This Explains A Lot

Remember during the election results when Diane Sawyer was acting and speaking as if she had been kicked in the head by a mule earlier in the day?  The Twitter (and world) speculation seemed to lean toward her being pilled up or drunk.  I leaned that way as well (because I was pilled up and drunk), but I also tried to give the benefit of the doubt that she could have maybe possibly been super tired.  I'm retracting my maybe possibly theory.  I'm going with pilled up and/or drunk.  I base that solely on this footage that I found of Diane Sawyer years ago doing some sort of newscast.  She's in between takes (or stories or however that works with news) and you clearly see her grab her purse from underneath the desk and pull out a prescription pill bottle and remove a pill from it.  Then she washes it down with a sip of red wine!  Right there as she's working!  I don't know how long ago this was, but her hairstyle and general appearance seem to be somewhat of a cross between Princess Diana and Meryl Streep.  I'm not sure exactly where that would date her, but it isn't all that recent.  The point I'm trying to make is that it wouldn't be all that surprising, given this history of similar behavior, if she had over imbibed in or on pills/wine on election night and then went on the air and tried to act like the three electoral votes from Delaware are going to make or break an election.  The video is below.  If it doesn't load click here.  Whaddaya think?  I think that her drinking before doing her newscasts would explain a lot (like why she insists on talking so slow it's as if she's speaking to a five year old who doesn't understand English).

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Donald Trump Loses It

I think that the best part of the election the other day was watching Donald Trump slowly implode on Twitter.  He went from fairly reasonable and sedate when he tweeted "Whoever wins today, remember that tomorrow we still have a country struggling.  Our work is not done until America is strong again." to fairly cuckoo when he tweeted  "We can't let this happen.  We should march on Washington and stop this travesty!  Our nation is totally divided!"  to completely insane when he attacked Brian Williams with a tweet that read "Brian--Thanks dummy--I picked up 70,000 twitter followers yesterday alone.  Cable News just passed you in the ratings".  It was one of the best cyberspace meltdowns that I have ever witnessed.  The Donald has clearly had second thoughts about his election night insanity, as he has deleted a lot of those very tweets from that evening.  But I have them all right here for you and your viewing pleasure.  Behold!  And enjoy! 

 

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im not drunk U gusys r dunk

What the what was up with Diane Sawyer on election night?  I don't mean her usual mannerisms, which come across as either her being a little bit dialed back or that she thinks that she's talking to five year olds.  No, election night was different.  She sort of had an air about her that I've experienced before.  It was that of a chick that had imbibed in just a little bit too much champagne.  I know that a lot of people are speculating that she was drunk or pilled up ( a la Paula Abdul) because of how she was acting.  I suppose that she just could have been exhausted, but it doesn't seem that way to me.  There was definitely something going on with her the other night.  Below is a compilation video of her in all of her slurry glory.  At one point, she even appears to be propping herself up on the table with her elbows!  And poor George Snuffleupagus over there.  Just staring blankly at her as she rambles about.  He's one of the great political thinkers that we have in this country and he's stuck at a table with a barely coherent Diane Sawyer.  I'm sure he was just loving that.  Anyway, check out the video below while you can.  It took me a while to find one that hadn't been taken down by ABC. If it doesn't play here, you can see it over at TMZ, my source for drunken celebrity videos.

 

Diane Sawyer -- Drunk, Tired Or Flustered? - Watch More Celebrity Videos or Subscribe

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Four More Years

Congratulations, President Barry on winning another term despite an economy in the tank and ridiculously high unemployment numbers.  You are one charismatic dude, I'll give you that.  I am more interested in how your fan base reacts the next time around when their candidate is a boring old white dude.  But in the meantime, we're stuck with you.  So get out there and do something!  ANYTHING!  We're not picky.  We'll take anything at all.  Have at it!  We're waiting.   You go right ahead.  We're right here.  Go on now.  Flap those wings.  Flap 'em!  FLAP! 

 

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Don't Rock The Vote

It's here!  It's here!  Election Day is finally here!  The madness will end soon!  (OK, one kind of madness will end soon.  There's always perpetual madness when it comes to politics.)  But unlike a lot of other folks out there, I have a different message for some of you. 

I keep hearing various people talk about how important it is for you to just get out and vote.  And while voting is important, what is more important is knowing what in the hell you're actually voting for.  There was an article in USA Today a little while ago and it broke down the reasons why people didn't vote.  (And by the way, there are 90 million eligible voters who will not be voting in the election.  90 million.  I wish it was 100 million.  People are idiots.  Back to you.)  17% of the people that were surveyed said they weren't going to vote because (wait for it) they didn't know when the election was!  Good Lord...

