What Next?

I love it when this stuff just practically writes itself. So, I was reading an article over there at People.com about Natalie Portman and her latest movie, Black Swan. It's some sort of a ballerina thriller, whatever that is supposed to mean. (I wouldn't have thought that was even possible before this movie and since I haven't seen it yet, I'm still not convinced.) They quote the recently knocked up Ms. Portman as saying, "Everyone was so worried about who was going to want to see this movie...I remember them being like, 'How do you get guys to a ballet movie? How do you get girls to a thriller?' And the answer is a lesbian scene. Everyone wants to see that."

I can't say I really disagree with her on that one. Who doesn't like a couple of chicks making out? Every guy I know finds it completely enthralling. And I, myself, find it very enjoyable. But it turns out that every guy and myself are not representative of the commenters over there at People.com. And we are certainly not representative of one specific commenter.

Allow me to share with you the comments of a one Patricia Eation. Ms Eation commented "Sick, sick, sick. Portman needs to revise her statement to read, "only the sick minded loves a lesbian sex scene". Have the "gays" taken over the entertainment industry? Next they'll be gay rappers! Bottom line, STOP trying to force a twisted choice of couples on everyone. I will never accept a behavior that God hates". Wait. What now?

Gay rappers?! What the hell does that even mean? How is it that a couple of fictional ballerinas end up making out in a movie will lead to rappers being gay? I'm failing to see the connection, but I'm finding it absolutely hilarious. Gay rappers. OK, then. (I also don't know why she has "gays" in quotation marks. Is she implying that if Hollywood had, in fact, been overtaken by homosexuals, they would be fake homosexuals, thus necessitating the usage of quotes around 'gays'? I don't get that at all. But I find gay rappers to be so absolutely hysterical so I'm going to overlook it.)

I'm going to try to work that into conversation whenever a topic comes up that folks find simply unbelievable. I'm just going to slowly shake my head and say, "I know. I can't believe it. Next thing you know, there'll be gay rappers." It's going to be great. I've needed a new project for a while now. And I believe I've found it!

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Tit for Teat

Oh, can we please have more Senators who say things like Charles (Chuck) Grassley, R-Iowa? Pleeeeaaasssseeee?? I have never heard this man's name before yesterday. I have no idea what he does, what he has done, what he wants to do, none of it. But I know that if he's going to keep talking, I'm going to keep listening because I find the man to be bluntly amusing.

Apparently, when discussing the AIG debacle during an interview on Monday, Senator Grassley voiced his opinion on what he felt that some of the AIG executives should be doing now that they've run AIG into the ground and gladly accepted their bazillion dollar bonus, essentially for doing so. He is apparently a fan of Japanese culture and would like to see some of their practices implemented. Here's what he had to say:

"The first thing that would make me feel a little better towards them, if they had followed the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow, and say I‘m sorry. And then either do one or two things, resign or go commit suicide."

So, Senator, tell us how you really feel about it! And that is not a sarcastic statement in the least! I'm serious. That's awesome. I mean, granted, I'd really prefer that they be strung up in the town square somewhere and have the townsfolk get some sort of 'human pinata' thing going on, but whatever. As long as there is punishment that involves bodily pain and/or harm, I'd like to hear more about it.

In response to Sen. Grassley's comments, CNN Political Ticker reports that "A spokesman for AIG called Grassley's initial comments "very disappointing." "

Disappointing? You know what I find "disappointing"? The pissing away of bazillions of dollars given to you by myself and every other taxpayer in this country! Personally, I think they got off easy with a "go kill yourself" comment. Most people, given the opportunity to voice their opinion on what the AIG executives should do, would tell them to go and eff themselves. And if the AIG spokesman was "disappointed" by that suggestion, I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled with the follow-up suggestion, involving a two word directive phrase that rhymes with "Duck foo".

But as you can guess, people freaked out over the suggestion that "the best and the brightest" go off themselves. Grassley was asked by MSNBC's David Shuster, "Senator, it‘s a pretty harsh statement. Do you stand by it?" To which Grassley replied, "I hope you recognize rhetoric. And I shouldn‘t even have to answer that question." Nice response. I was hoping for a little 'duck foo', but that's good.

Well, he spoke again the day after that comment and the folks over there at The Washington Post summarized his apology as: "Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley (R) walks back his call for AIG executives either resign or commit suicide by using the word "tit" to describe the situation. Good times." Wait. (Pause for laughter.) He said what?

The man is apparently a big fan of that rhetoric he spoke of. Now mind you, he was still trying to apologize. And he started off just fine with, "Of course, I don't want people to commit suicide but I do want an attitude within corporate America that's similar to what they have in corporate Japan in which people that run a corporation into the ground have violated their trust with the stock holders and maybe even with the taxpayer, they take a very deep bow, they apologize, they're remorseful, they're contrite."

But his apology kind of came off the rails a bit when he said, "“From my standpoint, it’s irresponsible for corporations to give bonuses, at this time, when they are so sucking the tit of the taxpayer.” Oh, boy. I'm sure you can guess how that went over. To once again quote The Washington Post, Good times.

I'm sure that doesn't sound all that great to some folks, but I do recognize it as a farm/farm-ish saying. It wasn't meant to be obscene or disgusting or anything like that. Though I do believe that the pronunciation is more of that like "teat" than it is of "tit". You know, you say tom-ay-tit, I say tom-ay-teat. It's very common. But not from Senators. And not when they're apologizing. That's uncommon, for sure.

I'll give him this, he's efficient. In a span of technically less than 24 hours, he managed to tell a bunch of AIG teat suckers to kill themselves. That's a lot of ground to cover in that amount of time. Well done, Senator!

There must be an astounding folks with ADHD in this country because it's the only thing that can explain how we can go from discussing a massive financial crisis that has the country's economy on the edge to suddenly worrying if someone's comment was "harsh". Do folks really lose their focus that quickly over something so mundane? Hey, the world's economy is about to crumble, but for God's sake people, let's be polite about it?! I don't think so! These AIG folks ran the company into the ground and are now getting millions of dollars in bonuses! I don't care if Senator Grassley had used a moniker which suggested that those folks regularly engage in maternal fornication, we need to focus! Focus!! Because if people continue to get sidetracked on crap that doesn't matter, then the crap that does matter won't get taken care of and then the only thing that all of us will be able to focus on are empty bank accounts. So just forget about what he said and go out there and get my money back from those tit suckers!

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