A Black Hole Is Not Racist

What's it going to take for the NAACP to completely go away? I'm getting really tired of their completely idiotic accusation of racism this and racism that. For cryin' out loud, they call themselves the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Isn't their name alone kind of racist? Or demeaning? Or something completely against what they always claim that they're for? I was hoping with their latest "Cry racism" moment it would perpetuate their downfall or, at the very least, completely remove any last shred of credibility that they might have actually had. But, unfortunately, that's not going to be the case. No, they're just going to be able to claim that a greeting card about graduation and the solar system is racist and it's going to be removed from all stores. Wait. What?

Welcome to Culver City, California where we learn from Channel 7 that a "...graduation card sold at local stores has been pulled from shelves after a civil rights group...claims the card's micro-speaker plays a greeting that's racist." Huh. It's a Hallmark card, too. I'm not really seeing Hallmark as a "racist" company that would produce "racist" greeting cards. But let's just see what all of the fuss is over, shall we? Then let's all beat our collective heads against a wall as we chant in unison, "We're doomed."

The card features greeting card regulars Hoops and Yoyo. I don't know which one is which, but I don't think that it matters. What matters is what the little critters say to the new graduate. Hoops and Yoyo are on the card and inside, there are references to the planets amongst them. It's a space-planetary sort of theme (with kind of bunny-like-ish caricatures as well). The front of the card states harmlessly (to those who are not morons) "You're graduating? Well, then, it's time to let the world know what's coming." Seems harmless enough, right? Not so fast. It gets stupider worse.

You open up the card (which appears to be the size of a billboard, as the thing is massive) and it states, "But not only the world, NOOOO! We're talking the entire solar system!" Then underneath that it says, "The world is yours, grad." And it also says, "Watch out, Saturn, this grad is going to run rings around you!" Get it? Rings? 'Cause Saturn has rings? See? How it's funny? Yeah, OK. Moving right along.

It's clearly a space theme. It's about the graduate being able to take over the world with all of their new found (and extremely expensive) knowledge that they've just been acknowledged as having appropriately completed. Remember that. A space theme. So when the card's annoying little microchip plays the greeting, either Hoops or Yoyo (it's unclear as to who is responsible for this atrocity) says, "Hey world, we are officially putting you on notice." And the other one responds with a childish, "Yeaaahhhh!" Then the first one says, "And you black holes, you are soooo ominous." Meanwhile, the other one, who appears to have inhaled a great deal of helium, cackles, "Hahahaha!" Then the first one pipes up again with, "And you planets? Watch your back." See? Racist.

Wait. What now? Racist? Correct. Racist. See, the dimwits over there at the Los Angeles division of the NAACP claim that the card "...was very demeaning to African American women." It was. Um...de...demeaning? To African American women? Are you sure? Oh, they're sure! It's right there where "...it made reference to African American women as whores". It did?? When? When it said "black holes", that is correct.

Wait a minute. Are you dry shaving me? Yes, they are claiming that the card says "black whores". One woman, a one Minnie Hatley of the aforementioned Los Angeles NAACP, claims, "You hear the 'r' in there. 'Whores,' not, 'holes.' The 'r' is in there." Um, no, you don't and no, it's not. Another moron claimed, "It sounds like a group of children laughing and joking about blackness, again." Again?! When were they doing it before? You folks don't seem to understand something. It's not that we don't like you because you're black. It's that we don't like you because you're ridiculous. I couldn't care less what color you are, but I certainly care if you're a moron. Good Lord, people....

