Yeah, But Can She Sing?

Breaking news about Eliot Spitzer's whore (aka ESW), Ashley Dupre.

According to the witty, witty folks over there at the New York Post, ESW has been "taking steps to get a real music career under way." (As opposed to all of the "fake music careers" that she's had underway before being outed as ESW?) Maybe they just meant music careers without managers. You know, like singing in the shower.

And I, for one, could not be more thrilled and I'll tell you why! This guy was the governor and he just happened to be a fairly popular governor. He was likely to be someone who was going to run for President of the US in the near future. He was a successful and well-liked politician whose career was on the upswing. Things were going his way. But then we started hearing about how his "encounters" with $2000k+ hookers had been discovered as a result of a Federal investigation into the finances of the escort agency (ie, Orifice Space for Rent) that he frequented. And he ended up having to resign as Governor of New York because he was getting a little whore-y with Ashley Dupre. So naturally, as I'm following all of this in the news, the first, the very first thing I thought to myself was, "Wow. I wonder if she can sing?"

WHO CARES?!!? ::::sigh:::: It's just one more sign we're doomed. Doomed, I say.
But if this is the case, that the secret wants and desires of the American public to have an ex-hooker cut an album are actually true, then it's underway alright! An "insider" has inside-dly told the New York Post that she has "...signed a manager to help guide her career." Her career? As something other than a hooker? Apparently so. It would seem that the hiree in this case would be a one Chris Lighty.

Chris Lighty , aka, ESW's Manager, is the guy behind something called Violator Management. Catchy. But just because you've never heard of it, as I hadn't, that doesn't mean that you haven't heard of some of his clients. And when you hear some of the names of people that he has represented and then you think of him representing ESW, you'll quickly see that it's just a perfect match, really. Here we go:

• We have Chris Light, the ESW Manager and Grand Poobah of Violator Management:

• Next we have some of his clients. There's Busta Rhymes:
  

• And 50 Cent:

• And Missy Elliott:

• And now, to add to that impressive list of clientele, Eliot Spitzer's whore:

Um, wait. One of these things is not like the others.

Good luck with that.

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Shoes Speak Louder Than Words

Ashley Dupre (pronounced, for no other reason than that's how she chose to say it, as Do-PRAY), is someone you may be familiar with, even if you don't recognize the name right away. She was the "escort" that "escorted" former New York City Governor Idiot Eliot Spitzer. Yep, that's her. Eliot Spitzer's whore. (Which would be a fabulous name for a band, don't you think? Eliot Spitzer's Whore. I like it. Now I just need a band.)

She prefers the term "escort" (and if you're a whore, wouldn't you prefer to be called just about anything but "whore"?) as opposed to "prostitute", but she seems to be in her own little world most of the time, so don't be surprised if her next self-appointed title is "rocket scientist". Whatever you call her, someone over there at ABC seems to think that people are interested in what she has to say. They seem to be putting a spin on Spitzer being caught frequenting hookers as her "bringing him down". (Now, I'm sure that someone "went down" in that relationship, but I'm thinking it was her, if you know what I mean. If you don't, it's OK. You will someday. Maybe. If it seems to be taking too long, you can always get a whore to show you.) And it was under that pretense that Diane Sawyer felt the need to interview her for half an hour! What can a hooker talk about for half an hour?! Or, at least, what can a hooker talk to Diane Sawyer about for half an hour that would make people want to listen to her? Not a lot, yet the interview went ahead.

Several things about this interview annoyed me. The first of which is Diane Sawyer and her "poor, innocent person stricken by unavoidable tragedy" voice. Why is she speaking to her like something awful has happened? Granted, being a hooker isn't the best career move for most and I can only imagine that it would, in fact, be awful. But when it's the kind of awful that's your own doing, do you still rate the "we're so sorry this happened to you" voice? I don't think you do. I think you give up being talked to with that voice when you make the decision, of your own free will, to become a hooker. It might be tragic, but it certainly is not unavoidable. You can not be a hooker. It's possible. Look at me! Look at you! Right now. Both of us! NOT being hookers!

(Side note: Diane Sawyer needs to either darken her hair color or spend some time in Sarah Palin's tanning bed. She's blending all together there. You can't see where her face starts and where her hairline ends.)

Next was the chosen attire of a one Ashley Dupre (aka ESW. Eliot Spitzer's Whore.). She looked like she raided the closets at the FLDS ranch. Diane Sawyer had more skin showing than the hooker did! :::shudder::: Are we supposed to be convinced that she's really a very demure, very conservative, very prudish, very non-sexual woman in that get up? Very not-hooker-ific? Because had we all not known that she was ESW, it might have worked. But if that were the case, how would it be explained that she was giving an interview with Diane Sawyer about prostitution? Exactly. It wouldn't. So what's with the outfit there, Ashley?

