HE Hit You?! Right.

Did you hear that Justin Bieber allegedly got into some sort of a scuffle with a paparazzi photographer?  According to the Daily Mail, the photographer is claiming that he was "...roughed up by the young pop star at a shopping center." He also "...complained of pain to his chest."  Oh, please. 

Have you seen Justin Bieber ever?  The guy is barely 18 years old and looks like he might weight 90 pounds if he were soaking wet.  And this photographer guy is saying that he assaulted him?  Just how miniscule was this photographer?  Does he really want to be known as the guy who couldn't handle a punch (whatever that would entail) from the extremely effeminate and rather wispy Justin Bieber?  Dude, just go home.  Don't mention a word of it to anyone.  Save whatever dignity you might have as a paparazzo and just move on. 

I don't know exactly what happened other than what's alleged by the photographer.  But I do know that some of the pictures taken after the alleged "assault" are fairly amusing.  They don't exactly show Mr. Bieber to be a seasoned fighter in any sense of the word.  He looks more like a teenager who just rolled out of bed and is rather disoriented by his surroundings.  Let's take a look at the "assailant".  Behold! 

Yeah, he looks real vicious there.  And he has his little girlfriend picking up his hat for him.  He can't pick up his hat, but he can hit a photographer?  Why is his hair so messed up?  Is it hat hair or is it from all of the alleged assaulting?  Let's look at another. 

He looks like a zombie.  And by the way dude, nice socks.  Yeah, white and green and purple striped socks.  Real manly.  Yet the photographer is insisting that the hunk of masculinity that you see above was able to hit him in the chest to an extent that required a call to 911?  Maybe the photographer was a teenage girl.  That would explain it.  A little.  Not entirely, but a little.  Another picture, please. 

Look at that one.  He can barely balance himself enough to stand upright.  Maybe it was windy outside and he's trying not to be blown over.  And really, the medallions aren't helping his causes here.  One more picture...

The purple shoes remind me of Grimace from McDonald's.  And quite frankly, Grimace is more manly than Justin Bieber is.  It'd be more believable if the paparazzi guy had said he was assaulted by Grimace.  Look at him!  He can't even put on his shoe without his 80-pound girlfriend holding him up!  I'm supposed to believe that he assaulted someone enough to do damage?  I think not. 

Sphere: Related Content

Un-Beliebable

Is there any way that we could get away from asking questions of certain people who have no idea what they're talking about and have no business answering certain questions that they're asked? And by "certain people" I mean celebretards and Justin Bieber.

It was all I could do not to write about a press release that came out about a week ago, which started out: "REAL HOUSEWIVES STAR DANIELLE STAUB GIVES ADVICE TO EGYPT'S MUBARAK." Really? Who was asking? And who cared? And which of those two was the most dense intellectually? It had to have been a toss up. An excerpt: "Staub, who notoriously walked away from the show, was asked whether it was time for Mubarak to walk away as well...'If he feels in his heart that it's really time then, yeah, it is time," Staub stated." Kill me now. Don't delay! I'm standing by! But wait, before you do that? Could you tell me what's wrong with her face?

But I'm having a hard time not commenting on the Justin Bieber article in Rolling Stone. Again, why someone is asking these questions of ANY sixteen year old is beyond me, but asking them of Justin Bieber is simply stupefying. For instance, Bieber (who may or may not be a 30-year old lesbian impersonating a teenage boy) was apparently asked if he had any plans to become an American citizen. Thank God, he does not. He seems to be very fond of his homeland, America's Hat. But his reasons are...annoying at best. He 'jokes', "You guys are evil...Canada's the best country in the world...We go to the doctor and we don't need to worry about paying him, but here, your whole life, you're broke because of medical bills. My bodyguard's baby was premature, and now he has to pay for it. In Canada, if your baby's premature, he stays in the hospital as long as he needs to, and then you go home."

Are you kidding me?! His bodyguard has to PAY For his OWN BABY?!?! It's madness!! Hey, Bieber. He works for you, you little twit! If you're so big on your socialist system, what say, since you have WAY more money than your peon of a bodyguard, YOU pay for it?! And you DO pay for your doctor in Canada! It's just not directly! How do you think they get paid?! Where do you think that money comes from?! And there's a big freaking difference between your bodyguard having to pay for his own child and someone's premature baby getting to stay in the hospital as long as it needs to. Those two aren't the same thing. Is your bodyguard so idiotic that he didn't have insurance before deciding to have a baby? Pipe down, little lesbian.

The article continues to annoy me by apparently asking him "...what political party he'd support if he was old enough to vote." He responds with "I'm not sure about the parties...But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad." OK, so he's not going to join the...Korean...Party? What does that have to do with anything at all? Does he know that there is a North AND a South Korea? He makes it sound like he does not. But I guess it's good to know that he would be against doing things in Canada the way that they do things in at least one of the Koreas. (This guy still goes to school, right? Perhaps a little more focus on political parties around the globe is in order.)

And here's my favorite part. Here's where the interviewer asks a 16-year old boy about his opinion on, you guessed it, abortion. Listen, here's my opinion on asking people their opinion on abortion: It's pointless. No one is going to change anyone else's mind based on their opinion. It just doesn't happen. Once your opinion is formed, it's going to take something pretty major for you to go over to your perceived dark side. All asking for opinions on abortion ever does is start arguments. It's highly unlikely that abortion will ever be illegal in this country, so what's the point in arguing about it? I understand that some of you don't like it, but it's not going to change, so I suggest you get used to the fact that there are going to be some goings on in the world that you don't like.

But I digress. Back to Bieber. The article claims: "He does have a solid opinion on abortion." Oh, good! A solid opinion. Lay it on me. "I really don't believe in abortion...It's like killing a baby?" That's his solid opinion? One that ends with a question which inquires about the very issue being discussed? Let's see if we can narrow down the view of a 16-year old boy who may or may not be a lesbian. "How about in cases of rape?" Ohhhh! The devil's advocate clause that always comes out when people are against abortion. Let's see how he handles it! "Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I don't know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven't been in that position, so I wouldn't be able to judge that." Sweet fancy Moses. Are you dry shaving me?

He thinks rape is "really sad"? Do you now? Really sad? Yeah, that's the very least of what rape is! But I'm going to overlook that simply because his claim that "everything happens for a reason" has be so infuriated that I can barely type. So if a woman gets raped by a schizophrenic scumbag dripping with syphilis and becomes impregnated with his demon child, you "don't see how that would be a reason"?! For reals?! Oh, how I only wish that I could say "Who asked you?", but I can't because some dimwit actually DID ask him! For the purpose of what I cannot imagine.

Why would you ask a 16-year old, let alone a 16-year old boy, about abortion in the first place? Unless...maybe he really is a 30-year old lesbian. Have you been to Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber? If that website can teach us anything, it's that we really have no idea what he is. And I'm good with that. I don't need to know what he is anymore than I need to know what he thinks. If I never heard another word from or about Justin Bieber for the rest of my life it would be too soon. Because, you know, everything happens for a reason!

Sphere: Related Content