Everything's Ruined!

Remember Casey Anthony?  She is the soulless creature in Florida who was acquitted of murdering her daughter Caylee and then covering up said murder with some whackadoo story about the kid being kidnapped by a babysitter?  The only way that I can figure out that she would have been acquitted is because it was in Florida, America's wackiest and dimmest state.  After having been in hiding since her improbably acquittal, she's now back in the news and there's a lot to take from this latest story. 

She's being sued by a woman named Zenaida Gonzalez.  That's the name of the woman who Casey claimed had kidnapped her daughter.  See, the woman is kind of pissed because, well, her name was sort of dragged through the mud.  You know, after being accused of being, at the very least, a baby kidnapper and at the very worst, a baby murderer.  And since none of that was true (Casey did admit to fabricating that whole tale), she decided that she should sue her.  Seems about right to me.  Want to guess how Casey feels about it? 

Obviously, someone who seems to have been (and likely was) responsible for the death of their child is not going to be someone who has any sort of appropriate reaction to any sort of appropriate actions being taken against them.  This is no exception.  Casey has been in hiding since the surprising (and seemingly wrong) verdict was handed down.  That seems like the smartest thing that she's done from the beginning of this fiasco, as there were plenty of nutjobs out there who wouldn't have thought twice about killing her.  (I'm not saying that anyone deserves to be the victim of vigilante justice simply because someone doesn't agree with how the law played out in a particular instance.  But I am saying that I'd be OK with about 2% vigilante justice.  I'm also saying that I'd like to test this theoretical paradigm of justice out on Casey Anthony.  See?  Completely reasonable!) 

According to People Magazine, Casey Anthony "... is angry that her required appearance will affect her plans to leave the country after her probation ends in August. She will now have to be available to testify."  Yeah, it must be completely angering when the person whose good name you totally slandered (and essentially accused them of murder) is upset enough to sue you.  How frustrating!  I mean, she expected this to just be done.  Let bygones be bygones and the past be the past!  How dare this woman want to hold her accountable for her actions?!  The nerve of some people, I swear...

But here's my favorite part of the article: "Casey was really hoping to leave Florida and never look back," explains a source close to her. "She was really ready to move on with her life. This has ruined everything." Really?  This has ruined everything?!  Soooo...it's not anything that she did or that she brought upon herself, of course.  It's not like Casey Anthony had any hand in all of the ruining.  No, this has nothing to do with her and now everything is 'ruined'.  She was done and ready to 'move on'!  OK, then.  Wow.  What a narcissistic lunatic. 

Hey, you know what?  I was thinking that I might like to leave the country for a while.  I wonder how Casey Anthony is able to afford that (assuming that it's even true)?  According to the article "She does nothing but sit in front of her computer and eat." Anthony remains unemployed and broke, and, according to probation reports, she recently stopped attending counseling."  Hey, I eat in front of my computer too!  Sure, I do other things and I don't kill small children, but maybe I'll be able to get in on this going out of the country dela after all!  She's unemployed and broke, yet a-fixin' to leave the country?  Is she going to stow away in the wheel well of a plane?  (Let's hope that's her plan, as not many people actually survive that trip.)  Most countries don't let you just wander in without a job or any money and live there.  Granted, I could see why she might be under that impression as that's apparently what this country does.  But I assure you, it's not that way anywhere else. 

Why am I not surprised that she's just annoyed by this entire thing?  I guess she thinks that when you are miraculously acquitted of killing your kid that you'd just be able to go on with your life as if nothing ever happened and that everyone else should just leave you alone.   How annoying that she's still being asked to be accountable for herself.  It's ruining everything, don't you know?  You know, probably the person who really should think that everything has been "ruined" would be her daughter.  You know, the dead one.  Were she able to hold an opinion on this matter at the moment, I'm guessing "ruined" might be one word that she would use to describe everything that went on.  One minute, you're a cute little 2-year old girl and the next minute you're dead somewhere in a Florida swamp.  That's the definition of everything being "ruined".  Being asked to explain yourself when you've implemented a totally innocent person in your little scheme?  Not so much. 

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No Today Show Excuses, Please

If you have a friend or a family member who commits a heinous crime (I mean, if they're accused of allegedly committing a heinous crime) do you know what your role is in the whole ordeal when the media comes calling for your take on the matter? Let me give you a hint. It's the same as it is even if the media doesn't come calling for what you have to say on the matter. That's right. You just pipe down and say nothing at all. And if you have to say anything, you sure as hell had better not say anything in defense of the person who has allegedly committed the act in question. We don't want to hear that.

