Monday, January 17, 2011

Fashion Do's And Don't At The Golden Globes

I love me an awards show. And the Golden Globes is no exception. And since the Golden Globes was last night, let's get started on the fashion critique, shall we? (As I tend to do with these sorts of posts, I readily admit that I am far from a fashion monger. Fashion mongrel would be more like it. That being said, I shall now commence pointing out the good, the bad and the wtf of last night.)

Let's start off with the always lovely Sandra Bullock. You know what Sandra Bullock does best? Be Sandra Bullock, that is correct. Why she felt the need to channel Cher with her look is beyond me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying a bad word about Sandra Bullock. I'm just saying that I like her better when she looks like Sandra Bullock.

Here we have a one Michelle Williams (was she ever anything besides Heath Ledger's girlfriend?) wearing what appears to be her shower curtain. It's very odd. I don't know, maybe she was running late. That pixie hairdo isn't helping much. (When did that come into fashion? Does anyone think that's a good idea? I mean, for women? It's fine on men. It doesn't do much for the allure of a woman, however.)

Speaking of who might have been running late, what's the deal with Helena Bonham Carter's get up? She has some sort of Prince circa-Purple Rain dealio going on with her hair. She also seems to be wearing two different dresses. It's almost as if she couldn't decide. She's definitely wearing two different colored shoes, neither of which color go with whatever that outfit is. Even the guy standing behind her looks confused. Behold!

While Angelina Jolie is just so damned perfect that it really rubs me the wrong way, there is absolutely no denying that she looked absolutely stunning in the sparkly green number that she showed up in.

Newly knocked up Natalie Portman decided to go with an outfit that would absolutely draw attention. It's not necessarily for the right reasons, but while you're wondering what in the world that rose is doing right there (it is a rose, isn't it?) it does help you forget for a few moments that she is preggers. Kind of makes you wonder if she bumped her head real hard to actually wear that out in public, but totally makes you forget she's got a bun in the oven.

Scarlett Johansson has this sort of windblown/Bride of Frankenstein thing going on with her hair. It's very distracting. It only mildly distracts one from that weird tattoo that she is sporting on her inner arm there. What is that? Let's's a...a sunrise? Is she sure?

I don't think that's a sunrise. I'm going to need a close up.

Yeah, no. No, that's not a sunrise. (It's hideous is what it is. Wow. That's really bad.) Moving on...Remember Katey Sagal? Peg Bundy from Married With Children? Oh, go ahead and admit it! We all watched it! It's OK to admit it now. Here's a refresher:

Yeah, that was never a good look. But Ms. Sagal won a Golden Globe last night for best actress in a drama in something called Sons of Anarchy which is apparently on FX. And holy crap, she didn't look anything like Peg Bundy. Behold!

Yowza. Nice job! And congratulations for winning the Golden Globe and for wearing something respectable!

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Mark said...

I blame you people who watch these things for the continuation of the "look at us, we're like your royalty" self-aggrandizement events.

But Angelina Jolie is more smoking hot than one woman has the right to be.

Scott Jacobs said...

I would do such dirty things to Katey Sagal...

Juliana said...

I must admit, I would consider going gay for Jolie....

Mare said...

Mark, in my defense, I usually don't watch these things and tend to get my fashion info from the Internets. I will admit watching the Golden Globes this time, however, but only because I wanted to hear Ricky Gervais do his thing. I'm happy with that choice. The gay Scientology joke made it worth it.

~ Mare

Scott Jacobs said...

It was so funny because there are so many he could have been talking about... :)

Anonymous said...

Michelle Williams is an Oscar nominated actor! A very good person also. I hope you get to meet her so you can see how she does not deserve your stupid comments. Really is this what you do with your life? Write articles on how much YOU dislike someone else's clothes? Sad! Its a free country honey, anyone can wear what you want. I would rather wear an ugly outfit than an ugly attitude like you any day. BTW Michelle has ultra short hair(Which according to yahoo is the hot new look of the year) because she just played Marylin Monroe and had to have her roots dyed every 5 days to keep them platinum and her hair started breaking off because it was fried. Next year she is going to win an Oscar for that role, you will see. MW and Heath Ledger are/were awesome people to work along side with. she has a beautiful soul.So did he. Go away and write something important already.

Mare said...

Hey, Anonymous.

Wow. Someone is REALLY into Michelle Williams. And that's fine. Unlike you, I'm not going to call that stupid, nor am I going to tell you to go away and like someone more important. No, I'm going to act like a grown-up here and let you have your opinion.

And thanks for reading! I appreciate it!

~ Mare

Scott Jacobs said...

Also, Mary, MW is apparently a man...

So suggests "her" biggest fan.

"Michelle Williams is an Oscar nominated actor"

Also, you know who else has a beautiful soul?

Fat, ugly people...

At least, that's what the friends who set me up on every blind date told me. Every. Single. Time.

Them: "She's got a great personality..."

Me: "So what's her gravitational constant?"