Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Gluttonous Easter

Happy Easter. In honor of Easter, let's take a look at some Easter candy ingestion statistics from the UK and try to figure out what in the world is going on over there.

According to an article by those fine folks across the pond over there at The Telegraph, a mystery shopping company (whatever the heck that is) took a poll and found out that "Children will indulge in an average of more than two-and-a-half kilograms of chocolate over the Easter holiday." Wait. Two and a half kilograms?!

A kilogram is around 2.2 pounds. Thus, 2.5 kilograms would be the equivalent of 5.5 POUNDS. Of chocolate? Eaten?! By children?! (I'm pretty sure that somewhere in here there's some sort of a joke about the stereotypical Brit with bad teeth, I'm just a little unsure of how to phrase it, so that's going to have to do.)

The article goes on to state that "...a typical 200g Easter egg has 990 calories and 50 grams of fat, with youngsters aged 10-14 eating an average of 13, many first thing on Easter Sunday." Wait a minute here. A 200 gram chocolate Easter egg is "typical" for those folks? How many grams in a pound? (Let's see....four quarts in a gallon...two cups in a pint...takes one to know one....what's good for the goose....what was the question?) 1 pound = 453.59237 grams. Thus, 200 grams would be a little bit less than half a pound. That's TYPICAL?!?!

This cannot possibly be correct, can it? And these kids are eating thirteen of those eggs? Well, of course they are, considering that they're eating 5-1/2 pounds of chocolate. That would add up to thirteen of them. How can that be? Why are the Brits buying their kids so much freaking chocolate for Easter? Are they trying to find one thing that they can out-do the US at? How about they pick something else? Something not quite so gluttonous? Or something that could possibly be attained. Trying to out-do the United States at overeating would be the equivalent of trying to out-do Tiger Woods at cocktail waitress banging. It's (sadly) just not going to happen. U-S-A! U-S-A!!

The article says that "...the 15 to 19 age group weighs in with 11 (eggs) each" but "the 40 to 59-year-olds and over-75s have the lowest consumption, with an average of just one." So, these folks are buying pounds and pounds of chocolate for their kids, but limiting their own egg consumption to just one? That seems...counterintuitive at best. They give their kids tons of chocolate eggs, but consume the absolute minimum themselves. I'm still noodling through why this would be. Soft, soft headed individuals is what I'm guessing. Whatever the answer, it certainly isn't rooted in anything rational or justifiable.

We also learn that "Seven out of 10 parents have adopted the American tradition of holding a 'hunt the Easter egg' event for their children." First of all, it's an Easter egg hunt. If you're going to adopt it, at least call it by its given name. Second, we're absolutely not hunting for half pound chocolate eggs. The outdoor Easter egg hunts that I participated in as a small child involved real eggs! They were hard-boiled (because it would have just been weird otherwise) and dyed different colors, but they were real eggs. In addition to the real eggs, there were also those colored plastic eggs that you could put like ONE tiny chocolate egg inside of. Again, if you're going to adopt something, try to keep our wacky ways in tact, would you? Thanks.

I don't know what to think about all of this (other than next year right before Easter, it might be time for me to invest some money by buying some sort of confectionery stocks or glucose meters). Five an a half pounds of chocolate in one day. Even when I was a little kid and that would have sounded like an appealing event to partake in, I highly doubt I could have done it without some sort of reversal of fortune occurring before the end of the day.

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1 comment:

Kate said...

Happy Easter Mary- Hope you have a wonderful holiday.