Wedding Slideshow Carte Blanche

OK, so if I go to a website and I see something that makes me literally laugh out loud (not 'lol'! I'm very anti-lol. Saying 'laugh out loud' is just fine. Saying 'lol' is not. And I realize that the only way that you'll understand why I feel this way is if you do too. So if you get it, welcome.) I'm going to remember it and I'm going to advocate it. Thus, today a website which calls itself Olde English caused me to do just that. Laugh. Out loud. For this reason. Behold!


Trust me, those guys over there at Olde English are pretty funny effers. Give 'em a whirl. Check out the Best Wedding Slideshow Ever. It's clever. Here's a hint of how it goes:

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It's Funnier NOW

I just find it funny, is all. I don't know if it's the look on his face or the fact that the envisioned utopia that so many softheads had in mind when they were rallying for ol' Changey McOptimism hasn't quite materialized yet or what, but I find it really funny.

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I Heart Protest Signs

I am loving, repeat, love-ing the protests that have been occurring recently. And while watching people exercise their right to peaceably assemble is great and all, there is the factor that far exceeds the necessary confines of the US Constitution which makes me nearly giddy with joy. That would be the amusement factor and it comes to us in these protests via the protest sign.

I've said before that, with regard to the health care protests, the majority of the signs display correct punctuation and spelling. Let's just say that at protests which are protesting something other than health care reform, the need for some sort of a magical poster board with built-in spell check is painfully obvious.

But the signs are now starting to go down a couple of different paths. The first path is the "Path of the Irrelevant and/or Hilarious". Folks have realized that all of those tubes and pipes and wires and stuff that make up the Internets can offer a clear and easy path toward their fifteen minutes of fame (which, given the state of society lately, will almost inevitably lead to a book deal for the sign bearer). The only way that it could be any easier is if they were a cute little kitten with poor grammar skills. So while there are still plenty of the serious and grammatically correct protest signs, there are also signs like these popping up:

Crystal Pepsi? No, that doesn't sound gay at all.

But the other path that folks are taking these days is the "Path of Anger and/or Hitler References". Generally, these signs are proudly displayed by morons. If they're not a complete moron, then they're simply not quite as informed as they think that they are. (I'm just trying to be fair here. It's likely they're all morons.) And while I'm not defending Hitler (I'm NOT!), I'm really over all of the Hitler references.

Look, by comparing Obama to Hitler, you're doing a couple of things. One is that you're making yourself look like a nutjob. But the other thing that you're doing is you are minimizing the atrocities that Hitler committed. Think about it. You are likening health care reform to the human extermination of millions of Jews during W.W. II? Really? I don't see how the two are similar at all. Not even the slightest bit. Health care reform. Holocaust. They both start with the letter "h", but that's alI can give you. They're not the same.

My contribution toward getting folks to shy away from the Hitler references is going to be to start referring to that little moustache (people draw on pictures of President Barry) as "The Chaplin". Why does Hitler get all of the credit for that little 'stache? Charlie Chaplin had one. Lou Costello had one. Let's not group two of the finest entertainers to walk the planet with the likes of Adolf Hitler, shall we?

And I've been seeing quite a few signs that are Hitler-esque in nature and I wondered how come people who protested against things that George W. Bush did chose not to go with the Hitler comparison? That's when I learned that they did.

They did?! Really?! How come I never heard about them? The cable newsholes are all up in arms about the President Barry is Adolf Hitler signs, why weren't the newsholes up in arms about the G.W. is A.H. signs? Or any of the other ones like the ones below? Behold!

The easiest answer, the one that I really don't want to be true, is that there is an unhealthy amount of media bias which is in favor of President Barry. For instance, when these posters of President Barry as The Joker started popping up in Los Angeles, I didn't see what the big deal was. I still don't. (It's not as if there aren't hundreds of Photoshopped images of President Barry online. I don't hear the uproar about those, however.) But man, were media newsholes up in arms about them! People threatening to do...uh, something (probably loudly). I don't know. All I know is that I had to hear about it. Then I became aware of this which appeared in Vanity Fair on July 29, 2008. Just remember, it was 2008. Plenty of people hated him at the time. Behold!

Hey! How come I never heard any uproar about that?! Oh, that's right. For the reason I just mentioned. Plenty of people already hated him. No sense in getting in an uproar when something fits your narrative now, is there? So the point here is that the media will report things that it has decided will be inflammatory in the eyes of the viewer. They're not interested in doing their job, they're interested in ratings. You'll hear about it if they think you'll be outraged, otherwise, not so much.

