Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. Not exactly my most favorite day of the year, but at least the corporations don't cram it down our throats the way that they do Mother's Day and Christmas. (It's not always joyous!) I don't know why I feel the need to do this, but I do and I'm gonna.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my Dad. I pretty much scored on that deal. OK, granted, when they called and told you guys that you could have me if you wanted, it did help things a bit that you said yes. (I didn't really have a lot of say in that whole deal, so the ball was really pretty much in your court at that time. And well played!)

You did a really good job. You taught me a whole lotta stuff. And I apparently still could have learned a bunch more, as evidenced by a couple of weeks ago as I was attempting to assemble a bicycle. Let's just say it did not go well. All I kept thinking was how if you were around, you'd know how to do it. (But I did remember about always saving the box until you know that you're not going to have to take something back! THAT was helpful!)

I still have that Father's Day card that I never got to give you. I don't really know what to do with it, so I'm just gonna hang onto it. I think it's a Daffy Duck card. I'm pretty sure you'd like it.

I really miss you and I sure do wish you could come back. Happy Father's Day.

Me.

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Happy Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. Not exactly my most favorite day of the year, but at least the corporations don't cram it down our throats the way that they do Mother's Day and Christmas. (It's not always joyous!) I don't know why I feel the need to do this, but I do and I'm gonna.

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my Dad. I pretty much scored on that deal. OK, granted, when they called and told you guy that you could have me if you wanted, it did help things a bit that you said yes. (I didn't really have a lot of say in that whole deal, so the ball was really pretty much in your court at that time. And well played!)

You did a really good job. You taught me a whole lotta stuff. And I apparently still could have learned a bunch more, as evidenced by a couple of weeks ago as I was attempting to assemble a bicycle. Let's just say it did not go well. All I kept thinking was how if you were around, you'd know how to do it. (But I did remember about always saving the box until you know that you're not going to have to take something back! THAT was helpful!)

I still have that Father's Day card that I never got to give you. I don't really know what to do with it, so I'm just gonna hang onto it. I think it's a Daffy Duck card. I'm pretty sure you'd like it.

I really miss you and I sure do wish you could come back. Happy Father's Day.

Me.

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Father's Day Recant

OK, if I had anything to do with this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm SO freaking, fracking sorry! I know that I said that I wasn't thrilled with the whole "Father's Day" thing. I know that I said I was over it and I was tired of being bombarded by advertisements from every retailer on the planet telling me what to buy for my Dad. I know I said I just wanted it to be over and done with. I know. I KNOW! Look, it was just my way of saying that I miss my Dad, is all. It was just my way of saying that hanging out with my Dad and having a little Kentucky Colonel was way better than just handing him a card. I didn't mean for things to go completely whack-a-do over there in Scotland. So if I had anything to do with it, again, I'm sorry. With what? Oh, sorry. Yeah, the Scottish schools prevented thousands of students from making Father's Day cards at school because the administration was afraid that it might embarrass those students who live with single mothers and lesbians. Wait. What?

Correct. According to our friends across the pond at the Telegraph, "The politically correct policy was quietly adopted at schools "in the interests of sensitivity" over the growing number of lone-parent and same-sex households. " Um, WTF? First of all, I hardly see this as "politically correct". Second, how is it "sensitive" to intentionally not acknowledge something that has absolutely nothing to do with something else? Are they going to fore go Christmas this year as well? I would imagine so (unfortunately).

The Office for National Statistics over there found that one in four British children lives with a lone parent. This is apparently twice as many as it was 20 years ago. I wish that they had a statistic for the number of soft-headed educators currently working administration jobs in the school systems in Scotland. But back to the one in four statistic...the last time I checked, one in four was still not a majority. But yet they're going to take ridiculous measures to ensure that the minority population of their students (who haven't said that they had any problem at all with the whole Father's Day card making thing...because they DON'T!) are not "embarrassed". Well, great. What are they going to do about the rest of the human race who IS "embarrassed" that they would engage in such asshattery?

According to a parent of one of the children at Edinburgh's Blackhall primary school, "The teachers are aware of the family circumstances of the children in each class and if a child hasn't got a father living at home, the teacher will avoid getting the children to make a card." The same school had previously enacted other asinine procedures, such as the removal of Christian references from festive greeting cards, by the way. (Twisting....off....NOW.)

Naturally, those in charge of the implementing the asshattery defended their change, saying that "the teachers needed to act "sensitively" at a time when many children were experiencing family breakdown and divorce." And a spokesman for East Renfrewshire Council said, "Increasingly, it is the case that there are children who haven't got fathers or haven't got fathers living with them and teachers are having to be sensitive about this. Teachers have always had to deal with some pupils not having fathers or mothers, but with marital breakdown it is accelerating." And then, with the most ironic of all defense statements, we have Jim Goodall, head of education at Clackmannanshire Council, who says that "teachers are expected to behave with common sense but be sensitive to "the changing pattern of family life." And then the practice that contained the least amount of common sense ever was introduced and implemented in the schools. Grand.

