This Spelling Stinks

I am a stickler for spelling, grammar and punctuation. I hate "text speak" because it makes you look like an idiot. Whose idea was it to start substituting the number 3 for the letter E? They're not the same. And they never will be. Same goes for substituting "dis" for "this" or "dat" for "that". Leaving off the E on the end of words? Just stupid. Putting a Y in place of an I? Equally as stupid. You look like a moron when you type things like "Lyke dis if u cry evertim". And when you do, you sound like this. (You're gonna need to click that to get the point here.) But the real problem arises when you mean to say one word, but you're too clueless to spell the word correctly. And in committing to said incorrect spelling, you completely change the meaning of what you were trying to say. And the difference can be huge. Need an example? Behold!

No one wants to smell like colon, you dumbasses. Cologne maybe. Colon? Highly unlikely. Then again, the whole text speak is something stupid that's popular that I don't understand. Maybe smelling like colon is another one of those popular things. But sweet Jesus, I certainly hope not.

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It's Spelled M-O-S-Q-U-E

Here's a fun little site I learned about today. It's called Openbook. It sort of allows you to have a gander around Facebook by searching for any particular word(s) that you'd like. Granted, it is only able to search those Facebook profiles where the people have not set their privacy settings in a way that would not able their profile to be searched. And folks that don't care about their privacy settings really don't care about their privacy. That means that they'll post just about whatever. And whatever do they post.

I read somewhere on the Internets that getting a glimmer of how people on Facebook feel about the mosque that may be built by Ground Zero is an amusing way to pass some time. Simply type "mosk" into the search box on Openbook and read the results that come up. So I did. I also searched for variations on that them. That is, the misspelling of mosque. Let's look at the results, shall we? You're probably going to have to click on the images to make them bigger. Blogger has it's limits and apparently making screen captures from Openbook able to be read is one of them.

Let's see...Oh, from Alexis. "Obama isn't Muslim. Even if he was, that shouldn't matter anyway. The rednecks need to get over themselves. And btw, I'm for the mosk near Ground Zero. The Muslims didn't do crap to WTC families, it was the Taliban. Get your facts straight!"

Well, she's close. Taliban...al Qaeda...close enough. She is right, however, that President Barry is not a Muslim. She's also right that folks should get their facts straight. See the Taliban reference. Moving on, to Brad's words of wisdom. "OK, this whole moske thing and yes I know I spelled it wrong but I dont care. Yes they do have every legal righ to build it on ground zero but its quite unethical to do it. You wouldnt see us building a church on heroshema or auswitz. And I am sick of hearing about it."

You tell 'em, Brad! Good points bringing up heroshema and auswitz, too! Hard to argue with that (but that's only because I don't know what the heck he's talking about). Next up is Landis who says: "Ground zero might be at risk cuz they want to build a mossque thats a memerial for those who died if u care about those ppl who lost there lives respost this".

She's awfully confused in several aspects. Spelling and punctuation being only a couple of them. How is Ground Zero at risk if the mossque gets built? Does that mean that the World Trade Center buildings will magically reappear? I don't think that's what it means. Then again, I don't know that she is really all that sure what it means either. (The scary part was that it sounded like she was actually trying to explain it to people) But maybe Nancy knows what she means. Let's see...hmm...it reads: "jonmanncnn jonathan mann developing story from irak war their legancy is islam and the builing of moske on ground zero. Anna coren reporting".

Then again, maybe she doesn't. Really? We've been in Iraq for years now. You still don't know how to spell it? And what in the world is a legancy? Never mind. I don't want to know. Kind of in the same way I don't want to know much more about Peggy's point of view, expressed as "their building a mosk for arabs over ground 0...ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!!?!?"