Now, Hallmark sent the news station a transcript of what the card said. That wasn't enough. No, they were still adamant that it said "whores" and not "holes". Even though both you and I and everyone else with half of a brain can hear that it says "holes". Never the less, what do you think Hallmark is going to do about it? If you guessed the answer that I most wanted to hear, that being absolutely nothing, then you'd be sadly mistaken. Hallmark is a weak and cowardly company and has bowed to the NAACP and their ludicrous claim that this card is racist. Hallmark is "...now notifying all of its stores to pull the card. Walgreens and CVS are doing the same." Oh, and did I mention that the card has been out for three years? Yeah, it has. But NOW they're going to pull it because it is suddenly racist? Doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

Well, those are three companies that I have no need to purchase goods from in the future. I'm so sick of any one person or any one group coming up with the most outrageous claims about something and having the company cave in to their ridiculous outrage. Seriously now. Because it would make perfect sense that a graduation card would mention black whores, right? That seems like a reasonable message to have in a graduation card that's been sold for the past three years. "Hey, black whores! You're not so ominous!" Sure, that makes perfect sense that it would say that. Oh, wait. No, it wouldn't! Because it didn't. UN-believable. The link to this ridiculousness is here. Good luck not wanting your life to immediately end after viewing it.

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Worst Graduation Song Ever

With the return of American Idol this week for it's ninth season (and the last one with my beloved Simon Cowell), I thought that it would be appropriate to explain just how important it is to be honest with people in your life. Wait. What? Honesty and American Idol go hand in hand? Correct.

See, a lot of the "hopefuls" that tryout for American Idol are not very good. Fortunately, I don't have the "privilege" of listening to all of the auditions. If I did, they never would have been able to hold the auditions on one of those upper floors of whatever building they were at over there in Boston because the temptation to hurl myself out of one of those plate glass windows would have been too strong to overcome at times. But when you hear how horrible some of the "hopefuls" are, you wonder why they are there in the first place?

Now, I firmly believe that some folks know that they are awful and that they are there simply to get on TV (because apparently, it doesn't matter what you're on TV for, if you're on TV, then that is automatically supposed to be "good". Armed robbery, horrible singing, kicking bunnies, etc. It doesn't matter. But if you're on TV, then you've scored! Idiots....)

But I also firmly believe that there are folks who think that they are fantastic, which is why they're trying out for American Idol in the first place. They are convinced that they are going to go into that audition and come out as the next heir to the American Idol throne (which is currently occupied by....um....Kris Allen? Yeah! That's it! Kris Allen!). And the reason that they are convinced of this is because their entire family has lied to them over the course of several years and told them how "good" they were, when in reality nothing could be farther from the truth.

Those people are awful. They should never sing again for the rest of their lives and with some of them, it's really questionable as to whether or not they should ever talk again either. So why are they trying out for American Idol? Because they think that they can sing because (probably well-intentioned) folks have lied to them their entire lives and told them that they're good. And when you convince someone of something that isn't true and then it has to come to light that it isn't true, well, there are consequences, my friend. There are consequences.

And in the case of those who think that they can sing, the main consequence is that the rest of us have to be put through the trauma of having to listen to them attempt to croon some sort of melody that only comes out sounding like a cat in a blender. (No offense to any cats in blenders out there.) Who is that good for? It's not good for me. It's not good for you. It's not good for them. And it certainly isn't good for the cats.

And this is what can happen when you don't quash someone's dreams and/or delusions at an early stage. Below is, quite possibly, the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life (and I've watched American Idol since Season One!). Seriously, who thought that this was a good idea? The band director should be fired...at. That's right. Physically shot. What did Journey ever do to that band?! I'm guessing nothing! There's no reason for this. None. It's horrible. Did anyone think it wasn't horrible? I can't imagine.

See what I mean? You cannot tell me that the chick singing that song is going to be watching that video the day after and thinking, "Man! I rocked!" No. That can't happen. (The fist pumps only made it worse for me.) Who thought that was a good idea? You know, to have her sing. (She was singing, wasn't she? It's so hard to tell.) Were there no other aspiring "singers" in that graduating class? None? What about a trained seal? Some sort of barking dog? Anything really.

But why did it happen? Likely because someone (lots of someones, probably) couldn't tell someone else "no". No one could find the guts to say to anyone "Um, she can't sing. You? Yeah, you! You can't sing." NO one could say that. I find it astonishing. She was SO bad, wouldn't the thought of not saying anything and the realization that you're going to have to actually listen to that be motivation enough to pipe up and say something?! I guess not, but it's a shame. And let this just be some sort of lesson or reminder or incentive to all of you out there who are tolerating a horrible singer in your life. Say something now, lest the rest of the world be subject to that same sort of otic atrocity.

