It's Getting A Little Squirrelly Over At NPR

I have to admit, I really don't know what to think about this one. Either I'm missing the point or someone else is completely insane. Both very distinct possibilities.

So over there at The Denver Post there's a story about public radio station KRCC. Public radio is financially dependent on donations from its listeners. Twice a year, KRCC holds a pledge drive in order to raise those their funds. For some reason, KRCC wants people to donate early. They want people to donate early so badly that the station "...likes to offer members a thank-you gift" for those who do donate before the pledge drive actually starts. I guess the reasoning being that maybe you will be more likely to donate if you're getting something in return. (Of course, that's usually called 'buying', but I'm really not going to argue semantics with NPR.) Some years they've given out symphony tickets. Other years they've given out museum passes. This year they're giving out neither symphony tickets, nor museum passes.

This year they're giving out squirrel underpants.

Behold!

Uh, underpants for what? Oh, for squirrels? REAL squirrels?! OK, see, squirrels don't need underpants. They're squirrels! What the hell?

According to one KRCC general manager (and future mental patient) Delaney Utterback, "They are really tiny cotton underwear," Well, I imagined they would be if they were for squirrels! I wasn't having a problem with the term "squirrel underpants". I was having a problem with why anyone would want squirrel underpants, even if they're a squirrel! What are they going UNDER?? Nothing! That's right! Because they're squirrels!! They don't wear pants! Thus, they don't need underpants! They're pantsless all the way around!

What am I missing? Perhaps it is the distributor of said squirrel underpants, the "Seattle based oddity peddler Archee McPhee." Just in case you're unfamiliar with that particular product distributor, I will tell you that Archee McPhee is also the "purveyor of the inflatable fruitcake and the unisex prosthetic chest hair" and markets the rodent undergarments as "The underpants squirrels prefer!" Good Lord. Wait. What?!

Behold!

(Side note: They also have inflatable toast!)

I should mention that the Squirrel Underpants are apparently not just for squirrels. Oh, no! No, it's claimed that they're " Also good for hamsters, frogs and gerbils!" (You know, I'm going to disagree! Hamsters, frogs and gerbils are all quite a bit different from each other, let alone from the squirrel! Besides, they have a three inch waist. If you have a frog with a 3-inch waist, you've got quite a problem on your hands and I don't think underpants are going to fix it. And I will again reiterate that we are talking about underpants for squirrels! Think about that!)

For some reason, the Denver Post article also informs us that "The 100-percent cotton tighty-whiteys have a 3-inch waist and are machine-washable." Well, good. I'll be sure to let the squirrel know because I am not doing his laundry! He's on his own!

Below is a one Jennifer Newman. She is (currently) the membership coordinator for KRCC. (No word on whether or not she'll still be the membership coordinator after endorsing the Squirrel Underpants promotion.) She says that it's true! Every early pledge donor will receive at no extra cost and theirs to keep as their free gift, a package of Squirrel Underpants! Hurry and pledge today! Operators are standing by!

OK, OK, that's enough of this! What are they doing?! Is the "Squirrel Underpants" novelty just such a...a....OK, a novelty that they're willing to be that their early pledges just go through the roof by giving away these things? I mean, novel they may be, but they sell for $6.95 each. I'm guessing that symphony tickets or museum tickets were a bit more than seven bucks. Even still, all I'm saying is that I just don't know that they're a tool for economic prosperity in the public radio industry. That's all.

Not only are the Squirrel Underpants available at Archee McPhee's website, the Squirrel Underpants have their own website! (Of course they do.) Squirrelunderpants.com, where they ask you to "Help a squirrel hide his nuts for the winter." It is there that you will learn that they are endorsed by S.A.D., which stands for Small Animal Decency. (Of course it does.) And of course you know that they have their own website as well.

The S.A.D. website claims to be "...an organization that works to keep animal nudity away from the eyes of innocents." Good Lord.... They also claim that "...you don't have to be human to experience shame." And while I'm sure that may be true for all of the pantsless squirrels running around the forests of the world, it's still unclear to me as to whether the Squirrel Underpants would remove the shame or if they would induce it. Tough call, really.

So what have we learned? Not enough from our past, I'll tell you that much. But from this, we've learned that the NPR station in Colorado is betting the farm that the naked squirrel epidemic will result in a stampede of pledges never before seen in our lifetime (or something like that). We've also learned that to some, hamsters, gerbils and frogs can be similar enough to a squirrel that they can mix and match their clothing. (Sort of like a real life version of Garanimals!) And while that may be some of what we've learned, what has been apparently forgotten is that squirrels are animals. Animals, as a general rule, don't need clothes. They're animals!

But KRCC does need donations, so don't let my little hang-ups about keeping the denizens of the forest unclothed stop you from giving as generously as you feel like if that's what you're so inclined to do. And if you do, lemme know how those Squirrel Underpants are working out for that special squirrel in your life.

Sphere: Related Content

The Comfort of Our Lucky Underpants

That Calvin is a wise chap. No, not John Calvin, the guy who helped develop Reformed theology, otherwise known as Calvinism. No, not Calvin Klein, the guy who helped develop the jeans that make your ass look good. Calvin as in Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin can be quite sage-like with his words of wisdom. Turning to him for such wisdom is oddly helpful at times. I don't know why it seems to help, nor do I know the full extent to which it seems to help. But it does.

The key word in the understanding of how Calvin (or anything else utilized in this fashion, really) helps is "seems". As I just said, I don't know if it does help or not. But it "seems" to. Sometimes, things can "seem" to be good, but it turns out that maybe they weren't so good after all. And other times, things can "seem" to be bad, but it turns out that they're not as bad as you thought they were. The thing about "seeming" is that it might not be what you think, which gives a possibility that the situation can change. Whichever is the case, Calvin "seems" to help out.

It's hard to say in which situation the Calvin Comfort theory is the most effective. Most likely, it's when things seem to be good and then they head south that you'd want to induce a little Calvin. I mean, when things seem like they're just a disaster, they usually turn out to be not as bad as they were perceived. (Well, not at first. At first, a disaster is a disaster. But in taking time for a second or a third look, you might see that it wasn't as bad as you'd thought.) Now, when things are good and then turn not so good, it's harder than things that just suck from the beginning.

When it goes from good to not so good for reasons that seem to indicate it can't be better until it's worse, well, that's even harder. That's when you're going to need something other than continually, questioning or wondering WTF? That's when you need to stop trying to figure out why and just try to figure out how. How to deal. How to cope. How to help.

And while Calvin can't fix it either (because it might not be something that's fixable or sometehing that really even needs fixing), he can help you find perspective through words that are oddly inspiring, considering that they come from a comic strip kid who talks to a stuffed tiger that talks back.

Calvin's one sentence statement to Hobbes below sums up exactly how things feel when they seem to be not so great; things feel as if nothing that we have going for us is making a difference at that particular time; not even our lucky rocketship underpants. But Hobbes knows that not everything out there is able to be impacted by us. And he knows that sometimes it's not going to matter what we do because it's not a matter of doing, it's a matter of waiting. And that makes sense.

It seems to help, even if just a little bit, because if Hobbes can see that Calvin wishes that things were different, that's enough for us to hope that someone else will notice that we wished that things were different too. And just like how Hobbes is there for Calvin, and Calvin is there for us, it makes us want to let someone else know that we're there for them. Whether it's just taking time to listen or making sure that they know we're their friend or that we just wish we could help things to get better, there's that hope that it's known that we want it to be different too, and we'll stand by 'em while they figure things out. With or without our underpants.

Sphere: Related Content