They Know They're Fat

I ran across this story in the LA Times yesterday.  Essentially, it says that "...a federal health advisory panel on Monday recommended that all obese adults receive intensive counseling".  You know, to rein in the fatness.  And really, it wouldn't be that big of a deal what the advisory panel said except that since Obamacare has been ruled to be constitutional (don't get me started), part of that whole deal "...requires adoption of certain recommendations from the task force, such as this one on obesity."

Now, I'm way more into preventative health care than I am just letting people's bodies go completely to hell and then trying to maintain some semblance of "normal" living through medication.  I'm not so sure how I feel about "intensive counseling", but that's kind of only because I don't know what in the hell that means.  But here's the part where I realized that it's likely going to be some utopian effort to try and change something that might not be changeable.  It's the part that said "...a recent study that found that more than half of all obese patients had never been told by their physician that they needed to lose weight."

More than half of all obese patients?  Soooooo...someone is obese and because they were never told by a doctor that they needed to lose weight....that they what?  They didn't know that they were obese?  They didn't know that it's not normal to wheeze and gasp for air every few steps?  They didn't know that using their Fry Daddy for all three meals each day (and snacks) was a bad idea?  Because no one TOLD them they needed to lose weight, they just assumed that they didn't?  Is that what I am supposed to take from that?  Or am I supposed to be blaming the physician for the fatness of the patient?  Either way, no matter which answer I get to that question, it's not good.

Since when did we need to be told everything to do?  I understand giving people nutritional counseling, I suppose.  It can get a little complicated at times if you're really trying to improve your health.  But if you're obese, I'm pretty sure that you can figure out why you're obese without someone telling you.  And I'm also going to find it difficult to believe that an obese individual doesn't know that it's not good for them to be obese.  Do you really think that an obese person can't figure out that they (most likely) would lose some weight if they ate less? 

And please do not email me your stories of obese individuals that you know or are related to and tell me all about their "thyroid problem" or their other metabolic condition that prevents them from losing weight.  Even IF that was the reason that those particular individuals are obese, those people make up such a small percentage that it isn't even worth discussing.  (It's funny how all of those thyroid folks eat fast food and Ding Dongs all the time, isn't it?  Must be part of their "condition".  Go figure.)    Also please refrain from the emails and comments telling me that I must hate fat people.  I don't.  What I hate is people unwilling to take responsibility for anything that they do to themselves and then blaming the government or someone else for their "misfortune".  Granted, I hate the government enabling those people more than I hate the unwillingness of the people in the first place.  But I gotta focus on something.  And right now, my focus in on the government thinking it can fix things that it can't.  Good Lord, we're doomed.

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I'm From The Government And I'm Here To Help You

OK, I find the very, very end of this video super-duper cheesy. But the message that the rest of it conveys is worth that little bit of cheese. If you know people who just don't get what kind of debt this country is taking on, have them watch this video. It's less than a minute. And it's fairly simplistic, so even your friends that tend to have the permanent gaze of livestock should be able to understand it. If it doesn't play, click here. Meanwhile, behold!

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But She's Rehabilitated

I don't know. Call me crazy, but I kind of think that if you're convicted of a crime such as, oh, say...the "...slaying of a young hooker who was beheaded during a satanic ritual", I'm going to want you to spend as much time in prison as possible. Really. I'm talking a lot of time in jail. I certainly don't want you working for the State Auditor of Massachusetts. According to the Boston Herald, State Auditor Suzanne Bump hired a one Robin Murphy to work in a state office. And that hiring came after "Murphy pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in 1982 for the macabre killing of 20-year-old Karen Marsden of Westport in 1980." And as previously mentioned, part of the "macabre" involved the de-nogginizing of the victim. The de-nogginization, if you will.

Ms. Murphy was sentenced to life with the possibility of parole. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm thinking that if you participate in any sort of ritual where someone loses their head in the process, I'm not all that comfortable with you ever having freedom again. Again, call me crazy, but that just doesn't seem like it makes a lot of sense to me. (Don't even get me started on the fairly obvious safety concerns that would also accompany an issue like this.)