I'd like to know why she had all of the time for the abundance of exclamation points and question marks, but couldn't find the time to type out the word zero. I wonder if she would express the same disbelief if someone told her that it's they're, mosque and Arabs. Perhaps. Actually, I'm guessing she would. But she's not alone in thinking that the mosque would go right on top of Ground Zero. Russ thinks the same thing and says, "I vote to kick our current president out of office solely on the basis of him wanting to put a moske right where the twin towers used to be.! I mean... WHAT AN IGNORAMIS!!!"

Yes. What an ignoramus, indeed. Speaking of those who might be an ignoramus, Stephen enlightens all of us with this nugget of knowledge: "Oh, you Angelenos with your Emmys and your Glees, what about the MOSK?"

Who should break it to him that Glee isn't an award? Or that Emmy isn't a show? I just know that I can't do it. Nor can I take much more of this. One more. Let's hit 'er, home, William! "Well I agree with the Presadent, Musslems shude be alwoed to build a Mossk near ground zero. To denie them that constitunel right, would make us no beter then the people who attaked us in the first place. besides last time I checked it was alkida that attacked us not Islam".

Typing that out made my head hurt. I'm going to look into who this alkida person is. Sounds like one of Superman's enemies. Alkida from the planet Mossk. Keep your eye out for 'em. And keep your eye out for these folks, too. They're clearly not well.

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Protest Sign Violations

There were "Tea Party" tax protests across the country last week on the 15th, the very day that we're all supposed to bend over and let the government dry ream us from behind in the form of paying our taxes for the year. (By the way, if you ever hear anyone say that they "got money back" and "didn't have to pay" taxes, please remind them that they did have to pay and that the money that they "got back" was their money to start with! Everyone who actually pays taxes always pays and they pay a hell of a lot.) The protests were your typical demonstration/protest/semi-large gathering of people who like to think that they're making a difference. Hey, and good for them. Doing something is better than doing nothing, right? Yeah, most of the time.

The time when doing something is not better than doing nothing is when what you're doing is or could be detrimental to your cause. Whenever I see a bunch of signs at any sort of demonstration, I'm always amazed at a variety of things that I see as setbacks for the cause. And thanks to a bunch of photos that I lifted with neither permission nor malice from The Huffington Post I have plenty of examples of said potential setbacks (and more than one example of what can only be characterized as 'diminished capacity.') Let's take a look at some of the concepts that the demonstration sign folks always seem to have trouble getting a grip on, shall we?

The first thing that really grates on me is when people take whatever or whoever it is that they don't like and make the Hitler comparison. It chaps me even more when they make a tasteless Hitler comparison. (As if there is a tasteful Hitler comparison. There isn't, but you know what I mean.) Behold! The mis-use of Hitler!

Bad.

Worse.

Oh, my God.

Looking at all of the inappropriate Hitler referenced signs reminds me of another common problem sign amongst the ranks of sign folks. Spacing, people! That top sign, upon first glance, looks like they scrawled "Obama-Hiller" and did so with a Bic ballpoint. You folks couldn't spring for two bucks for a Sharpie or something? It looks awful. Of course, upon further examination, you can tell that the intended message is to be "Obama = Hitler". Again, an incorrect conclusion. Yes, Hitler was bad. But I don't know if the root of Hitler's evil stemmed from taxes imposed upon the German citizens. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was absolutely not taxes that made Hitler such a despised leader. Taxes were probably the least of the problems that Hitler was responsible for

I noticed that it looked like the sign said something else as well. Turns out that when I reversed the image, I could read the message scrawled on the other side of what has to be the world's thinnest poster board. (Judging from the limited budget of this project, that could just be a reinforced piece of tissue paper for all I know.) Since it was hard to see, I traced over it in Photoshop. And while the tracing isn't exactly a perfect rendition of the opposite side, it's extremely close. And I point that out because it brings me to another Protest Sign Guideline: Try to have your sign not look like it was done by a fairly competent chimpanzee because while it might be "primate good" it's not "human good".

