Dos And Don'ts Of Defending A Pedophile

I have a few more thoughts about the ongoing trial of "alleged" child molester and child rapist, Jerry Sandusky.  Again, I realize that the defense has to come up with something, anything, in order to try and get this guy off (no pun intended).  But I just find their particular lines of defense so incredibly ridiculous.  Granted, it could be because I think the guy is obviously guilty (not to mention that I also think that people at Penn State obviously knew about his disgusting endeavors and covered it up in order to not damage their prized football program), but it could also be because it's just lame. 

One angle that defense attorney Joe Amendola is taking is to imply that the guys who are asserting that Jerry Sandusky sexually abused them when they were small children  are simply doing it for financial gain.  I kind of think that if that were the case, there would be a hell of a lot more than the nine or ten men who have come forward.  And by the way, should he be found guilty, those guys absolutely should sue Penn State and him for as much as they can possibly get.  I'm not one for frivolous lawsuit filing, but this is hardly frivolous.  If you're going around and systematically and methodically sexually abusing small boys and then threatening them and scaring the ever living crap out of them if they were to tell, you deserve to have every single penny you currently have dispersed amongst your victims.  And if you're the sort of college whose employees help cover up a pervert like this, that college, as well as those particular employees, deserves to have its coffers bled dry as well. 

The other angle that Mr. Amendola is taking is to ask these defense witnesses if they ever saw anything inappropriate take place.  Of course they didn't!  These things don't happen out in public!  It's like if you accuse someone of being a pervert and their reply is, "I'm not a pervert."  Well, that's like the pervert motto!  Of course that's what you're going to say! 

Mr. Amendola even put Mr. Sandusky's wife, Dottie, on the stand yesterday.  Now, I don't know if Mrs. Sandusky knew what was going on and just turned a blind eye to the whole thing or if she was really kept in the dark all of these years.  But considering that it would seem that he was caught on at least two different occasions by a couple of people at Penn State, I'm going to go ahead and assume that those weren't the only two times that someone caught on to his whole act and chose not to say anything.  She was asked by prosecutor Joe McGettigan why the men might lie in making the accusations that they have made.  According to Fox News, that question "...appeared to stump her" and she answered "I don't know what it would be for," she said, with a slight shake of her head."  Of course you don't know what it would be for!  Because there is not a reason to lie about this!  You think that people are really going to perjure themselves and say that they were raped when they were little boys in the hopes of a possible financial settlement?  I don't think that's going to happen. 


For some reason, the defense also chose to put on the stand a one psychologist, Elliott Atkins, "...who told jurors he believes Jerry Sandusky has a personality disorder that might explain letters addressed to one of his accusers".  You know, I'm pretty sure that anyone who did the things that Mr. Sandusky is accused of absolutely has some sort of personality disorder.  That's a given!  And I don't know that a grown man writing what essentially amount to love letters to a young boy needs to be classified with some sort of official diagnosis.  You know, the term "freaking weird" is definitely underutilized in the legal field these days.  "Freaking weird" pretty much covers it (and does so quite well). 
  

Finally, if you're the defense attorney in this case and you're asked by reporters if you're going to put your alleged scumbag client on the stand, what say you don't act like some hot shot director who has just been asked about his latest upcoming project and respond with an almost playful, "Stay tuned!"  And one more tip:  If you're said attorney for said alleged scumbag and you feel the need to make a comment about how you think the proceedings have been going, what say you don't say that it's been like a soap opera?  And then when you're asked which soap opera (Seriously, reporters?  How lame are you for asking such a lame ass question?), please don't say "All My Children" when we're talking about the sexual abuse of young boys.  Good Lord, why do I even have to mention that?!  WHY?!

Word seems to be right now that the defense lawyers are leaning toward putting Sandusky on the stand.  I cannot possibly imagine how that would go down other than being a complete disaster, but I think that I'd like to find out.  The previous interviews that he did with reporters were some of the most incriminating things that I've ever seen.  That is one train wreck that I will absolutely enjoy watching.  The only thing that will be better than that is when he's finally convicted.  Oh, but how I hope they allow cameras in the courtroom for the verdict.  I would really like to see his face when he finally gets what has been coming to him for far too long.  Allegedly.

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Have YOU Seen Chicago?

I just knew that Lindsay Lohan would be the gift that keeps on giving. I just didn't know that all of the gift giving was going to begin so soon! And this is only going to get better. See, she's not supposed to report to jail until July 20th, so the shenanigans have a full 8 days to really get a-hoppin'. And they're starting...now!


A HUGE thank you to the pop-culture minded folks over at PopEater for their article which allowed me to start my day with a huge smile. A big pile of awesome sauce was what that story consisted of. Allow me to share my joy with you and recap the gist of the article.

