Willie Nelson - Truther

Are you familiar with the Truther movement? Or just the Truthers? They're the folks who don't believe the accepted explanations for what happened to the Twin Towers on 9/11. Yeah, they're the folks who believe that it was some sort of inside job by the US government. The basis for their beliefs seems to be strongly rooted in wanting to believe in a conspiracy. That's really the only explanation for it, as there isn't any logical reason one would believe that there is evidence pointing toward it being an inside job.

Now, there are plenty of folks out there who have come out and questioned what "really happened". Granted, when they get told what did really happen, they don't want to believe that. That's what makes them a truther. (It's also what makes them a nutjob, but that's a different topic all together.) There are some rather famous people who have publicly questioned what happened that day. Martin Sheen...Charlie Sheen (must run in the family)...Jesse Ventura (maybe it runs in Minnesota, too)...Rosie O'Donnell...and now we can add to that list. Now we can add old stoner, country singer Willie Nelson to that list.

Willie Nelson was on ancient Larry King's show the other night. And the ancient Larry King asked him about his truther views on 9/11. That, in and of itself, was shocking, as Larry King seems to be really good at lobbing softballs at people these days. (Quite frankly, it's amazing that Larry King can lob anything. What is he? Like one hundred?) He started off the conversation with, "What prompted you to look into this from another angle?" And Willie answered with the most ironic of answers when he said, "Just logic."

No, see, if you were using the "logic" that you claimed that you were using, you would have come to the conclusion that all of the conspiracy theories are completely ridiculous. But that's the problem with truthers. They are really into their own definition of logic. And Willie exemplified that point by explaining, "I've seen buildings implode before. I just saw the Texas Stadium implode just a couple of days ago. And these two building imploded. And the one next to it. Nothing hit it. No plane hit the one next to it. It just decided to fall on its own. Naturally, I have questions about how did that happen." Do you Willie? Really? Why? Because it's the same? Uh-huh. Whatever.

Did the building have to be hit with a plane for it to collapse? You don't think that it was possible for it to have been hit by debris from the two falling towers in order for it to collapse? That thought never crossed your mind, Willie? Apparently it did not. Then the ancient Larry King tries to reason with Willie Nelson (there's a sentence I never thought I'd type) by saying, "I'm told that the reason that it imploded was the so much heat from above and so much fuel on the jets that that caused it to go down rather than go over." OK. I'm not a fan of how he phrased that, but fair enough. Willie? Your response? "Never before has a building collapsed because it was hit by an airplane. A steel building. Never. Before." Oh, for cryin' out loud. Really?

This is where Larry King comes back with a pretty good response for someone who is 120 years old. He asked, "Uh, has any building been hit by a 747, though?" Willie? "I'm sure they have." Are you now? That's the best you can do? You're sure that they have? See, in order to avoid looking like a cuckoo bird, that would really have been the best place to provide the folks with some facts. But you don't have any facts. No, you have marijuana. That doesn't help sharpen your logic and reasoning skills, I'm guessing.

Larry King: "You think that there was something going on inside the building." Crazy Willie: "Well, I just question the whole thing. I question the story. I question the implosions. It just looks...too simple. You know?" Actually, no. No, I don't know. Simple doesn't necessarily mean "simple". Physics, while complex, are very simple when you understand the basic concepts. Heat melts steel! Get over it!

This is where I get a little annoyed at Larry King. He placates Willie by saying, "Well, others have questioned it too...although there was an investigation." How is that helping?! Don't tell these nutjobs that it's OK that they're thinking and promoting a bunch of stuff that is complete crap. What good does that do? None! All it does is give Willie Nelson the opportunity to say, "There was an investigation and I think that there should be more." Do you? How high are you right now, Willie? Very, I'm guessing.