The message on the opposite side reads: "Time To Clean Sweep Washington." So wait. "Obama = Hitler" on one side and "Time To Clean Sweep Washington" other side? Do those two have anything to do with each other? I'm pretty sure they do not, but if she'd like to sweep Obama out of his position in a similar fashion to how Hitler was swept from his, she might want to stop and think about all that sweeping Hitler out entailed. Totally necessary, don't get me wrong, but I'm pretty sure that we can resolve our differences within this country without a full blown World War.

The second Hitler reference sign there is a good use of Photoshop and a proper font. But again, President Barry is not comparable to Hitler. AT ALL! He's not Hitler. He's not Muslim. He's not a Muslim Hitler. So knock it off. And while I'm at it, you sir? There in the third picture? References to Jews and ovens is just not appropriate. It's rather sensationalistic and inflammatory. Please see the above explanation as to how Hitler and taxes are not a good comparison of which to liken President Barry to. It's just not.

Then there's the uninformed sign displayer. These folks mean well, but they tend to get at least one fact completely wrong. Like this chap:

I really like the "Can You Feel the Revolution?" slogan on this sign. However, they wrote the word "the" so damn small that at first glance, all you see is "Can you feel revolution?" Sadly, I cannot. But the problem with the sign is that it's incorrect. If they're wondering if the "tea party" that they are attending is what it was like at the real Boston Tea Party in 1776, they're going to be wondering that for quite some time, as the Boston Tea Party took place in 1773. Please, as a general rule, always have a factually accurate sign. Otherwise, you won't be seen so much as being a "protester" as much as you'll be seen as a "moron". Not exactly what I imagine you were striving for.

Nonsensical signs are always in abundance. Here we have a guy warning us about the "plan" for "white slavery". Whatever, dude. Come hang out with me for a day or two and I'll show you some white slavery. I'm exhausted.

I am not a fan of bringing children to a protest unless they are fully aware of what their protesting and unless they actually want to protest. Even if they want to protest just to get out of school for the day, I'm OK with that. Political involvement and activism has to start somewhere and I highly doubt it's going to be in a classroom of a public school in America. It sucks, but it's true. But if you're going to bring your kids, please give them a sign that they can justify displaying. Behold!

See, now those two seem awfully young to be working and paying taxes and paying their mortgage. They could be, but I doubt it. And if they are, shouldn't they be at a rally to rescind child labor laws instead? Perhaps the kid below could go with them. He, apparently, feels he has been "Taxed Enough Already." What is he? Like 9? If he thinks he's been taxed enough at this point, he's in for a not so pleasant surprise in a few years when he actually has a job!

I also prefer the child sign bearers to look enthused. The trio here? Not enthused. Bored is what they seem.

The girls below represent several things that irritate me about sign holders at these protests. Starting on the left, your sign needs to be readable without squinting. I look at that and the first thing I see is "HOWA". (Pretty good. And Howa you?) Upon further examination, one can tell that it says "How a bill becomes a law." Now, I have watched Schoolhouse Rock numerous times and I know this one! She, unfortunately, does not seem to have watched Schoolhouse Rock, as the rest of her sign reads "1. READ IT!! 2. READ IT!! 3. READ IT!!" Yeah, that's not quite all there is to it. I'm sure it has a deeper meaning, but I don't know what she's going for.

Then there's the one on the right which reads "Politics: POLI - Latin Root word for "many" TICS - Blood sucking animals!" OK, I'll give her credit for trying. It's original, but it's wrong. The Latin root for "many" is actually "poly". "Poli" means "city". And "ticks" are blood sucking animals, but "tics" are involuntary body movements. But the real definitions would work well for her also. You've got "poli" meaning "city" and "tics" meaning "spasms" which together form "politics" which equals a spastic city! And that's pretty accurate! Excellent concept, poor execution.

