Dancing Contest Uproars

Holy crap, people are morons. Paste eatin', mouth breathin' morons. And not in a good way (like when you need someone to get rid of a lot of paste). I mean in the way that just makes me insane because it's so non-sensical. Here's the latest thing that's annoying me: People's reactions to the new cast of Dancing With The Stars. Specifically the issue of having Chaz Bono on there. (For those of you who have been under a rock for God only knows how long, Chaz Bono is the offspring of Cher and Sonny Bono (before he plowed himself into a tree whilst skiing, obviously). Chaz was born as a girl and named Chastity. She declared herself gay at some point, which really wasn't a shocker to anyone that had seen her. And then a few years ago, she had a sex-change and legally became Chaz. And while he's not fully biologically male (he had the top surgery, but has not yet had what I lovingly refer to as the addadicktomy), he is legally a male. Consider yourself caught up.) And thus, it begins.

I first saw a clip of Hoda Kotb (who needs to buy a vowel or something) talking with the nearly insufferable Kathie Lee Gifford on the equally insufferable Today show about Chaz. Kathie Lee said, "Chaz is going to have a female partner." And Yoda Hoda says (rather uncomfortably), "Yes. That's what's going to happen. So it's going to be interesting!" And then they both giggle like idiotic schoolgirls. Good Lord.

Why is that so funny, exactly? Considering that he's a man, baby (say that in an Austin Powers accent and it's a lot funnier), who would you have him dance with? Another man? Well, that would be just strange! Not to mention, wrong. Then again, maybe they're the same type of people that thought that Portia diRossi (should she have actually done the show) should have been paired up with another woman! How ridiculous does that sound?! Very. Very ridiculous. And idiotic. And anything but sane and reasonable.

And speaking of sane and reasonable, that's exactly what some folks are not being over this Chaz Bono announcement. See, I went over to the ABC website to see what folks had to say. Here are some excerpts:

From minnerl: "I believe Chastity Bono, is and always will be a woman. You cannot change what God designed. I will not watch the show now that she is on it. I will definitely skip this season."

From 49TRGll62: "My family and I will be boycotting DWTS this season. My kids love the show but I will not let them watch it this year. I AM TIRED OF THE MEDIA TRYING TO PRETEND THAT PEOPLE WANT TO EXPOSE THEIR YOUNG CHILDREN TO THIS LIFESTYLE! Young children do not even fully understand what it means to be straight yet. Some people still believe in morality and YES, it is something wrong with that lifestyle."

From patjoe55: "What do you think?I won't be watching this season either, as I also cannot agree with the homosexual agenda. I used to enjoy the show, all except for Bruno and his remarks and gyrating all over the place, especially toward the gay dancers. And lately, they are putting more and more gay people on, maybe for Bruno's benefit. No, thank you."


Jesus, where do I start. Here's what I want to ask these people: How have you felt about some of the people that have been on this show in the past who haven't been gay or transgendered, but have had an abhorrent lifestyle? Let's review:

Pamela Anderson: Let's be honest here, she's hot as hell. But she's posed for Playboy, makes a living off of her super hot body, was married to Tommy Lee (Lord only knows what that lifestyle was like) and has used drugs to the point where she contracted hepatitis C. Not exactly a role model, I wouldn't think. (But God, is she hot.)
Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino: Makes a living by getting drunk as can be every night (from what I can tell from the limited, yet torturous amount of time that I've logged with Jersey Shore) and bangs everything in sight that has a vagina. Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay him money if he would STOP wearing their brand! What does that tell you about the boy?!
Kendra Wilkinson: For cryin' out loud! You people have a problem with Chaz Bono but not with Kendra?! She was whoring herself out to the ancient Hugh Hefner as one of his three girlfriends. And she marketed her own sex tapes! Oh, yeah. That's real family friendly there. Sure.

And let's not forget that also appearing in the upcoming season will be Ron Artest. Allow me to remind these holier-than-thou types that Ron Artest has been known to be an abhorrent human being. From being charged with everything from starving his dogs to jumping into the stands and starting a brawl that resulted in a year long suspension from the NBA. He's not exactly the most non-controversial chap out there. (Granted, he seems to be getting his act together, but I'm not totally convinced. The man wants to change his name to Metta World Peace. That should speak for itself.) Need I go on? (OK, maybe I do just a little bit. Kim Kardashian for cryin' out loud! She's famous because of her ass that was seen my millions on the Internet because of a sex tape!)