I'm not quite sure how I ended up here with all of this. Oh, right! The signs. I love 'em. They're great. And kudos to the guys who are just having fun with the whole thing.

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Top 50 Comedy Catchphrases With Ridiculous Bonus Categories

As promised and/or teased, here is the complete list of the 'Top 50 Funniest TV Catchphrases", some of which are not funny and some of which are not catchphrases. But it IS a list, so they got at least one out of three right.

Top 50 comedy catchphrases

50. “Hello, Newman” from “Seinfeld”

49. “Missed it by that much” from “Get Smart”

48. “Yeah, that’s the ticket” from “Saturday Night Live”

47. “God’ll get you for that” from “Maude”

46. “Hey, Hey, Hey!” from “What’s Happening”

45. “Holy crap!” from “Everybody Loves Raymond”

44. “Let me show you something” from “In Living Color”

43. “Nip it” from “The Andy Griffith Show”

42. “Thank you beddy much” from “Taxi”

41. “Do you wanna hug it out” from “Entourage”

40. “Watch it sucka” from “Sanford and Son”

39. “Jane you ignorant slut” from “Saturday Night Live”

38. “Mom liked you best” from “The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour”

37. “Sit on it” from “Happy Days”

36. “Now cut that out” from “The Jack Benny Comedy Program”

35. “I’m Larry, this is my brother Darryl…” from “Newhart”

34. “What you see is what you get” from “The Flip Wilson Show”

33. “I’ve made a huge mistake” from “Arrested Development”

32. “I know nothing” from “Hogan’s Heroes”

31. “Here come de judge” from “Laugh In”

30. “You look marvelous” from “Saturday Night Live”

29. “I’m comin’ to join ya Elizabeth” from “Sanford and Son”

28. “Would you believe” from “Get Smart”

27. “Up your nose with a rubber hose” from “Welcome Back Kotter”

26. “Ohhhh Rob” from “The Dick Van Dyke Show”

25. “Kiss my grits” from “Alice"

24. “Nanu, Nanu” from “Mork and Mindy”

23. “Don’t be ridiculous” from “Perfect Strangers”

22. “I’m Gumby, damn it” from “Saturday Night Live”

21. “No soup for you” from “Seinfeld”

20. “One of these days, pow right in the kisser!” from “The Honeymooners”

19. “Did I do that?” from “Family Matters”

18. “Will you stifle” from “All in the Family”

17. “Eat my shorts” from “The Simpsons”

16. “Hated it” from “In Living Color”

15. “Well isn’t that special” from “Saturday Night Live”

14. “Sock it to me” from “Laugh In”

13. “We were on a break” from “Friends”

12. “That’s what she said” from “The Office”

11. “It’s going to be legendary” from “How I Met Your Mother”

10. “Homey don’t play dat” from “In Living Color”

9. “Excuuse me” from “Saturday Night Live”

8. “Lucy, you’ve got some splainin’ to do” from “I Love Lucy” (even though he never said it quite that way – the closest he came was “Lucy, splain” and “All right, start splainin’”)

7. “Oh my god! They killed Kenny” from “South Park”

6. “Burn” from “That ‘70s Show”

5. “We are two wild and crazy guys” from “Saturday Night Live”

4. “Ayyyy” from “Happy Days”

3. “How you doin’” from “Friends”

2. “D’oh” from “The Simpsons”

1. “Yada, yada, yada” from “Seinfeld”

Top 3 reality TV catchphrases

3. “The tribe has spoken” from “Survivor”

2. “That’s hot” from “The Simple Life"

1. “You’re fired” from “The Apprentice”

I suppose those three are just fine. After all, how many reality shows are there to choose from? Wait. Never mind. There just aren't that many with catchphrases that we'd have to choose from is what I think I'm saying. Seriously, when was the last time The Simple Life was on the air?

Top 3 game shows catchphrases

3. “Come on down” from “The Price is Right”

2. “Deal or no deal” from “Deal or No Deal”

1. “Is that your final answer” from “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”

But this list is all wrong! Anything from Deal or No Deal does not belong in the Top Three of this category. Somewhere on the list? Sure, I suppose. Top Three? I don't know, you tell me. Are you willing to bump "Survey says!" for "Deal or no deal?" Of course you're not. And to not have something from either Wheel of Fortune ("R S T L N E") or Jeopardy! ("This is Jeopardy!") seems like an abomination.

Top 3 science fiction catchphrases

3. “You’ve just crossed over into ‘The Twilight Zone’” from “The Twilight Zone”

2. “Trust no one” from “X-Files”

1. “Scotty, beam us up” from “Star Trek”

Again, leaving off something as iconic as "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!" is just wrong.