Below, the woman's sign indicates that her name is Hope, but not "The Congress Taxing Hope". Do people actually call you that, ma'am? Is your mail coming to your home addressed to "The Congress Taxing Hope Smith?" You should really talk to someone about that if it's the case. Postmaster General, perhaps. Aside from unwanted nomenclatures however, her other sign's message is completely lost due to a glaring (and somewhat inconceivable) spelling error. I realize that your Magic Markers don't come with spell check, but seriously, does that look right to you? Behold!

Yeah, that's supposed to say "Socialist". It's not even close to "socialist". No, that says "Scholiast". What the hell is "scholiast"? As far as that yellow picture at the bottom of her sign, I've tried to read what it says under the drawing (which appears to either be a snail, an anthill or a thimble. I'm not sure which one, but since they're all so similar, it's only natural that I'd be confused.) and I've narrowed it down to either "Buy American" or "Give Hope".

Honestly, how seriously am I supposed to take someone and their message when they can't even make sure that they're going to have enough room on your sign to have their screed be easily readable and not look like it was wrote by a first grader? A slow first grader. Behold!

"WERNOT GOINGTOTAKEIT AMERICA IS HUMBLE" Wernot? Wer who? You and your buddy to the left, a one Julio the Contractor (according to his sign)? Should I be concerned that both "socialism" and "contractor" are in quotes? I'm guessing I should be, but only if you're going to be retiling my bathroom. I think I'll be more concerned about Wernot.

Whoa! Anti-abortion?! How'd that get in here?!

I don't know how it got in here either. Don't you folks have your own staged protests all the time? Can't you protest there so that your ridiculous sign doesn't look out of place and you feel right at home with all of the other morons holding signs with a similar screed? Like this woman:

Multiple offenses in that sign. The scrawling. The poor grammar. The off topic-ness. (I had no idea that these "tea party" protests were because someone just loooooovvvves baby killing.) She also seems a little unclear on the concept of how these signs work. You know, with the stick part being vertical, as if you were holding a flag. It's not supposed to be horizontal, as if you're advertising the daily special on your sandwich board there. (She has no bell.)

While I'm not a fan of the uninformed and even less of a fan of the dim witted, sometimes their simple antics amuse me. Like the woman below, who has a rambling sign instructing those with the power to "Impeach Osama". I'm not sure which term she doesn't understand the meaning of. "Impeach" or "Osama." It's clearly one of them because her sign makes NO sense. Regardless, I do find it to be quite comical that she made President Barry Irish and spelled his name "O'Bama". Behold!

And where is this guy's teleprompter? At least if he had one of those we might have a better chance that he'd know how to spell 'teleprompter'. Does his sign say "Give me your money" because he wants to go out and buy more tape for his sign, as it does not appear to have nearly enough.

So many people were off topic at various protests. The folks below want us to know that "God is Judging America for 50+ Million Abortions." Yeah, well, even if he is, that would have to mean that he's also judging morons with idiotic signs at tax protests.

This cowboy and his sign were spotted down in Texas, complete with pitchfork! Oh, if he only had a torch to go with said pitchfork! (It'd be like American Gothic, Anarchy Edition.) Behold!


Yes, sir. Guns tomorrow. And serenity now.

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Your Basic Dumbing Down of the Basics

A lot of people cannot spell correctly. You can find misspelled words every day, everywhere you look. It tends to make me insane, so I try not to pay attention, but that's not always possible. Like today when I was sitting in traffic waiting for the light to turn green. There was a truck in front of me with the business name "Mexicali Glass Works" on the tailgate. Their slogan? "You tell us where. Will be there." Um, I think that's supposed to be "We'll", as in "We will be there." They're NOT the same! (Don't even get me started on the incorrect punctuation.)

Oh, but you knew what they meant, right? Sure! So who (besides me) cares?! Spell whatever you want, however you want! We'll figure it out! We'll know what you mean! Phonics rule! Er, I mean, foniks rool! Hell, let's all just go back to hieroglyphics! At least that way, a bird is a bird.