Case in point would be that of a one Wayne Treacy, a 15-year old in Deerfield Beach, Florida who has been accused (mainly because he did it) of putting on a pair of steel-toed boots, texting at least one friend that he was going to kill 15-year old Josie Ratley, bicycling three miles from his Pompano Beach home to the middle school, asking a 13-year-old friend to point Ratley out to him, and attacking Ratley at a school bus stop after she allegedly sent him a text message that made fun of his brother's death. This according to the one Sun-Sentinel. That's pretty harsh.

15-year old Josie Ratley managed to survive the attack, but the term "survive" might just be relative to the situation. As you can imagine, she's not exactly in the best of shape right now. She's in a medically induced coma and has had part of her skull removed to deal with the swelling in her brain. (And when there's the ol' brain swell, you know that the likely outcome is going to be anything but swell.) So, this must have seemed like an opportune moment for the family of a-hole Wayne to go on the Today show and give a half-ass apology interspersed with rationale for why he did what he did. Yeah, don't do that.

Apparently, a one Donna Powers, the a-hole's mother, offered up to Josie's mother/family, "I know the pain you're going through." Say what? You know the pain that the kid's mom is going through? I'm sorry, ma'am, but has your child been savagely attacked and beaten senseless by one of his peers? No? Then I don't think you should be offering up the notion that you DO know what that's like. I'm guessing you have NO clue as to what it's like. I'm guessing that anyone who has not had their child almost beaten to death by another child also doesn't know what she's going through. Why would you say that? That's just idiotic.

The a-hole's stepfather, a one Carey Smith, was also on the Today show and said that the a-hole"....would like to apologize to Josie and her family. He's real remorseful about it." Really? Remorseful? He's 15-years old and sitting in a cell at juvenile hall because he nearly killed a girl by kicking her in the head with his steel toed boots. And he's "remorseful"? What is that supposed to mean, exactly, sir? I mean, according to the folks over there at True Crime Report after a teacher pulled the a-hole off of Josie, he managed to shoot off a text to a friend of his that said "Hey, I think I'm going to prison, I think I just killed someone." Huh. I guess the remorse hadn't set in just then, eh? Yeah, probably not.

Smith went on to pretty much justify the a-hole's behavior by saying, "He had a lot on his plate for a 15-year-old. How would you like to be 15 and find your only brother hanging from a tree?" See, apparently, a-hole's brother had killed himself by hanging himself about a year ago. And allegedly what set off this whole thing was some sort of text message from Josie to the a-hole in regard to his brother's death. Sure. That's a reasonable response. Hey, a-hole's stepfather! Were you getting your stepson any sort of help for all of that stuff that he had on his plate? No? OK, then. Good parenting. Anything else?

Of course there was something else. "According to Powers, the beating was out of character for her son, who she believes snapped during the argument." So, let me get this straight. Your son doesn't make it a habit of hunting people down and kicking them in the head with his steel toed boots? That's NOT normal for him? Oh, OK. That makes sense then. Wait. NO! It doesn't! She also said, "That's not Wayne's nature. He's not a bully." Yeah, see, no one said anything about being a bully. What we're talking about is being an a-hole. And bully or not, it doesn't matter at this point. What's done was done by your son and there really isn't anything that you can say or should say that would justify it or explain it because it is, in just about every sense, completely inexplicable that someone would do this.

Smith added that "...his stepson is a "good kid" and a "normal 15-year-old boy" who is "well liked in the neighborhood" and had never lashed out at anybody before the beating." Yeah, see, you're wrong, sir. Your stepson is obviously not a good kid. He is obviously not a normal 15-year old boy. And you have a lot of audacity to even suggest such a thing. What is wrong with you? Plenty, I gather.

If your kid does something like this, it's really best if you just keep your ass off of the Today show. If your kid does something like this, it's really best if you just say nothing. But in the case where you feel compelled to say something, what say you don't make excuses for your kid, OK? What say you just apologize profusely and then slink away? But really, we'd all appreciate it if you'd just pipe down and not go on national television offering half-ass apologies for the actions of your offspring, OK? OK, then.

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Excuses, excuses

A lot of people seem to freak out when they get called for jury duty. While I don't quite totally get that, I do get some of it. Nothing could seem worse (at the time that you're in the midst of it) to be sitting on a jury, probably next to someone who smells funny, listening to a boring and inarticulate attorney (who you are amazed that they made it through law school, let alone passed the bar exam) attempt to fabricate a justifiable reason as to why his client shouldn't get a speeding ticket. You're completely removed from your normal day-to-day life as you sit there on a hard chair in a little boxed off area (as if you've been identified as probably carriers of the swine flu) with a bunch of other people that you would just rather never have to speak to ever in your life, but definitely never again after the trial is over.

Then there's always deliberations where there is a pretty decent chance you're going to run into the one guy who wants to make everyone's life difficult by either going over the minutiae of the case or by refusing to accept the obvious (either because they're stupid or stoned) and making ridiculous "reasonable doubt" arguments. ("What?! We don't know that he's lying when he says that he can FLY! Maybe he can! Why else would he say that?") Ugh.