Didn't know when the election was?!  How in the hell is that even possible?  I think I'm jealous of those people.  To be that oblivious to something that has been saturating all forms of media for so long, that's a talent if there ever was one.  I mean, there has been some sort of Presidential election/campaign coverage on cable news every single day for years.  I realize not everyone has cable, but I find it astounding that 17% of the people polled (and that figure, extrapolated to cover the 90 million that won't vote, comes out to 15.3 million people) don't know when the election is.  Do you really want those people out there voting?  I don't think that you do! 

Imagine if those 90 million dullards actually got out and rocked the vote (to quote the MTV campaign slogan of...1992?).  Can you imagine how different our country would look?  Do you think that they have any idea what the issues are?  Do you think that they have any idea which politician stands for what?  Do you really want them in a voting booth just checking boxes because they sound good enough to vote for?  I don't think that you do!  I know I certainly don't. 

In conclusion, please don't rock the vote.  Please don't encourage others to rock the vote.  In fact, if you know someone who is a dullard who is planning on voting, perhaps try and distract them until it's over.  In the meantime, you just hang tight.  It's almost over.  (And I don't mean that in a literal sense like the world will come to an end if one guy is re-elected over the other guy.)  And things will most likely be OK regardless as to who wins the Presidency.  Think about it.  We've been having a relatively seamless change of government in this country without major havoc for over two hundred years.  That's just amazing to me.  There are some countries out there that can't make it through a Tuesday without a major uprising.  We're going to be just fine, though.  And we'll be even more fine if morons don't vote.  Pass it on.

 

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Louie Lincoln

Sweet fancy Moses, it's almost over.  Tomorrow.  Tomorrow, thanks to the regular ol' passage of time, we will vote for a freaking President of the United States and I will stop being bombarded by political ads on my TV and swamped with political flyers in my mailbox.  (Wait.  It will stop, won't it?)  Look, in the meantime, distract yourself with this little skit from Saturday Night Live.  It's Louis CK as Abraham Lincoln.  (By the way, if you're not familiar with Louis CK, I suggest that you get yourself familiar with him.  The guy is funny in a different sort of way.  He's not for the kids.  He's not for the stupid.  He's certainly not for stupid kids.)
 

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Don't Let Mitt Turn Back Time by Kathy Griffin and Cher

Just two more days.  Two more days until we elect a President to lead us and to cover up slaughters in Benghazi for the next four years.  Or something like that.  In the meantime, there's a rush to get out as many more politically themed "Vote Like This" messages as is possible.  Can it really possibly even matter at this point and time?  (Or is it point in time?  I don't think I really know.  It could be either, really.  They both seem like they could be correct.  It's not like thinking that "For all intents and purposes" is "For all intensive purposes".  Yeah, they sound the same, but the second one doesn't even make sense.  What the hell is an intensive purpose anyway?  You don't know because it isn't a thing.  But I digress.  Where was I?  The election?  Yeah, the election!)  I don't know if it can, but I guess that Cher and Kathy Griffin do think that it can.  At least, I'm assuming that they think that because they put out this little video/service announcement thing telling us that it will be the end of women as we know them if Mitt Romney is elected.  They don't exactly say how that will happen, but they don't make it sound pleasant.  Naturally, most of it centers around abortion.  What else would it center around?  Isn't that all women ever think about?  How and when and how many abortions they're going to get?  Isn't that what rules our day?  All the abortion thought?  Day and night!  We worry about abortions!  Good Lord.  Regardless, for some reason, the way that they did their little message made it not as sanctimonious as most of the celebrity endorsements of whatever (usually/almost always Democrat) political leanings that they have.  I actually kind of liked it.  And that's really saying something because I hate this sort of crap.  So, their video of fear mongering mixed in with humor is below.  Enjoy!  

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Origins Of Stupidity

Shouldn't Octomom be off fake rehabbing herself at her fake rehab and leaving the public alone?  You'd think.  But then again, you'd also think that someone who was the single mother to six children wouldn't go off and get herself knocked up with octuplets, so....that's what we're working with here. 

Octomom issued a statement from rehab in what appears to be a response to Lindsay Lohan's nutjob father, Michael, saying that he "...helped organize an intervention that helped convince Nadya Suleman she needed help" according to TMZ. Really?  She feels the need to distance herself from Michael Lohan?  Because if she was associated with Michael Lohan then her stellar reputation would be tarnished somehow?  At least that guy comes into money once in a while.   That's more than I can say for her. 

But wait!  There's more!  (Of course there is.)  Her full statement reads: "I chose to seek treatment after consulting with my manager regarding my recent use of Xanax, which was prescribed by my physician for panic attacks.  There were no other people involved with me entering treatment other than my manager and myself. There was no  intervention that took place.  I am working in therapy every day with my doctors and therapists regarding the origin of these attacks so as not to have to rely on medications to handle it.  I am paying for my own treatment; I am finding my voice here."  Wait.  What now? 

