Denizens of the Chat Roulette Dungeon

The other day I did a post about the website Chat Roulette. The premise of the site is that you allow your webcam to be accessed and so do other people who are using the site. You are then paired up with a random stranger and you can either proceed to chat with them or click 'Next' to be directed to another random stranger. And the term 'stranger' is really appropriate in this instance because there are some pretty strange characters out there in Cyber-Land. Strange is actually an understatement. Pretty effin weird is more like it. It's the dungeon of the human soul.

The thing is that I wrote my post based upon my own experiences with Chat Roulette (with my webcam turned off, thank you very much). And while it was weird, it was certainly nothing in comparison to what other folks have come up with. My experience was tame compared to what some people have encountered. Let's take a looksee at some of THAT weirdness, shall we? OK, then....

Um, yeah. All rightee then. What's next? Oh, here we have some dude who is dressed, head to toe (I'm assuming) like a cat. Behold!

Here is a man who is, um, well, let's just say "working from home." Behold!
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I don't know which one of the screenshot below is the most hilarious. The very large individual in his undergarments who appears to be scratching his very large stomach or the two dudes below him with Heineken masks, complete with red straws for antennas. Your choice.

The only thing that would freak me out more than seeing one guy covered head to toe in some sort of colored cloth suit would be two guys covered head to toe in some sort of colored cloth suit. Oh, look. There it is. Yep. I'm totally freaked out.

Not only is the screenshot below of a guy in an Obama mask and a guy in a Batman mask hilarious, what is even more hysterical is their conversation over on the right. I'd almost like to know people like that. If it weren't for the masks. Or the Chat Roulette. Or any of it. Moving on...

Hard to say what makes this next one so enjoyable. Is it the full on gas mask outfit or is it the completely wigged out girls? I think it's definitely a little of both. He's the yin to the girls's yang.

I did a little reading and I actually learned of a "regular" on Chat Roulette. It's a guy who goes by the name of Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man. That's SBFDM if you're into acronyms. Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man is just what he sounds like. He's a Shirtless Bird Faced Donkey Man. See for yourself. Behold!

I told you! As I was writing this post and as I was scouring the Internets for various screenshots of Chat Roulette weirdos, I figured I should give Chat Roulette one more shot in an attempt for me to find my own super weirdo. So I logged on and bingo. There he was. Covered-in-some-sort-of-stretchy-animal-print-guy. Behold!

Yeah, I didn't know what to make of it either. But I know this much. I know that I either have to come up with a hilarious sign or I have got to get myself some sort of a mask. Maybe a Muppet. I'm not sure. All suggestions are welcome. Some might even be considered.

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Jacko in the Wild

It's getting awfully close to July when Michael Jackson will kick off his concerts in London! Naturally (or unnaturally, as is the case with Jacko), questions abound. Will he have a new face? Will he be black again? So many questions. I'd really like it if the guy still had it, if he can still sing and can still move, that would be awesome. But from what I've seen of him over the past few years (which has, thankfully, been very little), I wouldn't be surprised if a) at least one concert was cancelled and b) if it isn't just some big lip-sync show with MAYBE some dancing thrown in. Seriously, are you going to tell me that the individual in this picture:

is going to show up and dance and sing like Michael Jackson in his heyday? I don't think so. But he was out shopping in LA the other day. I'm guessing to pick up a few things before he goes to London, perhaps. Maybe spend a little quality time out shopping with the kids. (You know, I've gotta tell ya, I always do a bit of a double take whenever his kids are mentioned. It's like, "Oh, yeah. That's right. He has kids." Yikes.) Now I don't know if it was either of those things, but I do know one thing that it was. It was weird. Behold!


Ah, yes, a family portrait of middle America. Or not. Granted, with the swine flu craze that's been sweeping the nation, he doesn't look all that out of place with that surgical mask on. Oh, he's still a certifiable freak show, but I've seen so many pictures of softheads wearing masks to protect them from....oh, that's right....they don't know if they protect anyone from anything. Never mind.

But the point is that he was wearing the mask first and now a bunch of other people are wearing the mask (regardless of the reasons, because they're both non-sensical...whatever they are), it's like he's the trendsetter that he used to be back in the days of yore. But there are some areas in the fashion arena in which he is NOT setting many trends. Like his fashion sense as expressed by the outfit that he wore the other day when he went out shopping. Not a trend! Behold!