Also, "Twice denied freedom in the 1990s, she was deemed “rehabilitated” and released by a 5-2 vote of the parole board in 2004." Really? Just like that? "Rehabilitated"? Well, she wasn't that rehabilitated because she's now back in prison for violating parole. Something about heroin. Shocking, I know. But after her return to prison, Ms. Bump made this statement: "I am sad to learn that Robin Murphy has been arrested for violating a condition of her parole...Three years ago, as labor secretary, I hired Robin to work at the Division of Unemployment Assistance, and she was a valuable employee. After I left, she was promoted.”

Wow. I don't know exactly what's going on here, but that Ms. Bump sure had a lot of faith in someone who had cut off someone else's head on purpose. What do you say in your interview to convince someone to hire you under those circumstances? "It is what it is"? "I was young"? "It was just a bad night. Haven't we all had one bad night?"

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And No One Gets Fired

I like to goof off at work as much as the next person. But I've decided that I want to take my shenanigans to a whole different level. And I want to be all shenanigan-y and not have to worry about any repercussions. That's what I want. Ergo, I want a job with the federal government.

I'm sure that by now you've heard the story of how the Justice Department spent outrageous sums of money on minor items. What we're talking about specifically are things like spending sixteen dollars for one muffin and spending $8.24 for one cup of coffee and five bucks for a Swedish meatball. And all of this ridiculous gastronomical spending took place at conferences that the Justice Department held at places like the Hilton in San Francisco. Real smart.

Now look, I've been to plenty of conferences in my time. And this is what I can tell you about them: They're boring as can be. No one really looks forward to them, though they do appreciate a day or two away from the regular grind whilst still getting paid. There isn't a single thing at a conference that can't be conveyed to the attendees in some memo or packet form. Oh, and the notion that you have to travel somewhere to attend a conference? Completely ludicrous. There's nothing that you need/want to "learn" that you need to travel to. Ask anyone. It's all bull.

And after an audit revealed that the Justice Department spends money with less restraint than a drunken sailor on leave (my apologies to all drunken sailors, and thank you for your service), everyone was suddenly up in arms. Arms everywhere! And we heard quotes like this one from a one Charles E. Grassley as quoted in the Washington Post: "Sixteen-dollar muffins and $600,000 for event planning services are what make Americans cynical about government and why they are demanding change." Um, well, yeah. He's partially correct.

See, the follow up to revelations like this, again according to the Washington Post, went like this: "The Obama administration reacted to reports of $16 dollar muffins served at Justice Department conferences by ordering agencies to review the spending of taxpayer dollars at such meetings." Wait. That's ALL?!

ALL that they're going to do is ask agencies to REVIEW the spending of MY money?! Why in the bloody hell are they not doing that in the first place?! Remember all of that hope and change blather? Nothing has changed! Thus, my lack of hope! Don't you think that if "change" was your priority that you would have "changed" things a long time ago? Are you kidding me?! Some softhead out there (getting paid with MY money) thinks that it is OK to spend $16 each on many, many muffins and they don't get fired?!

I think that most people just assume that there is going to be waste. What makes us angrier than the waste is that nothing ever happens to the people who are buying all of these $16 muffins! They get to keep their job. Why is that?! It's MY money! I want them fired! I want people who have not a care in the world as to how they spend someone else's money on someone besides themselves FIRED. I don't want those people working in the federal government and I certainly don't want them in charge of anything having to do with accountability of finances! It's NOT irresponsibility. It's incompetence!

And I swear to you, if I read one, just ONE account of any of this incompetent spending having originated during the Bush administration, I am going to lose it. I don't care. This is what is happening now. And people need to be held accountable...by being fired. Also, if anyone out there has any idea what a $16 muffin tastes like, I'd like to know.

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How Long?!

Let's talk about how government can never seem to get anything done. How's that sound? Depressing? That's about right. So, the other day I was looking for a dog park in Cupertino, CA. I wanted to take my uncle's dog there and let her run around for a while. Sort of like a doggie play date. I went to the City of Cuppertino's website and clicked on "Dog Park Options". This is what greeted me in my quest for an area to run around in that is simultaneously suitable for a myriad of canines: "The issue of off-leash opportunities for dogs has been discussed off and on in Cupertino since 1993. Options suggested by residents over the years include: a dog park, a dog off-leash area, and designated dog off-leash times in neighborhood parks." Wait. What?