And the pay sucks too. I don't know what it is elsewhere, but in California, you're paid a whopping $15 per day, but that doesn't start until the 2nd day. So if you have a one day trial, you're serving your country for free. Actually, you're probably doing it for less than free, as $15 a day is a pay cut for most folks. Oh, and they also pay 34 cents per mile of travel, but only one way. Go figure. I guess they figure that they can pay you to get to the courthouse, but after that, they're not paying you to go anywhere else. I actually find the pittance that California pays out to be rather ironic, as California is in a state of fiscal doom which will realize itself within the next 30 days. The California legislature spends money like drunken sailors on leave (no offense to any drunken sailors out there) in every area where it is possible to spend money (and probably even in some where it isn't possible as well), yet they're forking out what amounts to less than minimum wage for jurors. Nice.

You can get out of jury duty if you have a reasonable excuse. From what I can tell, most things qualify as a reasonable excuse. Financial hardship seems to be the most acceptable. You just tell the judge that you need the money you earn from your real job and that you find $15 a day to be not only a non-living wage, but also rather insulting. OK, you probably better leave off the last part, but you get the idea. Any reason why you can't be there is fine. Anything at all.


Whoops. OK. Anything within REASON.

Take this chap a one Daniel Ellis, who was called for jury duty in Cape Cod, Massachusetts, told the judge that he was unable to serve because "he was homophobic, racist and a habitual liar." Now, I'm sure you're wondering what he said or did exactly, in order to convey that message. Well, for starters, on the questionnaire that he and all other potential jurors had to fill out, he wrote that "he didn't like homosexuals and blacks." That's a little clearer.

Judge Gary Nickerson was not impressed with Mr. Ellis' colorful self disclosure. When he questioned him the conversation went something like this:

"You say on your form that you're not a fan of homosexuals," Nickerson said. (Not a fan! How does one tell if one is "a fan of homosexuals", I wonder? Do homosexual fans have tailgate parties like football fans do?)

"That I'm a racist," Ellis interrupted. "I'm frequently found to be a liar, too. I can't really help it."

"I'm sorry?" Nickerson said.

"I said I'm frequently found to be a liar."

"So, are you lying to me now?" Nickerson asked.

"Well, I don't know. I might be." (Ah-ha! The ol' Catch -22. Or between a rock and a hard place. Wait. Or is it takes one to know one? Hmm....)

"I have the distinct impression that you're intentionally trying to avoid jury service," Nickerson said. (See, that's why he's the judge! They pick up on things like that!)

"That's true."

And that's when the judge had him taken into custody with the intention of charging Mr. Ellis with perjury.

I'm kind of surprised that's all Mr. Ellis had in him, really. It's a commendable performance. Award winning, even. But at some point, wouldn't you just expect him to ask if he would personally get to execute the guy if they found him guilty or something like that? Gotta say, I was a little disappointed he didn't pull something like that.

But it would seem that, while it's bad to be a racist, it's even worse to either not be a racist OR to lie about being a racist. Interesting. I did not see that coming.

Granted, the fabrications of Mr. Ellis were better than those of a one Benjamin Ratliffe of Columbus, Ohio. He tried to get out of jury duty a few years ago "by claiming he is a heroin addict and a killer", according to MSNBC.com. Apparently, when he filled out his juror questionnaire, he wrote that he had a "bad jonesin' for heroin." When asked if he had ever fired a weapon, he wrote, "Yes. I killed someone with it, of course. Right." " ::: sigh ::: What a moron. Said moron ended up spending the night in jail for contempt of court. Shocking, I know.

But clearly the best (as well as the least advised) excuse tried to get out of jury duty comes from a one Erik Slye of somewhere in Montana. According to the smoky folks over there at The Smoking Gun, Mr. Slye and his equally brilliant wife, Jennifer, filled out "a notarized affidavit seeking to be excused from serving on a District Court panel in Gallatin County." I believe it was the wording that he used which caused the judge to threaten him with jail. It went something (OK, it went exactly) like this:

"Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work I'm not putting my familys well being at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F--k alone." Click to enlarge and then Behold!

Wow. How old is his dog that it has wrinkles...there?! Another amazing thing, aside form the age of his dog and the wrinkley-ness of the pooch's nether regions, is that not only did one person think that writing that particular scribe and sending it back was a good idea, TWO people thought it was a good idea! By the way, when he was summoned to court, he apologized for his approach. And the humble approach will get you everywhere as it appears to spare him from going to jail He also avoided being cited for a warrant that he had for failure to appear. And I'm sure that you will be shocked, just shocked, to learn that he did NOT have to serve on a jury.

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