Really, I just don't get it. Are these people unaware of spell check? How are they writing all of these things that contain these misspellings? Are they carving them on a rock? I just don't understand that part of it, but that's not my main concern at the moment. At the moment, my main concern is that rather than holding people to a basic standard (that is, the correct way to spell words) a college professor in Britain is so frustrated with the inability of his students to spell "common English words correctly" that he is now advocating that "variant spellings" of words be accepted as legitimate. Are you freaking kidding me?

Ken Smith, who is a criminology professor at Bucks New University, argues that as long as it can be understood, like accepting "arguement" for "argument", then why not accept the incorrect spelling as being correct? Why not? I'll tell you why not. Because it's...wait for it....NOT CORRECT!

Smith says, "Instead of complaining about the state of the education system as we correct the same mistakes year after year, I've got a better idea. (Oh, I'll bet that you don't.) University teachers should simply accept as variant spelling those words our students most commonly misspell. (See? I was right. You DON'T have a better idea.)"

He doesn't give any reason for this, nor does he appear to take into consideration what this implies overall. I mean, if it's OK with spelling, why not make it OK to accept that which is incorrect for other things as well? Oh, sure, you're driving on the wrong side of the road. But you're going in the direction that you need to be going in. I know what you mean. I know you meant to be on the right side of the road, even though you're driving on the wrong side of the road. So that's OK. No problem. No ticket. You won't even get pulled over. Carry on.

Can't remember those basic math equations, can you? I know that you meant to write that 2 + 2 = 4, but instead you wrote 2 + 2 = 5. Now, since it doesn't appear that you meant 5, I'll just let it go and assume you meant 4. Oh, and continue with those incorrect calculations in all other mathematical functions you perform. I'm sure the numbers will come out OK in the end. (Think of NASA's Mars Orbiter that was lost. See, just because some of the calculations were in English measurements and some were in metric measurements and that's what caused the craft to fail, it's OK because everyone knew what everyone else meant. It was different, but it was still the same, so no harm, no foul, right? NO!!! WRONG!!! That's why the freaking thing smashed into the planet instead of landing on it. Morons.) Besides, if you didn't really mean the wrong answer, well then, how can you be held accountable for it, right? There, there. (Pats moron on head.) Here's your helmet. Go sit down now. Don't trip.

I might even be not so outraged at this whole moronic concept if the words that this guy gives as examples weren't moronic as well. I mean, I think we can all agree that the ways that some words in the English language are spelled are a bit confusing. (Even moreso confusing when one attempts to apply those particular spellings to the principles of speech. George Bernard Shaw liked to point out that the word "ghoti" could just as well be pronounced "fish" if you followed common pronunciation that was based upon certain spellings: 'gh' as in "tough," 'o' as in "women" and 'ti' as in "nation.")

This Ken Smith guy suggests accepting "ignor", "occured", "thier", "truely", "speach", "twelth". He really has a problem with "twelfth" because it's a variant of "twelve" and he doesn't understand how that "f" got in there. Now, why he wouldn't suggest "twelvth" instead is beyond me. It doesn't follow his "phonetic" schemata he's laid out for us. Included in his list of "how to make sure that no one is held to any standard at all" are all words which violate the "i before e except after c" rule. That would include words such as weird, seize, neighbor and foreign. He also cites "mispelt" and "varient".

I'm wondering why not just get rid of the rule? I mean, it kind of renders it useless anyway if you're just going to be spelling words however you damn well please in the first place. It's like having a sign that says "Keep Off The Grass" and instead of making people stay off the grass, you just go and buy a bigger sign. OK, it's not JUST like that, but it's all I've got.

