Thursday, January 5, 2012


Well, it's official. Chaz Bono is saving up to buy a new wang!

For those of you who may have been blissfully living under a rock somewhere and are unaware of this situation, may I be the first to say congratulations. (And second, can I join you?) Let me bring you up to speed. Chaz is the new man name of Chastity Bono, the daughter of Cher and the late Sonny "Look Out For That Tree" Bono, who decided she was really a dude and has been transitioning toward the goal of becoming a dude. Chaz has been doing this by taking proactive measures such as having both breasts lopped off after his/her 40th birthday and taking male hormones such as testosterone. (Wow. All I did after my 40th birthday was be 40. And I did so with all of the parts that I turned 40 with!) And if you've seen this person lately, you could easily get the impression that part of this transition involved this person eating Chastity. Behold!

Yeah, that's a big person right there. But back to the penis. While Chaz has taken several steps toward becoming a guy, Chaz has not yet opted to have a penis attached or Velcroed on or however that works. But I guess that Chaz is finally ready to make the plunge and has told Rolling Stone all about it! See, you can get the surgery done fairly basic or you can add on some options. So, I guess it's like buying a car or something. (Get one with air conditioning, Chaz! And power windows! You don't want to have to crank that thing by hand!) And really, how many options are there and what are they for? I mean, I don't have a penis of my own, but from what I understand, they only do a couple of things. How many options are really necessary for those things?

According to an article over at The Daily Mail, Chaz told Rolling Stone, "I could get a phalloplasty, which builds the phallus from a donor site on your body, but I'm currently leaning more towards a metoidioplasty". OK. Hold on just a minute here. I don't know what in the world a 'metoidioplasty' is and I'm not sure that I'm all that concerned about it at the moment. That's because I'm way more focused on the part about where they grow you a new wiener from a donor site on your body! What the what?! Like where exactly? I guess they could grow it behind the ear. Granted, you wouldn't be able to put pencils there any more. You know, because of all of the penis that was there. But I suppose it could be done. Wait. Why am I being so complacent all of a sudden?! We're talking about growing a penis on another part of the human body! There should be no complacency!

OK, just calm down. (I wasn't talking to you. It was more for me.) But wait. There's more! The article also goes on to quote: "It's a process that uses what you already have down there, which has grown larger from the testosterone." Umm...can I just be the first one to say EW! See, because I have lady parts and they seem to be at a lovely ratio the way that they are. I can't imagine them growing larger (and you can't make me imagine it, either!). He also seems to think that when it' know...soft that it's about three inches. Again, the thought of someone's lady parts being three inches long is just wrong on many different levels. Chaz is also stated that " grows considerably....I don't know what the average difference is, but when I'm having sex I probably get three or four times larger." Really? Three to four times larger? I find that hard (no pun intended) to believe. Don't get me wrong. I'm not asking for proof or anything. I'm just saying that those seem like lofty goals.

Bono also admitted in the article that his ex-girlfriend was against him going through with the "bottom surgery". That's really not all that surprising considering that Chaz was going out with this chick when he was still and chick. Her being a lesbian doesn't really seem like it would bode well for an individual who wants to grow their own penis. I guess I'm surprised that she stuck around as long as she did. I mean, it's kind of inevitable that a woman who wants to be a man will one day want a penis. Am I really saying all of this? I need to stop this. Now. Good Lord.

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1 comment:

Scott Jacobs said...

Here... Because I'm just that kinda guy, that I would share...

"Metoidioplasty, sometimes referred to as a meto or meta or spelled "metaoidioplasty", is an alternative to phalloplasty for trans men.[1] With the effects of testosterone treatment, the clitoris enlarges, over time, to an average of 4–5 cm [2] (due to the clitoris and penis being developmentally homologous organs).

In a metoidioplasty the enlarged clitoral tissue is released from its position and moved forward to more closely approximate the position of a penis. Oklahoma physician Dr. William David Foerester was one of the first U.S. surgeons to perform this technique on trans men.[citation needed]

Metoidioplasty is technically simpler than a phalloplasty, and has fewer complications. The surgery itself is also considerably shorter (2–3 hours vs. 8–10 hours overall) and it is much less expensive. Unlike a phalloplasty, an erectile prosthesis is not needed to achieve erection, although the erection is usually less hard compared to the penis of a cisgender man. Because metoidioplasty can not achieve penile dimensions comparable to a cisgender penis, the neopenis is usually not capable of penetrative sexual intercourse. Genital orgasm is almost always retained after surgery (unlike phalloplasty which carries significant risk of loss of erogenous sensation).