Miley's New 'Do

Apparently, Miley Cyrus got a hair cut.  Actually, she got them all cut.  (I love that joke, no matter how silly it may be.)  And then some, actually.  I'm not quite sure, but it would seem that she went to the Helen Keller School of Hairstyling for this particular do.  Behold! 

Yeah.  That's, um, well, it's sort of...you see...huh.  I don't...I don't know where to go with this.  I mean, at least she isn't totally bald and attacking a sedan with an umbrella, a la Britney Spears.  But that's hardly a flattering do she's rockin' there.  She kinda reminds me of someone like that.  Hmmm.  Oh, I've got it.  How about this: 

Yeah, that's close, but not quite exactly who I'm thinking of.  You have to admit that the resemblance is quite stunning (and that's certainly not a compliment for either of them).  Oh, wait!  I've got it.  She's turned into Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter.  Behold! 

Yeah, that's it.  That's who she reminds me of now.  Again, not exactly a compliment for either one of them, but at least I don't have to keep wracking my brain trying to figure out who she looks like anymore.  No, that sad riddle has been solved. 

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Did No One Listen To Those Songs?

Did you watch the closing ceremony of the Olympics?  (Or is it ceremonies?  It's just the one thing, right?  So shouldn't it be just a ceremony?  Why do I keep reading that they're ceremonies?  Something's not right.  Actually, more than one thing isn't right.  Here we go.)  I caught bits and pieces of it because it was basically just a British pop concert.  And while I appreciated that there wasn't another tribute to socialized medicine in the closing ceremony (because that was really freaking weird), I do have questions about some of their song choices. 

Did anyone who decided upon the song choices actually look farther than the title of the song when making their selections?  It would appear that they did not.   I tuned in when someone who was not Roger Waters, nor Pink Floyd, was playing "Wish You Were Here".  This happens to be a song about feeling alienated from other people.  While the title might suggest that of a happy postcard that you'd drop in the mail, mainly to brag that you're on vacation and the recipient is not, it's really not that at all.  And it certainly doesn't seem to match for the Olympic closing ceremony.  But the title sounds good, so what the hell, right? 

Seriously, that must have been what the people in charge of songs did.  They looked for songs with great titles that had something to do with something generally related to the Olympics and went with that.  That explains why they chose "London Calling" by The Clash.  "London Calling", while absolutely a catchy tune, is about apocalyptic London.  It's hardly cause for celebration!  But it has "London" in the title, so I guess that was good enough!  Nothing says "Thanks for the memories" like a little ditty about nuclear wasteland!

I think that it was shortly after that when they chose to play Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The USA".  Again, definitely a catchy tune.  There's no denying that.  But it's not exactly uplifting.  Sure, the tune itself is nice.  But the song itself is about when the Vietnam veterans returned to the US only to find no homes and unemployment.  Again, not exactly the message of cheer and farewell that you'd expect.  But it has "USA" in the title, so I guess that they just went with their same frame of mind when they chose "London Calling". 

Even the Brits can't save us.  Not that I ever thought that they could, but you know what I'm saying.  The point here is that we're doomed.  Doomed! 

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Warning: LOUDNESS

This is pretty cool.  The Bahamas only won one medal this year in the Olympics and it was in the 4x400m Mens Relay.  Now, I don't know if the Bahamans are just really into the Olympics in general or if they were just really into this race or what.  What I do know is that below is a video of a bunch of people in a bank in the Bahamas watching this race unfold.  A couple of things strike me about this scenario.  The first one is how enthusiastic all of those people are about the whole thing.  It's awesome.  The second thing is how big that freaking bank is and how many people are in it!  Seriously, I've never seen that many people in a bank in the US ever.  Way to go, Bahamans!  Your apparent financial responsibility impresses me!  So does your win in this relay!  (By the way, in case you didn't catch the title, this video is LOUD.  I suggest turning down your volume especially if you're wearing headphones.)  Congratulations!

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They're Stars, Moron

Just in case you haven't caught on to all of my screaming and yelling about how doomed we are, here's another example that should make it extremely clear.  Granted, this article is from about a year and a half ago, but after I tell you the content of it you're going to think that it was written a couple hundred years ago. 

It's an article from the LA Times and it's discussing how folks in rural areas around Los Angeles want to preserve their view of the night skies by having the surrounding cities have zoning ordinances that deal with lighting.  See, when there are too many lights on the ground it makes it difficult to see all of the stars in the sky.  I understand that you don't have a right to see stars in the skies, but I think stuff like this is nice and that stars would fall under a category dealing with nature.  I'm all good with preserving nature as long as things don't start getting ridiculous.  (eg, Sorry little titmouse, but we need a freeway extension over here.)  But I digress. 