As I'm sure you remember with glee, when Lindsay was (theoretically) sentenced to 90 days in jail last week, she burst into tears as if she had learned that she just missed a happy hour. Meanwhile, the rest of the country burst out laughing. It's always nice to see a self-centered, almost washed up celebrity get their long overdue come-uppance. Always a pleasure, indeed.

But here's the thing: According to a one Rob Shuter who provided us with this humorous update over at PopEater, Lindsay isn't worried about jail anymore. Nope. That's not a problem for her. Why not? Oh, because she doesn't think she'll have to go, of course. According to the source (named "a friend of Lohan's"), "Lindsay has no intention of going to jail. The only thing that Lindsay did wrong was hire the wrong attorney and now she has fixed that." Oh, really?

I never would have thought that I would have had anything in common with Lindsay Lohan. But apparently, I do! See, I, too, have no intention of going to jail. We're practically sisters! Then again, the reason that I have no intention of going to jail is because I don't get popped for consecutive DUIs and then not manage to attend only 13 alcohol classes in 3 years and miss court dates because I'm at Cannes snorting coke with my friends du jour. Other than that, we're practically the same.

Please, please, please, no one tell Lindsay that she did a little more wrong than hiring the wrong attorney. Please. I love me a clueless bitch. When she does end up going to jail (and she wil), it will only make the spectacle that much more enjoyable for the rest of us. It will be like the Paris Hilton debacle all over again...only better! And we remember how good THAT was! Oh, it was awesome. The tears! The getting released early only to be taken back with more tears! The cries of "It's not fair!" as if she's a tantrumming four year old! It's all going to happen again, only in a rare form not usually seen more than once or twice a millennium. Set your DVRs!

Rob writes that "... now that her new lawyer is in place (her new lawyer being a one Stuart V. Goldberg of the Chicago Stuart V. Goldbergs), sources tell me Lindsay is confident she won't have to spend a minute in jail." Oh, awesome. I love false confidence! It's the best kind of confidence to have when that bubble gets burst!

But, come on! Lindsay isn't stupid. There's a reason for her confidence. The FOLL (Friend Of Lindsay Lohan) tells Rob, "She is paying her new lawyer a fortune to fix this mess. She doesn't care what it takes. If Lindsay needs to start a Facebook campaign or set up protests or something like that she is totally into it. They are treating Lindsay differently because she is a star, so it's about time she used her star power to help her. She's seen the movie 'Chicago' several times, so it's not like she doesn't know how this sort of thing works!" Um, wait. What now?

I'm just going to sit here for a minute and let that last sentence soak in a little bit. I can wait. I can wait and bask in the anticipatory glory that I will be bathed in when she goes to jail. Good Lord...

Let's take that from the beginning, shall we? She makes it sound like starting a "Facebook campaign" is going to do something. OK, granted, it got Betty White to host Saturday Night Live, but that was because there were over half a million people who joined the dang thing. You're be hard pressed to find half of a person that thinks that she shouldn't go to jail. And as for the protests, dear God, PLEASE do them! Please! I would have blog fodder for a week if that happened. The interviews with protesters? My God, the interviews! I could probably die the next day and feel that my life was full and fulfilled.

And I don't know that her "star power" is shining quite as bright as she thinks it is. Does she not realize that the majority of the country was laughing their ass off as she was crying her tears of disbelief? Yeah, they were. And how ironic is it that she doesn't want to be treated differently because she is a celebrity, but only under these circumstances. Oh, sure, she wants that celebrity status in every other aspect of her life, but not when it comes to the legal system? See, it doesn't quite work that way, LiLo, you twit. All you had to do was attend THIRTEEN classes. In THREE years! Is it because you can't count all the way to thirteen? Was that the problem?

And thank God that she's seen Chicago "several times"! Whew! I was beginning to think that she hadn't seen it at all! Look, I don't even know what that is supposed to mean, really. I've seen lots of movies several times, but rarely has that ever played a part in my real life. Multiple movie screenings are certainly not the reason why I'm not faced with going to jail, that I'm fairly certain of. (OK, Ferris Bueller's Day Off did teach me the proper way to go about hijacking a parade float, but other than that, I don't know that I've gained useful knowledge from my cinematic indulgences.)

I enjoy delusions of grandeur. This is going to be awesome. I did notice that there was only the mention of her thinking that she won't have to go to jail . There didn't seem to be any mention of the other part of her sentence that included her having to spend 90 days in rehab. Are there any movies about that upon which she can rely to get her out of rebab? Leaving Las Vegas? Oooh, no. That was probably a bad example. Anything else? No? Nothing? Awesome.

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