Yeah, ya blend. Huh. Hard to imagine that something like that shown above could make something like this seem normal:

I realize that the guy needs crazy security and all of those precautions when he goes out in public. But wouldn't it be a lot easier if he didn't make himself so damned easy to recognize? That's the thing about trying to come up with a disguise there, Mike. It's supposed to be so that people DON'T know who you are. You do it in the reverse where your disguise allows EVERYONE to know who you are. During this outing, he had his three children with him. I believe there are two boys and one girl. It's hard to tell when two of them have the same name (Prince Michael) and when the youngest one is called Blanket. How can you tell who is Blanket, who is little Dust Ruffle and who is Pillowcase when they look like they attend a private school in the middle of Mardi Gras? Wow.

Yeah, those masks aren't going to do them much good if they're using them as a defense against the swine flu. Normally I'd say that there was no way that's what they were intending them to be used for, but as you can clearly see, there isn't much normal going on here. Nope. Not much at all. Including the purchases. Behold!

Yes, that appears to be the upper torso of a heavily tattooed male mannequin. And while it seems weird (and it IS), it's not all that different from the rest of Michael's possessions or home decor or even in his decorating tastes. It fits right in if you think of that. Look at some of the wax figures that he owns. Tell me that they don't make Torso Tat Man there seem normal! (Warning: These wax likenesses are creepy looking. They freaked me out just a little bit.) Behold! Oddity!

What is with the two wax little girls from hell? There's not much explaining any of it, really. And again, it's not much different from other things that he owns. Explain this:

You know, when I want a surge protector, I've often wished that I could get one that's being held by an almost upside down life-size Peter Pan figure. Where does one GET something like that? I'VE never seen one during the times that I've ventured out in public. I don't imagine you have either! Seriously though, who even THINKS of that? I've never thought of my surge protector being anything other than a surge protector. Sure, I've wanted a different design that would allow all different sized plugs without wasting any of the outlets, but I've never thought about having it held at the ready by any sort of figure real or fictional! It's not like Peter Pan was about electricity! Or protection from surges! It was about NONE of those things! So what's the connection? Oh, right. The crazy. Got it.

Here we have what appears to be some sort of sparkly bust of MJ. It kind of gives you an idea of what the offspring would look like that was spawned from a union between Michael Jackson and C-3PO.

He has a replica of the Twin Towers. I don't know why. There is a little brass placard in the front of it with writing on it, but I can't make out what it says. It looks like it says "September 22" at the top of it, but that can't be right. Well, it can't be RIGHT, but it can be possible that is what it says. It belongs to Michael Jackson, after all. Anything is possible.

Anything and including things that I don't know what they are. What the hell is this? Behold!

I can't imagine what it's for or what it is. It's obviously a replica of Michael Jackson who seems to be part Stormtrooper as well as a Sheriff, as indicated by the badge on his chest. It has the look of one of those old timey gas pumps and one of those machines at a fair to test your strength. And if I wasn't afraid to think so, I'd think that the 'throne' that he's sitting on is actually 'a throne'! Can't go there. Must...find...other...bizarre...things to look at. Behold!

That is my favorite crazy-ass painting of all time. It's as if he only had enough money to get ONE painting done and so he just had them paint it with everything that he was originally going to have painted in separate paintings. Again, he is part Stormtrooper (with a lace collar, naturally) or a knight and is all draped in what I'm sure is a velour wrap of some sort and is holding a sword with a golden bird (seemingly a parrot) atop it, just like you'd expect. From left to right, there's a monster tree, a unicorn, an odd face in the background and then a crazy eyed alligator. Going down from the alligator we have a child from another land with a haloed crown of thorns above his head. To the right of him is, of course, a deer and the space shuttle. Then there's the chimp that is either communicating by telepathy or has the ability to talk. I'm not sure which. I can't make out the words and I'm not sure that I want to, really.

I'll bet Torso Tat Man doesn't seem so strange now, does he? But Michael seems almost stranger. Hmmm. Odd how that worked out. All I know is that I worry about those kids. What kind of a life are they living over there with Jacko? Are they being schooled? Do they think that their life is normal? What is their habitat? What do they feed their young? Questions, questions, questions.

Actually, I take it back. Even with the swine flu and a few softheads wearing facial masks, Michael still is far from normal looking or acting. Perhaps someone could mention to him that the flamboyant peacock masks for his children to wear in public is...well....too eccentric to make it acceptable, let's just put it that way. I'm sure we'll see plenty more of him out in the world, shopping for God only knows what, in the near future. I'm sure that it won't be long before he too is sporting the peacock mask. And as shallow as it may seem, if the man (?) can still sing and dance like the Michael of the 80s, I don't care if he walks around town dressed like one of the Rockettes (since he seems rather fond of feathers). Do whatever you want and we'll ignore it, but only as long as we know that the crazy hasn't taken away all of your talent.

