Noodle This One Through

You're going to love this guy as much as I do. And when I say "love" I mean "want to slowly strangle until I've seen every shade of blue known to man and hope that I discover a new one". You know. Love. This bloke is apparently in Wisconsin for the protests. He also apparently lives in Wisconsin and is currently (but perhaps not for much longer) employed at something called Noodles. It appears to be a restaurant which serves some sort of pasta. Noodles, if you will.

From the fine folks over at The Blaze we are treated to an interview of this particular Noodles employee. He gives his rationale as to why the economic model of America (the most successful country on the planet in the history of the planet) needs to change. He also spends a fair amount of time pointing out the obvious as if it is some sort of an atrocity. It's as absolutely frustrating as it is absolutely hilarious. I've taken the time to transcribe some of his thoughts below. See what you think.

"You either work for someone else or you work for yourself. And most people work for someone else in a way that they aren’t free. You don’t really get to decide your work. For example, I work at Noodles, a restaurant, and basically it’s a dictatorship there. We’re told exactly what we’re going to cook, how we’re going to cook it, what time we’re going to get there. And basically if they don’t like what we’re doing, they try and tell us what to do. If we don’t listen, they get rid of us. And so we’re not able to actually cooperate in a way that we make decisions together. I try to convince my fellow employees that we should have a union at Noodles so it’s a source of power to start with and then I think in terms of the bigger picture, we need to look at revolutions in a way that you actually get rid of any sort of dictatorship is by having workers take control of the place where they work."

If that seems like a lot to plod through all at once, allow me to help you. Basically, his employment at the Noodles is unbearable or unfair or something because it is essentially a dictatorship (and not a place of business, apparently). It earns the dictatorship label in his own mind because they tell you what to cook, when you have to show up and how long you have to work. And in ultimate dictatorial fashion, if you don't like the rules then you are fired. Clearly, there is no freedom at the Noodles and thus, it is bad. I realize that all of this sounds very similar to a job, but he seems to have it mistaken for a dictatorship. This man needs a helmet. Stat!

Basically, he's saying that he'd like to come and go whenever he likes and cook whatever he feels like at a pace that he deems to be appropriate. Sure. That seems like it would work. Of course. Never mind that he is applying dictatorship to the workplace and that's a completely incorrect application of the theory. His method would be fine because everyone would be doing what they wanted without having anyone tell them what to do. At work.

But wait! There's more. The person shooting this video then asked our little socialist/communist, "Would your plan, your vision for Noodles, would it include the owner?" His response? Pretty much the sort of nonsense that you'd be expecting right about now, having just read his previous load of crap. He said, "If the owner wanted to cooperate with us as an equal and provide his skills that he had, we would definitely cooperate with him. He'd have to abdicate his position as being an owner and controller of us and he would have to recognize that we run Noodles together. And basically, if he doesn't want to cooperate with us, he's against us." Holy crap.

So let me see if I've got this straight. In this jackwagon's world, he would be an equal to the guy who had the initial vision, gathered up the start up money, and built this business (which apparently has 240 locations in 18 different states and employs around 3,000 workers, hopefully not all of which share the same mentality as this dude). That guy, the entrepreneur, is supposed to be an equal with this cook who comes off as having the IQ of a turnip and who may or may not show up for work, depending on how he feels. That sounds like a fabulous business model, son! I can't believe that someone else hasn't made their fortune in that exact same way! Good Lord...

The video of this socialist/communist who doesn't understand economic theory as it applies to the individual workplace very well is below. (And if it loads all funny, you can just click here and watch it on YouTube. The good stuff starts right at the 3:38 mark. Feel free to start there, lest your head explode trying to listen to all of it.) Try listening to him with your eyes closed. When you open them, you'll notice that he looks precisely like he sounds. What is it about that sort of voice and the seeming inability to grow any sort of meaningful facial hair that always seems to be present in these sort of softheads? Is it because they're already like that and that makes them this way? Or do they take on these ridiculous beliefs and then adopt those sort of traits? I don't know which one it is either, but it annoys the crap out of me. Whatever he's protesting against in Wisconsin, I am wholeheartedly in favor of. Sign me up. Just keep him away from me.

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Batty Employees

You might not agree with stuff that your boss tells you about your job performance. And if that's the case, really the best thing you can do for yourself in that situation is anything that doesn't validate what it is that your boss claims to be true. For example, if your boss claims you're always late? Don't be late, that is correct. If your boss claims you don't work on the Penske account? Work on the Penske account, that is also correct. If your boss claims that you have poor job performance? Beat him senseless with an aluminum baseball bat, that is....wait. What now?

Yes, it would seem that in New Haven, CT at the Wal-Mart store, a one 26-year old Barry Griffin had been "...reprimanded for the second time in a few days" by the assistant manager, a one 29-year old George Freibott. That according to the New Haven Register. It would seem that Mr. Freibott wrote Mr. Griffin up for "poor job performance". Mr. Griffin, apparently completely befuddled as to where such an allegation would come into play, was "...captured on the store’s security system...grabbing a bat from a display rack in the sporting goods section." (I'm guessing that if there wasn't a valid basis for the "poor job performance" prior to that point, there was going to be one shortly afterwards!)

So allegedly, after being told of his alleged "poor job performance" and "grabbing a bat" (allegedly) the same security footage showed Mr. Griffin "...finding Freibott in the toy area of the store" where he then engaged in a few rounds of "Human Pinata" as he began beating Mr. Freibott, striking him no less than a dozen times while in the aisle of the toy department. Allegedly.

Wow. Talk about your mood swings. (I'll be here all week.)

And as if it bears any relevance to the events at all, the article also noted that "An employee told police Griffin appeared to be in good spirits earlier during the shift, but his mood turned." Really? He didn't spend his entire shift beating the man with a bat? No kidding "his mood turned." Go figure. Do you think it might have had anything at all to do with being written up for poor job performance? Allegedly? Do you think that might have been the cause of all of the alleged mood turning? I'm guessing it had something to do with it. I'm also guessing that the fact that Mr. Griffin seems to have anger management issues had even more to do with it than being written up.

Said assumed anger management issues would appear to be documented through court records which show "a 2007 conviction for third-degree assault" for which he "received a suspended sentence." And there is also "...a pending assault case in Superior Court in Meriden, according to a judicial database." Surprise. Well, his assault trifecta is now complete as he will be charged with first-degree assault and breach of peace just as soon as they can find him. He apparently fled before police arrived. That's going to make going back for his last check a little awkward I'd imagine. I wonder if the other aspects of this man's life are as ironic as this incident. Ironic and assault-y. Allegedly.

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