Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Weiner Proposal

For those of you who don't have the "pleasure" of living in or nearby San Francisco, the land of fruits and nuts, let me just warn you about something. If you go to San Francisco, the chances are greater than average (as compared to other cities of the same size) that you're going to see a penis. That's because walking around naked in San Francisco is still legal. But all that's about to change! Oh, of course they're not going to make you put pants (or a shirt) on. But they are contemplating making you have to put something between yourself and any sort of receptacle that you sit on so that other people who sit there aren't sitting where your bare ass just was.


Now, when I tell you that this law is being proposed by a Scott Weiner, please refrain from any chuckling and/or guffawing that may arise (pun probably intended). According to the stupidvisor supervisor (and the Daily Mail), "...the legislation would ensure that public health standards are met by requiring nudists to put a towel or similar item between their body and a public seat." And while I think that I appreciate that, I think that would I would appreciate more is requiring people to at least wear pants.

I guess I find it difficult to believe that "public health standards" are met if someone is naked in public. That doesn't seem like they'd be met at all. And while San Francisco likes to bill itself as a liberal and tolerant city, I think that they're doing themselves more harm than good with this one. Letting people walk around naked is eventually going to hinder your city, especially if you're counting on tourism to bring the bucks into the city. I just don't want to be on any public street where there is at LEAST a 50/50 chance (and probably more like 75/25) that I'm going to see an unfamiliar wang. (Unfamiliar Wang. Not a bad name for a band.) And I still don't understand what the disservice would be done if the city were to require people to wear clothes in public. At the very least, a loincloth. Because in general, the types of people who are going to be walking around in public naked are not going to be those with a spectacular dingus. (Spectacular Dingus. Another good name for a band. Maybe they could open for Unfamiliar Wang.) Put some damn clothes on!

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