Monday, May 16, 2011

That Didn't "Just Happen"

I was going to post a video of some guy on the New York City subway vigorously licking his own shoes. Yes. Shoes. Yes. Licking. But I decided against that in favor of a completely different kind of crazy. Let's meet the woman who has had some plastic surgery to enhance her bosom. And by "some plastic surgery" I mean several operations. And by "bosom", I mean...well...I guess I mean her breasts. Oh, did I mention that her breasts are now a 164XXX? They are. Behold!

Good Lord. I didn't even know that you could go that big and I HAVE breasts! Meet Chelsea Charms. If you think that it sounds like a stripper name, of course it does! What do you think that this woman does for a living with those things?! Oh, wait. But she calls herself a "feature dancer". As in "A feature dance in layman's terms is a professional exotic dancer. You've still got agents and things like that." Honey, you can call the pole whatever you'd like. That's not going to change the fact that you're a stripper.
According to The Sun, this woman is 5'2" tall and each one of those suckers (pun probably not intended) weighs 26 pounds! That's fifty two pounds of JUST BREASTS! How she manages to stay upright and not topple over forward is beyond me. She has named these monstrosities Itsy and Bitsy, which I find odd because they're neither one of those things. Naturally, "...she loves the attention her massive chest brings her."

And believe me when I say that this woman has a ridiculous answer for damn near everything. Think her back hurts? She claims it doesn't. Why not? She says it's because "... because she did a series of back exercises to build up her muscles." she didn't. There aren't enough exercises in the world to build up muscles to constantly work all day long at holding up a couple of watermelons. I'm sure that her back constantly hurts...and well it should.

Here's the part that blows me away: She says "I didn't plan on going this big that just happened on its own." Wait. What in the world is she talking about? She HAD the surgery, yes? OK, then. It didn't just HAPPEN ON ITS OWN. I'm pretty sure that she didn't just wake up one day with beach balls growing out of her chest. It happened on it's own?! Please. Does she really expect people to believe that it just HAPPENED?! If 164XXX can "just happen", then I will not be sleeping well at night for quite some time.And I realize that people like big breasts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Big breasts, provided that they're cared for, are simply lovely. But hers are not. Not at all. I don't get how that is supposed to be anything but a freak show. I'm willing to hear out other opinions, but I'm truly afraid that there are going to be people out there who do find this attractive. Truly afraid.

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Anonymous said...

Not saying they look good or that she's even sane, but it did "just happen", although she knew it would to some degree. She had a procedure (now illegal) which basically allows the implant to absorb body fluids slowly over time so it grows on its own. They will keep getting bigger too, guess no one thought to put in a shut off switch, Ouch!

Brett Lawson said...

Granted the procedure is illegal now,those who had it done were advised what could happen. It depends on the woman's body when there stop growing. Maxi Mounds had the same procedure and he's stopped growing.