I can do for you at this point.

And for some reason, 40% of people approved of the IRS in 2009. I don't know why that's so high, but when you compare it to the 9% approval rating that Congress received, it's astronomically high. No one likes the IRS. How did they get 40% of folks to approve of them? Maybe they could give Congress some tips.


And here's the most amazing part of all of this: Even with a 9% approval rating, it seems that whenever elections roll around, the majority of these bozos end up getting re-elected. I'm not sure if that means that polls like these are meaningless or if the average American voter is a dumbass. What I'm afraid of is that it means both. In which case, we're totally scroomed.

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