ESW claims that she didn't know that Spitzer was the Governor. She said he "looked familiar". (Probably because he was the Governor, don't you think?) She also said that when she watched his press conference (where he gave the I-have-been-busted-doing-something-really-stupid-and-I-must-now-stand-here-with-my-stupid-wife-at-my-side-and-try-to-apologize-and-sound-like-I-mean-it speech) that she felt "connected" to his wife, Silda. (Silda? Um, pretty.) She said she didn't feel connected to him. Both clear indications that, for a hooker, it would seem as if she was doing it all wrong!

ESW said that she could feel his wife's pain, the pain that she saw in her eyes. But she was making it sound as if she had no idea, NO idea, that the men that she was "escorting" might, just might, have had a wife, a girlfriend, a female in their life that was not a hooker. She acted as if this was the first time that she was inclined to think that these men might, just might, be cheating on someone else. I'm sure she was shocked, just shocked, at this startling reality. Whatever. (You might notice that her title isn't "Eliot Spitzer's Really Good At Lying Whore.")

Come on, anyone who watched this when it aired (it doesn't count if you're watching it online after the fact, like I am) was watching it for one reason and one reason only and it wasn't to hear about ESW talk about her feelings. They were watching for some down and dirty details of how the Governor liked it. They wanted the kinky, they wanted the dirty. They didn't want the details of ESW's childhood memories. They wanted the details of ESW's "escorting" the Governor into all sorts of different positions; that's what they wanted! And is that surprising? No! Of course not! It's like I said earlier, why else are you going to listen to a whore?

What I got out of this whole "interview" was this: If you're going to be a hooker, you're going to have some thinking patterns that are just not quite right. You're going to have to come up with ways to justify this to yourself (and others, should you be involved in a public scandal that involves a state's highest elected official). ESW's methods of justification were...well...let's just say that it's a good thing she was partial to what she was doing, otherwise she would have told herself that she's full of crap. For example, her justification for "continuing her career" as ESW was "I really didn't see the difference between going on a date with someone in New York, taking you to dinner and expecting something in return. I really thought it was more of a trade-off. He's expecting something in return when you date, whereas, you know, being an escort, it was a formal transaction." Huh. Um, you know, you don't have to go out with a different guy every week. You don't have to have sex with your date after dinner. You could just go out with someone, not because they're a guy, but because you like them and because they like you as someone who is not a whore.

The overly whitened teeth are so obviously over whitened, they would glow purple if she opened her mouth in a room with a black light. (That's what happened to Ross on that one episode of 'Friends'.) See, that's the thing. No, not just the teeth. Everything is fake. Everything is pretend. And it's all being passed off as not only the truth, but as journalism and reporting! And in reality, it doesn't appear to be any of those. It's just a hooker and some broad asking questions, really.

I know she wants to come across as being honest (because, really, who wants to come across as a liar?), but she's just not all that convincing. It just seems like she's trying too hard. (Trust me. If you've ever met a person who is genuine, they speak and act in an effortless manner because they're real and because they're being honest. It's hard to explain, but you can just tell. Sadly, however, it's a rare trait that most people don't possess. But if you ever meet a truly genuine human being, consider yourself lucky because you're in for quite a treat. It's awesome. And so are they.) Things just don't add up.

From what she says to what she wears, it just strikes me as someone who, once again, is just blowing something, but this time it's all hot air instead of the Governor. Look, here she is when she did the interview with Diane Sawyer:

And here she is in the interview she did with People Magazine about a week before her little sit down with Diane:

Uh-huh. Well, there are some subtle differences between the two outfits, wouldn't you say?

Aside from that (and as long as I'm bagging on the choice of attire), there are her shoes. She's wearing this purple, long sleeve, polygamist-sect-wife-inspired dress o' chastity and yet on her feet are stiletto heels. Very stiletto. Look at those shoes:

I'm not a stiletto expert (oh, who am I kidding? Of course I am! I'm just not an expert about stilettos on me.), but those are easily four inch heels. Possibly five. And there's a name for heels like those. "F-Me Pumps" I believe is the slang term for them. And ironically, "F-Me Pumps" is the official name for them as well.

Her dress says "No", but her shoes say "Yes, baby, yes." That's it. I don't believe her. She's lying. She's just whoring herself out, this time to Diane Sawyer, to make a quick buck. (How much did she get paid for this anyway, I wonder?) It's all fake. She's just trying to make herself look good. And while she does look good and she might think that she's able to convince other people that she's no longer ESW, she's going to have to spend a little bit more time trying to convince herself that she's not ESW anymore either.

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