One more thing. Kudos to the band for being able to play at all with that singing right in front of you. I don't know how you guys did it. You're amazing. Happy graduation. It's over.

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Something Doesn't Add Up

Today we can thank the lovely state of Minnesota for their contribution to the dumbing down of America. Nice job, Minnesota! You've managed to make sure that those that fail are not accountable for their own failures! On top of that, you've managed to implement a system of test taking as a 'requirement' that doesn't 'require' one to actually pass the test! Again, ladies and gents, that's Minnesota! The state of Minnesota! How 'bout a big hand for 'em? Grrrrr.

So, I see the headline over there in the StarTribune.com which read "Minnesota juniors dodge math-test bullet." First of all, you really shouldn't be shooting at the students, I don't care what class you're in. Math, biology, English, it doesn't matter. Leave the firearms out of the classroom, that's what I always say. (Well, it's what I've always thought. No one likes to be shot at.) And I tried really hard to ignore the fact that they hyphenated "math test" (even though I think that it makes them look like dumb-asses.). But what I couldn't ignore was only 57 percent of high school juniors who took a state math test (the passing of said test was to be a requirement for graduation) were able to pass the test. That means that 43 percent (or, if you're authoring this article "more than 40 percent". What? Could they not figure out how many didn't pass if they knew how many passed, so they just rounded down to 40? Were the folks writing this story part of that 43 percent?) of the kids failed the test that was a requirement for graduation. Yeah, that's a problem. So you know what they did to fix it? That's right. "The Legislature decided in May that, at least for now, students no longer have to pass the 11th-grade math graduation test." Um, what now?

Correct. See, the thing is "Many educators think it's too hard, and feared it would have caused a dramatic drop in graduation rates next year." Oh, OK. That's fine. Better to just get the kids to graduate regardless as to whether or not they've learned a damn thing than to not graduate them and realize that something is wrong somewhere and try and fix it. Sure, that seems like a perfectly reasonable solution. Oh, wait a minute. NO IT DOESN'T!!

I mean, that's not even a do-over rule. I want that rule applied to my entire life! I want Minnesota's "Too hard, never mind, our bad" rule applied to my entire life. Bank account overdrawn? Yeah, the math that I needed to do to in order to have an accurate balance was too hard, so the bank should give me back all of those overdraft fees they charged me. Oral exams for my Master's degree? Too hard? Ah, never mind. Just give me the degree anyway. Always late to work because it's "too hard" to make it on time? That's OK. Just show up whenever you feel like it; that will be much easier. Sure, all of those examples sound swell. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, how about this scenario? How about new rules get implemented that say if you fail the test that was required for graduation, you're allowed to take it again and try and pass again? Sound good? And if you fail again, you can try again after that. After all, this is high school graduation we're talking about. I'm all for second chances. Minnesota is even giving them a THIRD chance if they fail the test the first two times. Well, good. Giving the students at least three chances to pass seems reasonable and if they can't pass it after the third try, well then I guess they don't graduate. Wait a minute. Whoops. I'm sorry. That's not right. This is how it really works: If they take the test which is a requirement to graduate all three times and fail alll three times, they can still graduate. Wait. What?!

Then that's not a "requirement"! A "requirement" is something that is "required" of you. HENCE THE TERM! Um, I'm not trying to be demeaning here, but just how stupid are these kids who can't pass the test? I mean, are they really not so bright that they're going to take the test two more times after the first failure and graduate regardless as to how they do on it? Why on earth would you do that? Take it once. Fail it once. Realize that you don't have to pass it to get your diploma. Do not take the test two more times. Do not pass 'GO'. Do not collect....oh, never mind. Those folks will be collecting $200 and then some from the welfare rolls because they'll have a useless diploma.

