Black Friday Confuses Me

I've discussed this before, but apparently, I'm going to have to discuss it again. Because somewhere along the line, someone isn't quite getting it. I'm not sure if it's just me that doesn't get it or if it's just the throngs of apparent lunatics who don't get it. But it's definitely one of us. I'm speaking of this absolutely insane "tradition" of Black Friday.

First of all, given as how we're sooooo enlightened and politically correct these days, I'm surprised that someone has allegedly (probably loudly) that calling it Black Friday is racist. You'd think that we would have heard that by now, especially considering all of the other ridiculous things that we have to hear about as being racist. But we don't. And for that ONE little thing, I am glad.

For the rest of it? Yeah, not so much. I'm sure you know the drill. The Friday after Thanksgiving is when the Christmas shopping season "officially starts". And on that Friday, most major retailers (and I'm sure the minor ones as well) offer some pretty good deals on some of their items. The key is that the bargain is only for a limited time and that time is usually a couple of hours. Thus, that has morphed into another new "tradition" of people lining up outside of stores DAYS before they open and camping out to get the best deals. That's right. CAMPING. OUT. Oh, let me tell you this: I would kill, we're talking murder, for that sort of time.

Here's what/who I don't get: You folks at the back of the line. What are you doing? What are you hoping for? Seriously. Those things that have great prices on them that you think that you want? Yeah, you realize that there are only like one or two of those at every store and your chances of getting one, being as how you're 275th in line, are completely zero. Not even slim to none. No. Zero. So why are you there? What do you want?

Is it the thrill of the hunt? Everything that you could possibly want at a good enough price to make it worth standing at the end of the line in the middle of the night is going to be gone when you get in there. How much of a saving is worth that to you people? Look, if 56-inch, flat-screen TVs were on sale for $100 each, that would be worth something, I will agree with you on that one. But they're not. And even if they were, there would only be one or two of them and they would be GONE by the time that you folks who are at the end of the line (that has now wrapped around the block) get up there. The deals are good, but they're really not THAT great unless you're planning on spending a boatload of cash. I read an article online this morning (can't remember where, otherwise I'd link to it) about a woman who had been at the tail end of one of those lines for hours. Hours. And what did she finally end up buying when she made it into the store? Well, it certainly wasn't anything that she had hoped to get because they were all out by the time that she shoved her way in. No, she ended up buying a Candyland game for four dollars.

::: blink ::: ::: blink :::

What does a game of Candyland cost when it is NOT on sale? Eight dollars? Six? I really don't know (even though I loved that game as a child), but I know that I would be willing to pay full price for Candyland as opposed to standing outside in the frigid cold for hours upon hours to get one for the low, low price of four dollars. Are times THAT tough? They can't be.

But some folks really must want that Candyland game, as evidenced by the ridiculous near stampede that occurred at the Buffalo, NY Target store in (you guessed it) Buffalo, NY. Who are you people who just push your way through even though someone has obviously fallen and is about to be trampled to death? I want you found and tarred and feathered in the town square. Or, better yet, I want you be lying on the ground as a crazed mob bears down upon you and you're moments from death if someone doesn't step up and help you. Granted, you people that kept on going, I would really like it if you were trampled to death, but that's just me. There's video of this madness below so that you can see for yourself. If the video doesn't work, try clicking here.

And one final note: Have you people never heard of the Internet? How great is shopping online? You can be drunk as a skunk, sans pants, still eating leftover turkey and still get what you need/want without leaving the comfort of your home AND without nearly being trampled by a bunch of savages at your local Target store. That's right. The Internet. Check it out. You'll love it.

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Death by Sale Stampede

What in the hell is wrong with people? Listen, if I am hearing about a stampede in which someone was killed due to many, many throngs of people running on top of other people who have inadvertently and unfortunately fallen down, I'm going to expect that the story has originated out of South Africa or Guatemala or someplace like that and it was at a soccer game where raucous fans got out of control. I am not going to expect to hear that it did not take place in South Africa or Guatemala. I am also not going to expect to hear that it did not take place after or during a soccer match. So it was clearly unexpected to hear that there was a freaking stampede in Long Island, New York at the Valley Stream Mall at the freaking Wal-Mart. Wait. What?

Correct. About 2,000 people had gathered outside of the Wal-Mart in anticipation of the Black Friday sale that was to begin at 5am the day after Thanksgiving. Apparently, a whole bunch of people thought that there were some pretty sweet deals to be had and some had been "in line" since Thursday morning. (And I'm one that's all for a good deal, but at 5am when it's as dark as the inside of a dog outside? No thanks. No deal is that great.) So by about 5am on Friday, they were getting rather antsy. So antsy that when 34-year old Jdimytai Damour went to open the front doors, the crowd surged forward and knocked the guy to the ground. Despite that, the mass of morons proceeded to plow straight ahead and trample Mr. Damour to death. The crowd was so out of control and in such a frenzy that when they were all pouring into the store, "...a metal portion of the (door) frame crumpled like an accordion." That according to the folks over there at the AP.

According to the AP, "Dozens of store employees trying to fight their way out to help Damour were also getting trampled by the crowd. Shoppers stepped over the man on the ground and streamed into the store." What are you people thinking? Oh, there's a guy lying on the ground and it seems as if he's going to get trampled if someone doesn't do something, so I'll step over him and go find me a flat-screen TV! There's something wrong with you if that's your thought process in an instance like this.