So, Willie Nelson thinks that there should be more of an investigation as to how those buildings that were hit with airliners managed to implode because he saw Texas Stadium go down a few days ago? Sure, that makes sense. Who are you people? I don't get you at all. Listen, if you folks really believe that crap, what are you still doing here? Seriously. Because I think that if I believed that the government of my country had done something that sinister, I don't think that I could continue to live there. So, what are you people still doing here? Why haven't you moved to France or Germany? (Sorry, France and Germany. It's nothing personal. I was just thinking of someplace far away. I'm not trying to push all of these nutjobs on you.) What are you still doing here? Go! If the United States is so damn evil, get the hell out.

The video of Larry King and the stoned nutjob Willie Nelson is below. Hopefully, you'll enjoy it, but all it did was frustrate the hell out of me.

Sphere: Related Content

Charlie Sheen Needs a Tin Foil Hat

Huh. Well. Didn't see this one coming. Nah, I take that back. I totally coulda predicted that Charlie Sheen would turn out to be a nutjob. That might be a bit too strong. I don't really have any hard evidence of him actually being mentally ill (though Major League 2 might qualify). OK, so maybe he isn't a nutjob, but I do have a fair amount of evidence, all provided by Charles Sheen himself, that he might be a moron. Let's find out, shall we?

I think that sometimes celebrities get a bit tired of a world which they believe revolves around them and their every waking breath. And if you think about it, that would get exhausting. And boring, I would imagine. I mean, you're you. You already know what you're going to do, what you're going to eat, what you're going to wear, who you're going to sleep with (everyone), who you're not going to sleep with (no one), and what you're going to say (everything, after all, you ARE fascinating!). There's no surprise. There's no uncertainty. You need something that will really shake things up for you. How about a meeting with the President of the United States so that you can discuss your viewpoints on the whole 09/11 incident. You know, the one with the planes and the towers and all of the death and destruction. Yes. THAT 09/11.

I don't think that Charlie Sheen is ever going to be bestowed with the label as one of this nation's greatest thinkers, all right? I just don't see that happening. Ever. He's a thinker all right, just not one of the greatest thinkers. He's definitely a misguided thinker (and one with an inflated ego at that). In an interview he gave (for reasons that might be inexplicable other than they were the only ones willing to listen to him and his nonsensical outrage) to something called PrisonPlanet.com. Now, Sheen thinks of himself as "a Truther". Please make note that when a group of people gives itself a name that is grammatically incorrect and grates on the ears every time you hear it, you know that the group is not exactly the pillar of stability. "Truthers", "Birthers", "Oakland Raiders", all of those follow the same principle.

Sheen pretends to have an imaginary conversation with the President and reveals what it is that he would be saying to him during this time. It's a lot different than what I would have envisioned him saying because I pictured him being led away by security. But his version goes like this: "9/11 has been the pretext for the systematic dismantling of our Constitution and Bill of Rights. Your administration is reading from the same playbook that the Bush administration foisted on America through documented secrecy and deception."

Wow. Foisted. Nice. But the last time I checked, the Constitution and the Bill of Rights were still in effect. NO dismantling. Still can speak freely, carry weapons, assemble and shout, all very much in play. And really, Charlie, isn't "documented secrecy" kind of an oxymoron? No, not YOU. I mean, you ARE a moron, but not an oxymoron. Documented secrecy. See, if it were so secretive, would it have been documented?

He also envisions himself telling President Barry about the "bottomless warren of unanswered questions surrounding that day and its aftermath." Again, I hate to get all nit picky here, but if you've got some nits, you should really pick them. Thus, my point is this: See, a "warren" is defined as either an area where rabbits breed or are bred; as a maze of underground passageways or small rooms; or a place where one is legally authorized to keep small game animals for the purpose of them being hunted. Therefore, you really can't have a "bottomless warren". How are you going to have a bottomless maze of underground passageways? A bottomless place to breed rabbits? (What? Are they just going to constantly connoiter whilst floating around? Is this bottomless warren in outer space? Does it involve a degree of weightlessness?) It just doesn't work. Nice job trying to squeeze 'warren' into a conversation, but no. Try again.

