The Missing Tuesday Post!

It has been brought to my attention that I somehow missed posting this when Tuesday actually rolled around. My bad. Granted, what I was doing instead of posting was likely much more enjoyable (and required much less clothing), but that doesn't change the fact that this blog is an every day thing. EVERY DAY! So here is my missing Tuesday post.

I so want to do my Christmas cards this year like the family below did theirs. It's genius I tell you. Pure genius. Oh, and the hilarity factor is through the roof, so what's not to love? Behold!

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Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. Not exactly my most favorite day of the year, but at least the corporations don't cram it down our throats the way that they do Mother's Day and Christmas. (It's not always joyous!) I don't know why I feel the need to do this, but I do and I'm gonna.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my Dad. I pretty much scored on that deal. OK, granted, when they called and told you guys that you could have me if you wanted, it did help things a bit that you said yes. (I didn't really have a lot of say in that whole deal, so the ball was really pretty much in your court at that time. And well played!)

You did a really good job. You taught me a whole lotta stuff. And I apparently still could have learned a bunch more, as evidenced by a couple of weeks ago as I was attempting to assemble a bicycle. Let's just say it did not go well. All I kept thinking was how if you were around, you'd know how to do it. (But I did remember about always saving the box until you know that you're not going to have to take something back! THAT was helpful!)

I still have that Father's Day card that I never got to give you. I don't really know what to do with it, so I'm just gonna hang onto it. I think it's a Daffy Duck card. I'm pretty sure you'd like it.

I really miss you and I sure do wish you could come back. Happy Father's Day.

Me.

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A Black Hole Is Not Racist

What's it going to take for the NAACP to completely go away? I'm getting really tired of their completely idiotic accusation of racism this and racism that. For cryin' out loud, they call themselves the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Isn't their name alone kind of racist? Or demeaning? Or something completely against what they always claim that they're for? I was hoping with their latest "Cry racism" moment it would perpetuate their downfall or, at the very least, completely remove any last shred of credibility that they might have actually had. But, unfortunately, that's not going to be the case. No, they're just going to be able to claim that a greeting card about graduation and the solar system is racist and it's going to be removed from all stores. Wait. What?

Welcome to Culver City, California where we learn from Channel 7 that a "...graduation card sold at local stores has been pulled from shelves after a civil rights group...claims the card's micro-speaker plays a greeting that's racist." Huh. It's a Hallmark card, too. I'm not really seeing Hallmark as a "racist" company that would produce "racist" greeting cards. But let's just see what all of the fuss is over, shall we? Then let's all beat our collective heads against a wall as we chant in unison, "We're doomed."

The card features greeting card regulars Hoops and Yoyo. I don't know which one is which, but I don't think that it matters. What matters is what the little critters say to the new graduate. Hoops and Yoyo are on the card and inside, there are references to the planets amongst them. It's a space-planetary sort of theme (with kind of bunny-like-ish caricatures as well). The front of the card states harmlessly (to those who are not morons) "You're graduating? Well, then, it's time to let the world know what's coming." Seems harmless enough, right? Not so fast. It gets stupider worse.

You open up the card (which appears to be the size of a billboard, as the thing is massive) and it states, "But not only the world, NOOOO! We're talking the entire solar system!" Then underneath that it says, "The world is yours, grad." And it also says, "Watch out, Saturn, this grad is going to run rings around you!" Get it? Rings? 'Cause Saturn has rings? See? How it's funny? Yeah, OK. Moving right along.

It's clearly a space theme. It's about the graduate being able to take over the world with all of their new found (and extremely expensive) knowledge that they've just been acknowledged as having appropriately completed. Remember that. A space theme. So when the card's annoying little microchip plays the greeting, either Hoops or Yoyo (it's unclear as to who is responsible for this atrocity) says, "Hey world, we are officially putting you on notice." And the other one responds with a childish, "Yeaaahhhh!" Then the first one says, "And you black holes, you are soooo ominous." Meanwhile, the other one, who appears to have inhaled a great deal of helium, cackles, "Hahahaha!" Then the first one pipes up again with, "And you planets? Watch your back." See? Racist.

Wait. What now? Racist? Correct. Racist. See, the dimwits over there at the Los Angeles division of the NAACP claim that the card "...was very demeaning to African American women." It was. Um...de...demeaning? To African American women? Are you sure? Oh, they're sure! It's right there where "...it made reference to African American women as whores". It did?? When? When it said "black holes", that is correct.

Wait a minute. Are you dry shaving me? Yes, they are claiming that the card says "black whores". One woman, a one Minnie Hatley of the aforementioned Los Angeles NAACP, claims, "You hear the 'r' in there. 'Whores,' not, 'holes.' The 'r' is in there." Um, no, you don't and no, it's not. Another moron claimed, "It sounds like a group of children laughing and joking about blackness, again." Again?! When were they doing it before? You folks don't seem to understand something. It's not that we don't like you because you're black. It's that we don't like you because you're ridiculous. I couldn't care less what color you are, but I certainly care if you're a moron. Good Lord, people....

Now, Hallmark sent the news station a transcript of what the card said. That wasn't enough. No, they were still adamant that it said "whores" and not "holes". Even though both you and I and everyone else with half of a brain can hear that it says "holes". Never the less, what do you think Hallmark is going to do about it? If you guessed the answer that I most wanted to hear, that being absolutely nothing, then you'd be sadly mistaken. Hallmark is a weak and cowardly company and has bowed to the NAACP and their ludicrous claim that this card is racist. Hallmark is "...now notifying all of its stores to pull the card. Walgreens and CVS are doing the same." Oh, and did I mention that the card has been out for three years? Yeah, it has. But NOW they're going to pull it because it is suddenly racist? Doomed, I tell you. Doomed.

Well, those are three companies that I have no need to purchase goods from in the future. I'm so sick of any one person or any one group coming up with the most outrageous claims about something and having the company cave in to their ridiculous outrage. Seriously now. Because it would make perfect sense that a graduation card would mention black whores, right? That seems like a reasonable message to have in a graduation card that's been sold for the past three years. "Hey, black whores! You're not so ominous!" Sure, that makes perfect sense that it would say that. Oh, wait. No, it wouldn't! Because it didn't. UN-believable. The link to this ridiculousness is here. Good luck not wanting your life to immediately end after viewing it.

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Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. Not exactly my most favorite day of the year, but at least the corporations don't cram it down our throats the way that they do Mother's Day and Christmas. (It's not always joyous!) I don't know why I feel the need to do this, but I do and I'm gonna.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my Dad. I pretty much scored on that deal. OK, granted, when they called and told you guy that you could have me if you wanted, it did help things a bit that you said yes. (I didn't really have a lot of say in that whole deal, so the ball was really pretty much in your court at that time. And well played!)

You did a really good job. You taught me a whole lotta stuff. And I apparently still could have learned a bunch more, as evidenced by a couple of weeks ago as I was attempting to assemble a bicycle. Let's just say it did not go well. All I kept thinking was how if you were around, you'd know how to do it. (But I did remember about always saving the box until you know that you're not going to have to take something back! THAT was helpful!)

I still have that Father's Day card that I never got to give you. I don't really know what to do with it, so I'm just gonna hang onto it. I think it's a Daffy Duck card. I'm pretty sure you'd like it.

I really miss you and I sure do wish you could come back. Happy Father's Day.

Me.

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