The article goes on to talk about how most Los Angeles residents are not able to see the stars in the night sky because of all of the lights in the city.  That makes sense.  What did not make sense to me is this: "So foreign are the real night skies to Los Angeles that in 1994, after the Northridge earthquake jostled Angelenos awake at 4:31 a.m., the observatory received many calls asking about "the strange sky they had seen after the earthquake."  Wait.  There's more  "We finally realized what we were dealing with...The quake had knocked out most of the power, and people ran outside and they saw the stars. The stars were in fact so unfamiliar; they called us wondering what happened."  Ummm...what now? 

That's right.  Many people called the Northridge observatory wondering what in the hell those twinkling lights in the sky were!   I don't even know where to start!  How can anyone who can figure out to call an observatory to ask a question about the skies and space not know that those lights in the sky are flippin' stars?!  That's the part I don't get.  OK, that's one part I don't get.  The main part that I don't get is how anyone doesn't look up in the sky, see a bunch of lights and not know that they're stars!  They couldn't noodle that one through on their own?  More than one person called a scientific organization because they couldn't get "stars" to register in their brains?  This was 1994!  Not 1004!  1994!  The Hubble launched in 1990!  I'm pretty sure it sent back spectacular pictures of, among other things, stars!  But that's really neither here nor there because what ELSE would those things in the sky BE?! 

Doomed, I tell you.  Completely doomed. 

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Bangkok!

It was hot today.  I was tired.  I kept trying to find something to write about, but to no avail.  Nothing really jumped out at me.  Even those stupid shirts that the U.S. Women's Soccer team were wearing weren't enough to inspire me.  And then I ran across this.  And it made me laugh.  I can only hope that it will make you laugh too. But that's when I knew.  It was going to have to be good enough.  Behold! 

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Olympics Ponderances

I have some Olympic ponderances today. 

First off, did you know that trampoline is an Olympic sport now?  How is trampoline an Olympic sport?  That's the childhood toy that defined the coolest backyards in the neighborhood.  That's an Olympic sport now.  Trampoline.  What's next?  Gold medals for the best performance in a ball pit?  Pogo stick competition?  

Next, let's talk about the balance beam in gymnastics.  That thing is only four inches wide.  And the beam itself is about four feet off of the ground.  Now, maybe, just maybe, if I had some sort of ladder or stool in order to get me up there, I could possibly walk from one end to the other without falling off.  Maybe.  These gymnastics jump up on that thing like it's sitting flat on the ground.  And then they get up there and they're jumping around and flipping over and landing on the thing with no problem.  If I tried anything like that, I'd end up in a chair drinking food through a straw for the rest of my life.  What I'm trying to say here is that there isn't enough credit given to those folks who can successfully work the balance beam.   

Then there's the overall coverage that NBC is giving the Olympics.  I started to notice as I was watching beach volleyball that every time that they would come back from commercials, I would noticed that I had missed like five or ten points.  How is this possible?  The coverage is tape delayed!  It's not like it's live!  There was no reason for viewers to miss those points! 

I'm also still not sure how dressage is an Olympic sport.  That's the one with the horses that jump over a bunch of obstacles that were put out for them to jump over.  They're horses.  They're the ones doing all of the work, and yet it's the rider (or are they a jockey) that gets all of the credit.  I'm not so sure that the horses know exactly what's going on, but I'll bet you that if they did that they wouldn't be too happy about it.  I can't imagine they're very happy about it as it is.  They have to be wondering "Why in the world do you want me to jump over that stick again?  You know that's not really Saturn, right?  This all seems so silly.  If they want that stick to be jumped, what say they jump over it and get off my back!"

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Really? Her Hair?

I gotta say, this Gabby Douglas girl is going to do just fine with her new found fame as a result of her winning that gold medal in  all-around gymnastics.  I know that because of how she has already handled the inevitable idiocy that would follow her winning.  I knew that there would be people out there who would find anything that they could to nitpick about with this girl, but I didn't know that they were so limited on things to choose from on their list of idiocracy that they would end up choosing to focus on her hair.  That's right.  Her hair.  Good Lord. 

And really, how this became a topic of discussion at all is beyond me because from what I can figure out, all of the hubbub came from morons on Twitter.  Twitter!  Why would I give a crap about what anyone on Twitter thinks about anything?  (Yes, I have a Twitter account.  And why anyone would give a crap about what I post on Twitter is also beyond me.)  This is a fad that I do not understand.  CNN has even taken to showing people's tweets when they're reporting on certain news subjects.  Why on earth would I care what some dolt in Nebraska (Just for instance!  Calm down, Nebraska.) has to say about a news story?  That's why I watch the news because I'm hoping for a "professional" take on things.  (Granted, those hopes are dashed frequently, but I think you get where I'm coming from.) 

Now, pay attention to this next part, regular media peeps.  See, you don't have to address someone's opinion simply because it's on Twitter.  No, you can act like it's just someone talking to their buddies and completely ignore it and not give it credence as if they're spouting some sort of wisdom that we otherwise wouldn't be partial to.  Yeah, you don't need to go to Twitter in order to fabricate non-news stories.  Not only do you not need to, I'm going to plead with you that you just don't. 

