OctoDad? Is That You?

It didn't take too long to find someone crazier than the OctoMom, Nadya Suleman. Yes, I said crazier. More crazy than the unemployed, 33-year old, single woman who lives at home with her parents and has fourteen children under the age of eight. On purpose! Yep, there's someone nuttier than her. That'd be her ex-boyfriend who is willing to admit how much he loved her, that he gave her his sperm three times because of his undying love for her, that he thinks he's the father of the Mocktuplets, that he wants a DNA test to find out if he is actually the father and even if he isn't he still wants to help Nadya out with raising the children because, you know, it's going to be hard. See? Told you. Nutjob.

Meet Denis Beaudoin. According to the LA Times folks, when Beaudoin was on "Good Morning America," he says "...he "might" be the father of the octuplets" because he "...said he donated sperm to Suleman a decade ago when they were dating. He now wants a DNA test to see if he is the father." Um, seriously? Seriously. You can watch the video of this guy (who ends up trying not to cry at one point) over there at The Huffington Post. I watched it and, putting aside my intense dislike for crying men (it's harder for them to move heavy objects for me if they're blubbering), I found the guy to have a story that could be believable. It incorporated the major facets of this fiasco so far (sperm, donating sperm, Nadya wanting children, Nadya lying, Nadya manipulating, you get the point) and they were inadvertently backed up by Nadya herself. There are a few problem areas, but again, what aspect of this ordeal hasn't had a few of those? Every day?

Here's the scoop: Denis (yes, with only one "n". Why do people do that? You folks with whatever it is that you have against the double "n", get over yourselves and spell things properly!) says that he dated Nadya for three years. During the timeline that he gives, he says that he now believes that she was married when she was dating him. For three years? She's crazy alright, but to pull something like that off for that long would be tricky for even the most insane person out there (which she could very well be). So that's a problem.

At some point, she asked him for his sperm. OK, I don't usually ask my dates for their sperm. (Then again, my dates don't have sperm.) But Nadya does a lot of things that most people don't do. And Denis realized this because he said that he thought the request for his sperm was "out of the ordinary" But he made a donation anyway because "...I cared about her so much. And I mean, we were, we were in love. I mean, I loved Nadya very much." And that's when I heard the cuckoo bird alarm go off. And it kept going off because he kept talking. He said that he and his friends had nicknamed her "Giggles" because "She really had a really infectious laugh. You know, just her laugh would, it would make you crack up. It's kind of like she had a real high-pitch, squeaky cartoon voice. And, you know, she was a lot of fun to be around. Just her whole bubbly outward personality was really, really cool." Uh-huh. Well, at least one of them is completely nuts. I don't know which one, but I am leaning toward it being her for sure.

As for the reason OctoMom gave him for why she needed his sperm, he claims "Suleman told him that she had ovarian cancer and was unable to conceive without the help of a doctor." Oh, for cryin' out loud! What the hell?? Oh wait! He also says that "....he donated sperm once at the fertility clinic and twice more gave her sperm at home that she carried to the fertility clinic in a container -- keeping it warm by tucking it between her breasts." OK, that sounds just crazy enough for her to have done.

And what's her take on this? Well, she clearly knows the guy. I make that statement based upon her not saying that she had no idea who he was. The RadarOnline guys said that OctoMom told them, "That guy is definitely not the father of my kids. I know who the father is and I can tell you it is definitely not him." Well, yeah, you do know who the father is. But since the father's name isn't on all of the birth certificates and she claims that all of the sperm came from the same donor, I guess that she couldn't say that his name wasn't on the birth certificates, so obviously it wasn't him. (Why that name isn't on all of the birth certificates is another story, but I think it's kind of related to this somehow.) It was just a weird answer.

(By the way, kudos to the RadarOnline folks. They have been on top of this thing from the beginning. They're out-scooping just about everyone. An excellent source for all of your OctoMom ridiculousness.)