Oh, and part of the "unanswered questions" that are floating around in this gravitationally challenged warren without a bottom includes "the John F. Kennedy assassination and the Gulf of Tonkin incident." The Gulf of Tonkin? Is that where all the toy trucks are? Oh, wait. That's TONKA. Never mind. My mistake. So, um, what now? The thing with the two US destroyers and some Vietnamese patrol boats back in 1964 that sort of propelled the United States into the Vietnam War? THAT Gulf of Tonkin incident? 45 years ago?! Boy, this Sheen guy just doesn't let things go now, does he?

Charles Sheen has written this fictional script which is how he envisions that the twenty minutes that he would be granted (in this incredibly fictitious world that he lives in) to sit down with the President (on the merits of simply nothing more than he's Charlie Sheen) and present him with "facts" which he believes indicate some sort of a conspiracy involving 09/11. I will give him this much: As ludicrous as the whole idea is (mostly the part about competent and secretive government officials, which I see as much less plausible than an actual conspiracy), the script that he writes is pretty funny in places. He might not be one of our nation's most treasured speakers, but he does deserve a place in the "I'm a Witty American" club. That I will give him. Anything else? He's a moron.


The script goes on and pretends to have him say "Mr. President, I implore you based on the evidence you now possess, to use your Executive Power. Prove to us all Sir, that you do, in fact, care. Create a truly comprehensive and open Congressional investigation of 9/11 and its aftermath." He explains to a one Alex Jones of PrisonPlanet.com how he would further implore President Barry by stating, " I requested 30 minutes given the scope and detail of my inquiry; they said I could have 20. Twenty minutes, 1200 seconds, not a lot of time to question the President about one of the most important events in our nation’s history." 20 minutes isn't enough for all of the questions about "...one of the most important events in our nation’s history", but THIRTY minutes is PLENTY? Wow, you must really make those extra ten minutes count!

Now look, I'm not saying that there isn't a chance for some sort of a conspiracy to be conjured up and carried out at some point. Theoretically, it's possible. But honest to God, the kind of conspiracy that Charlie Sheen is talking about in regard to 09/11 would not only involve, but would absolutely REQUIRE the kind of efficiency, and secrecy and solidarity and competence that JUST ISN'T POSSIBLE WITHIN OUR GOVERNMENT. Do you hear what I'm saying? Look at the folks who are running this country. They're idiots. Complete morons. How many things has the public learned about simply because some politician was too stupid to realize that his microphone was on before he started various unethical doings to other politicians? TOO MANY. Do you think that there are actually THAT many people that could keep THAT big of a secret? There just isn't.

According to Charlie Sheen's version of how this would all go, he envisions a scenario in which he, Charlie Sheen, a man once married to Denise Richards, has information about the most spectacular terrorist attack to ever take place on this planet, and the PRESIDENT of the United States has to get this information from him because he is not privy to it, apparently. If that was actually the state of our government and of our world as we know it, I'd hang myself right now. If the day ever comes when Charlie Sheen is giving the President of the United States new and classified information involving an inter-governmental conspiracy, I will hang myself within an hour of receiving confirmation of that atrocity. (I would commit to within the first 30 minutes after learning that, but I'll probably want to leave a note and I'll need a little bit of time to scrawl something out. Then there's the time it's going to take to knot the noose....I really should have thought this through before making a commitment like that. OK, 90 minutes. Give me 90 minutes after confirmation and I'll be dead, I swear.)

Mr. Sheen's fictional account of how events on 09/11 were orchestrated and allowed to take place gives at least 20 specific items which he believes point to a conspiracy. Again, if you're a fan of the fiction genre you can read his entire tome over there at PrisonPlanet.com. I have absolutely no intention of going over all twenty ridiculous items. But to demonstrate the sort of flawed logic that Charles Sheen is putting forth in this endeavor, allow me to point out item number 18 which states: "The technology to enable cell phone calls from high-altitude airline flights was not created until 2004, and even by that point it was only in the trial phase. Calls from cell phones which formed an integral part of the official government version of events were technologically impossible at the time." Um, what now?