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Every Day Is Halloween For Michael Jackson

I know it's October and I am also fully aware that Halloween is at the end, the end of the month, but does the whole weird ordeal have to go on all month? I mean, you have to admit, the whole concept is strange. In a way, it sort of cancels out everything you've (hopefully) been teaching your child about safety their whole life. You spend your time telling them don't talk to strangers, don't stay out after dark, and don't ever, ever take candy from strangers. Then what happens? October 31st rolls around and all of that really good advice? Out the window. Not only does Halloween make it so you talk to strangers, it encourages it! Don't just talk to them! Go directly to their homes and knock on their door! But wait until it's really dark outside to do it! And when they offer you candy? Take it! Take all that they give you and run, run as fast as you can to the next stranger's house and repeat the process until you can't carry that bag full of stranger candy any more! Hurry! The sun is about to come up!

But the whole costume-y thing goes on all month and it just bugs me. We're not out shooting turkeys and making pies (mmmmm...pies) the whole month of November! We're not opening presents throughout the entire month of December! And Easter? Good Lord, no one understand the whole egg and bunny part of that and can't wait for it to be over! But Halloween? Halloween we cherish for every single one of the 31 days in the month. You practically have to pry the costumes off of some people (only to find out, in the most extremely unfortunate situations, that they weren't wearing a costume after all. Imagine.). But those are the people who enjoy the dressing up. They are the costumed. They are the freaks. They are the Michael Jackson family. Behold!

Oh, what the hell is that? That would be Michael Jackson and one of his three (Yes! Three!) children at a comic book store in Los Angeles yesterday. And The Sun was there! According to The Sun, Jackson and his children (Yes! His children!) went to the comic book store under the notion that "to view the adventures of masked superheroes they covered their own faces, only removing their disguises after entering the shop through the back door." Now, from what I understand, whenever they're in public, Jackson like to have all of them keep their faces covered, whether it be a surgical mask or a scarf or in the case of his daughter there, Jason's hockey mask from the Friday the 13th movies. What is the point of this exactly?

I mean, I can understand the not wanting to be seen in public if you're Michael Jackson. You know, what with being an alleged child molester and all. And I can absolutely understand not wanting to have my children have to deal with the ruthless and relentless paparazzi. THAT is something that any child can do without. Most adults could do without it as well. But given that they all aren't wearing a surgical mask and the daughter looks as if she is about to protect the goal at a Canucks game, it can't be for filtering air particles or for protection against air-borne bacteria or anything like that. If it were for those purposes, they would all be wearing a surgical mask. I doubt the hockey mask-like accessory there is very good at filtering.

So if it's not for a health reason, you'd have to assume it's so that they don't get noticed and/or recognized. And while I can understand that motivation, I'm going to have to say that the best way to not get noticed is to do something that isn't noticeable. Walking around with a big mask of any sort on your face is a pretty good way to draw a bit more than the normal amount of attention to yourself when you're out in public, I would think. Mike, you're going to want to work on "blending in" a bit more. And no, I don't mean your skin color.

Apparently during the outing Michael Jackson wore a hoodie jacket and kept his mask and his dark glasses on the entire time. His oldest son, Prince Michael, appeared "to look like a normal kid" once he took off the mask. (Well, no kidding ! Yeah, if you take a mask off of just about anyone, underneath, they're going to look a little bit more like a normal person (that is to say, someone without a mask) than they are with the mask on! Almost every time. Almost.) His daughter, Paris, took off her mask to look at the comics. Good idea. And then his youngest child, Prince Michael II, had his mask off to reveal that he looked remarkably like his dad, only without the sunglasses and the surgical mask. Behold! The one that they call Blanket!

What is with that name? Blanket? I mean, how does one get "Blanket" from "Prince Michael II"? (Actually, how does one get Prince Michael II when the kid's brother is Prince Michael? It's like the Motown version of Larry, Darryl and Darryl.) I don't get it. "This is my son Blanket. Over here is his sister, Dust Ruffle. And over there is his brother, Throw Pillow." So odd.

Apparently, Michael Jackson usually insists that his children (Yes! His children!) wear veils as protection against kidnap threats. Again, small people wearing veils in public? Not going to blend right in. Nope. That just makes them easier to find. As far as the protection part goes...are they magic veils? They're not going to protect you from much, other than insects and the sun. But if that's not the goal then you really need a different plan.

I wonder about his children (Yes! His children!) and whether or not they're going to end up being mentally OK with being the child of Michael Jackson and all that goes along with that or if they're going to end up being just like him. And I really can't choose which one of those I think would be better. Well, however they turn out, I'm glad they got to at least go out! I can't imagine that happens very often. Or maybe it does, but with all the masks and the veils, I just didn't see them, so maybe those are pretty good disguises after all.

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