So where is Denis with one "n" going to be if he does get DNA tests and finds out that the Mocktuplets are not his? “Either which way, you know, know that if she needs it I’ll lend a helping hand. She needs help. I mean it’s hard. It’s hard nowadays to raise two kids, let alone 14.” He should know about how hard it is to raise two kids. He HAS two kids. And a wife! The wife is not happy from what he says. (Would you be? No way. Even if he hadn't given her sperm, just knowing that he was so in love with her for three years would be disturbing enough for me.)

Yeah, well, she's going to need some help. Her mother doesn't want OctoMom and the fourteen children living with her anymore. What's an unemployed, single, mother of fourteen children all under the age of eight to do? Probably applying for more food stamps is in the picture. Other than that, it's hard to say what she has in mind for herself. I hear monetary donations aren't exactly flooding in. (That might have something to do with people being just a tad bit annoyed at her living off of the government for the past eight years by collecting disability all the while she's shooting out a kid once every 12 months.)

I don't know what Denis's deal is. He has to know that anyone associating themselves with this nutjob will automatically become as toxic as she is. And I'd like to think that someone who has a wife and a couple of kids would not jeopardize that by wanting to jump in and help a woman who treats her uterus like it's a clown car. There isn't a ton of money involved with this, so I don't know that he can be motivated by the prospect of cashing in other than being paid for various interviews. If she balks on doing DNA testing, then we'll know that something isn't quite right. I mean, we'll know that something else isn't quite right.

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OctoMom and the Mocktuplets

I've refrained, with great difficulty, until now to comment on Nadya Suleman, the southern California woman who gave birth to eight, yes eight, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight children on January 26. Normally (ah, the irony), my only comment would be "Are you kidding me? Eight? Did she have them in a big box under the stairs? That's a litter!" But this isn't the normal abnormality of giving birth to the entire cast of Eight is Enough. No, this is an abnormal abnormality. And those two things do not cancel each other out to make this one big ol' normal thing. Not at all. It's a freak show and a half run by a psychotic ringmaster.

For some unknown reason, the fertility clinic where a one Nadya Suleman (known by me as the OctoMom) had her IVF done must have mistaken her for a gumball machine or something and crammed at least eight embryos in there. And wouldn't you know it? Of all the "luck", eight of the embryos "stuck". And that is how she came to have fourteen children. Wait. Fourteen? What?

Correct. Fourteen. Oh, did I not mention that Ms. Suleman already had six children? I didn't? She did. Already had six! I guess then that I didn't tell you that those six were all conceived through IVF as well. They were. Hey, I'm not done yet! The ages of the six children are 7 through 2 with the 2 year olds being twins. I'll do the math so that you'll know it equates to one full-term pregnancy every year for about six years. And that equates to being pregnant for 54 months and being not pregnant for 18 months. That's a hell of a ratio there. For every one month that you are not pregnant, you get to spend three months being pregnant. On purpose!! But at least she didn't have to worry about her husband complaining or anything because she's not married. But that's OK because she lives with her parents. And even that's OK because she doesn't have a job. Annnnnddddd....now! Twist off! There ya go. Quick and painful, I know. I've been there.

Everyone wants to know what in the hell this woman was thinking and as luck (or greed) would have it, we're about to find out because she's granted an interview to Ann Curry (of all people for the first interview. Must have been the highest bidder. NBC! NBC!)) and she tells her what her rationale and thinking process was (other than broken!). And what you learn may shock you. It will not do anything good, I'll tell you that right now.

The OctoMom told Ann Curry that she had always wanted lots of kids. "That was always a dream of mine, to have a large family, a huge family, and I just longed for certain connections and attachments with another person that I really lacked, I believe, growing up." OK, so she's still at the stage where she's blaming her parents and her childhood for her issues that she has as an adult. Great. Real mature thinking there. Great. What else?

Well, she said that she "...tried for years to become pregnant before undergoing IVF." So, just sleeping around, hoping to get lucky, eh? (It's about as good of an idea as having fourteen kids!) Great morals also. Grand. Next!