Oh, but it gets better. Of course, when I say "better", I mean "worse like you wouldn't believe". When the Wal-Mart employees were trying to get people out of the store because someone had been killed, people were not happy about it. Not about the death...about having to leave the store! The shoppers (ie, stampeders) are told that an employee has been killed and what do they do? That's right. They kept shopping. Some kept shopping and were yelling, "I've been in line since yesterday morning!" Someone gets killed and you're upset because you've been in line a long time? (You know, I think this whole story might actually make me physically ill.)

First of all, what in the hell are you even doing there if, when you show up, there are already say, 1,000 people in line? Or in a large, pre-stampeding mass? Why are you staying? What do you think your chances are of getting one of the "great deals" that the store is offering? None. There are a thousand people in front of you and they all want the same damn thing that you want. I will guarantee you that the store did not have over 1,000 of that thing in stock. (Office Depot had HP laptops for $349 on Black Friday. Do you know how many each store had? SIX.) Guaranteed. You had no chance of getting whatever it was that you were hoping to get and yet you stayed and the mass of people continued to swell. Why? Why would you stay? It sure as hell didn't look like it was enjoyable at any point in the ordeal. Before. During. After. It all looked like hell.

Seriously, about the laptop. This is what y'all were camping out for?! This POS?

Look, I understand that $298 is $298. That is inexpensive, I'll give you that. But come on, only 2GB of RAM? A 160 GB hard drive? An Intel Celeron 575 processor? (It's not even pink! Or Pink!) Look, for not much more than that, you can get a laptop with twice those specs that really kicks some serious ass. (You'd be amazed at how happy people get at stuff like that. It's so cool!) And you're not going to get killed in the process. Tell you what, if you bought one of those, you let me know about 6 months from now how that's working for you and tell me if you still think it was worth it. I guarantee that you won't think so.

And you people that are pushing and shoving and running to get inside, why do you do that? What is so damn important that you have to physically move other people out of your way to get what you want? Nothing, really. That's the correct answer to that question. There's nothing that important.

(Side note: What in the hell happened to this "recession" that we're supposed to be having? What happened to our "troubled economy" and all of the new unemployment claims and all of the people who have no money? Why are there thousands of people stampeding at Wal-Mart during these troubled times?)

And then some of you have the audacity to complain that you are asked to leave after someone dies?! Whoever you people are, you're a-holes. Total a-holes. What are you going to tell those loved ones of yours, whom you were shopping for, when you trampled some guy to death to get at the sale items you wanted? "You'd better like this gift, honey. I had to step on top of some guy who fell down and he ended up dying, so really, a life was sacrificed so that I could get you this Bissel Compact Upright Vacuum for $28. Merry Christmas!" You know what, a-hole? You probably would.

Hey, Wal-Mart! If you have over 2,000 people in an eager, cheap-ass frenzy outside of your front doors, don't open them! You need some law enforcement to enact a little crowd control. It sounds like a miracle that only one person died (which is just about one too many people to die during a sale at Wal-Mart!). Actually, here's an idea: Take a small part of those gazillions of dollars that your massive, worldwide corporation has made off of a-holes like the ones en masse in New York, and spend some of it on extra security on this day for this crazy ass sale day that retailers insist on holding every year. It would be a small price to pay.

Look, no one should be dying while there's a sale going on at Wal-Mart because they were trampled to death, of all things! Again, not a South African soccer match. A sale at Wal-Mart. A sale. (I was right. This story has made me physically ill.)

I've been trying to figure out or narrow down exactly when it was that this "Black Friday" became so popular. The waiting in line outside of stores before they open has been going on for at least ten years, but I'm talking more about these huge, massive, day after Thanksgiving sales that people camp out for. I know that the number of people who have been participating in the mayhem seems to have steadily increased year to year, but I'd really like to know what it was that sent it over the top to the point where people become obsessively crazed about getting an item on sale. It's definitely not healthy and it's not supposed to be normal. I fear that it may becoming more and more normal as time marches onward. I don't want a world of stampeding a-holes at Wal-Mart to ever be the norm. Anywhere. Ever.

There is cell phone video footage of the cops giving Mr. Damour CPR that someone stood there and filmed and uploaded to YouTube, for cryin' out loud. You're going to have to go find it yourself if you're interested in watching it. I'm not posting the footage or a link because a) I'm not a reporter and b) I think it's sick and wrong. I know I wouldn't want a video of my family member who was just trampled to death to be circulating on the Internet. I just wouldn't. I'm very sorry for his family's loss and don't plan on trivializing the matter by including a video (of the aftermath of his death in front of the freaking Wal-Mart) for voyeuristic purposes.

I swear, Christmas time is one of my favorite times of the year. (I'm also really partial to spring, just in case you were wondering how many favorite times of the year I have. Two. The answer is two. Christmas and spring.) But December is also when it becomes more and more apparent to me as to just how self-centered a lot of people are. I had a conversation with a friend the other night and she said that gift giving shouldn't be a chore, that it shouldn't be something that you have to do just for the sake of doing, and that if you're obsessed to the point that you're trampling people and waiting in a crowd of over 2,000 people for hours on end, you're missing the point. Um, yeah. I'd say so. (And well said.) And I'm willing to bet that this trend will continue and that once again, the American people will show just how oblivious they are to everything other than themselves (around which their world revolves). Let's just hope they can continue their pathetic trend without stomping anyone else to death, shall we?

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