I'm not quite sure HOW the swaddling a child in a thick, insulating wrap of overprotectiveness by removing any sort of conflict or difficulty from the child's life is in the least bit sensitive. I find it highly insensitive that the soft-headed educators over there (just those who think it's a good idea to do this; not ALL educators.) are refusing to do just that. EDUCATE! If the child doesn't learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and that other people with cause to celebrate something are going to do so in spite of their individual circumstance, then they're going to be in for quite the rude awakening one day. It doesn't sound very "educational" if you're asking me.

I can think of many, many ways that one might be "insensitive" to a child's situation at home. (Comments that include the term "little bastard" for one.) But making Father's Day cards isn't one of them. And just so I'm clear, I have a problem with the capitalistic properties that have overtaken Father's Day (at least in the US), not so much with the day itself. I also don't have a problem with other people who have fathers and who are celebrating Father's Day. But what I do have a problem with is people who think that if everyone isn't the same, then they should make it appear as if everyone IS the same, even if that means taking away from those who "have" so that everyone can be a member of the "have nots". Because I'll tell you, if it was an option to spend Father's Day with my Dad, that would be awesome. And it would be so awesome that I cannot imagine depriving someone else of the thing that I would want more than anything else. Because if it's that cool, why would I not want someone else to experience it, despite the fact that I can't (anymore)? So, yo, Scotland. Make it stop. Just please make it stop.

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Father's Day Boycott

Is it over yet? Father's Day. Is it over? Because if I have to see one more ad on TV or read one more ad in the paper I'm going to twist off. Best Buy, Circuit City, Sears, Wal-Mart, Big-5, Home Depot, and the list goes on. And on. And on.

You know how for a while it was really politically incorrect to say "Merry Christmas"? Because if you said "Christmas" to someone who didn't celebrate that particular holiday (which was meant to celebrate the birth of Christ), then that would be "offensive" to that person. So for some reason, everyone decided that "Happy Holidays" would be a more appropriate greeting of cheer during the month of December than "Merry Christmas". (And you do know that anyone who claimed that they were "offended" was either a softhead and in need of one of my "Helmets For The Softheaded" or they wanted to complain simply because they could. But usually it was both. Softheaded, whiny, complaining, wannabe offended, morons.)

While I would never do this, I'm wondering what would happen if someone wanted to start a movement of people who were "offended" by a holiday called "Father's Day". Maybe someone who has two mothers. Or someone who was conceived through artificial insemination and would prefer that the day be called "Sperm Donor Day". Or someone whose father was a jackass, so why should there be a day that honors him? Or someone whose father is dead (and just so happened to die on the same freaking day that Father's Day falls on this year)? Or someone whose father has had a sex change operation? Or it's one of those "pregnant man" situations? There are lots of scenarios that people could come up with as to why someone could claim to be "offended" by the term/day/title/etc. Thank God no one has, though.

Now, a few years ago, I'd think that something this ridiculous might actually be able to gain a little momentum here and there, just like the "Merry Christmas" fiasco of yore did. But I think that people caught on to the fact that saying "Happy Holidays" only served to remind everyone that they weren't really wishing holiday cheer, they were making a concession for the sake of being politically correct. And it ended up feeling like the guy who had bitched about "Merry Christmas" was just giving you the finger every time you heard "Happy Holidays." Thus, I think that the anti-Father's Day movement wouldn't get very far. But a few years ago? Sure. It would have been renamed "Appropriate and Non-Abusive Caretaker and DNA Giver Day" a long time ago.

But here's my thing: All of this stuff that they're advertising for "Dad" isn't what he wants or what he'll remember. He doesn't need or want a Flowbee or a Turnip Twaddler or a George Foreman Grill. All he needs and wants is your time. (And probably a meal from the Kentucky Colonel. Dad will never have a problem with a little KFC.) He won't remember the Flowbee or the Turnip Twaddler or the George Foreman grill, but he will remember the time you spent with him because he's your Dad. And you won't remember the Flowbee or the Turnip Twaddler or the George Foreman grill either, but you'll remember the time you spent with him because he's your Dad, too. And it won't matter if it's on a Father's Day or if it's on a Tuesday, because you don't need Father's Day to sit down with the guy and spend a little time together munching on some chicken. (I'm telling you. You can't go wrong with Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ever.)

So screw Best Buy and Circuit City and Home Depot (really screw Home Depot, I can't stand that place) and all of 'em except the Colonel. Go get some chicken instead and spend some time with your Dad.

(The following is mostly for symbolic purposes. The only other purpose it could possibly serve is simply to appease myself and to maybe make today easier. It hasn't yet, but maybe it will.)

Hey, Dad.

Happy Father's Day. What are the chances, eh? Same day as...you know. I'm glad I don't have to get used to it being on Father's Day as much as I have to get used to it overall. That would suck.

This picture is from the beach in Cambria. I took it, you know, that day I had to go down there. It's a nice place to end up. I'm going to assume you're happy with it.

I know you know things are good here, so I won't bore you with little updates about stuff you're already aware of. And I know you're OK, so I won't go there either.

I found another marble. Weird, huh? Well, maybe not for you. You might know where they all came from by now, but I still don't get it. This one was in the front. Haven't found one in a while, but every time I do, I think about you.

Hey, thanks for being my Dad. You didn't have to. You kind of signed up for the job because you wanted to. And then you ended up with me. And I'm glad you did. You were an awesome Dad. Thanks a lot.

I sure do miss you. I wish you could come back.

I love you, Dad.

~ Mare

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