First of all, I don't believe for one effing second that she is paying for her own treatment.  Or if she is, it's because it's covered by MediCaid and she considers that it isn't technically welfare that she's paying for it.  Mark my words that she is not coughing up cash out of her own pocket to pay for thirty days of rehab.  I guarantee you that.  But that's not that part that I'm just stunned about.  It's the part where she says "I am working in therapy every day with my doctors and therapists regarding the origin of these attacks so as not to have to rely on medications to handle it."  What now? 

She's working in therapy every day in regard to the origin of her panic attacks?  I can figure those out right now.  Not in one day.  Not even in one minute.  No, I can figure that out in one second.  Ready?  Pay attention now.  It's because you have FOURTEEN CHILDREN.  The origin of the panic attacks was having fourteen children and no means to support them (other than touching yourself to satisfaction on camera for money).  That's the origin!  How in the hell can she not know that?! Next! 

Besides, how is learning the "origin" of the alleged panic attacks going to help?  She has fourteen kids, she's dumb as a post, she's a disaster of a human being and she has no income.  There are the origins.  Now what?  Short of putting the children into homes that are able to take care of them (and homes that do not currently have fourteen children), what is she planning on doing?  There's nothing that can be done.  Nothing.  Oh, wait.  There is one thing.  She can suck it up, buttercup.  God, I loathe this woman.

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Mr. Burns Endorses Romney

Four days until the election.  Thank God.  Seriously, it's exhausting me.  I'm resorting to cartoons, no matter how one sided they may be.  Relax.  It's the Simpsons.  You can't not like the Simpsons.  Besides, it's just Mr. Burns.  It's hard not to like that elderly closeted homosexual centenarian.  Look, it beats listening to President Barry or wannabe President Mitt.  (If he wins, I'm going to call him by his real first name, Willard, for the next four years.  I'm easily entertained.)  I give you, Mr. Burns. 

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Tough It Out

You know what? Inexplicably, I've been thinking about this whole Octomom going into rehab thing. I know I voiced my obvious displeasure with the whole situation the other day, but I think that I left a few obvious things out of that screed. Allow me to continue my rant...

See, she has children. Yes, it's an abnormally high amount of children (that she never should have been allowed to have in the first place, but I digress), but that's her problem. (And it really IS quite a problem. I mean, can you imagine? Fourteen children? Jesus.) Now, her manager (She can afford a manager?) claims that even though she has been prescribed Xanax and has been taking it that she is NOT addicted to it. No, on the contrary. See, this rep, a one Gina Rodriguez, claims that, according to the New York Daily News, "She was prescribed Xanax for her anxiety attacks, she was not addicted to it. She has an overabundance of stress and exhaustion and wanted to deal with it with out prescription drugs." Well, how in the hell are you going to do that WITHOUT prescription drugs? She has fourteen children! And really, ANY amount of children will ALWAYS bring with it stress and exhaustion. You know why? Because they're children, that's why! What'd you expect? A picnic?

But really, are you going to tell me that learning how to deal with "stress" and "exhaustion" is something that is an inpatient process? Really? You can't learn how to deal with stress (that isn't going away for at least eighteen years) on an outpatient basis? And how in the world is she going to learn to "deal with" exhaustion? She has fourteen kids! Get used to being exhausted, sweetheart. But for some reason, she feels that being away from her children for thirty days is going to help her do...something...different? I fail to see how this is going to help anything.

But here's my point:  Tough s***.  She doesn't get to abandon her children because she's stressed out.  And that's exactly what it is.  Abandonment.  I'm not saying that they're not better off without her (as I kinda think that they need to be in a different environment without so many children), but what I'm saying is that when you're a parent, that's your job.  That's your deal.  And you deal with it.   Maybe if she didn't want to be so stressed out and so exhausted, perhaps, just perhaps, she shouldn't have had fourteen children when she was a single individual with very little means to support herself (I'm sorry, but solo porn does not count as a talent you can fall back on when times are tough).  Perhaps. 

 This is all a bunch of crap no matter which way you look at it. Granted, if anyone in the world should be on Xanax, it's probably her. And along that same vein, if there was anyone in the world who I would assume was abusing Xanax, it'd be her. This whole story sounds fishy to begin with if you're asking me. I've read speculation that she has a drinking problem. (She could drive me to drink, so I don't find it too far out of the realm of possibilities that she drives herself to drink.) This has "cover up" or "ploy" written all over it. Here's to hoping that the people at the "rehab" that she's at will convince her to farm out her children into someone else's care besides her own.

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