I have a bit of news for you, Chuck. Folks on those planes DID make calls and they DID use their cell phones and that IS a fact. To say that they did NOT is to say that all of those people who TOOK those calls from those people who had called to say goodbye are all lying and are all in on this scheme you've bought into? I can emphatically state without any doubt at all that calls were made. They were made from cell phones. End of story. Now knock it off.

Oh, one more! He also cannot fathom how things like a hijacker's passport could have survived that whole ordeal when human bodies were simply vaporized and steel columns melted like butter. How could a paper passport in a suitcase survive? Perhaps our treasured misguided thinker could use a physics class or a chemistry class. Or maybe if he just told the hookers to wait for five minutes and sat down and thought about it he'd realize that the force of the impact and subsequent explosion would create a force which would blow things outward. A book, Charlie. Go read a BOOK.

Yes, plenty of things went wrong in response to events as they unfolded on that day. But it wasn't due to a conspiracy. It was due to incompetence. And in a way, I'm sorry that our government is too stupid and incompetent to carry out the sort of 009/11 conspiracy that Charlie Sheen so desperately wants to be true. I really am. I WISH they could do it! I swear I do! I want them to be conspiracy material. But they just aren't. They aren't. They're just too dumb.

And the other thing you have to remember, Chuck, is that you don't get to know every single detail of all of the inner workings of the US Government. Not the State Department. Not the Department of Defense. Not the CIA. None of them. You don't get to know everything that went on. No one does. But if you'd like to just look around you, you'll get the one detail that makes all of the pieces of the puzzle fit into place. That the government is huge. Something that large will not function in detail the way that it is theoretically supposed to. It just can't. You want to go on some big ol' campaign for something there, Chuck? You want to make sure that this doesn't happen again? What say you go make a point for smaller government and cite 09/11 as how big government failed people? That seems like a worthy cause. Or at least one that won't make you look like a complete nutjob tool.

Sphere: Related Content

Not Giving Birth, but Having a Cow Instead

What's up with political groups or subsets of politicians being branded with (or promoting themselves as ) some cutesy little name? Has this been occurring for a while and I've just been able to tune it out until now? Or is this new? Whichever it is, the names are lame and the folks behind the names are often lamer. Seriously. Names such as the oft mentioned "Blue Dog Coalition" in the House of Representatives. That group had sort of evolved from the "Boll Weevils Group". Who in the hell names themselves the "Boll Weevils Group"? Aren't boll weevils those little beetle like things with poke-y ends on 'em? That's what you want your group to be associated with? As politicians?! What's up with that? Was Ladybug's Picnic already taken?

But of the groups with the ridiculous names, there's one that I cannot avoid hearing about no matter how hard I try (and believe me, I've TRIED!). Not only that, they have a cause that is just as non-sensible as their name is. Yes, I'm speaking of those nutjobs who have all joined together to form the largest mass of malfunctioning cerebral matter on the planet; those that we call 'The Birthers'.

I realize that it's very easy to get "The Birthers" confused with other names that might sound a lot like it. Like "The Idiots" or "The Morons" or "Too Much Time On Your Hands". It's very easy to misspeak and use one of those terms when the term that you were really looking for was "The Birthers". So if it keeps on happening to you, if you keep on saying "idiots" instead of "Birthers", just keep at it because you MAY actually get it someday. But if you don't, well, at least you're accurate.

The Birthers are not folks who have given birth, as the name might (and DOES) seem to suggest. No, the Birthers are folks who believe that President Barry, President Barack Hussein Obama, is not, repeat NOT a "natural born citizen" of this country, the good ol' US of A, and is thus not eligible to be our President. Um, wait. For reals?