1993?! Are you kidding me?! That's almost twenty years! What in the world could these people be discussing for almost twenty years?! It's a DOG PARK. Ever been to a dog park? No? OK, picture a regular park...with dogs! There you go. Why on earth would it take you almost twenty years to make a decision on whether there should be a designated areas where dogs can run around with other dogs?! Honestly, I can't think of more than maybe 5 or 6 questions that you would have to have answers to. And it wouldn't take twenty YEARS for those answers to be revealed! They'd be pretty self explanatory. What are these people doing?!

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I've been so frustrated with the freaking federal government lately for their inability to get anything done. I guess that inability to make progress (or at the very least, some freaking decisions) has now dribbled its way down to the local level. Great. And I don't live in Cupertino or anything, so I don't know how annoyed this should make me, but if it takes twenty years to make a decision about something concerning dogs, how freaking long is it going to take those people to make decisions regarding people?

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What's The Code For "This Is Ridiculous"?

Let's all give a big welcome to the federal government! According to the Wall Street Journal, there is now a federally mandated version of medical codes. And that brings the total of medical codes up from 18,000 to a whopping 140,000. Let's hear it for the meddling government! Give it up!

Am I the only one who is wondering why the federal government is having anything to do at all with the privatized billing systems of healthcare providers and insurance providers? It's not a federal system, right? Why are there federal regulations all of a sudden? And why in the world did the number of codes suddenly increase by almost eight times? Well, it's probably because the old system didn't account for some of the more serious and obviously likely injuries. You know. Like the perils of crocheting. I s*** you not.

Medical code Y93D1 indicates that you were injured by an activity. Specifically, knitting or crocheting. How is that even possible? Sure, those knitting needles are pointy, but what in the hell are you doing with them that you are going to injure yourself to the point of needing medical attention (and your very only medical code to boot!)? I did a little Googling and I've concluded that it IS possible to impale one's buttocks by sitting on a knitting needle. But that's not the specific activity of knitting which is what the description of the code implies. Wait. Wasn't there a scene in East of Eden where one of the characters tries to give herself an abortion with a knitting needle? That sounds like it would cause injury. But once again, NOT knitting. AND, in this instance, fictional, so that's really a bad example. Let's look at some other new codes.

There are several codes that begin with V9 and they are very concerned with water skis and the accidents that can result from them. If only these accidents made any sense (or had any chance in hell of actually happening) then it might be useful. But seriously, how many times do you think anyone has EVER experienced a V9107XA, "Burn due to water-skis on fire, initial encounter"?! Water skis on fire?! They're IN the WATER. Who came up with these codes? Wile E. Coyote?!

There are also codes in case you're ever bitten by a myriad of animals, including but not limited to turtles and orcas! Look, aside from that chick that got eaten by the killer whale at Sea World a while ago, how often is it necessary that we deal with orca bites? I'm guessing not enough for them to warrant their own code! What's wrong with "Bitten by animal - other"? And I'm dying to know about these people who are getting bit by turtles. I've HAD turtles. Their bite is not code worthy!

I really enjoy that they have not one, not two, but three codes in case you've walked into a lamppost! There's the initial encounter, the subsequent encounter and the sequela (which apparently means that you've suffered a grotesque injury as a result of all of your lamppost colliding). Seems like with something like this that there needs to be a subsection for indicating whether or not alcohol was involved. (And really, if you're bumping into a lamppost more than once and to the point of injury, doesn't alcohol have to be involved? If it's not, you really should be wearing a helmet whenever you leave the house.) There's even a section in case you get crushed between a canoe or a kayak and some other sort of "watercraft or object". I wonder what they'd code it as if the other "object" was that orca I had mentioned earlier. OR the turtle. I guess maybe they cross reference?

Do you see how ridiculous this is? Of course you do! You do. I do. EVERYONE does except for the people who are in charge of this crap. Why is the federal government making medical codes anyway? That's what I want to know. Who bribed who? Who needed to work to do in order to keep their job? Why does this keep happening? And how much did all of this cost?! In case you've been blissfully unaware, we kinda don't have a lot of money to throw around these days! Aren't there other, more pressing items that need to be attended to before our country falls off of a cliff or into the jaws of an orca? Apparently not.