So, look. Just relax about the Chaz Bono thing. If you like to watch dancing contests, then watch. If you don't like to watch dancing contests, then don't. But if you're going to judge, at least be freaking consistent about what you're judging people on. Wow. Just wow. You morons.

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DWTS - Don't Want Telling Stories

For some reason, Kate Gosselin managed to survive the first cut on Dancing With The Stars. She didn't dance particularly well. Granted, she wasn't the lowest scoring "star", but when you're only scoring a couple of points above the 80 year old Buzz Aldrin, you're really not helping your cause by pointing out you didn't have the lowest score.

I guess I didn't think that she'd be around after the first cut because she is a reprehensible human being. She's loathsome. The only one more loathsome than her would be her ex-husband Jon Gosselin. He is truly a reprehensible human being. The two of them together were damn near unwatchable on their show, Jon & Kate Plus 8, where they exploited their eight children for profit. And when they were getting divorced? Holy crap, I thought that the tabloids and the media would never stop talking about either one of them. Her and her pain. Him and his fornicating dalliances. It was unbearable at one point. That's why it seems like a really good idea to me for Kate's routine on DWTS next week to be a Jon and Kate themed dance with Kate portraying her wicked self and her partner, a one Tony Dovolani, channeling the now rotund and rumored small penis sporting ex-husband Jon. Wait. What now?

Correct. According to the exclamatory folks over there at E! Online : "Kate will be transforming her recent tabloid troubles into a high-stepping dance routine." She will? Yes. She will. And according to Kate, "It's my story over the past two years. We're very, very excited." Um, no we're not.

How in the hell is that even possible? Is it Customs of Native America week on DWTS? And over the past two years? Why limit it to that? What? You can't figure out how to spin the yard of shooting six kids out of your uterus through the wonders of dance? Huh. Shocking. But why on earth would she choose the past two years? (Look, I know that the real question is why this nutjob would be choosing to do any part of her life as a dance routine. The answer to that is that she is a mentally imbalanced narcissist. Any other questions? Good. Now, back to the mocking...)

She's going to dance out her divorce from Jon? Oooh! Are the skanks that he was running around with going to be included in this routine? Because that I could get on board with a little bit. It'd definitely spice things up a bit. She could be all dancing with Tony/Jon and suddenly, some other dancer chick comes running up and boots her out of the way and sashays off the floor with Tony/Jon. Then if Kate laid there on the dance floor and cried for a while, that would make me happy. (Add a bit of running mascara and I'd be highly amused by it all.)


According to the E! Online folks, when asked how to describe said dance, Kate replied with "Dramatic" and Tony added "Lots of drama." That's when Kate felt the need to make clear "Oh my gosh, so much drama." Really, Kate? You had to throw that in? You think that we all don't know about your public trials and tribulations? You ruined a perfectly good summer for a lot of us by having to see your damn face on every gossip/entertainment magazine that we were trying to read whilst lying on the beach. Your entire existence over the past 2 years has been nothing BUT drama!! And now you're going to make us re-live the whole torrid ordeal by making us watch you dance it out?! Are you freaking kidding me?

I'm kind of guessing that she's still on the show because she's horrible and people want to watch her make a fool out of herself. (And if you saw last week's episode where she made her partner, Tony, so frustrated that at one point, he quit and walked out on her, then you know it was very entertaining!) But, of course, Kate (being Kate) says that "My dancing has a lot of work to do, and I'm the first to admit it. I'm not a quitter, I won't quit on this. I want to finish the dance." I don't know if you were the very first to admit it. But don't worry about quitting! It's perfectly all right! If that means that we don't have to look at your really weird fake hair and your forced smile anymore, feel free to quit! Quit away!

She also explains to us that "The frustrating thing for me is I can do it so well in practice that even I'm like, Wow! Did I just do that? Then I come out here and I'm like, Whaaa!" Um, I don't even know what that means, really. Whatever it is, it's unbelievable. And also whatever it is, I certainly don't want it explained to me through a series of dance moves. Because that would be what? Completely asinine, that is correct.

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