Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Literally, The Worst Answer Ever

Could someone please tell Rick Perry to quit while he's behind (and I mean very behind) and just get out of the Republican Presidential nominee race as soon as he can. If he's not going to do that, could someone at least explain to him how to use "literally" correctly in a sentence. (Here's a hint: It does not mean "figuratively".)

In Saturday's debate (which was a complete debacle in terms of any sort of substantive issues being raised, thanks to the overly proud of himself and his lefty stance, George Stephanopolous), Rick Perry stated "I would send troops back into Iraq." Wow! Really, Rick? You're going for this nomination by touting the re-start the war in Iraq platform? We've spent eight years trying to get the hell out of there and you're saying that you would unequivocally put us back there? That's a brave, albeit asinine, position to state. Out loud. Well, I guess you can't accuse him of pandering with that sort of stance. I will give him that.

And why does he want to send troops back into Iraq, you ask? He continues by explaining: "We're going to see Iran, in my opinion, go back in at literally the speed of light." Oh, Lord. Where to begin? I suppose I should start by saying that is literally the worst usage of the word 'literally' that I have ever heard. I think that if you think that the Iranians can go into Iraq at "literally the speed of light" then you are probably literally unqualified to be President. And I guess that if you interpret what he's saying to mean that we need to keep our eye on Iran just so that they don't go getting all froggy over there, well that's one thing. But if he's saying that Iran has the capability to go into Iraq at literally the speed of light, well then, we're screwed. If that's the case, I suggest that we all bow down to our new Iranian overlords right now because we, ladies and gentlemen, have been bested in the "Troops Having The Speed of Light" category.

Holy crap. Now, whether or not he actually meant literally isn't exactly the point here. (And that's mainly because I'm praying to God that he just doesn't know what 'literally' means. Literally.) The point here is that he sounds like a complete tool box. Go back into Iraq? Yeah, that's a winning platform there. I literally want him to drop out before the next debate.

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