Top 3 action adventure catchphrases

3. “One other thing…” from “Columbo”

2. “De plane! De plane!” from “Fantasy Island”

1. “Who loves ya, baby” from “Kojak”

Let me get this straight. You're going to include "Da plane! Da plane!" as uttered weekly by the vertically impaired Tattoo, but you're going to omit "Let's be careful out there" from Hill Street Blues? Are you kidding me? Who are you people?

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They're Not All Funny & They're Not All Catchphrases

I hate it when there is an article, particularly a list, the purports to give you a compilation of the X-number of Best/Funniest/Worst/Saddest/etc. blank of All Time/X-Year/Decade/Century/etc., but then gets it horribly, horribly wrong all the way through. It's even worse when the error riddled and poorly conceived list really had potential to be an excellent piece of journalistic brilliance. Instead it ends up being pretty crappy and really disappointing. The list of TVs 50 Funniest Catchphrases is an example of that sort of abomination.

Compiled by The Paley Center and NBC, "TV's 50 Funniest Phrases" aired on Wednesday and what you got was a list of catchphrases that are a) not always funny, and b) not always catchphrases. As you can expect (as is the case with any crappy list), the collection seemed to be heavily weighed down by NBC shows. Shocking, I know!

First of all, the list gets one of the 'catchphrases' completely wrong when it lists number 8 as "Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do" from I Love Lucy as supposedly said by Ricky Ricardo. Ricky never said, "Lucy, you've got some splainin' to do." Ricky said, "Lucy! Splain!" Or "All right...start splainin!" (For those of you unversed in Ricardo-ese, 'splain' is Ricardo-ese for 'explain'.) And really...number eight? For reals? It's funny, I'll totally give it that, but I don't know if it's Number Eight funny. At Number TWO they have "D'oh!" from The Simpsons. Again, while funny, I'm not sure it's Number Two funny.

The other Simpsons catchphrase that made it on the list is "Eat my shorts" at Number 17. Noticeably absent from the list was "Don't have a cow, man." I think I'd rank "Don't have a cow, man" instead of "Eat my shorts." This list IS titled Funniest catchphrases. "Don't have a cow" is funnier than eating ones shorts. And for that matter, so is "Aye, caramba!" But if you're going to leave out Mr. Burns sneering, "Excellent", you're going to have some splainin' to do. (Speaking of Mr. Burns (who looks strikingly like Prince Philip), "Release the hounds!" is one that I'd love to be able to say should be included in the Top 50, but for some reason, I know that it can't be. I don't know why that is, but I do know it to be true...funny as it may be and it certainly is!)

They've got "Nanu-nanu" from Mork and Mindy clocking in at Number 24. I don't know that "Nanu-nanu" is funny. I watched Mork and Mindy! I thought it was quite funny! (But even as a child, I knew that when they brought in Jonathan Winters to play Mork and Mindy's baby that hatched out of a giant egg (the laying of which was never fully explained) and then aged backwards, that was the time that the show had jumped the yet-to-be proverbial shark.) But what I don't understand is why-oh-why, as kids, that nanu-nanu handshake was so damn hard to do!! Are children's small little hands unable to easily part fingers between the F-U finger and the ring finger due to lack of full development or what? When we finally mastered that, we thought we were the coolest! (You find lots of things to do when growing up without the Internet, lemme tell ya.)

"I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl and this is my other brother Darryl" from Newhart came in at Number 35, which is a shame because just reading that made me laugh! Granted, that might be because my Dad had a stepbrother and both of their names were Larry, so the humor I find in it might have something to do with that, but I still find it funnier than Number-35-funny.

"Sock it to me" from Laugh In was Number Fourteen. I'll give that one catchphrase status, but I don't know if it qualifies for 'funny catchphrase' status. If you're going to include Laugh In (and you have to when talking about the 'Funniest' of something. It's right there in the name: LAUGH In! Its name denotes the funny!), why not go with Artie Johnson as a one German soldier Wolfgang, from behind some object, usually foliage, saying, "Veeeerrrrryyyyy interesting."? Why not that one?!

There were seven, yes seven, SEVEN 'funny catchphrases' from Saturday Night Live origins. Ahem...

48. "Yeah, that's the ticket."
39. "Jane, you ignorant slut."
30. "You look mah-velous."
22. "I'm Gumby, dammit."
15. "Well isn't that special?!"
9. "Excuuuuuuse me!"
5. "We are two wild and crazy guys!"