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Bed Sheet Insanity

California is in dire straits. The budget is completely out of control. It's going straight down an s-hole, if you will. And with things so freaking bad, what does the state legislature do? They debate whether or not to make it a law that hotels must use fitted sheets. I kid you not. Read on!

According to the lovely LA Times, the law proposal "is intended to address back injuries sustained by hotel housekeepers" And they think they're going to do that by only using fitted sheets in hotel rooms? Clearly, whoever wrote this bill (Kevin De Leon (D-umbass-Los Angeles), I'm talking to you) has never made a bed. Even with a fitted sheet, you still have to lift up the mattress to tuck that little corner thing underneath. So what in the hell good is it going to do to only have fitted sheets?! On top of that, you need to have at least one flat sheet on a bed, don't you?! I'm not going to sleep with a fitted sheet on top of me. That just won't work!

But this is seriously going on. The state of California wants to make it a law that you have to use a certain kind of a sheet if you're a hotel. What happened to "Land of the Free"? You can't possibly tell me that this is it?! I don't think that there needs to be a freaking law that defines the type of bed sheet that a private business uses! The government is going to tell a privately owned business just exactly how to do its business? If that doesn't chill you to your core (AND annoy the holy crap out of you), then you, my friend, need a helmet. We're so doomed.

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Who's Crying For Me, Argentina?

So, the FAA has kind of been partially shut down for a couple of weeks now. I guess there's some sort of political to-do over unions or something. And while the FAA is still up and running, it's not entirely functional. See, they can't take in taxes (to the tune of about $30 million per day) and so the federal government is losing out on that money. Also, about "...4,000 FAA workers furloughed without pay and another 70,000 construction workers without work", according to the Huffington Post. And the other day, Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood scolded Congress for leaving town before they had reauthorized the FAA's funding.

And he's acting like he's flipping out (I have no idea if he actually gives a fat rat's ass or not) because there are upwards of 74,000 people who could lose their jobs. Here's my question: Let's say that my cushy ass job (I'm not saying the FAA jobs are cushy ass. I have no idea. I'm saying that MY job is cushy ass.) was endangered at some point. (And knowing me, it's going to be. It's just a given. I mean, I'm good at what I do. It's just a matter of how long I can hold my tongue with some things. And that's when the fireworks start.) Is there anyone who is going to come to my defense and speak up for me and my job to be saved? I don't think there is!

Does this Ray LaHood guy not understand how many jobs have been lost in the private sector all over this country over the past, say....five years? Private sector jobs are NOT sacred. Why on earth, if a government department is going to shut down or need to be scaled back, that everyone acts like there is some great atrocity that is being committed and everything that can possibly be done to save those people's jobs should be done? How in the hell are we supposed to shrink our government (and our government spending) without some of those folks losing their jobs?! We can't!

I don't know when it started that if you managed to land yourself a government job that you were set for life. That mindset has GOT to change! Do I care if more people will be unemployed? Yes, of course I do. But do I think that having a government job means that it should last forever? I don't think that I do. Again, how are we going to shrink the government (and thus, what the government spends) if no government program OR worker is untouchable?! We're not! There you have it. Doomed, I tell you. And screwed. Screwed and doomed. We're scroomed.

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Well, That's Not Good

I need to figure out why this story hasn't gotten more attention in the news. I know that it's partly (largely) because the media sucks. That's a given. But I guess it could also be that it's a bad thing masquerading as a good thing. Well, masquerading to soft-headed individuals. Then again, since no one has seemed to catch on yet, maybe the masquerade is really good. Or maybe people just don't get it. Either way, a federal mandate that health insurers MUST cover birth control for women is NOT a good thing.

According to the Huffington Post, reported that the Obama administration has mandated that "Health insurance plans must cover birth control as preventive care for women, with no copays". Umm....OK. Wait. Why is this? Well, one of the reasons is because the administration wants to prevent unwanted pregnancies and for some reason, they think that the key to unwanted pregnancies lies with making sure that women can afford birth control. I guess we're supposed to ignore the fact that condoms are not exactly exorbitantly priced. Whatever. But that's not really my point here.

