Sunday, September 4, 2011

I Am Unaware Of Your Status Meaning

Once again, the Facebook has angered me. And it has done so in the exact same way that it has angered me in the past. I don't understand how there can be a Facebook "trend" (or whatever you want to call it) that is supposed to "raise awareness", but at the same time with the goal of keeping certain people in the dark. That's right. It's time for the "breast-cancer-awareness-status-update-that-only-women-know-about." Idiots.

I knew something was up when one of my FB friends (someone who I knew in high school) posted her status as "3 weeks and craving bubble gum". OK, now while it wouldn't be totally impossible for this chick to be preggers, it would be a bit unusual. I was also unaware that someone could know that they were three weeks pregnant. Then again, I've never been pregnant (thank God), so maybe there have been developments. But I realized that something was up when I saw another one of my FB friends (again, someone from high school) post her status as "18 weeks and craving lollipops!" Again, would not be totally impossible for this chick to be knocked up (but in a "good" way), but two people of the same non-traditional child bearing age posting a similar status within days of each other? Yeah, this wasn't pregnancy. This was stupidity.

I got on the Google and did a little looking around. Turns out, this is just another one of those status updates that only women are supposed to be posting and the men are supposed to just be completely boggled about. Can I just start by saying that I am so completely over this division between men and women where the women end up being the superior being and the men are just these clueless, blundering idiots? This trend seems to have started on American TV sitcoms and worked its way into the general thinking of the American public. (Maybe you people in other countries treat your men like dumbasses also. I don't know. But what I do know is that it goes on here far more than I'm comfortable with.)

Here's how it works: The part of your status with the number of weeks is supposed to represent the month that you were born. Now wait! Before you go getting all know-it-all on me and thinking that you know which numbers represent the month that you were born in, think again! The chart goes like this:

Jan - 1 week
Feb - 2 weeks
March- 3 weeks
April- 4 weeks
May - 6 weeks
June- 8 weeks
July- 10 weeks
August- 12 weeks
September-13 weeks
October -14 weeks
November-16 weeks
December -18 weeks

That's right. It starts off just fine and then becomes ridiculous. What happened to all of the odd numbers after the 3? I don't know either. And if you're wondering what this has to do with breast cancer or breast cancer awareness, keep wondering. It clearly has nothing to do with it. (Oh, and if you're wondering why the men are supposed to be clueless about what all of this means, keep wondering about that as well. No idea. And there's no rationale given anywhere.)

Then comes the next part; the part about what you're "craving". That item is represented by the date that you were born. Here's the asinine chart for that (and if you think that you're going to know what all of these things are, you would be wrong):

Skittles -1
Starburst -2
Kit Kat -3
M&M's - 4
Galaxy -5
Crunchie -6
Dairy Milk - 7
Lollipop - 8
Randoms -9
Twirl -11
Kinda Bueno-12
Dime- 14
Lion -15
Wispa - 16
Freddo - 18
Milkyway -19
Milky bar -20
Creme egg - 21
Skittles - 22
Fruitellas - 23
Haribo -24
Fruit pastels - 25
Starburst -26
Mini eggs -27
Kit kat chunkie -28
Wines gums -29
Smarties - 30
Snickers -31

Congratulations if you know what some of these things are. Bonus points if you realize that "Chunky" (for 28) is spelled wrong. Also, if you wondered why they put "Wines gums" instead of "winegum" or the more realistic (and something that people have actually heard of) "Swedish Fish", then you and I are on the same page (provided that you realized this after looking up what in the hell "Wines gums" were in the first place). Also, it's KINDER Bueno, you dumbasses. (And while I've never heard of it, it does look fairly delicious. Good thing I wasn't going around looking for a Kinda Bueno or I never would have found one.)

HOW does this raise awareness about breast cancer? It doesn't! It's just one more thing that people do so that they can feel good about doing "something" when in reality, they aren't doing anything. You want to raise awareness about breast cancer? How about you post a status that says "It's breast cancer awareness month. Please be aware of breasts." or something like that? And if you REALLY want to raise awareness, what say you raise awareness of women AND men? Aside from the fact that men can get breast cancer as well, it's not like breast cancer has nothing to do with men. Do these dip s***s think that if a guy's wife/mother/sister/aunt/cousin/daughter/grandmother gets breast cancer that it has nothing to do with the guy? That the guy is totally unaffected? What the hell is THAT all about?

Man, this chaps my ass. Maybe I'm missing something here, but I don't think so. And just to be clear, I'm not "offended" by this. I'm annoyed by it. Again, it does nothing, but the people who are doing nothing have convinced themselves that they are doing something. And regardless as to what they think they are doing, nothing would ever get done if everything were tackled in this fashion. If you want to raise awareness about breast cancer, what say you just talk about it to women and men. Nothing raises my awareness about something faster than having someone talk to me about it. Shocking, I know.

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prov3130grl said...

HA! at least I'm not the only one who feels this way - my friend and I were just talking about this last night. completely ridiculous!

Mare said...

Hey, prov3130grl!

Yes, it's the dumbest thing ever. And yet, the friends of mine who posted it don't seem dumb. That's what I don't get. Why do otherwise seemingly reasonable people DO this? And likewise, I'm glad I'm on the only one who feels this way!

Thanks for reading!

~ Mary

Deguello said...

Why do otherwise seemingly reasonable people DO this?

The hipness of being in the know and showing said hipness to other knowers, is my guess.

I just changed my status to 0 weeks and craving filet mignon.

-- Mark

Mare said...

Mark, that is hilarious!

~ Mare

Juliana said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this is made to make men feel stupid (What's the point?) And how is this in any way raising breast cancer awareness?? Breast cancer devestates men's lives as well. It makes it childish and exusionary.