Yep. For reals. According to the Political Hotsheet over there at CBS News, the whole thing started when President Barry was running for President. I'm guessing it was an offshoot movement to the whole "He might be a Muslim" tangent a bunch of softheaded folks became sidetracked with. So in an attempt to quell the fakeroversy that the Birthers had kicked up amongst themselves, Candidate Barry produced his certificate of live birth showing that he was born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961. Behold!

OK, so that's that right? Let's go home. What? That's not good enough? For whom? For whom is it not good enough? Well, for the Birthers, that's who. They say that his "birth certificate" isn't a "birth certificate" at all and that it's faked. The Birthers continue to (incorrectly) assert that he was really born in Kenya and that the document that is purported to be his "birth certificate" is really a faked up document. And that, my friends, is a pretty serious charge for someone to level. You'd think that someone would look into all of this controversy (er, FAKE controversy, ie, fakeroversy) that these Birther people stirred up and finally get to the bottom of this. What's that?

They DID? When? Numerous times, is the answer to that question. And it is not just the Obama Administration that has been claiming that President Barry is a citizen of the United States. Other groups have researched this and came to the same conclusion, that President Barry IS a citizen of the United States. FactCheck.org wrote a very well researched piece on this topic almost a year ago and yet the Birthers are STILL howling that he is not a citizen! It's almost inexplicable why, not just nutjobs are buying into this ridiculous theory, but it's being given steam AND airtime by folks who (previously) had credibility. Not sure where their credibility stands AFTER they've made it seem like there is ANY possibility that President Barry is NOT a citizen. It's really hard to find someone to be credible when they're just blowing crap like that around. Those if I were having to choose one reason as to why this continues to be an issue that sane people are made to listen to, I'd have to side with Donny Deutsch's reasoning as to why so many doubt Obama's citizenship: "Maybe because they're morons." Well said, sir. Well. Said.

Never mind that Honolulu health director Dr. Chiyome Fukino has said that "she personally seen and verified that the Hawaii State Department of Health has Sen. Obama’s original birth certificate on record in accordance with state policies and procedures." Never mind that there was a "birth announcement that had been published in the Honolulu Advertiser on Sunday, Aug. 13, 1961." And never mind that there IS a birth certificate EVEN THOUGH the title of the document is Certificate of Live Birth, IT'S THE SAME THING!

Pretty much, it's the announcement of the birth in the Honolulu Paper that really should have ended this whole thing as soon as that was produced. Because if THAT is faked as well, then what are you Birther people saying? Are you saying that almost 48 years ago, President Barry's mother and father placed a fake ad in the newspaper, announcing the birth of their son Barack, as to have it appear as if he were born in the United States. And they would do this because they just wanted to cover all of their bases just in CASE, SOME DAY far, far into the future, some suspicious sole would be looking for this very information to confirm their theory that the one they called Barry was born a US citizen. Meanwhile, the secret that the prodigal baby would carry with him for the rest of his life would stay hidden and the rest of their plan would slowly fall into place. And then one day it would all be worth it. That day would be the day on which this half white, half black, Kenyan born baby would be elected President of the United States. Just like they'd planned! Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa!!!!!!!

Honestly, do you people HEAR yourselves when you're spewing this stuff out? And you're able to sleep at night? I don't get it. What's the point? So that you can run around and think that you know something that the rest of us don't? Guess what? We know something that YOU don't! Actually, we know TWO things that you don't! We know that President Barry is a citizen of the United States AND we know that you're freaking crazy. Congratulations, Jerome Corsi! You're the jackass who got this whole ball rolling which, in turn, happened to get you a book deal and numerous TV and radio appearances for you to spew your ridiculousness and promote yourself. Huh. Upon further review, it would seem that you had immense help in getting this to the forefront where it currently tries to creep backward into the forgotten abyss of yesterday's news.

Sphere: Related Content