The state Education Commissioner, a one Alice Seagren, has said that "...she's worried that the math scores could drop next year once students figure out they don't have to do well to graduate." What is wrong with you people in Minnesota who are running the education system?! Of course that would happen! If I didn't have to pass the behind the wheel portion of the driver's license exam, would I be a careful and courteous driver with that testing person in the car with me? Hell, no! It's demolition derby all the way, baby! I'm taking out a couple of cars in the parking lot before a run a few red lights going at least 20 miles over the speed limit in a residential neighborhood as I dodge families of four in crosswalks! I'm certainly not keeping my hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel if I can still get a license if I fail that test! (Does anyone really drive like that? 10 and 2? It's like an ancient myth or something. Be on the lookout for someone who drives with their hands at the 10 and 2 position on the steering wheel. And while you're at it, keep an eye out for Bigfoot and the Yeti as well.)

Ah, but here's the problem. See, the folks in Minnesota who are in charge of these sorts of things? They seem to have an amazing talent for interpreting the situation in a way that has absolutely nothing to do with what the problems are. That and they say things that are the complete opposite of each other, but act like they're the same. For example, the article states that "...many educators say that, overall, Minnesota is still near the top in the world when it comes to math education. The state simply has high expectations for its students." Now, the article doesn't specifically cite any of the "many" by name. And really? "Top in the world"? Minnesota? Math? Was the state originally going to be named Minus-ota, but they wanted to keep their world class math education kind of low key, so they went with Minnesota instead?

So what's the problem? I mean, if you set those high expectations and you actually did have "top in the world" math education, wouldn't you be able to 'educate' those kids about all of your world class math and get them to pass the damn test? And why is Minnesota even comparing itself to the rest of the world? What say you start with the other states in this country before you and your "top in the world" math education start globetrotting, OK? And while you're over there not comparing your state to Latvia, can you give me any sources at all that back that up?

Well, the article (which continues to get worse in content as it goes along) cites something called The Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study that claims "...Minnesota's students are outperformed by only four of 36 countries in fourth-grade math, and five of 49 countries in eighth-grade math." Am I the only one who remembers that we're talking about those in eleventh grade?! And who are in the United States?! Where are those numbers?! Nope, they don't have them and that lends absolutely no credibility to the unnamed educators who are allegedly claiming "top in the world" math education exists in Minnesota. I'll tell you what does not exist in Minnesota, (at least at the Star Tribune )and that's decent reporting and journalism! (We're SO doomed.)

So the next time you make a purchase in a store and the clerk (who looks to be about twelve but is probably 18) can't even count your damn change back to you correctly, you can thank Minnesota for leading the way in the dumbing down of our youth! Not only that, but let's make sure that re recognize their education administration over there because that bureaucracy is really "top in the world" for stupidity and asinine decision making as well!

Now, anyone who knows me personally knows that I have a very fond affection for math in general. (I have an even fonder affection for some of those who taught me math in high school.) I like numbers because they're orderly and they make sense. I wanted to see this test that these 11th graders could not pass. Let me just mention that you ARE allowed to use a calculator AND the first few pages of it are every single formula under the sun that you could ever possibly need to solve any of problems (thus eliminating any extra memorization of said formulas). The test itself does contain some typos and some of the questions are poorly constructed, I will say that about it. Other than that, it's not that difficult. Once you understand what the question is asking (which, again, not always the easiest to understand), you can use a little bit of logic and the process of elimination to noodle them through. So, considering all of the help that it gives you at the beginning, what with the formulas and the calculator and all, coupled with the "top in the world" system they think they have going there, perhaps it's not math that the students are having difficulty with and instead it's their inability to use logic and reasoning to effectively problem solve. Ever think of that, Minnesota?

You can view a sample of this test at this link here. You know, in case you want to see if you're smarter than a fifth grader AND smarter than an 11th grader in Minnesota. Actually, I'm not so sure if it's the 11th graders that I'm concerned about as much as I am the administrators who are patting themselves on the back and comparing the achievements of their students against those of students in foreign lands. After all, the 11th graders will eventually get out of that system. Those administrators? They'll still be there long after kids have failed the required math test three times and still been allowed to graduate. Way to go. USA! USA! USA!!

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