My point here is what is being overlooked. Woo-hoo! Everyone is just thrilled that women can have birth control for free! What a glorious day! Right?! NO! No? NO. What we have here is the federal government telling a private business what they are going to do. Shouldn't that concern people? A lot?! I think it should. But people are so freaking ga-ga over getting anything at all for "free" that they miss the overall point. (And I have "free" in quotes because someone is going to pay for this. The article says that "The cost will be spread among other people with health insurance, resulting in slightly higher premiums." Oh, good. I can't wait.)

The government shouldn't be telling a private business how to run their business! EVER. If the federal government wants to offer incentives for companies that offer free health care, that's one thing. (And I don't want to pay for those either. But I'd rather have it be an option rather than a requirement.) But to mandate that they provide birth control for women for free is out of line if you're asking me. Where does it stop? Or perhaps a better question is when are people going to realize that the government doesn't know better than they do? Anytime soon? Do you think? What's that? No? That's what I thought. We're doomed. Dooommed!

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It's A Circle

The government is telling us what to eat again. That's right. They have revamped the food pyramid and are now giving us advice in the shape of a plate. They call it MyPlate. I don't know if they're trying to be all hip and make it sound like MySpace, but just the name alone irritates me, so you can only imagine how I'm going to feel about their new guidelines overall.

I'm going to be referencing a very informative article over at the Washington Post and from which I will share fascinating aspects of this insanity.For instance, the entire tone of the program is that everyone is an idiot and needs something that is almost an exact representation of the concept of eating in order to understand something that really isn't that freaking complicated! For example, let's take what a one Robb MacKie, who is the head of the American Bakers Association, had to say about it. "It’s brilliant in its simplicity...It’s something the average American can look at and get a visual feel for how they can fill up a plate at a meal.” No, it's something that an American with a below average IQ could maybe get a feel for. And brilliant in simplicity? Seriously, if you think about it and it's so freaking simple, why is everyone so fat? Do you really think that it is complicated guidelines that are making so many people look like the Michelin Man? I don't think that's it at all. If the "average American" need this simplistic sort of guidance for something as instinctual as eating, then we're going to be doomed much sooner than I had originally anticipated.

But that guy wasn't the only one with that sort of a tone. Here are some thoughts from a one

Robert Post at the USDA Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion: "It’s grabbing the consumers’ attention that we are after this time, not making it so complicated that perhaps it is a turnoff....There is something really inviting about this familiar setting for meal time.” So,because it looks like a plate, people can relate it to their plates? When it was in the form of a pyramid, people just got so confused because they didn't eat off of pyramids and, therefore, they had NO idea what to do? Is that the argument? God, people are dumb.

Now, I'll admit that the revamped food pyramid was a piece of crap. Behold!

Yeah, I don't know what that is supposed to be, nor who thought it was a good idea. It's like kind of a pie chart and kind of a bar chart and kind of a graph chart all rolled into one unintelligible piece of crap. What was wrong with the original pyramid? Behold!

See, I don't see why they had to change that to the crazy one. What about it is so confusing to people? What weren't they getting? What's that? Ohhhh. You think it isn't that people weren't understanding it as much as they weren't caring about it? Huh. Interesting theory. But, that can't be right because the government went through all of the trouble to make us MyPlate so that we could healthy. It can't be because we don't care! If we didn't care, then we'd be surrounded by gazillions of fast food joints and kids would be fat. That's what would happen if people didn't care. Geez. That seems obvious. Now, where was I? Oh, right! Stupidity.

Of course, I'm assuming that the USDA has given some sort of a guideline on what size plate to use for this insanity. Because if you think about it, a 12-inch plate filled up with all of the food that MyPlate recommends is going to be a heck of a lot of food. They still haven't defined a serving. Naturally, that brings up the question of how high one can pile their plate. They've got the two dimensional thing down. Now what about the three dimensional aspect. Are towers of meatloaf ok? And of course, God forbid if anyone mentions the connection between food intake, exercise and weight. Madness, I tell you. Sheer madness.