But of course, they didn't listen to me (again) and asked Gabby what she thought about what other people thought about her hair.  According to USA Today, she responded to the blather by saying: "I don't know where this is coming from. What's wrong with my hair? I just simply gelled it back, put some clips in it and put it in a bun. Are you kidding me? I just made history. And you're focusing on my hair?"  Yeah, she's going to be just fine.  Way to go, Gabby!  Way to point out the sadly obvious to those who have clearly lost focus.  I like her.  And again, she's going to do just fine. 

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Hold Still...

That Curiosity rover landed on Mars yesterday.  They've already sent back a picture of it when it was landing on the surface.  So NASA can make a robot that can tell us what's going on up on Mars faster than NBC can tell us what's going on in London at the Olympics?  Hard to tell if I'm more impressed with NASA or more perplexed by NBC.  Probably more impressed with NASA.  I can't wait until the high-def pictures come out tomorrow.  I really want to see what's going on up there.  I kinda hope that it's a little like the cartoon below.  I'd really like there to be a Martian named Larry.  That's what I'm hoping comes out of all of this. 

 

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Things That Annoyed Me Today

I've got some things that are bugging me.  Shocker, I know.  Let's review. 

I'm reading a story over yonder at the Huffington Post where they tell me that Usain Bolt won the gold medal in the 100 meter run thing that he does better than anyone else.  Oh.  Spoiler alert.  (Should that have come first?)  At the bottom of their brief write-up on it, it says "Story developing".  No, it isn't!  The story is not developing!  That one guy won that one race.  THAT'S the story!  There isn't anything developing about it at all!  If the headline had been "Runners line up to get ready for race", THEN they could have said "Story developing" because it WOULD have been.  But once something is over, it's not developing anymore.  It's developed.  It's over.  No more development.

So that annoyed me to the point where I had to step away from the computer and go and do something.  I chose to go to the grocery store.  They had chicken pot pies and Frito pies in the bakery department.  OK, look.  Just because something has "pie" in the name, doesn't mean that it goes next to cupcakes!  There is nothing MORE out of place in a bakery section than a chicken dish.  It's not bakery material and it's not going to be even if you put it there and pretend that it is.  Just because you put kittens in the oven, that doesn't make them biscuits. 

And I get home and the lunacy just picks up right where it left off.  Remember a couple of weeks ago when a few people found sewing needles in their sandwiches on their Delta flights?  OK, well, if you don't remember that it happened, just take my word for it that it did.  So the other day, someone else finds a needle in their sandwich.  And I read an article that says that they're trying to determine if it's a copycat.  Well, of course it's a copycat!  Either that or it's a two week old sandwich!  Is that something else I have to look out for when I fly now?  Not only am I supposed to be on the lookout for dangerous shards of metal in my flying food, but now I have to be concerned that said food might have been made over fourteen days ago?!  Great. 

And finally, NBC felt the need to apologize because some people were "offended" because after Gabby Douglas won the Olympic gold medal in the all-around competition, NBC aired a commercial for a new TV show called "Animal Practice".  And the commercial in question had a monkey hanging from some gymnastics rings.  I guess a bunch of idiots on Twitter were really upset and felt that it was "risky" and "disgusting" among other asinine comments that I read.  Folks, do you really think that NBC was implying that Gabby Douglas was a monkey because their regularly scheduled commercial just happened to follow a black chick winning a gold medal in gymnastics?  Really?  You think they planned it that way?  You think THAT is what they were going for when they made a commercial with a monkey in it?  That they were implying that black gymnasts are like monkeys?  Racism and perceived racism would almost certainly go away much quicker if everyone didn't just to absolutely ridiculous conclusions about, oh, everything.  No one was comparing her to a monkey!  And for the record, no one was comparing the monkey to her, either!  (Why doesn't anyone ever think about the monkeys!) 

 

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Ann Romney's Horse Goes To London

Did you know that Mitt Romney's wife has a horse in the Olympics?  A real horse.  It's going to compete in something called dressage.  (That's with a short "a" sound.  Like "ah".  It sounds more prestigious that way.  Dress-aaaahhhh-ge.)  If you haven't heard about this, that's not really a surprise.  I don't think that Mitt is looking to advertise that his wife has a million dollar show horse who will be doing horse things in the Olympics.  It doesn't really do much to help clear up that stigma that he's really super rich and out of touch with regular people.  Yeah, having a show horse will do nothing but solidify that stigma.  In stone.  But here in a world exclusive, I have the picture of Ann Romney's horse (and really, Ann Romney's Horse isn't a bad name for a band) heading over to the Olympics in London in typical Romney traveling style.  Behold! 

 

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