Seriously, if you think that "ignore" is spelled without an "e" on the end AND you spell it that way AND you're in college AND you keep spelling it that way time after time after time, you are, and follow me here, a moron. That's one of those words that even if you're "not sure" how to spell it, you can look at it and it just doesn't look right. But what really has me confused and disturbed is why these people are not using spell check. This guy is a professor in the UK. It's not like he's teaching the natives in Darfur. I know they eat weird stuff over there in England and they drive on the wrong side of the road, but what is with the not using spell check? And if they can't quite navigate the complexity that is the spell check, what about that other thing? Yeah, I know it's kind of old school, but it worked. What was it? It was square and had a bunch of pages and was really, really heavy. It was fairly well organized and you could just...look...something...up... wait. It's coming to me! Oh. That's right! What about the frigging DICTIONARY?!?!

A standard is supposed to be just that. Standard. When you start lowering the standard rather than fixing the problem, you're setting yourself up to be surrounded by idiots (and in this case, Professor Smith will be the leader of the village). Sir, if you'd like your students to spell words correctly (otherwise known as "spell words correctly") simply inform them that papers with misspellings will be given a zero. You'll be amazed at how quickly their spelling improves. It will be almost as if they have some sort of an incentive that matters to them. Shocking, I know.

But, hey, let's just try things Ken's way, shall we? The photo below from Jon - The Ignorant Photographer over there at Flickr shows the Bucks New University sign during the redevelopment of the University. Ah, but we know what they meant, right?

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Pleze Yuse Spel Chek For Yur Tatooo

You know, yesterday's post about the guy's with the misspelled tattoos had me thinking. Obviously, the two chaps in that story weren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed. (Tools? Yes. Sharp? Not so much.) And I don't base that assessment merely on the fact that they weren't all that clear on the actual spelling of the misspelled words, but also on the fact that they (the ones with the tattoos) didn't even notice that they were misspelled until someone else point it out to them. So I'm OK with my assessment of "not real bright" for both of them.

But there are a lot, and I mean A LOT, of idiots out there. (Seriously. Look over to your right. See that guy there? He's an idiot!) They're everywhere. And I started thinking about how many other people must be walking around out there with tattoos consisting of misspelled words. It was shortly after I started thinking this that I realized that there were likely a lot more than could be accounted for, as probably half of them still don't know that it's not spelled "moran", but rather "moron". Regardless, morons (and morans) love the Internet. And they love to upload pictures to the Internet, too. Needless to say, it wasn't too hard for me to locate "a few" other misspelled tattoos. And while they're about what you'd think they'd be, I'm going to share them with you anyways.



So, in case you've realized that today doesn't know and you're wondering if perhaps the next day does, here's your answer. It doesn't.

Maybe it's a good thing that "TOMARROW" never knows. At least that way it won't know that's it's "TOMORROW".


What if you've just had it with everything and need to voice your displeasure with a profane saying inked into your upper arm? That'll show them!

And if you're this guy, it'll show them that you don't know how to spell "SYSTEM". (But maybe that's what he's rebelling against - the system of spelling correctly. Although if that was the case, he probably should have gone with "FUKK" just to get that point across.)



Now, if you're going to be having coitus with the "systsem", you're going to need justification for doing so. Here it is:

I guess you can never have too many E's. Although, "everyone elese" actually spells it "ELSE".

And how proud of yourself are you going to be to come home with one of those bad boys above? You'd better make sure you get that sentiment inked in as well.

You know what would have been even more "AWESOME", dude? Finishing HIGH SCHOOL!

The fellow below has some words of wisdom to offer anyone who cares to read his arm. It reads,"Its not the cards your delt in life its how you play them"

Um, first of all, why are your cards puzzle pieces that are afire? Cards like that are going to be hard to play at all. But the issue at hand is, well, the arm. See, sir....um, where the tattoo is located IS "YOUR DELT". But the imagery of the tattoo seems to be referring to cards that "YOU'RE DEALT". Anatomy, grammar, spelling...so many problems.

Here is a fellow who is unclear on the "-ism" factor and has instead gone with the "-esm" factor.

So he is just advocating to "END RACESM". (And while I'd like to tell him that it's not just the S&M, who knows? He might like that.)