Now, I'm not too sure how I feel about having SNL quotes included in this list in the first place. I mean, it's a TV show, but it's a variety show. I differentiate between SNL and Laugh In because with the Laugh In phrase "Sock it to me", it was heard by a variety of people on various episodes. With SNL, the phrases were gone when the characters were gone. NOT that they're not funny. "Jane, you ignorant slut" is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. But I just don't know if they go in this list. (But if you are going to include SNL quotes, I would have chosen "Could it be...Satan?!" over the other Church Lady saying, "Well isn't that special?!") And I would not have included the Gumby quote on this list at all.)

But left out of the already questionable SNL section would be "Schwing!" and "Not!" "Not!" really caught on in mainstream dialog and is still popular to this day. "Schwing!" really caught on too, but then our parents figured out what it meant and that sort of hampered it from getting deeply embedded in culture-speak (though it is loosely embedded and will continue to be so).

There are some that are noticeably and inexcusably absent from this list. Where, may I ask, is "Dy-no-mite!"? Huh?! "Dy-no-mite!" is nowhere to be found. That was, for some inexplicable reason, extremely funny. Nope. Not there. Another noticeably absent catchphrase is "Whachoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Gone! Not there! Not included! IM-possible! How can you leave that one out?? And you're going to have "Hello, Newman" come in at Number Fifty, but you're not going to include "Hello!" as said by Squiggy on Laverne and Shirley?! Oh, the humanity! Someone has some splainin' to do.

But seriously, how on earth can you be talking 'catchphrases' and the funniest ones at that, and leave out Janice Litman. Actually, Janice Litman Goralnik (née Hosenstein). Are you asking who? Trust me. You know who she is. And her catchphrase was actually that. A catchphrase. And every episode that she was on, you could count on her saying it in her high pitched, nasally, oh-so-annoying way that she did and it would make you laugh EVERY TIME. Come on! Janice! From 'Friends'! "Oh. My. God." EVERY. Time. Still funny. Still. Funny. I am glad that they did get the other catchphrases from 'Friends' right, those being Ross and his constant bemoaning that "We were on a break!" And Joey's timeless pickup line (which would work on me) of "How YOU doin'?" Both excellent. Both funny. Very. Funny.

But here's the main problem with I have with this list: The Number One Funniest Catchphrase is "Yada, yada, yada" from Seinfeld. I watched Seinfeld. I loved Seinfeld. "Yada, yada, yada" was NOT, repeat, NOT a catchphrase. It made an appearance ONCE! ONE time! In ONE show! It wasn't said on any other episodes (with the possible exception of the final episode in which they brought back every character that ever stepped foot on Seinfeld set, so it's possible they brought back every one liner that managed to catch on in pop culture as well). You can't call something a "catchphrase" if it's only said in ONE episode! That's NOT a catchphrase! It's FUNNY, but not a catchphrase! You know what it IS?! That's right! A PHRASE! Just a phrase!

For those of you unfamiliar with the Seinfeld-ism, what are you? Living under a rock? Basically, it's an off shoot or a synonym for blah-blah-blah, a phrase used to indicate that someone said something, but the content of what they said is unimportant to the story being told, so blah-blah-blah is inserted where the insignificant dialogue would have been. Personally, I prefer wah-wah-wah over blah-blah-blah and yada, yada, yada. (And no, I don't know why I hyphenate two of those and comma-ize the other, so just hold your emails, people.)

You know, what I find hilarious about the phrase "yada, yada, yada" is that people will shorten it to "yada, yada" when talking ABOUT the phrase, but when actually USING the phrase, the third "yada" is necessary. How weird is that? Like in the ONE Seinfeld episode which showcased "yada, yada, yada", George said, "You can't yada yada sex." To which Elaine replied, "I've yada yada'ed sex." I just find it odd, is all. Very odd.

And they had a 2-hour 'special' on NBC to fill air time with this crap? The list itself was painful enough just reading, I can't imagine having to watch this atrocity take shape. To watch it would have been akin to waterboarding! (All right, maybe not THAT bad. Oh, FINE! It's not even CLOSE to waterboarding! It's nothing like it! There! Happy?!) I don't know who the tool was who came up with this list, but you can't have the Number One thing on a list not even be one of the things the list is about! Everyone knows THAT!!

Well, almost everyone.

The entire list can be viewed in the post following this one. I'm sure that I left out some of the ones that were noticeably left out, so feel free to let me know which ones those were. Also included, as a completely idiotic bonus, will be the other inane lists (which consist of THREE each) of top reality TV, game show, science-fiction and action-adventure catchphrases. They got those wrong too.

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