Oh, and speaking of madness, I'd like you to just take one more glance at the MyPlate illustration. Now I'd like you to know that the Robert Post that I quoted above "...has spent two years developing the plate and the website". That's right. Two years to come up with a circle. Two years to come up with that? You have GOT to be kidding me. What in the hell were they doing doing those two years? How many shapes did they reject before finally deciding on the miraculous plate shape (ie, the circle) divided into four fairly equal sections?! This is what my tax dollars paid for? Two years of this crap? How much was this, exactly? Two million dollars?! If I had known that they were looking for someone to do this for two million dollars and they had two years to do it, I would have gladly done the work for half that amount and it would have taken me an hour. But that's only if I was drunk. If I wasn't drunk, I would have been able to crank that puppy out in five minutes. You know why? Because it's a CIRCLE, that's why! God, we're doomed.

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Department of Redundancy Department

I don't know how I've made it through this week. I swear that it is just one more ridiculous things after the other that I keep hearing about. I'm going to need to start posting videos of cute little kittens if this keeps up. Today's exercise in futility is President Barry's newly formed Fraud Squad.

See, President Barry decided that it was about time that someone look into why gas prices are so freaking fracking high. And according to the Huffington Post "...President Obama unveiled a new working group to combat any fraud or manipulation in the oil and energy markets that may be contributing to near-record gas prices." Uh-huh. Hey. Wait a minute.

Are you telling me that we don't already HAVE something like that in place? I could have sworn that we did. We have the Commodities Futures Trading Commission, but it's hard to tell what their role actually is. Apparently, they're supposed to see if "...Wall Street speculation was helping drive up oil prices". I'm not quite sure why they need a commission for that, as I could tell you that it most likely has a lot to do with it. After all, isn't that kind of what happened just a few years ago when we were in a very similar petroleum predicament? But get this: Even if that is the reason why gas prices are going higher, the CFTC has "...not yet issued key regulations intended to rein in Wall Street gambling on food and energy prices." Which kind of begs the question, "What in the hell are you people freaking waiting for?!"

Hard to say. And for some reason, President Barry thinks that his new Fraud Squad (I don't even know if it has a real name, but that's what I'm calling it because who doesn't like a rhyming name?) is going to get to the bottom of things. As far as what their duties are supposed to consist of, let's see...oh. Here we go. According to the above cited article, completely useless Attorney General Eric Holder, "...who is in charge of the new inter-agency taskforce, specifically instructed members of the new taskforce in a Thursday memo to look into "the role of speculators and index traders in oil futures markets". Well. That sounds like something. Wait a minute. Why does that sound familiar? It's almost as if someone was already in charge of doing the thing that he specifically told the NEW Fraud Squad to look into. OH, that's right. That's because that is "...something the CFTC is already required to do".

Oh, you have GOT to be dry shaving me.

Look, I realize that I may be a little worked up here, but if there is already something in place to do something, why would you make up a completely new thing to do the same damn thing that is already supposed to be being done?! Are the people who are on the CFTC incapable of doing their job? If so, don't build a whole new commission! FIRE THEM! And all of this the day after President Barry saying that the first thing that he wants to cut is government waste. I don't know about you, but to me, having two departments that are doing the exact same effing thing is government waste. It's certainly pointless.

I know several people in the private sector who have taken on the duties of at least two employees WITHOUT a raise because their company was making cutbacks. Also, I know several people in the private sector who feel like their ass is constantly on the chopping block if they can't get done the things that they're supposed to get done. How about, instead of forming the Fraud Squad, if Eric Holder and his moustache tell the CFTC to get off of their collective arses and start looking into things. And setting some new regulations to help reign in all of this wouldn't hurt either. Way to go, President Barry. Well, at least he's consistent. Consistently doing nothing. Is it November yet?

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All Encompassing Government Waste

Yesterday, President Barry had a little sit down with the Internet on Facebook. I call it a "sit down". You may call it a "town hall". Whatever you call it, I'm still not really sure what the point was. I'm sure that people wanted to think that he was trying to reach out to the young and hip crowd that uses Facebook and has actually taken the time to "Like" him on Facebook. Granted, of the 19 million-plus people that "Like" him on Facebook, only about 23% are 25 and under. About that same percentage of people who "Like" him on Facebook are 45 and older. You know what that means, right? It means that people all across the age spectrum "Like" President Barry. (Translation: It doesn't make a fat rat's ass worth of difference.) Big whoop.

