Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Odd Keyword Searches

People find this blog by a variety of means. (And God bless those Google boys.) But regardless as to which search engine they are using (and the majority of the time, it is a search engine), they have to put in keywords to find what they're looking for. As I have a little program called Stat Counter which keeps track of a multitude of things for me here at the blog, I am privy to what the keywords are that people are searching for. It's usually pretty easy to tell what's in the news on certain days because a lot of searches will have keywords pertaining to a hot news item. But other days, the search keywords just look like a cornucopia of crap with a one way ticket straight to this blog. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I'm going to share with you some of the search terms that brought folks here yesterday. Let's begin.

I had two requests for "rachel raye naked red tube". I don't even know what in the hell that could possible mean. Red tube? I can assume that they mean the cute and perky little cooking chick, Rachel Ray, but I have no idea what in the world the "red tube" is referring to. I can't even guess. Whatever. I certainly hope that this blog post helped them out: The Possibility of the Misperception of Scarves

I had a couple of chicken queries yesterday. One was for "chicken says weatherforcast". (Thank God that people don't need to know how to spell, nor separate words in order to find this blog.) The other was for "one legged chicken". Oddly enough, both of those inquiries were likely directed to this post: Today's News - Now With Chickens!

I receive an unimaginable number of hits from people looking for whores in London. Whores in London. Hookers in London. Prostitutes in London. People want to pay for sex when they're in London, that's for sure! Cheap whores in London. Cheapest hookers in London. Oddly enough, I get almost no inquiries for things like "How to tell if I'm riddled with chlamydia after a trip to Europe." Almost never. But I have gotten plenty of mileage, thanks to the wonderment that is the European hooker, out of this post: Economical Hookers In London. (In fact, if you Google "hookers in london" the first result will be this blog! That's a fact that brings me an equal amount of pride and shame at the same time.)

There's not a day that goes by that someone doesn't inquire as to whether or not Annette Funicello is dead. I don't know why that is. Seriously. No other celebrity on my end of things has had their mortality wondered about than Annette Funicello. I cannot explain it. Nope. Can't even come close. And the post that folks are directed to, Who Are These People & Why Are They Hot?, isn't really going to help you understand that either. But I'm here to tell you, she's alive. And I'm also here to tell you, you'll know when she's dead.

Sometimes the search terms just make me laugh. There was "i got tricked to pose nude on chatroulette" that just made me howl with laughter. Really? Tricked? By a computer? Man, do I want to know the back story on THAT one. What really has me confused is that came up not once, but twice. There are at least TWO morons out there who, inexplicably, took off their clothes with their webcam activated as they were logged onto Chat Roulette. Wow. Who are you people? And why are you looking to blogs for what to do about what ails you? Put your damn clothes on and read a book, for cryin' out loud! "what do you mean by nope" was another one that was quite a head scratcher for me. What does that even mean? Nope means nope! Nope! It's not like it's all cryptic or anything. It means nope! Odd, yet hilarious.

Look, the point to all of this is that regardless as to how you found this blog and whether or not you found it with or without your clothes on, I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks

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Gerard said...

Hi Mare,
Ha ha! how ironic! I originally found your blog while doing a google search for hookers in London!
I would like to remind your readers that,as mentioned in the original post 'economical hookers in london' I am available on gerard.murphy@ymail.com for all enquiries about this fine city and its excellent selection of fine prostitutes from all over the world!
As long as you are single and unattached,I see no shame in it,and think more men should be honest about it-embrace the fact you actually prefer whores,at least for now! it is far better than try to suppress it,and ending up like Tiger Woods,Ashley Cole,John Terry,etc.
I condone paying for sex,not lying to yourself and some girl you just want to lay,I realised this at an unfortunate time for my ex-girlfriend Claudia,as I cheated on her many times with several hookers,but at least I confessed to her and broke it off early on,I didn't try to have my cake and eat it like those guys.
Most guys act as if womanising lying to naive drunk chicks in bars and banging them once and never calling them again is somehow more noble or worthy of celebration.
The relationship between hooker and client is the most honest it is ever going to be between men and women.
I want sex,she wants money.
I like sex more than I like money.
I tell her I want to have sex with her,and what I want to do to her.
She sets the rules and boundaries,and tells me what she will and won't do,so we both know what we should doing when we get down to it (the way sex should be) and promptly empties my wallet.
It's a strange feeling,I feel both in control,and as if I am being controlled,its almost an equilibrium.
I am a customer,so she will serve me and keep me happy,but hookers have very powerful bargaining skills,and know that when I am trying to coolly negotiate a price,they can simply shove their titties right in my face and smother me with the,kind of throwing off my cool guy act,as I become dead from the head down due to the rush of blood to my groin,and drool and thrust fistfuls of money into her hand,dazed.
Some whores will just straight up stroll over,'cup' and massage my balls through my pants before I have barely got in the door! I'm braindead after that!

I still want to set up a blog dedicated to this,I will keep you posted,Mare.


Mare said...

Always good to hear from you, Gerard! Good to know that my readers have a go-to guy whenever it comes to anything hooker related in London! (That's an asset not many bloggers can claim, I'd imagine.)

Thanks for continuing to read. Your comments never fail to amuse and inform me.

~ Mare

Anonymous said...

Hi Mare,
I wouldn't miss your blog,I find it informative and amusing,I have put up a few links and mentioned it on my new up and running blog,thanks for inspiring me!


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