Of course I have to wrap this up with my favorite Father-and-Son-with-Tattooed-Forehead mugshot. Meet Floyd and Justin Bebee. First, I'd like to commend Justin on having the "PSYCHO" tattoo on his forehead spelled correctly. (Because, really, if you had "PSYCHO" tattooed on your forehead and it was spelled wrong, well, that would just look stupid.) Now I'd like to draw your attention to Floyd's noggin where he has embedded the phrase "GIT-R-DUN" across his forehead. (Floyd, if you're going to "git" anything "dun", might I suggest the 6th grade?) Oh, how I wish there was a pic available to show you the BACK of his head, as he has tattooed it with the phrase "GOT-R-DID". (Insert redneck joke of your choosing here.)

So there you have it. I think that my only advice to people who really feel the need to tattoo some sort of word or words on their body is that they should go with something that they really know. Since they all seem to have a cumulative IQ which is approximately half that of a potted palm, I'm going to suggest maybe they stick with their name. But just their FIRST name. Anything more than that and they're just asking for trouble.

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Numb Nuts?

Hey, congratulations to Sameer Mishra. Sameer, an 8th grader from Lafayette, IN, won the Scripps National Spelling Bee on Friday. And if you're thinking, "Spelling shmelling", you're obviously clueless as to the enormity of this whole dealio. Allow me....

Scripps is the E.W. Scripps company. Upon realizing that I have no idea what they do or who they are, I learned, according to their website, that they are "a diverse media concern with interests in national lifestyle cable networks, newspaper publishing, broadcast television stations, electronic commerce, interactive media, and licensing and syndication." So, they've pretty much got their hand in just about every aspect of the media these days and they want to make sure that everything in there is spelled correctly. Or something like that.

Anyway, once a year they hold this spelling bee dealio. You have to be in at least the 8th grade and you can't be older than 14 (you wouldn't think you'd need both of those things spelled out (pun intended), but I'm fairly certain that more than one of the southern states have reason to need both stipulations. (Think Jethro Clampett.) It's in Washington, D.C. and the winner gets about $40K, a trophy, and bragging rights around anyone who thinks that it's cool and who would know that the person is bragging. There's a written test, an oral test, preliminaries, quarter finals, semi finals, and the list goes on. It's more rigid and regulated than trying out for Jeopardy! in hell.

But back to Sameer. For an 8th grader, the guy has nerves of steel. And he's rather amusing also. It's nice to see a guy who appears to be able to interact normally in social situations win the National Spelling Bee. (I'm sure you're shocked, just SHOCKED, to learn that some of the past winners haven't exactly been, um, adept with human interaction.) More on those in a minute. What words did dude have to spell in order to win this thing?

• CHORION - the highly vascular outer embryonic membrane of reptiles, birds, and mammals


• NACARAT - a pale red color with a cast of orange


• SINICIZE - to modify by Chinese influence
  
  
• TALEGGIO - a soft creamy cheese made from the whole milk of cows


• ESCLANDRE - an event which gives rise to scandal


• GUERDON - reward

Holy crap. I recognize all but none of those words. I can't imagine that anyone that I will ever speak with in this lifetime would have any cause to actually utter any of those words out loud ever. Again, why must everything be so complicated? You can't just say "reward" or "cheese"? People will know what you mean! They'll get the gist!

But the best moment was when the Guy Who Reads The Words (yes, that's his official title) gave Sameer a word that probably could have been enunciated a little bit better the first time around. And Sameer's reaction to the word is exactly what everyone else's reaction was (which was basically, "WTF?")

What a guy. Numb nuts. Hil-arious. Actually, it's probably too bad that wasn't really the word because things could only get more interesting from that point on. (Next word: "Asshat." "Asshat?" "Asshat." "Could you use it in a sentence?" "He is an asshat.") But in case you were wondering...Behold! A numnah:

And also in case you were wondering....Behold! A condition that would likely cause numb nuts.

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