And look, I didn't expect any revelations to come out of this thing. But I at least thought (or maybe I just hoped) that perhaps he could have gotten past the first question before tossing out a bunch of BS, not unlike a monkey throwing his feces its a cage. I thought and/or hoped wrong. Here's how it went: The first question he was asked (and I'm paraphrasing here) was to the effect of "What cuts would you make to help out our country financially?" It's a reasonable question. So why in the hell couldn't he give a reasonable answer? I don't know either, but he didn't. Instead, he just skirted the question and went on with something else. Do you want to know what he said? Seriously? His answer to "What would you cut?" was "Government waste."

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

Government waste? Um, was I the only one who heard that and thought, "No s***, Sherlock."? Government waste? That's the best he can come up with? He can't get ANY more specific than that? Government waste? Well, I should hope to hell that he wants to cut government waste? Who doesn't?! But that's the best answer he can give? With NO specifics? Does he mean government waste like the entire Department of Energy? Does he mean government waste like the Department of Education? (Oh, come on! Doesn't it seem a bit redundant when you consider that there are Departments of Education at the federal, state, city and county level? How many freaking departments do we need? And why do we need a federal one? For funding? Fine. Let them fund. I'm fairly certain that it doesn't need to be as gigantic as it is to just dole out funds.) Who knows?! He just said "government waste".

We're so screwed. And we're so doomed. The problem is that whenever a program or a department gets started in this country, it never goes away. The spending never stops. It doesn't matter how useless or outdated or duplicitous that it is, it will never go away. I don't know why that is. All I know is that we're scroomed.

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Governmental Light Bulb Clean Up

Basically, the government has decided that it knows what light bulbs are best for the public to use. Therefore, the regular light bulbs that we've all grown to know and love since the days of Thomas Edison are out and those damn curly, swirly CFL bulbs are in. That's right. Sometime in 2012, you will no longer be able to choose which light bulb you want to use. This in the "Land of the Free". I understand that the new ones will save you a minimal amount of money over the course of the bulb. I also understand that I am the one who pays my electric bill. And as long as I pay for it, why does the government get to tell me which bulb to use? Besides, I hate the light that comes off of those swirly things. It's too fluorescent for me. It's a very harsh light. I'm a rather delicate flower in some areas and the light in my home that I bathe myself in is just one of those areas.

Another thing that you're going to say goodbye to? Cleaning up a broken light bulb without having to follow a series of directions that spans over four pages and requires just about everything except a Hazmat suit (and I'm sure that one would actually be preferred). I'm not kidding. What we have here is a document that appears to be put out by the Connecticut Department of Public Health and is entitled: Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs What To Do If A Bulb Breaks Wait. What now?

I would have thought that the answer would have simply been "Sweep it up". Oh, no. No, no, no. That's the old way of doing things. The new way is much different. And of course, different is better. And since this is the ONLY choice for a light bulb that you're going to have pretty soon, I suggest you pay attention. You're going to need the following:

• Disposable gloves
• Flashlight
• Duct tape or other sticky tape
• 2 index cards or stiff pieces of paper
• Zip-lock bags
• Damp paper towels or rags
• Portable window fan (optional)

That's right. Six items. Or seven if you're going to utilize the option of breaking out your portable window fan. But don't worry. Considering that you're supposed to leave the area that the bulb is broken in for at least fifteen minutes, you'll have plenty of time to gather your supplies. And before you do any of that, make sure that you "Turn off forced hot air heat, central air conditioners, and fans." And "Open windows to allow fresh air in." Oh, but don't do any of this if you're pregnant. If you're pregnant, you are specifically instructed to not do it and to find someone else to do it for you. You're also supposed to keep infants, small children, women who are pregnant and pets out of the room...if you've broken a light bulb.

In cleaning up of the shattered bulb, you are not allowed to vacuum or sweep and for heaven's sake, don't use a metal dust pan. (They don't give any reason for not using the metal dust pan, but I suspect that spontaneous combustion is involved.) No, you're supposed to pick up the big pieces with your gloved hands and then use the index cards to sort of scoop the other pieces into piles and then you use the sticky tape to pick up those pieces. Shove all of that into a ziploc bag when you're done and seal the crap outta that sucker, lest you succumb to...something.