Her mother said that the OctoMom "....always blamed me for having only her (she was an only child)... She was always upset that I didn't have more." Last time I checked, that was kind of the decision of the parent, not the child. Most children do want a sibling, but they tend to get over it when they're an adult. They don't tend to become professionally pregnant. So of course, the OctoMom said that her childhood was "pretty dysfunctional." Oh, well, having fourteen kids while you're living in your mother's house? The house of the same mother who you blame for your condition? Well, that's definitely going to put the "fun" back in "dysfunctional" now isn't it? The OctoMom also said, "I didn't feel as though, when I was a child, I had much control of my environment. I felt powerless." Hmm. I wonder if that's because you were a child! The child isn't supposed to have control of the environment because they're the child! Why do you think I ended up eating things like broccoli and peas when I was growing up? Because I was the child and I didn't have a choice! What is wrong with this woman?

OctoMom's mother, Angela Suleman, stated that she was opposed to her daughter's latest pregnancy. Really? Hey, guess what? I'M opposed to your daughter's latest pregnancy as well! I'll do you one better than that! I'm also opposed to your daughter's other six pregnancies!

The folks over there at the New York Times tell us that the OctoMom's publicist, a one Joann Killeen, has said that "Ms. Suleman had not determined how she would support her family, though they were weighing several media offers, including some for financial compensation." Well that's some real good family planning right there! Don't you think that perhaps that should have been worked out, oh, say before you decided to have more children? Here's a question: How are you supporting the SIX that you already have?? Oh, I'm sorry I asked.

According to an Associated Press article "...documents reveal that Suleman collected more than $165,000 in disability payments between 2002 and 2008 for an injury she said left her in near-constant pain and helped end her marriage." Huh. $27,500 per year. So, let's see. Oh, hey! How about that?! Her disability payments started the same time that her pregnancies did! What a coincidence! (Grrrr......) And if someone is in "near constant pain" without having another human being inside of them, don't you think that playing host to an alien being once a year for six years would result in "constant pain"? I'd think so, but then again, I'm not the boneheaded doctor who signed off her disability papers either. What a scam.

A scam? Oh, I must be some sort of a cynic to think that, right? Well, duh! Cynic or not, this woman ain't quite right. Disability? Spare me. You know, there are people out there who actually need disability and they're finding it difficult to get. I think this chick is looking for a free ride probably in part due to her shopping her story around to all of the major media outlets and wanting somewhere in the neighborhood of two million bucks. And I'll tell you this: I'm all for that. As long as she uses the money to pay for her hospital bill if it turns out that she doesn't have insurance.

OctoMom's mother has said that she expects people's opinions to change now that her daughter is going public. I think she's right. My opinion has changed since this new info has come out. I can't stand this woman even more now! Her mother also said, "She's a very likable person. She's basically normal except for this obsession she's always had with children." You can't throw "except for this obsession" in there and have that justify that she's normal other than that! It's the "that" that makes this not normal! That's like saying a serial killer (sorry for the brutal analogy, but it's all I've got right now) is "basically normal except for, you know, all of the killing." See? Not normal!

This country is in the middle of it's economic downfall and everyone and their dog is cutting back and this woman goes in reverse and turns her uterus into a clown car and starts shooting out babies when she doesn't have a job or a husband and she lives with her parents! You know who needs to pay for all of this? The fertility guy that continued time after time after time to plant embryos inside of this woman as if he were planting a garden! I want him or her to pay for this. And not figuratively. Literally. Cash money. Fork it over. (I'd also like to know how the OctoMom paid for the IVF, as it is expensive and the norm seems to be around $20K. Rumor has it that she once worked at a fertility clinic or a sperm bank. I can't even begin to look into that one just yet, lest my head explode.)

I'll be watching her on the Today Show on Monday. Who am I kidding? I'm not up that early. I'll catch it online or on Dateline on Tuesday. And I'm expecting my opinion of the OctoMom to be different. I don't expect it to be good-different, but I'm expecting it to be different. I know what won't be different and that's my opinion of this whole situation. It's just wrong.

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