Monday, January 30, 2012

That's Not Going To Help

In one of the more ridiculous rules that I've heard implemented in a school, the NY Daily News tells us about a rule that was implemented in order to curb the usage of cell phones during class. Apparently, the administration was completed stumped as to what to do with kids when they are on their cell phones in class. So they did the only thing that they could think of. That's right. They banned Uggs. Wait.

That's right. The fuzzy footwear worn by famous metrosexuals such as Tom Brady has been banned
at Pottstown Middle School in Pottstown, PA after more than one student was caught hiding a cell phone in this particular sort of footwear. According to a letter that was sent home with the students, something called The Mercury tells us that the principal, a one Gail Cooper, wrote that “...we have been experiencing problems with some students wearing open top boots and carrying items in their boots that are prohibited in school.” And she also wrote that "...following several problems with these items, I have banned the outdoor, open top boots from our classrooms". Good Lord.

What I can't figure out here is how Ms. Cooper was able to work her way up to the position of middle school principal without knowing about pockets! Granted, I'm totally assuming that she doesn't know about pockets (and that most pants are bepocketed), but I can't think of any other explanation for what seems like an idiotic ban on something that won't even address the problem. Not to mention that there are plenty of other places on a person's person where one could conceal a cell phone if they wanted to. But Ms. Cooper doesn't seem to know about those either, hence her attacking the Uggs.

What is this woman going to ban next when she realizes that there are other ways to sneak one's cell phone into class? Clearly, bras will be out. As will socks and, really, any kind of footwear. As far as their pants go, I guess the kids will all have to wear Speedos or mankinis. Boys won't be allowed to wear shirts and the girls will just have to have on some sort of leotard like gymasts wear. Look forward to a school full of pre-pubescent boys clad in Speedos wearing flip-flops! That'll do it! Sure, they'll get chilly during the winter months, but it's clearly the ONLY way to stop kids from bringing their cell phones into class. Right?

Wrong. I'm still confused as to why this has come down to this. It seems very simple. If the rule is that you don't use a cell phone in class, then you just take the cell phones of those who break the rule. The first time, they can have the phone back at the end of class. The second time, they can have the phone back at the end of the day. And the third time, they can have the phone back at the end of the school year. Problem solved. And you can do all of that AND wear Uggs at the same time! It's like a footwear miracle!

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