Thursday, June 23, 2011

Coming Soon!

Need something to wash down that s*** sandwich that I discussed a couple of days ago? How about an apple flavored shot of horse semen? No? Are you sure? Because they're out there and, apparently, there are people who are paying to have this...experience? I don't know what to call this at all. Really. I'm running out of words to describe the idiotic.

According to the Dominion Post, "...Apple-infused horse semen shots...are part of the central Wellington pub's entry in the nationwide 14th annual Monteith's Beer & Wild Food Challenge". Wow. Challenge accepted, eh? Holy crap. How this made it onto the menu at the Green Man Pub after the "challenge" is beyond me. But apparently, people (mostly women) want to try it.

It is what it says that it is. It's horse jizz with the lovely taste of apples infused in it, presumably ruining the lovely taste of apples. And according to the article, "...the drink was proving most popular with women." Jesus. Ladies, you're not helping anything by drinking one of those. Not helping a thing. This just turns the whole thing into one big game of "Let's see what else she'll buy!" And I'm pretty sure that's how the world ended up with thousand dollar purses and fifteen hundred dollar shoes! And considering that 20 vials of the...stuff costs $300 dollars, this sort of stupidity isn't going to come cheap. (Pun SO not intended. I barely want to write about this, let alone brainstorm up witty little mannerisms.)

The chef at the Green Man Pub, a one Jason Varley, "...admits to trying the drink himself which he said was "ok", and "like custard"." No, it doesn't. I haven't tried, nor am I going to. But I can tell you right now that it does not taste "like custard". You know what does taste "like custard"? That's right. Custard! Not...this. Or...that. You know what I mean! It does not taste like custard! It doesn't taste like chicken, either, so don't even go there! If something has to taste "like" something else, why don't you just eat the something else? That's why I don't eat things that are made out of tofu. "It tastes like chicken, but it's really tofu." What's the point in that? Just eat some damn chicken. Same with this...stuff. If it tastes like custard, dear God, please have some custard instead.

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