Once you're done with that, you're supposed to pat the area down with the damp paper towels or rags and then seal those and the gloves in another ziploc bag and put them both "...in an outdoor trashcan immediately" as "Getting the waste out of the house right away is an important safety step." And even though you've been all safe up to this point, it's also imperative that you "Wash your hands and face after the waste has been removed from the house." Also, Continue to ventilate the room for as long as possible (at least several hours)." That's right. Hours. (Hey, it helps exhaust the "dirty air' out of the building!) I don't know about where you are, but winter gets a little chilly around here. I'm not so sure that I want to ventilate my room for several hours in the middle of winter. Sooooo, try to only break bulbs during the warm weather months.

That's just the cleanup for hard surfaces. For rugs or area rugs, there is a whole different set of instructions which span a couple of pages. And one of the things that they mention is that if you break one of these CFL bulbs on an area rug is to consider disposing of the entire rug! Oh, and after all of this is cleaned up and you've changed out of your Hazmat suit, remember that "...pregnant women and young children should stay out of a room where a CFL has broken until several days after the clean-up." Several DAYS?! What in the world is IN these things?! I'm really not thrilled about having this toxic item in my home when my regular bulbs (the ones that I pay for and that I pay for the energy that they use) work just FINE! I am going on a regular light bulb shopping expedition in the coming days as I stock up on enough regular bulbs to last me for the rest of my life. Which, if they keep coming up with asinine restrictions on items that I can and cannot use in my own home, is going to be in the very near future.

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Riot Like An Egyptian

Well. It's going DOWN in Egypt. The proverbial poo has hit the proverbial fan and it is chaos over yonder in Cairo. And while I don't want to oversimplify the whole ordeal, I do want to point a couple of things out.

First, I'm not pro-dictatorship. Dictators are really bossy. I don't like it when someone thinks that they're the boss of me, so I have to imagine that the Egyptians aren't all that keen on it either. But we're talking about one of the Sand Lands. So, you know what could be the alternative to the current government? That's right. A government that is based on Islamic Fundamentalism. That would not be good for our relations with Egypt. It certainly wouldn't bode well for Israel. They're already worried that Iran is going to get all froggy and do something. I can't imagine that they'd be real thrilled about having to watch their backs for the same sort of behavior from the Egyptians. Just remember, different doesn't always mean better. While getting rid of a dictator sounds like a good idea, it's not like they're going to end up with a democracy that is identical to that of the United States'.

That brings me to my second point. If you think that this is going to happen overnight, you're wrong. Please remember that after the uprising in Tunisia, they had three different presidents in ONE DAY! (Imagine their State of the Union addresses! "Are you better off than you were at lunchtime?") Even if the current government is overthrown, it will likely be YEARS before there is anything overly functional over there. Again, it certainly isn't going to end up looking like the United States. I totally get that all of those folks who think that the United States is so freaking great could not possibly understand why other countries would not want to mold their government in an exact mirror image of what we have going on over here. I get that. I just don't know how to explain to them that it's not true. A lot of those Sand Lands are ruled by religion (and not always in a good way). Have we learned nothing from what went down in Iraq? Apparently not. Morons.

And finally, while I'm all in favor of a nice revolution, you know what I'm not in favor of? I'm not so much in favor of the asshats that look at a time of political unrest as a justification to start looting stuff. People who are out there stealing stuff don't seem to have as much of an interest in overthrowing the government as much as they do getting a new TV for free. Same goes with looting the museums and ripping the heads off of the mummies. No one wants to see that and it perplexes me as to why someone would do that. The merchants of Egypt have little to do with the dictatorship. And I'm pretty sure that the mummies are completely blameless. So stop breaking their windows and stealing their stuff. And leave the dead guy's dome in tact, would you? You folks want to rain down your disgruntledness (it's a word) on the palaces and things like that? Have at it. Burn them to the ground if you want to (just don't tell anyone that I said it was OK). But try and stay focused, rebels. You've got a job to do. You can't carry out a thorough and effective ousting if you're running through the streets of Cairo with a flat screen TV that you just swiped from the Kwik-E-Mart. Focus, people. Focus!

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